


Symphony: I Tried

by drakonlily



Series: Fighting For a Chance [1]
Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Drama, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-29
Updated: 2009-11-29
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 93,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drakonlily/pseuds/drakonlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reno didn't do everything right, but at least he tired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Then it all Falls Apart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction. It was written quite some time ago and it's AU at the moment after the compilations came out. I still enjoy this fiction and so do a lot of other people, so I'm leaving it and the works that go with it here.

A/N: Following is the rewrite of my first fanfiction, "I Tried". It got such great reviews that I felt it deserved another look at, the result is much longer, with far fewer mistakes and more details about the characters. Enjoy, let me know how this one reads now.

**_I Tried - Chapter 1 _**

Then It All Falls Apart

Within the bowels of Midgar a young redheaded prostitute leaned against the slimy cement wall. As far as street walkers went, she didn't look much different; far too thin, overly made up. Two things alone set this young woman apart from the others. The woman had bright, almost unnaturally red, hair. That wasn't as amazing as the fact that she actually smiled, something that was rare in the slums and rarer with women like her. "Hey baby need a date?" she called out to a tall lanky passer bye. He stopped, nodded and then followed her into the dank alley.

* * *

"No way in fuck'n hell" The redhead stared at the brunet man with a disgusted look on her face. "I don't care what the fuck yo sick ass boss lets you do to girls. Not with me, weasel face." She backed up as far as she could in the narrow space, trying to get away.

"I never said you had a choice, slut," he growled. The man licked his lips and rushed her. The woman side-stepped him and brought her knee to his stomach in the same graceful movement. "Bitch!" he wheezed. Winded, the man crumpled to the cold, paved ground of the ally. Before he could get back up the red head turned and ran for all she was worth.

* * *

She stopped to catch her breath outside of the motel she called home. Battered, broken, leaking in more holes then there were actual tiles; it beat her alternatives. She had wanted to slip in quietly, however, the door complained loudly as she entered erasing any chance of the manager not noticing her entrance. "Suzanna, can we talk?" the bulbous man lumbered up to her. It was evident that they would be talking whether or not she cared to.

"I have to .." The young woman started, looking over her shoulder at the door.

"Yo late on yo rent _again_", the fat man cut her off. As he spoke spit dribbled down onto his sweat-stained wife beater. "I don't really care what yo excuse is. And you can't work it off this month. 200 gill, or I send Don Corneo's men in to clean you out. Get it?"

"When do you need it?" Suzanna bit her lip and waited. She didn't need this, she was hungry, tired and still shaken from her last john.

"I'll give ya a week. Now get outta my sight before I change my mind."

Suzanna suppressed her tears and pushed open the door to her room. "Reno, you here baby?" As she spoke a thin five year old boy with the same red hair his mother had peeked out from the bathroom. His aqua eyes scanned nervously about the room. "It's ok baby I'm alone." She sat down on the bed and pinched the bridge of her nose with one of her thin hands.

"You're early." Reno said flatly. He crawled up on the bed and sat next to his mother. "You ok Momma?" He wiggled his way onto her lap and hugged her.

Suzanna clung to her son. "I'm ok now." She brushed a piece of flame colored hair away from Reno's face. Strange, how little things made larger problems melt away. It was bitter sweet, holding her son, she knew life in the slums was short, and what small protection she could offer was fleeting. They couldn't risk going back up to the plate and it wasn't better here. It didn't matter how much she wanted to be strong, she cried anyway.

"Then why you crying?" He mimicked his mother by brushing the hair from her face. "You're too pretty to cry all the time." Suzanna laughed and Reno lit up the room with the smile he got from his mother.

"You're too sweet to be here." she replied. Standing up, Suzanna walked to the closet with Reno. Sitting him down on the moth-eaten, stained love seat Suzanna removed her oversized hoodie. She touched the faded name stitched into the navy blue fabric. "You never came back Vic..." Then the door flew open.

Without thinking Suzanna shoved her son into the closet and slammed it shut. She turned to find the john that tried to attack her earlier, only this time he wasn't alone. Two other men were with him. One was absolutely huge with died green hair. The second- shorter with dirty blond hair- had a brand across his left bicep that read "Tony". Looking at the tattoos on their hands Suzanna realized that they were all Corneo's men. "You thought that I was sick earlier, wait till we get finished with ya. I got pissed off chasing your ass." The weasel faced man sneered. The three men began to surround her. Apparently they hadn't seen Reno.

* * *

For the next two hours it sounded like wild animals were slowly killing something. Reno cowered in the closet, to afraid to look out. One loud smack seemed to end the noise, silence crept around the room. He looked though the closet to see two men without their pants and their backs turned to him. A third was straddling Suzanna, one hand around her delicate neck, the other slashing down at her with a box-knife.

The boy's eyes narrowed on a small six-shooter that was laying on the floor just two feet away. The butt of the weapon was bloody with strands of red hair matted into it. Reno crawled over to it. The slums made violence common place, he had seen guns used many times. The weapon felt oddly heavy in his small hands. He lifted the gun, looked down the barrel, then fired.

It was a lucky shot, in one sense. The man with the brand that proclaimed "Tony" fell to the ground with blood gushing out of his back and chest. However, the kickback of the weapon caused it to hit Reno in the head stunning him.

The sudden noise caused the other two men to jump up and backwards. They blinked at the boy for a moment. "What the fuck? Hey Joey, look what we have here!" The man with the green hair stepped over his dying companion and picked up Reno by the back of his neck.

"No... ple" Suzanna tried to speak, but Joey didn't allow her to finish. He brought the box-knife forcefully across her throat, leaving her silenced forever.

"Now what _do_ we have here?" Joey got off the blood drenched bed and looked at the now dead man on the floor. "Damn good shot dont'cha think Tucker? Now what to do about 'killer' here?" they both laughed.

Tucker turned to Joey and smiled, "hand me the knife, we can't just let him get away with killing one of our guys like that." He pushed the half conscious boy down next to his lifeless mother. "Wake up kiddo." Tucker joked like a parent waking a lazy child and pushed the box-knife's edge into Reno's cheek to the bone. Reno suddenly screamed awake, but Tucker maintained a strangle hold on the boy. Reno's screams were silenced by the back of Tucker's hand. The boy stopped struggling and began to whimper.

"Oh now that was cold Tucker." Joey scolded his companion. Then he added with more laughter, "do the other side". Reno's cries started up again desperately. No matter how hard he struggled, five year old Reno was no where near strong enough to help himself. The blade scraped the bone on his other cheek, blood from the first cut was pouring into his mouth and nose causing him to cough and sputter. "Now then" Joey picked his belt up off the floor. "Let's find something else for this kid to do with his mouth."

* * *

Reno awoke four hours later. Numerous other cuts made it painful to even breathe. His dried blood had caked his cheek to the pillow. Reno opened his lips to speak but was overcome with nausea. Ripping his head off the pillow he gagged up semen and bile. The blood from his cheeks plastered his hair to his face. Reno rolled back onto his back, reopening many of the razor cuts along his body. He moved his head to see what was left of his mother.

Suzanna's eyes were open and glazed over. One of the building's roaches was crawling along her parted lips. Horrified, Reno jumped to the floor. His legs didn't have the strength to hold him and he fell. Tony's body was no longer in the room. Reno curled into a ball and started shaking. He began to cry. The tears made the cuts along his thin cheeks burn. The will to just live took over, he struggled to his feet, using the loveseat to steady himself. He then noticed the hoodie his mother was putting away when they were attacked.

She said it belonged to his father, she would tell him constantly what a great man he was. That he was protecting them. Anger flooded Reno. No one was protecting him, not anymore. He grabbed the hoodie anyway, it was far too large on him, coming past his knees. He staggered to the doorway, then he realized that he had no idea what he was going to do. Putting a hand in his pocket, Reno felt a smooth, almost glass feeling, ball. He pulled it out and peered at it, a blue orb, the word "fire" etched into it. Reno was trying to think of where it came from when voices down the hall caused him to jump.

"Hey he's alive!" Joey yelled. Reno turned and ran with the slightly inebriated Tucker and Joey in hot pursuit. Forgetting how badly he hurt, he just tore in the opposite direction from the men- to sector four.

"Get back here you little whore son!" Tucker was getting winded by the time they finally cornered little Reno just outside of sector four. "Damn you can run can't ya?" He popped his neck and started to walk to the boy. Reno was scooting into the wall as hard as he could, willing himself to become part of it.

"Get away from me!" He yelled helplessly. "Or you'll be sorry!"

"Oh will we? I don't think you are in the position to say anything brat." Joey's dull eyes gleamed with pleasure. "I think you liked what we did to ya. Obviously you ain't had enough."

Reno gripped the orb again, running his thumb along the surface. He knew how to use it, from stories he had heard, but those stories also said only certain people can use it correctly. The boy figured at this point, anything was worth trying. He pulled the blue orb out and closed his eyes, mostly hoping something would happen. He mouthed the word "fire". Reno felt heat escape the orb, he heard a scream then everything went black.

* * *

FF7 © Squarenix

content © Drakonlily


	2. With Arms Wide Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 2

I Tried - Chapter 2

WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN

The small, brunette woman walked with a sense of purpose tonight. Her shoulder-length hair fell into her gray eyes to be mostly ignored. She wasn't a good looker at any rate. She had been a bit on the homely side for as long as she could remember, as a result she put very little effort into herself other then her martial arts. They were the reason she was even in the slums. Her master, Zangan, had sent her to protect a friend of his who recently found himself alone.

Padre, her master's friend, was a slums priest. As a man of the cloth, he had no real fighting skills, and in Midgar, even the sacred was no longer revered. He had been mugged enough times for Zangan to suggest he get protection. He even suggested the perfect person for the job, his newest graduate, Mariah.

Mariah took her position with Padre seriously, as she did most things. Even though he couldn't pay her, and their life was difficult, it was a fulfilling job. In fact, she couldn't call it as much of a job anymore, as it was an obligation. Padre was her friend first, her responsibility second.

She sighed, reading the balance statement over again as she made her way back to sector three from the bank. This month the donations were down, the head diocese up on the plate was talking about relocating the priest. Padre continued to decline, saying that the people of the slums needed to know God was with them. Mariah knew, however, sooner or later, they would be moved to Junon.

A sudden heat caused her to leap from her thoughts and stare down the Sector Four alley. Someone cast a fire spell. A smile spreading on her face, Mariah ran down the alley to the action.

* * *

"You are so FUCKING DEAD!" Tucker roared. His eyebrows had been scorched off and he felt more then a little crispy.

Joey was staring wide eyed at the now, unconscious red headed boy. "How'd he do that?"

"Who cares it knocked his ass out." Tucker rubbed his face, grimacing at the pain. His looked at his hand in thought for a few minutes. "Lets take him to the Don, it may just make up for losing Tony."

"Why don't you pick on someone who fights back mold head?" Mariah stepped in between the crumpled boy and the two men. "Or you just going to sick that chia pet on your head on me?" She slid into her fighting stance as she spoke, ready to use her Beat Rush attack if she had to.

"Careful Tucker, its that Nibelheim bitch." Joey looked like the fire spell had just about done him in. "She'll fuck your world up."

"I'll fuck both of your worlds up needle nose, if you don't get out of here." Without another word both Tucker and Joey limped away. Mariah then turned her attention to the child.

She didn't know how people could treat children they way they did here in the slums. It made her angry and sick and sad all at once. Where she was from, a little mountain town, children were treasures, the whole community rejoiced about them. Here, in the Midgar slums, they were tools. People would literally have them to sell them, using the money to pay off debts, buy drugs, do anything they wanted. Children were a commodity, they had been for almost seven years now, when the Don Corneo started his club.

This poor boy was beaten up worse than anything she had ever seen before. Something akin to a matronly feeling came over her. "Oh Holy, are you even alive kid?" She put her finger on the boy's neck to feel a pulse. She felt tears well up behind her eyes, and then she felt a weak pulse. Her voice cracked when she spoke again. "You didn't even have a chance did you?" She picked the fire materia up and placed it in her pocket. Then she lifted Reno.

The boy was light, even for his age. She could feel how thin he was. "Just hold on for a while longer, okay kid. I will give you a chance, I promise." She turned back up the alley, to the church she called home.

* * *

"What is that, child?" Padre's brown eyes widened at the bloody mess his thin friend was bring into the church. He rushed over to Mariah's side and ran his hand over his bald head. "Holy, it’s a boy!"

"Open the door to the bathroom, Padre. I'm going to try to clean him up. He's alive." She rushed though the newly opened door. "Do you have any Cure materia?"

"Yes, I'll get it. And make some coffee, it looks like we will be up late..."

About an hour later Mariah and Padre sat at their old kitchen table. "I thought that he was going to die on us." Mariah said swirling her coffee. "He's a cute kid, all of that red hair..."

"No." Padre looked at her sternly. "We can barely keep ourselves and those that need clothes or shelter for the night fed. We can NOT handle a child."

"Then what will we do with him? He was running from Corneo's men I can't take him to an orphanage!" Tears welled up in her cloudy gray eyes. "Please, he'll be able to feed himself in two years. I mean just think what he could do if he has a chance! The idea that he lived though what those-those-" The tears finally overpowered her and fell unhindered down her face. "-scum did to him. Just to be handed back over to them? He sticks out with that hair and the cuts under his eyes, they'll scar." She fell over on the table. "I know it won't be easy, but I can't just watch this happen anymore. Please."

The priest pinched his nose in thought. In a moment he lifted his hand slowly, in a calming motion. "Don't cry Mariah. Okay, he can stay. If he becomes for one minute more trouble then he's worth- out." He walked over to a cedar chest and pulled out some clothes. Put these on him and see if he has any family." Padre then walked out into the church part of the small building.

* * *

Reno was awakened by the door opening. He was too sore to run, he just looked at the woman with his intense eyes. Mariah was surprised to see the boy awake. "Well hello there." She walked to the bed. "Here, can you move?" The boy nodded slowly and his face quirked up with pain. "Put these on okay? I will be back in a minute." She sat the old clothes on the bed and hurried out wiping her eyes.

Reno moved as quickly as possible to obey the brunette woman. The place smelled nice, he thought. Like old books and candles. He had just sat back down on the bed when the door opened back up.

Mariah sat on the other side of the bed, she didn't want to make the boy uncomfortable. "I'm Mariah, who are you?" The boy was shaking and didn't speak to her. She frowned, it was obvious he had been raped and beaten for some time and she didn't expect talking to him to be easy. "How old are you, baby?"

Reno looked up at her, suddenly stricken. "Don't call me that."

"Then what can I call you?"

"Reno." Tears started to fall down his cheeks and he flinched as they hit the cuts under his eyes. " I hurt." he said miserably.

Mariah allowed him to lean towards her. It looked like the boy was crying blood as the red tears slid onto her shirt. "It won't hurt forever, Reno. I promise."


	3. Angel Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 3

I Tried - Chapter 3

Angel Eyes

It had been almost a year since Mariah brought home Reno. The boy was driving Padre absolutely nuts. Of course, Padre tried to think that Reno didn't mean any harm. However, the child was quite possibly the most curious creature on the planet. He simply got into everything he could get a hold of. He was especially interested if he was told that an item was "very old" or "breakable". It amazed Padre how Reno could seem to remember everything that he was told and then turn around and totally ignore 99.9% of it.

Reno picked up reading just a week after he could move around and subsequently brought havoc into the church's small library. Padre liked to encourage Reno's reading habits, the boy was already boasting a vocabulary that many adults in their area couldn't. He could never say that he regretted taking Reno in, no matter how aggravated the boy made him.

The particular annoyance wasn't that Reno wanted to push the envelope of what he could and couldn't do. Padre knew all boys did this. It was Reno's need to know absolutely _everything _that went on around him. The constant barrage of "what is this?" "how do you do this or that?" "why" was one thing that Padre could handle. What he found unsettling was when the child stared at him. Reno had a way of watching someone and standing absolutely still. The only thing that would move were his eerily blue eyes.

This particular day, Padre felt Reno's eyes on his back while he was playing the church's slightly out of tune piano. He stopped playing to look over his shoulder at the boy.

Reno's voice would be deep one of these days, one could tell. But at the moment, the child had that youthful squeak to him. "What'cha doin'?"

The priest knew that he wouldn't get much time to relax. Mariah was running an errand, the latest book that Reno found was only one hundred pages long and he had started it a day or so ago. When the boy wasn't occupied, he absolutely wouldn't be alone. Padre sighed, feeling badly for Reno. No one could blame the child for not wanting to be alone.

Reno cocked his head from one side to the other. "Can I watch?"

"Hasn't anyone told you that curiosity killed the little capellirossi?" Padre turned around on the bench to face the boy.

Confusion spread on Reno's face. "What's a capelli- capelliro-" he attempted the word.

Padre smiled at the boy. Even if Reno could be an annoying child, he was a very clever one. He offered the word again. "Capellirossi."

"Capellirossi." Reno grinned in accomplishment.

Padre nodded. "It's another language, Italian, it means red head."

"So, it means me?" The boy asked, climbing on the bench and looking at the piano keys.

Padre nodded and sat his hands back on the piano keys. "Yes, that would be you." He closed his eyes and played until Reno's impending second interruption.

Reno put his hand on Padre's shoulder. "Could ya play dat again, slower?"

Padre sighed again and complied with Reno's request.

* * *

Mariah walked down the isle, past the altar, and to the piano. "What are you guys doing?"

"Bugg'n Padre," Reno smirked. The boy rarely ever truly smiled. You were something special if you earned a smile from the kid.

"As if that is anything new." Padre slid out from behind the piano. "By the way Reno, your diction is atrocious." He waited for Reno's response.

The boy snorted as though his dignity had been insulted and crossed his arms over his thin chest. "Only when I want it ta be."

"Prove it." Padre adjusted his glasses with a smile. He didn't know any other six year olds who knew the meaning of the word "diction", let alone "atrocious".

"Fine. You need to shower more regularly." Reno said with a haughty air.

"Enough you two." Mariah could never tell how well Padre liked Reno. He treated the boy as someone potentially dangerous, yet when Reno wasn't around he praised the boy without reservation. She suspected that was proof Padre did care for Reno. The boy probably learned more from Padre then he would from anyone else despite being liked or not. "Did Master Zangan write me back?"

"Yes." He began to walk back into the living quarters. "Could you give us a moment Reno?" Padre asked the boy.

Reno looked hurt. "You want me to stay in here?" He looked about the small church and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Alone?"

Padre could feel Mariah wanting to just tell him to come along. The priest knew that they had to break Reno of his fears somehow. He would be perfectly safe in the church. "Yes. Don't touch." They left Reno alone at the piano.

Reno sulked a moment, inspecting the church with his eyes again. Then he looked at the piano. A mischievous smirk spread across Reno's face. After all, Padre had never said what _exactly_ he wasn't to touch......

* * *

"One day you're going to find that little whelp locked in the closet with duct tape over his mouth." Padre muttered as he sat at the kitchen table. "It's all I can do not to trip over him. I swear he'll be the death of one of us."

Mariah was intent on reading for the moment. "Well, you're going to get a break from us both next week. I'm taking him to the tournament."

"What?" Padre started, then he laughed. "As often as he gets into things? That's simply asking for trouble. He'll steal something or..." Then music started coming out of the church. "Who is playing the piano?"

They pushed into the church and stopped with mouths hanging open. Reno was sitting at the old grand piano, playing the song that he had watched Padre play. "When did you teach him that?" Mariah asked, stunned.

"I didn't. He was just watching me for about half an hour." They walked up to the piano. "I seem to recall saying not to touch."

Reno stopped playing and smirked up at Padre. "I didn't touch the ceiling."

"Why you-"

"Reno remember that game that we played? When you were mocking what I was doing?" Mariah was fast to intervene and save both Reno and Padre the upcoming chase sequence. "Could you do it by yourself?"

Reno blinked a few times and answered "I think". He skipped off the piano bench and walked over to a more open space. Then he began to run though a simple training exercise. It wasn't flawless, but the mere fact that it was recognizable was astounding. "That good Mar?"

"Almost perfect, Reno." She turned to Padre. "Master says that he thinks Reno has what is called a photo-relay memory. It's like a photo graphic memory, but he can access it to mimic what he's seen. Master has seen them before. Reno will love the tournament."

"Where are we going?" Reno tugged at Mariah's shorts.

"Crazy, " answered Padre "you are driving." He turned to leave though the front of the church. "I will see you two later. If you can find it within yourself to do the dishes before the next coming of Holy I would appreciate it Reno."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Okay." Reno looked over to Mariah "Where are we going Mar?"

"A tournament, and to meet my master." She bent over to be eye level with Reno. "Unless you don't want to see."

"I wanna see, but......." He bit his lower lip and looked at the floor.

"But what Reno?" Mariah didn't like it when he got so sullen, little boys were not supposed to get that way. It simply didn't sit right with her.

"Promise me you won't leave me." Mariah put her hand on Reno's shoulder. This past year, over and over again, she had to remind herself that finding those two men that did this to him and breaking their necks wouldn't help anything. Over and over again she got angry with things. He put his hand over hers. "Promise?" Reno asked again, urgently.

"I will never leave you, Reno. Promise" she smiled, trying to bring the little boy in Reno back again. "But you may want to stay when you meet his newest pupil. She's very talented."

Reno began to act like a normal six year old again. "What's her name? Is she my age? When are we going? Whe-"

"Whoa! Slow down. We are going next week. She is a year younger then you are and her name is Tifa, now go do the dishes alright?"


	4. Save Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 4

I Tried - Chapter 4

SAVE TONIGHT

Mariah and Reno were at a small chocobo ranch, just outside of Midgar. "We are going to meet Master Zangan here." Mariah was explaining. She was walking around the stables, showing the grounds to Reno while she explained their trip. "We need to ride a chocobo to-" Mariah looked down only to notice Reno had taken off. "Damn that kid!" She looked around. "Reno! Get back here!" Suddenly, a loud clang and warking were heard form the barn.

Chocobo Bill was tottering about with a water bucket on his head. The chocobos seemed to be laughing at him. "Bill?" Mariah pulled on the bucket to little avail. Exasperated, she gave a hard tug on the bucket and sent both herself and Bill into a haystack. She sat up and scanned the still warking birds. On top of a small red chocobo was Reno, laughing his ass off. "That is IT mister." She dashed over and plucked the young boy off the bird. Both red headed creatures stopped their noises; they knew they were in trouble. "What happened?" she asked, still suspending Reno in the air.

The boy kicked his feet a bit, urging Mariah to lower him to the ground. When she did he motioned to a suspension rope. "I jus wanted ta know what dat rope did. An’ he wouldn't tell- so, I pulled it." Reno began playing in the dirt with the toe of his shoe. "I didn't mean ta drop it on his head." The boy started to smirk again.

The fighter took a few deep breaths, getting herself under control. "Wipe that smirk off your face right now. Bill could have been hurt, Reno. You need to say sorry."

Bill stood beside Mariah and looked angrily around at his birds. The chocobos seemed to pick up on the hint and quieted down. "I can't believe my wife wants one of those things." He muttered to Mariah about children. "Ok you little heathen, let’s have it." He requested of Reno.

"I'm sorry." Reno seemed much more interested in the dirt then his apology.

"Not that. I want the materia back you snatched." Reno hunched his shoulders and dug into his oversized blue hoodie. After he handed over the orb he muttered another apology and Mariah promptly drug him back outside.

"Why can't you just be good Reno? Why?" Mariah hated yelling at him; Reno behaved, but only when he wanted to. It wasn’t like he was stupid, far from it. It also wasn’t about him disliking them; at least, she wanted to think that. It was more that Reno simply pushed them out of his life whenever he got the chance. As if being yelled at was the comfortable norm, despite all his assurances to the contrary.

"I try Mar. Really I do. It’s just dat I- I don't know. It's funny, and no one gets hurt then what's the big deal?" Reno grinned sheepishly.

“The big deal is that you shouldn’t hurt people, even do anything that can hurt them. Don’t you get that?”

The boy sulked again, mumbling what sounded like another “I’m sorry” into his shoe. Then he looked up. “I’ll behave the rest of the trip, promise.”

That earned a smile, from Mariah. One thing she could always say, was that he never broke promises when he could help it. She silently thanked his mother for at least being able to instill that value in him. She then shaded her face with her hand and noted a ship on the horizon. "You had better; I see Master Zangan on the way."

* * *

A medium sized plane touched down and extended a walkway to earth. After the doors opened, a man and a young girl emerged from the vessel. The girl was looking around wide eyed and excited. Her master walked out in front to where they were waiting. Reno stood half behind Mariah, scanning the man and girl. "Mariah! You look well, how are you?" Mariah hugged the tall, slightly graying man. While Zangan's hair was graying, the rest of his body showed no sign of his age. He turned his slate blue eyes to Reno. "Is this the boy you told me about?"

Reno edged further behind Mariah; he didn't like being stared at. Being stared at meant that someone had an interest in something. From the slums, that never was a good thing. Mariah looked down at him, folding her arms over her chest. “Now, I know that you aren’t shy, come out here and say ‘hello’, Reno.”

"Don't push him.” Zangan responded waving a hand. “He will open up in time; it’s not smart to just talk to anyone.” He looked down to the little girl he was with. “Ms. Mariah and I have some things to talk about, why don’t you go introduce yourself to Reno?”

The little girl smiled brightly and walked up to Mariah. She peeked around the woman’s legs to extend a hand to Reno. “Hi! I’m Tifa.”

He had almost edged around Mariah, but the older woman left them alone with a gentle pat to his head and an urging to be good. With Mariah gone, he found himself face to face with a total stranger. At a loss, really, of what to do, he took her hand in his. "Reno," the boy muttered, trying to keep the squeak from his voice.

Tifa cocked her head to the side, letting go of Reno’s hand. She was staring at his face; more exactly, she was already formulating questions about his scars.

Reno tolerated it for a few moments, knowing that his eyes were the one thing people always commented on. He also knew that his scars were directly under them, it was impossible to look him in the eye and not notice them. His narrowed after he was fed up with her perusal. "Can I help you?"

"Uhm I'm sorry, I just never saw anyone with scars like that. I didn't mean to stare." Tifa blushed to match Reno's hair. She took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry, I’m just nervous...”

Reno made up his mind then, that he was going to like her. "It's okay, I guess. A lot of people have scars in Midgar." He looked over to the house, Bill's wife was baking. "Nobody bakes stuff there either."

"Is it true that there's no sun in Midgar?" Tifa moved a bit closer to Reno, forcing herself to be polite and not stare at his scars.

"Where I am from, yeah." He turned his head to the side, a smirk growing on his face. "You think'n what I'm think'n?" he asked.

It was then the sent of blackberry pie reached the little girl’s nose. "Yeah," Tifa grinned, "pie."

* * *

"He is only six then?" Zangan had brought a few things to help Mariah out with Reno. "He's a tall kid."

"I think so too, but he says he is six, no reason to lie to us." She looked over an IQ test that Zangan had brought. “He is really smart, it's almost eerie. I think that that is why Padre is edgy around him."

Zangan had received an extensive letter from his old friend. As he recalled, Padre had described Reno as "cunning," and "slightly haunting." What bothered Zangan was the wise priest's warning "No matter what we do, I know when the boy grows up he will be deadly. I don't know how I can tell, old friend, but having him around is like having a dark dragon hatchling. He is cute now, but one day..."

"Master?" Mariah broke Zangan's thoughts. "Is this all? It's a bit too quiet out there; they may have gotten into something."

They walked outside to find Reno and Tifa sitting on the fence of the chocobo pen with blue faces. "Reno!" Mariah walked over. "And you too, Tifa?"

"How do you know that we didn't ask?" Reno snapped. Both Zangan and Mariah blinked at him. "You yell at me if I am good or not, I oughtta jus be bad. It's more fun."

"We did ask." Tifa said quietly, obviously unused to hearing someone talk back to adults. "Mrs. Bill gave it to us."

Mariah felt sick with herself. There she was, already thinking he was in the wrong without even asking him. That wasn’t like her at all, she knew better. "I'm sorry Reno, Tifa. I won't jump to conclusions like that again." She leaned against the fence next to Reno. "Forgive me?"

He gave her a smirk.

"Oh come on and really smile for me Reno. You have such a nice one."

Reno smiled and shook his head.

_Yeah he is going to be a lady killer,_ she thought "That's better. If you two aren't full of pie, let's eat and go to bed. We gotta go early in the morning."

* * *

Reno edged over to Tifa's bed. He never did sleep well, and when there were half a bazillion things to play with why even try? "Tifa" he whispered. The girl refused to move and he poked her in the stomach. "Hey wake up." The girl opened her garnet eyes and looked into Reno's blue ones. "Let’s go play."

"Now?" She sat up rubbing her face.

The red head seemed to think about that for a minute then shrugged. "Why not?"

Mischievousness finally found its way onto Tifa’s face. "Okay." She slipped down to the floor and the two kids ran out the door. "Let’s go swimming!" Tifa proclaimed as soon as they were out of earshot. She smiled and ran ahead of Reno. "Betcha can't catch me!"

"Really?" Reno dashed for her and grabbed her shoulder. "Tag!" And he darted off. They chased each other to a little pond. Reno stooped down and looked into the water. "I never went swimming before." He noticed his reflection and scowled. In natural lighting the scars looked worse, even a full moon was better then the lighting under the plates. He flopped down, good mood gone.

"You all right Reno?" Tifa didn't like the change that simply seeing his reflection had brought on Reno. She sat down next to him and tapped him on the back "Reno?"

Calm, and unlike a child’s words came the hollow explanation. "The guys that killed my mom did these to me.” He seemed to want to elaborate, nothing, however, came to mind aside from, “I just don't like seeing them."

Tifa put her small hand in front of her mouth in a shocked expression. "Reno? I am so- are you okay?" They looked at each other for a few minutes. Tifa bit her bottom lip and softly told him "My mom died about three months ago." Her eyes began to well up with tears. She looked up into Reno's seemingly impassive face, "How do you stop from crying?"

He looked down, fiddling with a blade of grass. "I can't cry. It hurt so much when I did, that I- I stopped." Suddenly aware of how small they were, the children eked together. "I wish I could cry again sometimes, it made me feel better." Reno looked up at the sky for a moment before he settled to face Tifa. "If you want to cry do it, I miss my momma too. It still hurts a lot. I won't say nothin' about it."

Tifa hugged her new friend. "Thanks, Reno."

He hugged her back. "For what?"

"Understanding."


	5. Time Warp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 5

I Tried - Chapter 5

TIME WARP

"Reno! Mail!" Padre walked to the stairway and looked up it. He listened for Reno's door to open, then walked back to the kitchen table. Pouring himself some coffee, he sat and waited for Reno's always elegant entrance. It had been over six years now, since Reno was brought to the small church. The boy had grown substantially, standing at a little over five feet and holding a black belt from Mariah's teaching. He was no longer a little terror in Padre's mind. No, not a little terror at all. Now Reno was a Holy terror. The kitchen door swung open and Reno leaned sleepily in the door way. "Do you know what time it is Reno?" Padre asked.

"Too fuck'n early" responded the boy as he sat across from Padre. A glare from the bald man made Reno clear his throat. "You have such a charm for waking a body in the morning." He looked over at the coffee pot and began to make his way over to it. "Well? You want to know so ask so we can get it over with." Reno said as he poured his coffee.

"For one thing it is noon. For another you never have told me what you do when you stay out till 2am. Why would you start now? Most likely whatever you do is not legal."

"For someone who didn't seem to mind the electric bill being paid last month you sure preach about the way I get the money." He sipped the black coffee and surveyed the pastor. "You said that I had mail? Is it from Teef?"

Padre sat looking uncertainly at Reno. The boy was right, when they needed a bill paid he usually came though, and he never did anything in his home as far as Padre could see. Truly, the pastor had no right to criticize the means since he benefited directly from the ends. "You know I don't like you hanging out with those Fallen members. Ever since that started two years ago you haven't been coming home at a good hour, you don't have any respect."

"If I didn't have respect, I wouldn't come back now would I?" Reno snapped.

Defeated, Padre got up to go to the coffee pot again. "I think you do half the things you do just to spite us."

"I'll hear the sermon tonight, Padre. Let me have my mail, I gotta get going."

Padre simply pointed to the table. "Where are you off to?"

Reno downed the last of his coffee and snatched the letter off the table. "None ya." The boy then darted out the door.

Padre held his head in his hands. "Of course, it never is my business, is it Reno?"

* * *

He opened the letter from Tifa in the abandoned library in sector three. The lights still worked -oddly enough- on the third floor. Reno thought that it had something to do with being connected to the support pillars for the plate. He settled down at a desk to read.

_Hey Re,_

_How have you been? You still fighting with Padre? Maybe he'd lay off if you would tell him what you did? Delivery is not like killing people or prostitution after all. How's Mariah? You said last week that she seems to be tired a lot. Master was worried about her. He says that she can't work much now. What's wrong with her? Thanks for helping me out with that boy issue. You are right, if he likes me then he'll do something. I know that I am talking into thin air here as usual, but you could stay with master Zangan. I miss you, it would be great to have my best friend here. Oh well, I will see you and Mariah in about two weeks. Love _ _ya_

_Teef_

Reno smiled. He took out the old pen from under the desk and wrote back:

_Teef_

_Hey I have my health, and that is something so they tell me. Mar swears that she is Okay, but I don't know. Padre never could stand me, you know that. I don't blame the guy, but the only thing keeping me there is Mar and the fact that Padre is too nice to kick me to the curb yet. He just might kick me out if I told him I was running drugs for a local gang. But it pays the bills, that isn't as easy as it used to be. I would love to take a shot at that Shinra guy. Only kidding! I can't leave here _ _Teef_ _, as much as I would love to. They need me to help pay the bills, you know that. I hope that I will hear from you before the next tournament. Miss _ _ya_ _ too! Maybe I can swing out early or stay later then usual for the tournament. Love _ _ya_

_Re_

Tifa really was Reno's best friend, she was the only person that knew him better then he did. He knew things about her she wouldn't tell anyone else, from that first kiss, to the spiky haired blond kid- Cloud wasn't it?- that she thought was cute. She didn't judge him or preach to him. She simply cared. Reno needed that. Although she had said more then once that he shouldn't go out and party with the gang members, after all he wasn't in and he was only twelve. Reno never did listen well.

Her life was much different then his, despite their strong friendship. Tifa worried about homework, Reno worried about someone stabbing or shooting him. He still wasn't old enough for the Don's men to leave him alone either. Although the last time he dealt with them he got a really good kick in and knocked one of them out. They were more respectful of his space after that.

Tifa didn't have bills to pay, people to take care of. Even though he was told he shouldn't, Reno couldn't just leave the people that saved his life to be evicted or worse. So, Reno played with the big boys because he worked with the big boys. He was perfectly fine with that.

Reno jumped up when he heard the door behind him slam shut. He pocketed his letter and slid behind a bookshelf. Less then thirty seconds later another boy- slightly older then Reno and sporting a Mohawk- stood at the desk. He had a "V" tattooed on the back of his neck. Reno flipped out his most recent purchase, a butterfly knife and silently stalked forward. When he was about a foot away from the other boy, Reno brought his foot to the back of the other's knee. This toppled him forward, and made his head slam against the desk. Reno then pushed on the guy's head and poked the tip of his "V" with his blade. "You need to be more alert buddy," Reno hissed. "How can I help ya?"

"Shiva! Wolf, stop that shit man!" The other boy wiggled "get that knife outta my neck! You know it's me, Viper!" Reno laughed humorlessly and stepped back. Viper turned around and looked indignantly at Reno. "Wolf, I have half a mind to shoot you. You know that, kid?"

"You wouldn't live long enough to shoot me." Reno replaced the knife in his blue hoodie. He then rummaged around for an envelope.

"How old is that damn hoodie man?" Viper peered over Reno's shoulder as he was addressing the envelope. "It still blows my mind that you bothered to learn that shit. You sending a letter to that chick?"

"Her name is Tifa, for the hundredth time." Reno began to leave to building and Viper followed.

"The hot brunette right? The one with the tits? Didja fuc-" Reno whirled on his slightly older companion knocking him over onto his rear.

"No. I wouldn't sleep with her. And if you even think about it I will cut your dick off. You just like her because she's got boobs already." He waited till Viper got up and they continued out. "So do you need me to run something tonight?"

* * *

Reno sat on the hood of a car just outside of Don Corneo's mansion. Viper had given him a fairly large duffle bag outside of Fallen's headquarters. The leader of the gang was a large caramel skinned man who went by the name Bronx. He had paid Reno two packs of cigarettes and 50gil in advance. The two packs of smokes were not unusual, but the money was. It was enough to make him nervous. Reno lit another cigg and waited for a man with a black hat. _I have shit to do tonight man, where is that drop?_

As if on cue a man in a trench coat walked up to him. "Got a light?" The man asked.

"Match." Reno said. The plan itself was simple, two lines of code, Reno got the money and the guy got his bag, in theory. Instead this man pulled out a hand gun and pointed it at Reno's face. "Whoa man! What's the deal?"

"Give me the bag or your going to mess up my paint job." The man sneered.

Without thinking about it, Reno's hand covered the man's extended wrist and jerked it to his side. The weapon went off, leaving Reno's ear ringing. There was no time to clear his head, he grabbed the bag and ran. The man shot twice as he followed Reno into the ally. Reno ducked behind a trash can and dropped the bag. Then he climbed on top of a dumpster and jumped to a fire escape. He was almost out of reach when the man caught up with him. Instead of shooting, the man tackled Reno to the ground. Reno kicked out causing the man to let go of him and the gun. He then rolled onto his back and jumped to his feet. Wasting no time, he brought his heel down on the back of the man's head, knocking him out. _And I didn't want to take that last self defense class..._

"Son of a bitch! Bronx owes my ass." Reno went though the mans pockets and was rewarded with cigarettes, a zippo, two hundred gil and a new gun. Curiosity then got the better of him and he looked into the duffel bag. The young man's mouth hung open at what he saw. About a pound of heroin, and pot along with weapons that he had never even heard of before. Reno dug around in the bag more before he decided to go back to see Bronx. This was more then worth killing someone over. Reno had never been asked to carry so much before. "When I get a hold of him....."

* * *

"Goddamnit kid!" Bronx backed up away from Reno, a bruise growing on his cheek. "You come at me again and I am gonna cap ya."

Reno crossed his arms over his thin chest and snorted.

Bronx smiled. "All right, look, I'm gonna level with you. I want you in. This wasn't as much a set up as a test okay? I had to see if you were as good as people around here seem to think. You passed."

"Who said that I would agree?" Reno asked smugly.

"I know that the Red Wolf wouldn't turn down this chance. I need someone to take over this operation for me in a few years. Unless you just want to be a messenger boy your whole life. That is not gonna feed yo little church mice forever ya know."

Reno sneered at the man. It was no secret that the money Reno made rarely went to him. It went to Padre and Mariah, their bills _were _his bills. Looking out for them was looking out for himself. No one else seemed to see it that way. He rolled his shoulders, Bronx had him. "Well put." Reno extended his hand to Bronx. "Guess I'm in."

Bronx snapped his fingers. About fifteen guys walked around Reno. "You will be in about half an hour."


	6. Beat You Down, Smoke You High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 6

I Tried - Chapter 6

BEAT YOU DOWN, SMOKE YOU HIGH

Reno backed up, looking at the group of people surrounding him. "Bronx, what the hell is this?" Over his shoulder he could see backing up any further wasn't a very good idea either. He was surrounded; there was no counting all of these people.

"Initiation, Wolf. Let's see if those martial arts do any good inna real fight." Bronx himself wasn't visible anymore, his voice floated over the group. "Don't kill the kid, guys." It could have been a statement made in jest; it certainly didn't sound like it was.

Reno rushed forward, lowering his elbow and breaking loose the seventh circle of hell. His shoulder connected with someone's ribcage at the same time he side-kicked to the left, throwing another person back. He took a fist in the right side of his face and fell, spinning to kick in the direction he thought the punch had come from. By the time he rolled back to his feet his arm and mouth were bleeding. Someone in this rabble had a chain on them.

People were so close to him that he stepped on toes when he moved. It was a melee, Reno had been in fights before, only one on one, two on one at the most. Here was something unlike anything he had known before; he blocked one person and another would hit him. There was no way to focus on just one or even two people when a mob was coming at him. His training was engraved, but fifteen minutes into that insanity, he forgot most of it and just tried to stay alive.

The chain came down again, across his shoulders. It smacked against his side and chest two more times before he grabbed it. The other blows stopped the moment he grabbed the chain. A circle formed again, an older member of fallen was left in the center of it, holding the other end of the chain. The man jerked backwards, Reno was shocked, he got pulled forward, his feet sliding on the sweat soaked grit of the alley.

Reno held on; he hurt, but he held on. Foolish pride took over where sanity would have let go. Widening his stance gave him purchase on the alley. Then Reno wrapped the chain around his upper arm and yanked back. The other person looked shocked for a second, before getting a better grip himself. The two stood there, with the old chain cutting into their skin. Reno's arms began to shake, he could feel it pulling his skin loose; blood dripped from his forearm.

"Yer a tough 'lil shit, ain't ya?" The man reached forward, stretching to grasp the longest length of the chain and yanked back, pulling the lighter Reno off his feet. Once again the group crowded around him. That is all Reno remembered.

* * *

Water- if the muck they had in the slums could be called that- hit Reno in the face. He tried to stand up, but one of his eyes was swollen shut, and he couldn't seem to center himself. His head swam. Panicky and unwelcome, a feeling of helplessness washed over him. Where was he? Who was with him? Even when his eyes opened, his vision blurred from the dirty water.

"Wolf? Kid, it's me." Viper, it was Viper, that meant he was alright.

Reno relaxed, taking a deep breath and rubbing his eyes. True to his voice, the older boy was kneeling in front of him. He almost laughed at himself for being afraid. "Shit, what... How long have I been out?"

Viper held a joint up in front of Reno. "Ehh, just about ten minutes if that. You really held up good, man." After Reno accepted the joint, Viper lit one of his own. "A shit ton better then I did. Hell, I never seen nobody last a whole twenty five minutes. You can take a fucking beating."

"I prefer ta give the beatings." Reno grumbled, lighting the joint. "Where da fuck am I?"

"Secta Four, abandoned house, bedroom." Viper snickered. "You ready? Then we can get ta the hideout. Ya can stand right?" Viper stood and offered Reno his hand.

"I stand fine." Reno stood up with a grunt, but not taking Viper's hand.

The two boys walked down the stairs, to see Bronx waiting in the kitchen. Viper hopped down to the floor and leaned against the wall. Reno was less enthusiastic about the staircase and limped down the last few. Bronx had a pleased look on his face. "You got up fast."

"So they tell me." Reno took a longer hit of the jay then he needed to, but it was doing such a good job of numbing the pain in his body.

Bronx laughed again and turned, handing Reno a bright red bandanna, the symbol of Fallen's regular members. The boy looked up at the caramel toned man and took the bandanna slowly. Reno knew there was no going back if he took that bandanna, but he didn't think that he had a choice. He tied it around his left bicep, earning another grunt of pain from his body.

"Now, let's go enjoy that stash huh boys?" Bronx led the way back out to the halogen lit alleys of Midgar city. Viper followed his leader, lighting another joint. Reno threw his to the ground, smearing it with his boot. He knew these guys would look out for him, that they were his friends, but somehow, he really didn't feel like celebrating as he limped after Viper.

* * *

The plate's version of sunlight woke Reno, he groaned and blinked awake. At first all that he was aware of was a pain throughout his entire back. Then he suddenly noticed that he had _no_ clue where the hell he was. He also noticed a girl was asleep on his chest, a few more minutes went by before Reno finally realized the most crucial thing of the moment, _where the hell are my clothes!?._ The girl on his chest mumbled about still being tired as he pushed her over to get out of the bed. Reno looked at her as she too, sat up. "Hello." He grinned. "Pardon me, but we seem to have lost our pants."

"I think that yours are on that lamp. But uhm, have you seen a skirt?" She was pretty enough, about fourteen at Reno's best guess. When she looked under the bed he noticed track marks along the back of her thighs. "And my bag? AH!" She pulled out a needle and a belt-like rope. After tying off her leg she shot up into her inner thigh. "You want a hit?"

Reno wasn't big on needles, he didn't like the idea of injections at all. That didn't stop him from doing just about anything that wasn't in a syringe. He quirked up his scarred face. "Isn't that risky?" Reno asked as he pulled on his pants.

Her pupils dilated, a small smile spreading on her face. It took a moment before she realized that Reno had spoken. "Eh, we already shared body fluid." She put the rope and needle away and stretched out, not bothering to get dressed. "I'm Karen, they call me Sweets, by the way. You are?"

"Wolf," Reno succeeded in finding his shirt, and was now looking for his hoodie.

Sweets made a "hmph" noise and started looking around the room for her own clothing. "Your real name. I know your the Red Wolf. Toss me that bra kid?"

Reno tossed her the garment and then pulled his hoodie out from under a chair. Slipping it on he flashed Sweets his soon to be trademark grin. "I don't know you that well, babe." and he walked out.

He made his way down hallways that he didn't recognize, all he could put together was that it was an old warehouse of some sort. The walls were cracking and a few pipes were leaking. He looked up when he heard a train pass over head. The lights flickered. Once again, another building with power only because it was attached to a support pillar. He growled and patted at his itchy, sore back. _What did I do last night?_

He found Viper laying on a broken table downstairs, asleep. Reno sat on the edge of the table and poked Viper on the head. "Hey, you know what time it is?" Viper didn't move. Reno rolled his eyes and grabbed Viper's lighter from his hand.

Reno looked around this floor as he fished for his cigarettes. He had been mistaken when he thought it was a warehouse. This appeared to be a gutted office of some sort. It was a slick setup, he had to admit. The red head would need help to be able to get home; Viper needed to wake up. Reno at last located his smokes and stood, then he kicked the other boy off the table.

"Whafuck?!" Viper yipped as he flopped unceremoniously on the stained floor. He stared owlishly up at a smirking Reno. "Well, well, if it isn't the lady's man. I know how _your _night's been. Why da fuck'd you wake me?"

"What time is it? Where da hell am I?" Reno sat on the table now that it was vacant. "_an_' what for the love of Holy happened last night?" He rolled his shoulders. "My back's kill'n me."

Viper tried to snatch his lighter from the red head, Reno lifted his arm up, causing Viper to flop back to the floor again. The young man picked himself up, just peering over the table top. He held out his hand for the lighter. "Sweets didn't go easy on ya?"

Reno released the lighter and in the same motion flipped Viper the bird. He fished his cigarettes back out of his cargo pants' pocket and handed one to Viper. He then pointed to the one in his mouth that was still un-lit, silently requesting use of the lighter.

Viper handed over the lighter, in exchange for a cigarette. "Dis here is Fallen's Lair. It's da base of operation to the gang. You do remember being initiated right?" He sat next to Reno on the table.

Reno thought he should be much more sore then he was given the night he had. He had never blacked out like that before. He had those, "Where the hell?" moments, but they always cleared in a few moments. This was something completely different, he seriously lost track of time. It was a nice feeling, in a way, removing some of the guilt from his actions. "Yeah and I kinda 'member coming here. Dat nice a party huh?"

"I'll say, got damn beauty of one. Bronx was so happy you kept the bag that he about jizzed himself, man. Well, we had, what three blunts a piece? On da way here, an' den Sweets an her whore core alls want ta say 'hi'." He winked and elbowed Reno in the ribs. "How's dat for a recap?"

Reno flinched holding his sore ribcage. The memory of getting the crap beaten out of him flashed in his mind. He really joined Fallen. He wasn't as upset with himself as he thought he should be. He regarded Viper again. "It'll do for the bridged edition." He stretched his arms above his head and winced. "But what _time_ is it?"

"Bridged wha-" Viper scratched his tattoo. "What day is it? Now dat's the question." They started to look around to the other passed out bodies. "Find Tex, he has a watch."

Tex had somehow managed to fall asleep in a bathtub. "Tex wake the fuck up ya red neck!"

The shaggy blond headed young man pulled his hat over his eyes. He grumbled something about taking the hay out later and fell right back to sleep.

Viper met Reno's eyes, and then watched the red head turn to look at the water spout. Viper laughed lowly. "Wolf'll turn the water on ya."

_That_ got a response. "Whaddya'll want? Can't cha see a man's try'n ta sleep?"

"What time is it?" Reno asked

"And what day?" echoed Viper

Growling at the younger boys Tex took a pocket watch out of his pants. "You turn that water on Wolf an I'll make the beating ya got da other night look like a massage." He tried to focus on the watch. "It is 11:45 in the _morning,_" Tex stressed, "on a Sunday. Good freek'n night!" He rolled over and passed back out.

"_Sunday_!" Reno put his hand on his head. "I gotta be in Sector Five in fifteen minutes! What happened to Thursday through Saturday? Mar's gonna really kill me dis time."

* * *

Reno reached the gym in Sector Five at 11:52, he was panting as he swung the door open. Mariah wasn't in yet- she wasn't usually late- and that worried Reno. He looked around the locker rooms and still found no sign of her. This gym was always open, but it was never busy before four on Sundays. By the time he was done looking, it was 12:10 and he was about to run home. Mariah at last walked in the door. "Mar? Where ya been? I was gett'n kinda worried."

Her gray eyes narrowed on Reno. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. She had been losing weight for some time, but today she looked almost skeletal. "_Do not _even talk to me about being worried! Where the _fuck _have you been for the past three and a half days!" The outburst drained her and she slumped against the wall. "Holy and the Black Days, Reno. Why do you do this to me?"

Reno moved to steady her. "You okay? Mar? I- uhm." How was he supposed to tell her that? Both her and Padre had expressly told him never to get involved with a gang if he wanted to live past twenty. He let Mariah lean against the wall. "I joined Fallen." Reno looked down at his shoes, Mariah made him feel like he was still five sometimes.

"What?" She pushed him back and stared into his face. "Why? Reno- Holy, You really do want to get yourself killed."

Hurt crossed Reno's face when Mariah pushed him away. He worked his mouth in an effort to explain to her. "No, no I don't. I don't want to see you or Padre starve to death. That's why. Look at yourself, Mar. You are sick. Admit it. I can't keep up with the ShinRa raise in taxes. So I accepted the bid for more money."

"We make do, Reno. That’s not it and I damn well know that." Mariah stood herself, ignoring the help that Reno tried to offer. "Why don't you ever let us all the way in Reno, why? There has to be something else."

Reno nodded. "Yeah there is, I am tired of running from the Don's fucking scum bags. I am sick of cat calls when I walk down the alleys. I want some respect."

Mariah scowled at the red bandanna she just noticed on Reno's arm. "Respect won't do you any good when you are dead Reno."

"It does me fine right now." He was getting overly defensive, he knew he was wrong. It was just a matter of saying so and he wouldn't. He turned away from her, taking the bandanna off and sliding it in his pocket. "Let's just work out, we aren't going to agree." He slid out of his shirt.

Mariah summoned up some energy to retort, then put her hand over her mouth when she saw his back. "Reno! That's a HUGE tattoo!"

"Wha??" The boy turned around as if that would allow him to see his back. Well, at least now the itching made sense.


	7. Burdens of a Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 7

I Tried - Chapter 7

BURDENS OF A SOUL

Mariah yelled the whole way home. Reno had to almost carry her, muttering random apologies to her as he did so. None of his placations did any good, he knew that they wouldn't. When they reached the church Reno had to bang on the door until Padre opened it. The bald man then began a tirade on Reno as well.

"Reno? What in the name of Holy is that on your arm?" Padre took Mariah from Reno, his slightly taller frame having less problems holding her up then the still shorter boy's.

Reno was half afraid to go into the church, he looked up at the worn, wooden door frame, waiting for Padre to sit Mariah down on a bench. Then Padre stood, looking eye to eye with Reno, still outside his door. The boy shivered in the sudden chill.

He knew that Padre didn't want him to exactly join the priest-hood, however, he had always stressed an honest life. Even offered to help him find jobs with weapons dealers in the slums. Reno never accepted; to make what he made with Fallen in a few hours would take weeks of "honest" work. In Reno's mind one should work smarter, not harder, he was honest when one asked him what he did, wasn't that enough?

"Well, boy? Are you going to come in with that on your arm?" Padre looked down at Mariah, but she was busy breathing. Worry for her faded to anger at Reno. "In a holy place with that mark on your arm?"

Reno growled. From the doorway he countered. "You think I just do this to piss you off? I don't, I do it to stay alive. I do it so this-" he motioned around the church- "stays where it is. I don't see you bringing in much more money then I do."

Padre balked. "Reno! I have had it with your disrespect, your attitude and the way you insist on treating us like we have no say in your life!"

"You _don't_ have a say in my life. You never had, all I own is my life and it is _mine_ to do with as I damn well please." The boy spat. "I don't need to take this from you."

The bald priest almost took a step back from the venom in Reno's voice. The child was getting close to a growth spurt, his voice suddenly snapped to a deep, threatening tone. It seemed out of place on the thin boy at his doorway. Padre lost his temper. "Then why do you?! You want to leave so bad, go right on ahead, I have never stopped you."

"Enough! Stop this both of you!" Mariah yelled hoarsely. She didn't bother to turn and look at Reno, or even try to stand up. "Reno, don't yell at us like we are strangers to you. If you want to leave-" her voice cracked, "just do it."

The boy blinked at Mariah's back, the last thing that he wanted to do was leave her and Padre. The very last thing he wanted was to be away from them, but he was pushing them. Reno knew that much very well. He closed his eyes, failing to even notice his voice had changed in the middle of an argument. He knew he owed them, hells, if it weren't for them, he would be dead. Reno knew that they were right, but it was hard to say that he was wrong. Even when he was. "I- I didn't mean that..." Reno started, unsure of how to apologize.

"What did you mean then boy?" Padre was kneeling beside Mariah, checking her pulse.

"I- fuck-" Reno pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry. I did this because I felt I didn't have a choice, Okay?"

The priest stood again. "No, it is not okay, I will deal with it if you still want to live in my home. But there are three things I want to get straight _right_ now."

"And they are?" Reno still didn't move from the doorway.

"No drugs, none of your foul language in my church." Padre waved a hand at Reno's arm. "And take that thing off when you are under my roof."

Removing the bandanna, Reno stepped into the doorway. "I can handle that." He pushed it into his pocket and edged further into the church.

Padre said nothing more to Reno, just picked Mariah up and helped her limp to the back of the church, to the stairs that led up to her room. Leaving the boy to stand alone, staring up at that cross.

* * *

Hours later, Padre knocked on Reno's door. There was a loud shuffle of things being slid under his bed, before the boy told Padre to come in. He stood gape jawed yet again at Reno. "What the HELL is on your back?"

Reno, who was in the middle of putting on a new shirt and fresh from the shower froze in mid action. "Oh, yeah... uhm, wings?"

"Uhm yeah." Padre snapped. "What, were you playing 'how many commandments can I break?'" He made a noise of frustration.

Reno slid the shirt back on, hiding the huge tattoo that literally covered his back and part of his arms, just under the shoulders. Black and white, the broken angel's wings were well drawn, white feathers falling from the broken, black wing bones, down to his pants line. His pale skin seemed darker in the patches where one could still see the natural color. "I honestly, didn't, ah- notice..." His voice drifted off.

"I see." Padre got up and left Reno's room.

Reno slammed his fist into the wall. "Damnit. Why can't I just fucking say 'thank you' to them. Man... Now what?" He flopped on his bed, looking up at the cracked ceiling. He hadn't really wanted to join the gang, but he felt safer now.

Recently, the Don had gone on a hiring spree. Whenever that happened, the new thugs got big heads and there was a rash of rapes and killings. These three guys in particular hung out at the bar near the church. Reno could roll his shoulders to cat calls. Lord knows he got them enough. If he had a gil for every time he heard the term "Fire Crotch" he would be richer then President ShinRa. But these three chased him for a while last week. There was no way they would catch him, but it wasn't something that Reno wanted to relive.

So what if respect seemed shallow? Reno wanted it, he wanted to be seen as a man, maybe even one to fear. Not a little red headed punk who turned tail and ran. He could hear Mariah and Padre talking below him. A strange feeling came over him, the one someone would get knowing that they were being talked about, but not hearing the words. Reno pushed up off the bed, he couldn't face them at the moment, but he could call Tifa.

Under the telephone in his room he kept a calling card. Tifa mailed him one every year on his birthday. He used it once a week, keeping up with her was some odd grip to normalcy. Viper teased him relentlessly about his soft spot for her, much to Reno's discomfort. Reno said it before and he would say it again, anyone like him that got too close to her would end up in a body bag, he would see to it personally.

Tifa's voice came on the line. "Hello, Lockheart residence."

He was thrilled it wasn't her father. The man was like talking to a police officer in his interrogations, he couldn't blame the guy though. "Teef?"

There was a beat of silence. "Yes? Is this- Re? Holy, did your voice get deep in a week."

He laughed on the other end. "Well there goes my audition for the boys choir... uhm-" he sat up, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ya got time to talk?"

"A little, before Daddy gets home." After her confusion worry laced her voice. Reno didn't have to say a word. "What's wrong Reno?"

"That obvious?" He asked, feeling defeated, here he was, trying to convince himself that he didn't give a damn what Padre thought of him.

"To me. What happened? Is Mar okay?"

He fell back to the bed. "No, and this time It's my fault. I ah- got initiated into Fallen a few days ago. I just got home-"

The female "tsk" noise hit his ears, but she said nothing else. "A few days? Why did you do that to them Re? I bet they were worried sick."

Reno covered his eyes with his arm. Whenever he got upset like this pressure built up behind his eyes. It felt like he wanted to cry, but he never could. His body seemed to remember how much crying hurt back when his mother was killed. Only putting outside pressure on his eyes seemed to make it better. That or drinking it away. "I didn't know I was gone so long. They had a party, I lost track of time. They let me back in the house, but, I feel like shit Teef. I think Mar had a nervous breakdown or something, she looks horrible. I thought Padre was going to kill me right there."

Silence. Reno knew Tifa was thinking, and that is what bothered him. Now he was making three people worry about him. "Why don't you start from the beginning? You can't make it better, at least ya can like-uhm, I dunno... make up for it?"

He laughed at her, then started from the beginning, feeling better for doing so.

* * *

Reno- taking advice from Tifa- went downstairs to see if there was anyway he could help out Mariah and Padre further. He pushed open the door to the kitchen, it had gone silent about twenty minutes after he started talking to Tifa. Padre sat alone in the kitchen. He looked up at Reno, but said nothing.

"Where's Mar?" Reno asked, worried. He pivoted his head from side to side.

Padre slumped forward, head in his hands. "She is in her room, asleep. We are going to a doctor tomorrow."

Reno sat down, measuring a distance between himself and Padre. "A slums doctor?" Padre nodded and Reno hissed. Going to a slum doctor was almost less effective then calling a person at random and asking, "hey whatcha think is wrong with me?" but there was nothing else to do; Reno wasn't going to pretend that there was. "Do you guys have the money?"

Padre nodded, then looked at Reno. The boy was close to what would be one of his last growth spurts. The blue hoodie he always wore was still slightly big on him; it was a comfortable big, unlike the comic big the hoodie had been when he was a small child. Padre himself was five foot eleven inches, Reno was already pushing that in height. He took out an envelope. "Reno, can you do something for us?"

Reno blinked. "You trust me?"

"Reno, I will always trust you on your word. I won't like it most of the time, but I do trust you."

The boy didn't respond, he took the envelope and peered at it. "The deposit?"

"Mariah can't take it, and I look like a target walking out there at this time of night." The priest explained.

Reno nodded and slid the envelope in his pocket. "No problem. I will be back late." He stood.

"Reno, remember I am trusting in you."

With a nod, Reno was out the door.

* * *

After replacing the bandanna around his arm, Reno zipped his hoodie up the rest of the way, and tucked his hands in the sleeves. The freezing cold sent through the slums was due to an over use of heaters in the winter. It was funny, how the plate did nothing to make them warm, until the summer where temperatures way above 90 degrees were common. The red head navigated around a puddle of indefinable origin on his way to the night deposit.

"Well, well if it isn't that little fire crotch again!" Came the drunken voice of his latest abuser. It was then joined by his ever present drinking buddies.

Reno glared at them, halting to judge if there would be another chase.

"Hey there Red, you wanna show a man a good time? Ya look like ya like that sorta shit."

Reno growled. He couldn't do this, not anymore. The boy spun. "Whereas you just look like shit?" He yelled across the alley.

The men stood shocked, then one moved smoothly forward. Reno's own eyes went wide. At least one of the big men were sober. He backed up, but he couldn't bypass what had been said. This was going to be a fight. Choosing what seemed to be the word of the hour, Reno muttered, "shit" and took off down the alley. With the three men at his heels.

They weren't the Don's thugs for nothing. Reno risked a glance over his shoulder, they were gaining on him. He looked back ahead, vaulting off the brick wall of the alley and sprinting. He wasn't getting away, so he halted. If they wanted him, they would have to kill him, and he wasn’t about to go out easy.

The men chasing Reno were taken aback by his stance. The sober one slid in front. "Now, I think you owe my buddy an apology brat."

"Not my fault he's ugly." Reno countered, rocking from one leg to the other slowly.

Once again, the sober man was surprised. He reached forward to grab the boy up by his collar.

Inside Reno shut down. Everything he did was a reaction. He swung his left hand out, hitting the other man's arm and wrapping around it, snapping his arm strait, the boy yanked his opponent upright with a snap of bone. Before the thug realized that Reno broke his arm, he got three kicks sent to him; in the knee, the side, and at last his head. With his knee sprained and his arm broken, the thug fell to the ground.

Reno backed up, sliding back to a fighting stance. The drunk thugs stared from Reno to their cussing companion. "You little scarred up shit!" One finally growled, pulling a gun from his own coat. "You wanna play hard ball?"

Reno moved before the inebriated man could fire the weapon. He threw another kick, aiming for the man's hand, knocking the weapon loose. The gun clanged to the alley floor, all four people stared at it. The thug and Reno dove for the weapon, Reno proving faster. With one hand on the gun, he threw his elbow back, into the man's face. He stood, pants scraping on the alley, spinning with the weapon ready and held in his right hand.

Before the men could make any placations to him, Reno fired all six shots in the chamber. The drunks gaped at him, then fell to the ground bleeding. Reno suddenly realized what happened, he fell back against the wall, staring at the weapon in his hand. At last he noticed, the sweat from his brow was stinging his eyes, he was shaking.

This wasn't like the thug he had killed by accident when he was five, or was it? He didn't really grasp then what the gun did back then, but he had wanted to kill them. Just like the three bodies in the alley. He wanted to see them dead. Killing people wasn't right, but he didn't feel badly about it. Not about the man he killed in the past or about the men that were bleeding in that alley. Reno didn't want to think he was a killer. He didn't want to have it be this easy. He looked up, red hair falling into his eyes, glaring at the dead men in front of him.

He barely heard the sounds at the other end of the alley. Three more men were looking for their companions. Reno didn't have time to run, even if he thought his legs would work. They halted, all far more sober then the previous thugs. "What the fuck?"

With nothing else to do, Reno remained against the wall. His newly deep voice snarled, "fuck off."

Before the men had time to react, down the other end of the alley came three more familiar figures to Reno. "I would listen to the kid If I was you." Bronx's voice came clear before his features did. Viper and Tex stood on either side of him, arms crossed and smiles on their faces.

"He killed three a our guys." One thug hissed without conviction.

"They shouldn't have dicked with 'em then. Now scram before I get sicka yer face." Bronx led Viper and Tex over beside Reno.

The thug recognized the bandannas at last. "Fallen's starting to act too big for their dicks." He leveled a look at Reno. "We won't forget this."

"Makes two a us then. Beat it." Bronx himself was as big as the thugs, Tex and Viper, still teenagers, didn't look like a fight would bother them. After a few tense moments, the thugs slid away in anger. Bronx turned to Reno, giving a low appreciative whistle. "You got some on switch there, Wolf." He nodded to the bodies. "Lets see what we get out of this huh?" He slapped the red head on the back. "I knew ya had it in ya."

Reno's response was low, almost mumbled. "Yeah..."


	8. Path of Leadership

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 8

I Tried - Chapter 8

PATH OF LEADERSHIP

A year and a half passed, Reno grew a year older, more jaded, and more dangerous. He never mentioned the killings in the alley to anyone, he didn't have to. Bronx made sure that everyone knew his protégé wasn't someone to mess with. Reno got his respect, he got his fear, lastly, he got a price on his head, straight from the Don. There was a reward out for anyone who killed the Red Wolf, or any other member of his growing gang.

Fallen as a whole, didn't mind the notoriety. Life got much more hazardous for them, but they were suddenly the gang people looked to if they wanted to push against the Don's men. Bronx wasn't one to make threats lightly, he took Fallen to a new level- the middle of a vast gang war.

The Don and his thugs weren't exactly a gang, though they may have well been. The Don himself never showed his face, but his words echoed throughout the slums. The crisp tenor belaying his thick frame and chasing down the allies. Words alone did not win wars, he soon learned. The Don was loosing ground to the more effective frontal leadership of Fallen. He went to Shinra at last, begging protection.

He got it, strangely enough; Shinra didn't mind sullying it's vast name. Ever since the Wutai war, people realized that Shinra was not an electric company with an army. Shinra was a superpower, that happened to control _all_ forms of power. They sent their own police force down to the slums.

* * *

It was those police officers that were currently giving Reno and his companions a hard time. They were more organized then the other street gangs, and far better armed. Reno peeked his head out from behind a dumpster, only to jerk it back at the sound of gunfire. The side of the dumpster sparked with sudden impacts. The red head looked over to Viper and Tex. "Whose idea was this shit again?" He growled, spilling out his empty clip and reloading.

Viper cussed, tucking his gun back in his pants. "I'm empty." The young man slammed his large fist into the dumpster, leaving a dent. He slumped down next to Reno. "Your big bro's." Viper then kicked out, sliding one of the duffle bags they had been carrying against a wall. "Must be some good shit in here if the Shinra bitches are after us."

* * *

Just half an hour before that, Reno and his two friends had been going to the bar to party. Tex noticed the three other men unloading alone in the back of a building. The gang had recently expanded to the area, and it wouldn't do for them to just let something like that slip by.

Tex and Viper were both large boys, strong and still of the age where they believed they would never die. They rushed forward before the idea had left Reno's mouth, driving two of the three thugs to the ground. When taken by surprise like that by two experienced fighters, anyone would have lost. It left Reno and the other man staring at each other for a split second.

Reno's natural caution caused him to hang back and give the third man enough time to run. However, if it came to a sprinting contest, no one in the slums was a match for Reno. Easily outrunning his victim, Reno kicked his legs out from under him before the man was down the alley. Making up with finesse where his larger friends had power, Reno knocked the man out and met his partners. They thought it was a perfect job.

Until the squad cars pulled up.

* * *

Tex crouched down and checked his clip. "I'm going to be dead soon too. Any fucking bright ideas, Wolf?" He adjusted his cowboy hat before also daring a look over the dumpster. His results were similar to Reno's, and he growled from the other side of Viper. "Now'd be the time ta have 'em."

Once again Reno poked his head out from behind the dumpster. Four cops glared out at him. He looked back to Viper and Tex. Tex had been testing him since the two met, the blond boy was strong, smart, not a natural follower like Viper. Even if he would take a bullet for him, Reno knew that Tex would take his position if he got the reason. He would have to think of something before Tex did. Then, it came to him.

"Just sit tight guys..." He threw his own gun out, the spotlight followed it. "I give!" Reno yelled loudly. "I'm coming out." Ignoring the blank stares from his friends, Reno slid out, his hands raised.

"State your name." A megaphone enhanced voice echoed to him. The cops edged closer, forming a half circle around the young red head.

Reno smirked, then moved his left hand to the bridge of his nose. Quickly, he mumbled, "tomba di lux lucis " and brought his left hand to his shoulder and then down to his side. Pyramids surrounded the four police men, who erupted in a flurry of motion, trying to escape. Reno crossed his arms over his chest. "Name is Red Wolf.”

"What in the hell!" The cop in charge snarled at Reno. "Let us out of here!"

"Uhm.. no. I would rather let you rot there." He walked behind the dumpster and scooped up a bag. "Later." He let Viper and Tex take the other bag, both following him in stunned silence.

"What the hell did you say? What was that, man?!" Viper yelled when they were a safe distance away, in another sector.

"I don't know what it means, my mom taught me that." The red head responded. "It doesn't hold long though."

Tex laughed, impressed. "Who cares? It held long enough. You need to teach me that shit. It would come in handy."

Reno lit a cigarette and rolled his eyes in an effort to appear less pleased that he had impressed his, albeit friendly, rival. "Fer when you get caught with someone else's woman?" He prodded.

The older boy flinched, he still had a bruise on his side from a rival gang member, part of a group called the Desperadoes. "How was I ta know she was wit onna them? I didn't ask."

Reno punched Tex in the shoulder, roughly after putting his lighter back in his pocket. Viper snickered, lighting a cigarette of his own before following the two back to their headquarters.

* * *

Time passed quickly after that, it was as if the next year snuck in on the tails on the one before it. Reno's growth spurt came as predicted, shooting him up to slightly under six feet tall. At fourteen years old, his height caught up to his deep voice. But his build was still small, a runners. Not enough food and too much parting left him skinny, his skin pale with purplish bags under his eyes that halted at his scars. The cat calls had stopped, no one dared to bump into him, let alone proposition him. Head to toe, he looked a thug.

The war of the slums heightened to involve armies of a sort. Four main gangs absorbed what had at one time been hundreds. Fallen's ground was by far the largest, but the Desperadoes, the Pirates, and the Agents were also stable. The Don had fallen back into a territory, but the hold he had on it was unshakable. Even to someone that had been in Wutai, this was a true war.

Turf was won and lost five times in a day, people changed ranks and sides with an unheard of flippancy. Fallen didn't classify ranks like ShinRa did, but if it had to, Bronx had become a warlord, Reno, the General Elite.

General Reno was home, trying to sleep, when the phone rang, pulling the whole phone to the bed and the receiver to his head, under the pillow. "Yeah?" His voice was laced with sleep, the word came out part greeting and part challenging.

"Wolf?" It was Viper, the red head was far too tired to pick up on the urgency of his friend's words.

"This. Had. Better. Be. _Good_." Reno snapped, sitting up and knocking his pillow to the floor.

There was a pause at the end of the line, it was impossible to tell if Viper was upset or afraid. When the older boy did speak the words came out in a rush. "Bronx is dying man. The Desperadoes got a hold of 'im.

Without another word, Reno slammed the phone together, leaving it on his bed while he darted from the door. He threw his clothing on in a rush, almost knocking Padre over in his haste to leave the church.

"Where's the fire, Reno?" Padre asked, blocking the doorway.

"I don't have time for this." Reno tried not to yell at the priest, but his words were threatening.

"Don't take that tone with me, Reno. Where are you going? I know you haven't been home more then five hours."

"What part of 'I don't have time' don't you get?" Reno snarled at Padre. "Now move outta my way before I go though you!"

The bald headed pastor vainly tried to stare down the now taller Reno. "You are fourteen years old! Reno, do I need to remind you every day? As much as you think you are, you are _not_ an adult yet!"

"I seem to pay the bills an awful lot for a damn child!" Reno stepped into Padre's face. "For the _last_ time, _move_."

Padre stepped aside and Reno darted out the door without a second glance. He sighed and watched as two other forms joined Reno's as they darted down the alley. By now, he knew them as Tex and Viper. Padre hung his head, it was the hardest thing he ever did now a days, watching Reno surely destroy himself. The priest hated to see all of the potential Reno had go to what he was doing. However, he had no power to stop the boy, no matter how much he wished he could save Reno. "Why do we even try, Mariah?" He asked into the church. Mariah didn't answer. "Mariah?"

* * *

Reno, Viper, and Tex pushed though to the front of the waiting mob in Fallen's Lair. The entire gang had been called out. Reno shouldered through the gang to the stolen bleachers that served as a speaking platform. People got out of his way as best they could, but Reno bruised more then a few ribs on his way. Bronx was sitting, more slumped, between the bleacher seats. Blood was pooling below him, the knife wounds to his neck and his side were oozing down his body.

"Bro!" Reno moved swiftly down the bleachers next to his leader "You okay?" The boy didn't have to ask the question, it was obvious that the man was simply waiting for Reno's appearance to die.

Bronx shook his head, causing blood to spurt from the slash at the side of his neck. He couldn't speak any longer. Bronx simply removed his old, tattered, deep red bandanna- his symbol as Fallen's leader- from his head and handed it to Reno.

The boy almost fell over. There were older members of Fallen, more seasoned warriors of the slums, but Bronx was turning the gang over to him. Every action he did now, would be looked at, everything he did. If he screwed up now, it wouldn't just be a ribbing from Tex. Even though he knew he had respect in the gang, Reno somehow didn't compute his own importance. Holding that bandanna made life suddenly all the more real.

Reno's eyes widened. He kneeled next to Bronx and removed the light red bandanna of Fallen's regular members and accepted the darker one. He looked from one bandanna to the other, The deeper colored one was older, bloodstained from Bronx and the leaders that came before him. Reno waited until he saw Bronx take his last breath, reached forward and pushed the dead man's eyes closed. Then he stood slowly.

The lighter bandanna fell to the bleachers as he rose, tying the darker one around his forehead. There he stood, looking over the silent crowd, the silent army, more then two hundred strong. Reno made himself a promise then and there that he would live to see the war ended, that he would do something with his power. The red head saluted Bronx's body, looked over his soldiers and held a fist in the air. That air was filled shortly with the cheers of his followers.

* * *

Tex followed Reno silently, the red head had issued a mass of orders, in a tone so calm it made him forget that while he was speaking, directly next to his new leader, the body of his old one was draining it's blood on the floor. After ordering Bronx's body removed, Reno dismissed the gang, Viper and Tex following him home.

Tex had his questions about Reno. The boy was young, while mature and intelligent, there was something strange about following a fourteen year old. He wondered if that was how the SOLDIERS felt, following the fifteen year old Sephiroth into battle.

"Tex?" Reno asked at length.

The sound of Reno's voice made Tex jump. "Yeah?"

"Do you still know the leader of the Desperadoes' sister?"

Tex blinked at the back of Reno's head. He hadn't been expected the question. A half beat later Reno halted, turning to regard him. Tex ventured another look at Viper, who seemed as shocked as he was. Reno crossed his arms over his chest, eyebrows drawing together in impatience.

"I- ah, yeah man, I still call the bitch every once and a while. It ain't nothing serious. She just gives great head ya know?" Tex was shocked that he was nearly stammering. Had it only been two years since this skinny kid joined Fallen? Why did it seem like things had been a game until now? This person in front of him, it wasn't the Reno he had helped home at twelve and thirteen, this person was something entirely different- intimidating.

"I want you to find out where he will be next weekend. And then lead a group in to kill the son of a whore." Reno made to turn around again.

Lead a front? Bronx had other captains that did those things, as much as Tex had wanted more power, this isn't what he had in mind. "Woah, what? You want me to do what?" Then Reno glared at him. Real fear washed over Tex.

"Did I stutter?" Reno asked in deep level tones.

"No, no, I'll find 'is sister tomorra." Tex looked at a point near Reno's head, unable to meet the other man's eyes.

"Good, we have to push back, if not, things are going to get much hotter down here." Reno turned then walking away with Viper.

Feeling all doubts about the young red head wash away, Tex nodded to no one.

* * *

Reno pushed the church door open to see Padre trying to wake Mariah. "What's wrong!?" He rushed up to the alter where Mariah had collapsed, and kneeled for the second time that night. Instead of darkness and blues of the bleachers, the alter was bathed in white lights and yellow toned candle flames. Their three figures almost seemed to glow underneath it. Reno looked up at the cross and felt a wave of guilt for not being there sooner. He looked over at a teary-eyed Padre, who was holding Mariah's wheezing form in his lap. "What happened?" he repeated.

Padre didn't notice the first time Reno spoke. He tilted his head down to look at Mariah while he talked. "She was just staring at the wall, not responding, and then, she had a seizure..." Shaking his head, Padre looked at Reno for the first time in years. The young man's hard face was gone, the cocky edge in his voice evaporated like dust on a lit candle. When Reno spoke again, Padre thought that just perhaps, he had actually raised him correctly.

Reno helped Padre to stand, together they moved her to a pew. "She needs a doctor".

"We don't have the money." Padre replied.

Reno closed his eyes, Padre watched the young man's fist ball up at his side. He recognized that emotion, it was the same one he felt himself. Helplessness had a strangle hold, just when one could think they are invincible, something they have no control over happens. Reno took a deep breath, opening his eyes. When he turned to Padre again, the priest was almost shocked at the transformation. "I'll get it."

If he would only apply himself, Padre thought for the thousandth time, Reno could be a great man one day.


	9. Send Me an Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 9

I Tried - Chapter 9

SEND ME AN ANGEL

Reno's words echoed for a moment while he stood there, as if to reaffirm what he said he turned to the priest. "I'll get it." He repeated.

Padre nodded. "Do what you have to, Reno. I'm going to make her as comfortable as I can."

Reno darted out the old wooden doors, the air hit him, stagnant, fighting for his breath, he ran. He tore through the alleys, not realizing that this was the first time in a long time that he was actually afraid. This was worse then being afraid for himself, this he couldn't control, when he was fighting so hard to keep something in his life in place, it trembled beneath him, leaving him nothing to stand on.

Viper and Tex were going into a bar, both smoking, heads bowed against the air and talking. "Guys!" The other boys jumped around in shock- they hadn't heard him coming until he yelled. "I need a car NOW!" Reno skidded to a halt in front of them.

At first, the older boys gaped at Reno, almost not realizing who he was. They blinked at him and then tilted their heads to look for someone following the red head. Gang leader or no, Reno wasn't exactly a big guy.

Viper was the first to speak up, a bit dumbfounded that Reno was this frightened. "What's wrong, man? You look freek'n spooked."

"Tex, you still have that truck?" Reno ignored Viper entirely.

Tex's eyes widened. Gas wasn't cheap, the beaten down pickup truck that brought the blond boy to Midgar usually rested in an alley behind Fallen's Lair. Its plates- from outside of Junon- weren't even valid any longer. Not that it mattered, it had been forever since he'd even driven it. "Yeah." He responded, not asking questions, if Reno needed that Truck, something was wrong with one of those church mice he lived with. "I'll meet'cha at the church."

"Come on!" Reno yelled at Viper and the two turned and dashed back to the church.

Viper could run the mile in six minutes flat, but Reno left him in the dust. He was out of breath by the time they arrived outside the church. "What" -puff- "the" -wheeze- "FUCK is goin' on?"

"Watch your mouth in here all right? It's Mariah, she just collapsed." Reno pushed the doors open and walked back to the front. Viper followed slowly, sweating in discomfort at being in a church. Reno addressed Padre "Any change?" The bald man shook his head. "I got a truck, He's going to come in and help you with her. I will meet you at that clinic with the money."

Padre nodded, the question of where was on his lips for a moment. He thought better of asking in the next moment, pulling Maria into a sitting position.

"What's up with you Wolf? I ain't never seen ya like this. People get sick alls the time." Viper asked as they stopped outside the red head's door.

Reno didn't respond to him. The older boy huffed at the lack of response and got up to his knees, resting his elbows on Reno's bed and waiting. "How we gonna get any cash man? The supplier isn't ready." He checked his weapon. "Knock over the Liquor store?"

"I'd be easy, but ya really want to risk that? Last time with the ShinRa PD was enough to hold me a while." Reno's voice came from under the bed.

"Then what? These hospitals down 'ere take cash only man."

"I'm gonna sell this." The red head finally popped out on the other end of the bed, holding a master fire materia. The one that had once been his mother's Reno had used it until it matured. Like a bond, every level brought the item up in value. He hadn't mentioned it to anyone, preferring to keep this heirloom to himself. However, now he really didn't have a choice.

"Leviathan in Shiva's hole! Where'dja get that?!" Viper forced his mouth back closed. "Don't sell that man!" he took a breath "Is she worth-" Reno's glare made him shut his mouth.

"She's like a mother to me Viper. Don'tcha get that?" His question was at least an honest one.

"Shit, my motha woulda sold me if she needed crack bad enough." Viper itched his Mohawk and watched Reno walk to his door. "Ya know?"

"What?" Reno turned around impatiently.

After taking a deep breath, the other boy stood. "I know I ain't as smart as you an' Tex. I know the two'a you always was try'n ta one up each other." Viper shook his head. "Shit man, so if I figured this out, you gotta have." At Reno's questioning glance, Viper continued. "That soft spotta yers; It's gonna getcha killed man."

Reno opened his door. "I know."

* * *

The doctor looked suspiciously at the gang members sitting with a priest. Viper had been unusually quiet after his talk with Reno. Tex's usual smirk was gone. Reno was the first to speak to the old doctor. "Well?"

The doctor was a portly woman that looked years older then she probably was. Her coal colored eyes were fixed on Reno, she inhaled slowly and then spoke. "700 gil first." Reno dug into his pocket and produced the money.

She snatched it quickly and counted. "She has some sort of muscular neurosis. I don't have the equipment to tell you more. I gave her some medicine for it, but it's still experimental. She may have another attack, she may not." The doctor rattled off in an impersonal tone while tucking the cash into her shirt.

There was silence following the cold report. No one could really blame the doctor; she probably had over ten people bleed to death on her today alone. One more dead person wouldn't bother her. Still, the priest wanted to have some semblance of hope. "You can't tell us anything else?" Padre asked.

She sighed, looking like for an instant, she truly wanted to help at least Padre, but then Professionalism replaced it. "Sorry Father, I cannot." She turned disdainfully to Reno, "I'm assuming that you can obtain cannabis right?"

The red head gritted his teeth at her comment. He had been fidgeting in the corner. "You missed your calling; you should have been a mind reader." Reno retorted. "What about it?"

"If she has an attack again it will slow her heart down enough to make her comfortable." She surveyed Reno for a second time, seeming surprised at his retort. "Now take her and get out."

* * *

Reno sat at the kitchen table, drinking what felt like his twentieth cup of coffee. He was shaking, trying to tell himself the coffee was to blame and not his nerves. But he knew better. Mariah had been getting sick; however, the idea that he could loose her was something he didn't think he could cope with. All the fighting, the never saying thank you, the trying to push them away, it hadn't worked. Admitting it to Viper up in his room had been admittance to himself also. He loved Mariah like she was his own mother, he couldn't pretend that what he felt was nothing more then a debt owed. If that had been the case, he wouldn't still be at the church, wishing she would get better.

Mariah was asleep; Padre was as well. Fear, exhaustion, bad memories, all of them wrapped around him at once, as suffocating as the air in the slums. _It's about 8am in Neibelheim;_ he thought and walked to the phone. Reno dug out a phone card that Tifa had mailed him for his birthday and dialed.

"Hello?" Reno cursed in his head; of course Tifa's dad had to answer.

He tried to sound jovial, more youthful, maybe he would get lucky and the man would think he was a town kid she hung out with. "Is Teef there?"

"Who is this?" Reno could feel the big man's eyes narrowing, his grip on the phone tightening-

He was too tired to even think about lying, "It's Reno."

"What do you want?" Tifa's father made his adamant dislike for Reno no secret. "I have half a mind to listen in on this."

"Go right ahead. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of." Reno was as polite as possible. It wasn't easy when every time he spoke to the man he was given a verbal shake down.

"You have plenty to be ashamed of. Don't think that I don't know that much." There was a long silence. "You even think about touching her you-"

Being nice was suddenly the last thing on Reno's mind. He growled into the phone. "I never have or will. As much as you seem to think the contrary I do have the ability to keep my dick in my pants. Do I have to call later?"

"No." The man sighed and sat the phone down. It wasn't that Tifa's father was a bad guy; he was simply over protective of his daughter. Reno couldn't fault him for that, if he had a daughter as pretty as Tifa, Reno sure as hell wouldn't like some street punk being close to her. "Teef! Phone!" There was some light mumbling and then Tifa finally picked up.

"Have a good day Daddy! Hey who is this?"

_About damn time._ He took a breath. "Hey Teef."

"Re!" Tifa yawned, apparently he had picked just the right moment to call. "You're awake at a strange time, what's up?"

"Mar was in the hospital." He waited as Tifa gasped in shock "She's real sick Teef. I- I" He sat on the kitchen counter. After looking around to be sure he was alone he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm scared. She just collapsed. It's a nervous disorder. They don't know if she'll have another attack or not."

"Are you Okay Reno?" Her automatic response was asking about him. No one else would have asked him that, only her.

And only Tifa got the honest answer. "I- I don't know. There's so much going on, I just, I don't know."

"What else?" She was silent for a few minutes then she let out a groan as realization hit her. "You didn't. I thought you were trying to get OUT of the gang Reno. You told me you wanted out."

And here he had been trying to figure out how to tell her without her getting mad at him. "It's not like I asked for it, and I need the money especially now." He wished that he wasn't always disappointing her. _If you weren't such a fuck up to begin with- _that voice in his head started. Reno shoved it down. He cleared his throat and in a tone that he hadn't used since he was five he muttered, "I don't know what else to do."

"Don't sound like that Re. You know that I love ya, no matter what you have to do." She thought a while longer. "You could try to fight the freeform competition at the tournament. Those always have big pots. It's a risk, but you can do it."

He hadn't thought about that. In fact, he didn't even think about the tournament at all. "That's actually a better idea then a crime spree now isn't it?"

"Most definitely." Tifa laughed, then in all seriousness, she added "do you need anything?"

"I just really needed to talk to you." Reno pushed the coffee pot back on and continued. "I'm sorry that I yelled atcher old man."

"Hey, I told you to call any time Reno. I- ah- I just forgot to tell Dad that."

* * *

Of all the things to go by slowly, particularly with the regard to the previous years, it was the month after they brought Mariah home. Her illness was slowly abating, with every passing day. But she lacked something now; there was a haunted look in her eyes, her thin face not as cheerful as it had been in the past. She would spend whole days in bed, staring at the walls, not wanting company.

Above the plate the leaves had changed color, but under the plate the grey muck had long forgotten how to tell time. The death of the Desperadoes leader went off as Reno planned it, the gang dispersed, many coming to beg for places in Reno's own army. One attempt on his life later, the young red head was becoming a legend in his own time. At least he was among those in the first five sectors.

Padre and the young man held together with that strangely silent male bond. The boy and the older man could sit in the same room for hours, neither making a sound aside from flipping a page. Every once and a while, Reno would ask a translation if the book was in Italian, every so often they would cross reference. All in all, it was peaceable in the old church. But the old man could feel the tension ripple off Reno whenever he moved, it was as if the boy's skin was all that kept him together at times. There was nothing, however, that the priest could do.

Reno went to the gym alone; knowing that he was safe didn't make him feel better about walking by himself. Something about the sector Mariah had found him in, with its tall walls and narrow passages put him on edge. The way sounds had a habit of bouncing around to trick a passerby. It was all enough to make him check his gun three or four times before walking down an alley, when he did move, it was in silence.

It was no surprise then that he over heard a man and a woman arguing. "I can't do this anymore Dad! I-" her voice was silenced by a loud smack that made Reno's hair stand on end. He looked into the ally that Mariah had found him in over nine years ago. What he saw made him angry enough to do something about it.

The man was large and balding, the girl he had smacked looked around fifteen and she had crumpled to the floor after his blow. "Get up you little whore! What makes you think you're to good to make some money for me?! After all I have done to keep your worthless ass alive! Sluts like you should at least get paid for it!" He picked the girl up by her strawberry blonde hair and smacked her again.

Maybe it was the location, maybe it was the odd resemblance the man had to one of the people who had killed his mother, whatever it was Reno couldn't walk away. "Hey!" he yelled. The man let go of the girl and she scooted back against the wall. Reno strolled into the one working streetlight and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why don't you pick on somebody who fights back?"

"Like you?" The man rolled his bull-like shoulders.

Reno looked up, not tilting his head much; blue eyes were lost in the shadow of his bangs. He smirked, letting out a short taunting laugh. He knew how to deal with big idiots, it came from experience. "Try me fat ass."

The man lunged, a stupid move on his part, and Reno simply tornado kicked him into the wall. "Get up." Reno said calmly. The man moved quicker then expected. Using a trash can lid, he knocked Reno to the ground. Reno was in a crouch as quickly as he had hit the ground, but the man held a gun to the back of his head.

"Your turn to stand up smart ass." Reno snarled, standing slowly. If this guy had any intention of shooting him, he would have done it. When he felt the angle of the weapon change against his temple, Reno smirked. The man was shorter then he was. "Any last words, Punk?"

Reno ducked to the side. At the same moment he pulled the man's wrist, positioning the shorter mans elbow over his shoulder. Then he threw his shoulder up and the wrist down, effectively breaking the arm. The man dropped his gun into Reno's waiting hand. Spinning, Reno pushed the weapon back into his face.

"Don't hesitate," Reno said and fired. He turned his head, blood spayed back against his neck. Turning his head back around Reno shook his arm down, flinging stray spots across the muck and brick. The man wasn't going to move anymore, and Reno had no use for another weapon. He tossed the gun into a dumpster before turning to face the girl.

"What do you want?" she was still shaking, one of her green eyes was swelling shut. Her face was red from crying, black and purple splotches dotted around the red from being hit. Her green eyes stood out, clashing with the warm colors of her tear streaked face. She was thin, her face puffy from abuse and the drugs she appeared to be on. Dilated pupils burned at him, also heightening the color of her eyes. If she had been well rested or sober, she may have been considered pretty.

He kneeled down next to her and she tired to get away. Her face showed a lot of fear; it made him feel badly, that she was afraid of him. Of course, Reno had no idea why that was. He didn't even know what made him get involved in the first place. "I want to know if you are Okay."

She blinked at him. "Yer s'rious?" she slurred.

He then nodded and sat back on his heels not coming closer to her. "That's all." Reno affirmed.

She stared at him for a few minutes. "You're the Red Wolf aren't you?" Reno shook his head in agreement. Her words came out in a drugged up rush, skipping tracks of thought. "But you don look lika..." She laughed, head rolling to the side. "Not like a wolf, more like a-" She cocked her head at him, eyes trying to focus. "You're cute..." She laughed again.

After trying twice to rise on her own, she extended her hand to him "Could you help me?" She leaned on him and looked at the dead man. "Aren't you supposed to feel sad when your parent dies? I don't feel sad." She looked at Reno, staggering and pulling at him to keep her balance. "I don feel 'appy, but I know I'm not-not sad..." she looked down. "Tha' don't make me a nice person- does it?"

Reno started at the suddenly serious question. He didn't know what to do with her now, he couldn't leave her. He peered at her again; she really could have been a pretty girl. Maybe without the makeup, maybe if she smiled... something made him desperately want to see the girl sober. "Maybe you just need some help?" he suggested after realizing he hadn't spoke for a while.

They staggered again and she tossed her hair out of her face. A moment of fluidness came to her face. "Did you ever need help?"

"I need it more then I let on. What's your name?" Maybe he could just take her home, if he could figure out where home was for her.

"Vixen." Then, her hyped up playfulness returned. "Tell me your real name, I'll tell you mine."

"Reno." He replied without thinking about it much. After all, what could it hurt?

"I'm Bethany." She put her hand against her chest, motioning to herself. "Reno, thank you for helping me." She tried to walk, but lost her footing and would have fallen if it wasn't for Reno's catching her. "I feel dizzy." and with that she passed out.

Reno picked her up and looked about the alley. He did the only thing that he could think of doing, he started home with her. "Padre is going to kill me."


	10. Love I'm With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I Tried - Chapter 10 **

**I Tried - Chapter 10 **

LOVE THAT I'M WITH YOU

Bethany woke up in a strange bed. The smell of a young man flooded her pillows. She groaned aloud, wondering what she had done the night before. Rolling over, she tried to piece together who she had been with. Then she realized she was alone, the young man was not in the bed with her, and she was fully dressed. Sitting up, she held her throbbing head. Then she remembered, Her father... the Red Wolf.

"Oh hell..." She had heard stories, of his ferocity, rumors that he had killed a man at the age of five. Why had he brought her to his home? What would he do with her? She pushed off the bed slowly, looking for some weapon, and finding nothing. She pulled open a drawer, to be greeted with nothing but clothing. Frowning she moved slowly into the bathroom. Did he live in an apartment? Where was she?

It wasn't nice; she had been in better maintained. Even for the ratted towels on the floor and the rust stains over the drains in the sink, it smelled clean. One look at herself and she snorted in disgust. She drugged herself up whenever her father sent her out, but... he was gone now, the Red Wolf had killed him- effortlessly. Bethany gripped her shoulders, the outfit left little to be imagined, she couldn't understand why she was even still dressed.

The fishnet stockings that she had on were ripped in places, but not removed, her pleather skirt, already worn and over sewed was in the same condition, more or less, then it had been the night before. None of it made sense; men in the slums didn't just cart strange women home and expect nothing in return.

"You're up." A deep voice floated to her, she jumped, slipping to fall to the toilet. Spinning to sit on it, she pulled at her skirt, trying to cover her thighs. The Red Wolf leaned in the doorway, one arm raised against his head. Bethany's hands fumbled at the toilet seat, gripping it as though it was a hold on sanity. Her eyes measured the man blocking the doorway.

He wasn't what she expected in the face, in her mind she had him pictured. More scarred, more pointed, like a predator. But he was, handsome, for lack of a better word. The scars that everyone talked about just framed his eyes, they didn't cover his face. In a way, they accented his cheekbones. She wondered if they were smooth to his skin, or if there was a ridge left behind them. She wondered how he got them.

He cleared his throat, drawing her eyes to his. They were sharp, measuring, but that wasn’t uncommon in the slums. The haunted look that followed everyone down there had not left him alone. Purple bags shadowed under his eyes, again, not uncommon, nor was his gaunt frame and pale skin. However, there was something else about him, Bethany couldn’t put her finger on it. His voice made her jump yet again. “Are you okay?”

She pulled her legs to her chest, so caught up in the moment that she forgot she was in a dirty, short skirt and hugged her knees. She stared at the paint chipping off of her toenails. "I- I don't know... I-" She swallowed a lump in her throat that settled in her chest. Bethany felt herself shaking; he was intimidating, just blocking the door like that.

"You want me ta walk ya home?" He asked after a few minutes of silence. She looked up again, intimidating wasn't the right word. He was, different. There was something alive about him, almost vivacious, as if he hadn’t lost his fight.

"I don't have a home..." She muttered, trying to feel badly about her father.

The Red Wolf’s blue eyes closed in thought. "You can stay here, then, if you want to.”

At first she nearly jumped again, then fear settled around her again. Bethany had no idea what he was driving at, or why he was being nice to her. "You, you don't mind?" She mumbled into her knees.

He turned and dug around in his room. She let one leg slowly drift back to the floor before she leaned forward. Her skirt ripped slightly because of a space on the broken seat of the toilet. He returned and she once again jumped back. Then he dropped a tee-shirt and a pair of sweatpants on the floor. "Here, you look uncomfortable."

She smiled at him, but he didn't smile back.

She stared at the pile of clothing on the floor for a long time. The clothing remained on the floor; she edged around them, her mind working furiously. Would he come in when she was clean and demand payment for his help? Would he let her go afterward?

She wanted to think he was being nice. She felt a wet spot on her cheek. Her hand came away black when she touched it. She was crying, but she didn’t really know why. Her head hurt from the drugs, her face still felt bruised and swollen. Closing the door she figured that she may as well get whatever the Red Wolf had planned over with.

The shower head was cleaner then the sink, the tiles were missing in places, but it wasn't really bad when she looked at it again. She showered quickly, half afraid that he would come in before she had finished. She had no idea what just happened, why someone was being nice to her for no reason. After showering she looked at her old clothing, in a pile near the sink, and his, by the door. She moved to his black tee-shirt.

After getting dressed, Bethany used her halter top to wipe the mirror off again. She put a hand at the bruise on her face, swallowing as she took a step back. Then she looked over her shoulder at the door. There was no sound behind it. Opening it, she was left looking at his messy bedroom. She blinked a bit at the made bed, the one area of order.

Then she inched to the other door, pushing it open with painful slowness. His voice came from down the hall, laughing. At once she ducked back inside, feeling foolish. There was no use hiding, if she was agreeable, things would go better. The hallway smelled differently then his room. Like, incense. Further down the hall she saw him, leaning on the wall, talking to whoever was in the other room.

He had a smile on his face.

It was light, easy, almost thankful. And it was gone the moment she saw it, leaving her wishing that she could see it again. Something in her wanted to be what caused that smile, because it was a grateful one. She wanted to thank him, if for no other reason then to see it again.

He motioned for her to come over to him with a nod of his head. "Com'ere Bethany, Mariah wants ta meetcha."

"Who?" She jumped, he was unaware of her staring or he didn’t mention it.

He just walked into the room, trusting she would follow. There on the bed, she met Mariah. The older woman was sick, pale, and gaunt to the point where Bethany wondered if she could even stand. The woman smiled weakly. "So this is who you found, Reno?"

Her head snapped over to the Red Wolf. Reno. His name was Reno. She then remembered, vaguely, him telling her that. He had a name. "Ya, and now I gotta talk ta Padre..."

The woman laughed, then erupted into a coughing fit. "You take after me."

The smile crept on his face for a second, making his scars sit up a bit on his cheeks. He looked at Mariah then to Bethany. "Thanks." Then he walked around Bethany.

"Where are you going?" she asked, reaching out for a second before pulling her hand back to her chest. Against his tee-shirt.

"I offered you a place ta stay right?" Reno, not the Red Wolf, responded.

Bethany nodded dumbly, watching Reno leave. The woman on the bed coughed again. She didn't know what to do about Mariah, but it had been her that made Reno smile. There must have been something very special about her. "Are you okay?"

Mariah nodded, dark hair stuck to the pillows by sweat. "Don't be afraid, Reno's a good boy."

Bethany worried the ends of the big tee-shirt with her hands. "That isn't what I heard about him..."

The woman's eyes flashed at her. "Don't listen to stupid people," she snapped, then took a deep breath, eyes closing.

"Is he your son?" Bethany pulled up a chair looking at the woman. She couldn't see a physical resemblance to Reno at all, but there was a connection. Something that almost filled the room.

"No." She closed her eyes and coughed again. "Hand me a tissue please?" She pointed to the nightstand. Bethany sat the box down on the faded blankets with care, as if the meager weight would somehow harm the precious woman on the bed. After coughing up green bile, the woman let the tissue drop to the side of the bed. "I found him, when he was a child."

Bethany nodded, but Mariah had worked herself up. Her chest was rising and falling steadily, she slept. Then two men's raised voices made her jump.

The stairway wasn't immune to the chills of the air outside. She shivered, quickening her pace to the voices. One she knew was Reno's. The other, was an aged baritone, more mature then the one she knew.

"Reno, I cannot even believe this! You are trying to give me a heart attack one day aren't you!"

The red head's lazy stance was gone, as were his drawling tones. Clipped, well worded and intelligent, came the reply. "Padre, listen, I couldn't just leave her out there like that. You should have seen this guy. I can't let someone just die in an alley. Sorry."

"And where is this guy now?" The priest, she gasped at that, a priest? Of all the people she didn't expect to see, there was a man of the church, calling Reno by name. The Red Wolf lived with a cripple and a priest, in a church.

Reno raked a hand over his head. "I- I took care of him, can we leave it at that? I will take full responsibility for her, I swear. Please, just let her stay till she gets the nerve up to leave?"

The two held eyes. The priest was shorter then Reno, and while he looked disappointed, it wasn't anger in his presence. The priest was bald, she could see sweat, despite the cold, on his head. It was obvious the two fought more often then not. Like a father and his son. The priest's eyes drifted to Bethany, who smiled shyly. "As you say, Reno." The older man stalked off, leaving them alone.

She swallowed and walked closer to Reno, looking up at him. "I don't want to cause any problems between you and your- ah-"

"We would have a fight this week with or without you." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down at the piano bench. Spinning around to face the keys, he let his fingers stroke them idly, without making a sound.

Of all the places she couldn't imagine him, of all the people she didn't want to think he was. But he had the red hair, the scars, it had to be. Reno, as far as she could see, didn't warrant the fear his nickname brought with him. She wondered if he really had killed her father so easily. Bethany felt horrible, for thinking that he had ulterior motives for helping her. Then the piano drew her eyes, without thinking about it, she sat next to him. "You play? The piano?"

Bethany knew he was looking at her, but it didn't frighten her this time. She was engrossed in the old piano keys. Without answering her, Reno started playing. It was a song she had never heard before, something moving and old. When she made herself look away from his hands and up to his face she realized that he was a lot more then he seemed. Unlike anyone else she had ever met. In that moment she made up her mind. If she was going to figure out who she was, there was no better place then that old church.

_ **"I love you,  
Not only for what you are,  
But for what I am,  
When I am with you." ** _

_ **"I love you,  
Not only for what  
You have made yourself,  
But for what  
You are making of me." ** _

_ **"I love you  
For the part of me  
That you bring out;" ** _

Staying in the church had given her time to think. She worked hard around the church, cleaning up, doing chores and such for the others. Bethany had yet to make Reno smile, though it wasn't for lack of trying. Once, Padre had almost done it. He saw Bethany in the kitchen one morning, making breakfast. She had literally dragged the half asleep Reno from his resting place and was forcing him to mix pancake batter.

The priest had laughed earning a scowl from the red head and claimed that they were officially trading Reno for Bethany. Reno had huffed in pretence of wounded pride, but it hadn't lasted long. The three of them laughed, but by the time she turned to Reno again, he was smirking, no smile.

It had astonished her to learn that Reno was not only literate; he was fluent in two languages. It was something that the other members of his gang weren't really privy to. While they all knew that he could read and write they had no idea the total extent of his abilities.

She had begged him enough to help her with reading, something she had never bothered to be any good at. Seeing him do it made her want to read as well. It was too cold to read; tonight she was watching him play the piano.

She watched his hands, moving closer to him. Watching his fingers move along the keys with practiced ease. It had become their habit, over the past three weeks. Reno would play something, and she would watch then the two of them would go to bed, Bethany sleeping on the bed one night and Reno in it the next.

Tonight, she was wearing gloves, her hands tucked up in the sleeves of Reno's hoodie. Their breath could almost be seen in the old building. Reno's hands were without gloves and the cold was getting to them. He tripped over a chord, tangling his fingers. He sighed. "Must be getting tired..."

The hoodie was warm, and she pulled the sleeves back, taking one hand in both of hers. "That's crap, you're cold."

He blinked at her, then looked at their hands, bringing his other one to cover hers. "I'll live."

"Re, I can't take your bed from you tonight, I'll sleep downstairs." She motioned to the cot set up in the rectory that served as bed for each of them on the alternate nights. "I mean its freezing down here."

His blue eyes narrowed. "And that is why _you_ are sleeping upstairs. It's too cold."

"I refuse to take your bed from you."

"You owe me, right? Think of this as payback. Upstairs."

"Uhm, _no_." She snapped.

Reno sighed, with no other recourse it seemed, he picked Bethany up and walked up the staircase with her.

"RENO! I am going to kick your ass!" Bethany grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "This is so wrong, you jerk!" She was unceremoniously tossed to the bed.

Reno smirked at her. Leaning down to talk lowly so he wouldn't wake anyone, "You wouldn't kick my ass."

"Don't tempt me Red. She stuck out her tongue. "How would that look? The mighty Red Wolf, ass kicked by me."

When she slapped out at him, he grabbed her wrist. "Oh I am soooo scared; don't hurt me with your little bitty arms..." And with that, she yanked him to her side, flat across the bed. He laid there for a few moments, thinking of a way to salvage his pride. "Just hush your lips, woman," had to suffice.

Before Bethany could get all the way out of the bed, Reno wrapped his arms around her, yanking her back down. The worn blankets of varying threadbare states made a "whump" sound on their impact. She squirmed, and then gave up. "Wolf... what are you doing?"

His grip relaxed, but she didn't get up, instead she rolled over. He wasn't as happy as he was before. "Did I kick you or something?" She quipped.

"No." He sat up, and swung his long legs off the bed. Bethany grabbed his wrist; they both stared at her hand. She could smell him, that soapy smell, always with some sweet scents of marijuana or the bitter lace of cigarette. She had become so used to it. "What?" he asked at length.

"I made you mad?"

He sighed, sitting back down. Her hand was still around his wrist. "Naw, don't worry 'bout it."

"It's too late for that. I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Jus, don't call me Wolf, aiight?"

"I- all right?" Beth's eyes didn't leave her own hand. "I owe you a lot Reno;” she stressed his name, “I really don't want to take your bed from you after all you did for me." She looked up again, Reno had moved closer to her.

He tilted his hand up, holding hers. "Then how about we share?"

_ **"I love you  
For putting your hand  
Into my heaped-up heart  
And passing over  
All the foolish, weak things  
That you can't help  
Dimly seeing there," ** _

_ **"And for drawing out  
Into the light  
All the beautiful belongings  
That no one else had looked  
Quite far enough to find." ** _

It had long since been too warm for them to need to sleep in the same bed. Padre made sure they both know that on quite a few occasions. But, as usual, he let Reno get away with things, and so they were sharing his room. It was almost a trade off for good behavior. The winter passed quickly to summer, and the plate that had chilled them now pushed the thermometer to past 90 degrees.

In fact, this night was so hot, Bethany had taken two cold showers and Reno was laying on the floor, two fans going. She stepped out of the bathroom, flopping on the bed. Reno tossed a sock at her, causing her to sit up. "Ever been swimming?" Reno asked playfully.

She got that confused look she hated having. That face where if you looked hard enough, she almost seemed innocent. Reno loved it, she, well, he didn't care if she did or not. "Where?" She questioned.

"The plate. Come on, we'll miss our train." He loved to surprise her, he loved to make her happy. There was just something very right about being with her. Because she knew him, she didn't hold any expectations for him. Unlike Tifa, she wasn't on some different world of reality. This girl, she had his reality, the slums, it made Bethany more real.

The cargo hold of the train was easy enough to sneak into; the breeze the moving car created was enough to make the trip worth it. He watched her stretch out, falling to her back and lighting a cigarette. "So how in the name of Holy are you getting to the plate without us both getting tossed in jail?"

"I have told you a million times, I have super magical powers." Reno crossed his arms over his chest with a laugh. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he really loved seeing her laugh. He wouldn't admit it often, but he was falling for the girl.

Reno led her down streets of the plate town swiftly. They were both practiced in hiding from police, but the plates were far better lit then the slums would ever be. He stopped to pick the lock on a gate open. "After you." Reno quipped with a bow.

Bethany eyed the back yard before entering it, the motion light from the side of the house came on, and she darted back out next to Reno. "What if we get caught?"

He laughed and walked in ahead of her. The house belonged to one of the Don's men, he knew through the grapevine that the family had left yesterday for a long Costa Del Sol vacation. The privacy fence would keep their little swim a secret. "Beth, come on, super-"

Rolling her eyes, Bethany shoved Reno into the fenced in yard. "Okay okay! Super magical powers! Psychopath..." Then her eyes widened, regarding the fenced in back yard. It was beautiful and well maintained with green grass, soft flower patches, and a swing just outside the garden. "Oh my god..."

Reno tilted his head, watching her. He felt a satisfied smile spread over his features. He had wanted to do something nice for her. It had been about a year since they met, Reno wanted to somehow commemorate the event. The pleased expression on her face was more then reward enough for the trip. Then she looked at him, her own smile widening.

Slightly confused, Reno blinked. "What?"

"You were smiling." Bethany responded.

Reno started. "Once in a lifetime occurrence."

Then she hugged him, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her head against his chest. "This is beautiful Reno, Thank you so much."

They hadn’t been exactly celibate with each other during the year that Bethany lived with Reno. Cuddling in bed, kissing, weren’t really huge deals, it wasn’t like they had pretences of innocence to keep up. However, there was something else in her hug this time. Reno responded, putting his chin on the top of her head and his arms over her shoulders. He could see their reflection in the glass door at the back of the house. There was another smile on his face.

He left his arm around her shoulders while he guided her to the pool. The in-ground had a slide and a diving board; it was as well maintained as the yard. Her eyes scanned the water, then she eyed Reno. "We don't have suits."

One thing he hadn't thought of. The house, he knew would be alarmed. It took him a few moments before he shrugged out of his shirt and handed it over to her. "Does this work for you?"

_ **"I love you because you  
Are helping me to make  
Of the lumber of my life  
Not a tavern  
But a temple;" ** _

_ **"Out of the works  
Of my every day  
Not a reproach  
But a song." ** _

The water was more than refreshing, the pair spent over an hour in the pool. Bethany pushed Reno in the shallow end and he pulled her down with him. They stood up together and looked at each other with their arms still entwined.

He thought it could have been that the motion light went out over an hour ago, leaving the stars to shine. That must have been what changed the mood from playful to romantic. "You're amazing, Reno." Bethany told him.

Her words shocked him, he had been complimented before. Never like that, never with some breathless adoration. He never had someone look at him the way that Bethany did. Reno smiled again, but shook his head. "I'm a gang leader, Beth."

"And I don't care." She responded, brushing her lips with his.

He stiffened slightly, feeling her wet hands rest on his shoulders. His eyes drifted shut. Before he could touch her she backed away.

Reno pulled her close again, arms going around her waist and shoulders. She met his mouth without a question. Before he knew what he was doing his hand was at her hip, under the shirt. Bethany's back hit the wall of the pool, he leaned into her, bracing one hand on the rim of the pool and the other on the small of her back.

At the point in time where he would have moved on with the interaction, Reno forced himself to back away from her. Admitting feelings was one thing, how to act about them was another. He failed to notice the white knuckle grip he had on the rim of the pool or that his arms were shaking slightly. "We don't have to..."

The time it took her before Bethany responded, almost made him regret asking. He hadn't exactly thought to bring her out to the pool for this reason. In the same moment he opened his mouth to apologize, she responded- "but I want to."

* * *

Dawn woke them the next morning, Reno almost jumped to his feet at the odd feeling of the sun on his skin. At one point that night, they had made it to the swing in the garden. Everything was brilliant with the morning light, dew on the grass- Beth.

Then it occurred to him that things had been very different this past year. He hadn’t gone to visit Sweets and her brothel, even to simply catch a drink. When he did go out to party, half the time he took Beth with him. Even though he had claimed again and again that they were not together, no one had ever hit on her.

She wasn’t the prettiest girl in the slums, she was wittier then a lot of girls, but Reno actually liked that. People had taken to asking where she was if she wasn’t with him. It then dawned on him, they had been a couple longer then he thought. The emotion wasn’t something earth moving, it wasn’t magical. It was calming, welcoming. He settled back to the bench of the swing, letting his arm slide back around her. Blue eyes drifted closed again, a smile on his face.

_ **"I love you  
Because you have done  
More then any creed  
Could have done  
To make me good  
And more then any fate  
Could have done  
To make me happy." ** _

That next year had been a changing one. He didn't bother to hide the content feeling. Reno didn't want to. Level headed and still deadly, the Red Wolf slumbered now more times then not. That left Reno to be himself, with her.

It wasn't out of the ordinary for them to spend time together but apart, both in the same room, but doing to different things. It was one of those moments, both of them reading a book when Bethany's voice broke the easy silence. "Reno?" she said quietly.

He didn't look up at first; her tone was usually quiet, unless they were fighting. When she was angry she tended to scream, say things without thinking, thankfully, the fights were few and far between. One thing she never did was feel sorry for herself and cry, so when she started sobbing it startled him. Reno dropped the book and looked up at her. The book in her hands trembled as the pages soaked up her tears. "Do you love me?"

Her book joined his on the floor as he kneeled to look up at her face. "You know I do. What happened Beth?"

"Don't be mad."

"Mad for what?"

She was sobbing now, head in her hands. Reno had to stand, pulling her hands down in his before she answered him. "I'm pregnant," the tears flowed down her face. "What are we going to do? I can't have an abortion, Reno, I can't stand them! He always would make-"

He cut her off, brushing his lips to hers. Later there would be time for questions, later there would be time for choices, later there would be time to be rational. Now, however, wasn't the time. "We'll manage it, Bethany, I'll find a way."

_ **"You have done it  
Without a touch,  
Without a word,  
Without a sign." ** _

_ **"You have done it  
By being yourself.  
Perhaps that is what  
Being a friend means,  
After all." ** _

“Love”© Roy Croft

Content © Drakonlily


	11. To be a Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried - Chapter 11_

_I Tried - Chapter 11_

TO BE A MAN

Padre wasn't the type to throw things, to scream or to yell, it would have been easier if he had. Instead, he just looked at Reno, pinched his nose and took a deep breath, before Reno could explain further- as if an explanation would have helped- he just cut the boy off with a gesture. "Reno, I do no feel like speaking to you anymore at this moment." Was all he had said, before turning to walk back into the rectory office.

* * *

Reno was lying low for a while as a result. He had known the moment the words left his mouth that there would be a holy war going on between himself and Padre. Well, not so much a war, it was more like vast disappointment from the priest. Disappointing someone was worse then earning their anger in Reno's eyes. But still there was nothing to be done about the matter now; it wasn't as if he could take back what happened. Part of him didn't want to. It was odd, a boy his age, but, somehow, he was looking forward to it.

He was too deep in thought to hear his companions speaking to him. They were repetitious anyway, words bounding together past his ears. Only enough for Reno to get the gist of what was being said: "Dump the girl" "You're insane" "Can't ya see she just trapped you?"

He sighed, pushing the door open to the bar, it was that rusty hour of morning, just before noon, when bars were open, but their latest customers of the previous night were still outside asleep in the dirt. Reno snorted at the sight of a ShinRa PD, having coffee at the bar.

Tex looped his arm over the back of his chair and laughed. "I don't think ya want any trouble, do ya officer?"

Viper leaned over the table. "Yer not tell'n me dat this one guy's gonna thinka rough'n the three a us up are ya?"

Reno lit a cigarette, blowing smoke out of his nose before speaking. "I don't think he wants trouble this morning." He leaned forward on the hand holding his smoke. After giving a slight glance to both Viper and Tex he eyed the officer. "Why don't we all just relax and have breakfast huh?"

The cop downed his coffee in one go, standing up to leave in the next minute.

Reno ground his cigarette out in the ashtray. "Something we said?"

Tex shrugged looking over the menu.

Reno sighed. "Damnit Tex, what? You ain't said but three words to me since you found out. And those words happen to all be 'you are insane'."

"That's cause you are." Tex let the menu fall to the table, lighting a cigarette before continuing. "Don't ya see wha happened here? You lead onna the biggest gangs in the slums. There's a certain amount of power here. She now gets ta have you protect her for the _rest_ of your _life_." He picked the menu back up dismissively. "You're smart kid, but you ain't got no sense."

"And that is a problem for you how Tex?" There was warning in his voice, a challenge that he hoped the other wouldn't take up. Tex was bigger then Reno, but slower and not as good one on one as the red head.

Tex didn't respond. Viper looked from one of them to the other, biting into an unlit cigarette. He never butted in when the two picked at each other, Reno was usually too serious to realize that Tex wasn't truly threatening his position. It was best he just stay out of things.

Reno reached forward, pulling the menu down and glaring at Tex. "I didn't hear you."

Tex ground out his smoke and shook his head. "You really love her don'tcha? Enough that ya gonna fight with me about it?"

This took Reno aback for a few moments. He sat back down, anger fading. "Yes, I think I do."

"Good enough fer me I suppose." Tex commented.

* * *

They walked into the club, as always, together. This time people stopped and stared at them. News traveled faster then even Reno had expected it to, now there was a pronounced weakness with Red Wolf. He loved someone; he was going to be a father. That meant he wasn't going to be thinking foremost of himself, or even of Fallen. Reno's grip tightened around Bethany's shoulder, his free hand slid to his gun. The murmurs halted. They relaxed, moving over to an old table.

Viper just finished a long drag on his cigarette as they walked up to him. He seemed unsure of what to do with his ingested smoke, at last blowing a puff to his side. He looked over Bethany and sighed. It wasn't as if he didn't like the girl well enough, but there was a loyalty to Reno first and foremost. "So yer gonna be his baby's momma I hear?"

Beth sighed; the comment seemed to grate her. "Yeah I am. Problems with that Viper?"

"No, just commentin.'" They both watched Reno disappear into the crowd with Tex. "Ya didn't plan this didja?" Viper asked quickly, surprising Bethany.

"I-I" She started, fists clenching. "So that's it huh? You think I'm one of those kind of bitches? Looking for a man to take care of me?"

"Even if ya ain't look'n fer it, that's what'cha got." Viper countered.

"I know. I know." She put a hand on his stomach. "I know I should have just gone and taken care of it without saying anything, but- it- it's just different when you care about the person who-"she trailed off.

Viper regarded her while he finished the cigarette. He looked back up and the young woman after grinding the spent item beneath his boot. "Yer as lovesick as he is." He then kicked a chair out for her to sit down on. "I still think ya both crazy, but at least yer honest."

"Not like me right?" Sweets' voice snapped from behind Bethany. Both her and Viper spun around to regard her. The other girl and Reno hadn't been dating, or even really seeing each other, to her, the Red Wolf was just more of a bed warmer. However, he quit warming her bed when he met Bethany. The whole brothel she lived in- with five other women- was without much of a defending presence since the Red Wolf found other pastures.

Bethany looked around for Reno, and frowned when she didn't see the red head. Viper spoke up from beside her. "I wasn't even mentionin' ya, Sweets."

"Too bad." She glared at Bethany. "You think you won didn't you? Fucking tramp. Getting knocked up to keep him?"

"Like you had a chance to begin with, whore." Bethany snapped back. "He never was interested in you; you just are too hard up looking for a good pimp."

The other girl's eyes widened. She balled her fists, knowing better then to hit Beth, at least at that moment. "You just wait, I'll get him ba-"

"Ya never _had_ me to begin with Sweets." Reno came from the side, drinks in hand. "Stop acting like my dick is a commodity aiight?" He leaned down over the back of the chair Bethany was sitting in. "If I got trapped, I'm a big boy, I'll live wit it."

Bethany waved. "Ta ta."

* * *

Later that evening, Reno went outside to smoke. He knew it was a bar, but he didn't feel right smoking around Bethany when she was pregnant. At any rate, he needed air. Sweets had come back, as he knew she would, murmuring apologies. All whores like her were predictable. It would be foolish of her to cut ties with a powerful group over jealousy.

"Got quite a load of fillies don't you?" A voice he didn't need to hear but one word of to recognize cut the air- Corneo.

Reno felt every hair stand up on the back of his neck. He snarled, pushing off the alley wall and lighting another cigarette. When putting his hand back into his pocket, it brushed open his jacket, showing off the butt of his desert eagle. "Give me one reason not to blow yer head off."

"There are four people watching you. You think I'm stupid enough to come here without a bit of help?" The Don snickered. "I have a proposition for you."

He bit into the filter on the smoke. "I really loathe you, you know that? Take whatever you are pushing and _get_ away from me, my friends, and basically out of my sight."

A laugh cut him off. "Damn, you are spunky." his eyes raked up and down Reno's frame, when he spoke again something almost sweet laced his tone. "Shame ya had to grow up into such an intimidating fellow."

Reno snarled. "I may just take my chances..."

Amused, and lifting his hands in an almost comic surrender, the don continued. "Fine, fine, I was going to say, that we shouldn't be fighting! I mean just because I work one area and you work another-"

Reno's deep voice overtook his. "I fail to see how living off of battered women and children is working."

All at once, his mirth ended. The don rounded to fully face Reno, a large hand held up in front of young man's nose. "Yer just a kid still you know that? Give me two hours with you; I could have you whoring out just as well as the rest of my hoes. So watch it brat." He snorted as he watched Reno take a half step back into the wall. "Those women _come_ to me. Ya know why? Women _need_ men to give em a good smack in the face every once in a while. Hell, I have those hoes competing with each other on who brings me the most money. It's a status symbol."

Reno took an extra long drag from his smoke, but said nothing.

"Women want to be controlled. They need it. You let one walk all over you and they use you. You're putting too much in with one bitch. You got po-"

"Shut yer mouth." Reno snapped, suddenly bringing himself nose to nose with the big pimp. The two glared at each other, fists at their sides. "I would like to see you _try_ whoring me out, fat ass." Reno challenged.

"Don't let your mouth write a check your nice little ass can't cash boy. That is what this all comes down to. Do you even realize this isn't a game?" The man's dark eyes glinted up and down, causing the younger man to shiver.

Reno's own eyes narrowed, realizing what the don was doing. "Who said I was playing games?" The hairs on the back of his neck were still standing, this man made his blood boil. He felt the serious need to be sick for a moment, ice pooling around his stomach.

"You are playing a game." Lighting a cigarette of his own, Corneo backed away from Reno. He snickered as the young man edged further away from him. "You aren't using your powers at all, boy. Are you going to be a man about things or are we still playing?" When Reno remained silent, he continued. "Men, real men, use their power. A woman is _with_ a man for that power. And she needs to see it, she needs to feel your hand across her face every once and a while, or she starts to disrespect you. Don't you see that? Women need it."

Fear was gone, in that moment, Reno became angry. "So you, in your infinite wisdom are trying to tell me how to be a man?" He flung the spent smoke into the grudge of the alley. "I think I will figure that out for myself. You make me sick, you know that? Totally nauseated. Go beat on your whores. I don't work that way."

The don laughed, stepping on Reno's cigarette. "You don't know what it is to be a man in power boy." He looked to the corners of the alley, nodding, a car pulled up next to them. "That is what makes you nauseated. It's fear." He stepped into the back of the car, and Reno watched it speed away.

He gave into a full body shudder before turning to go back into the bar, sufficiently hackled.

* * *

Reno was silent for most of the night. When they finally got home, he sank to the bed still in thought. Corneo had meant to rattle him. He knew that, but, the don had succeeded. The idea that he truly had no idea what it was to have power, or to be a man hit him hard. Bethany had to say his name three times before he heard her.

"What happened?" She asked, looking worried.

Reno looked up at her, still trying to understand how anyone can think the way that Corneo did. How could someone just haul off and hit someone smaller then they were? He didn't understand. "I ran into the don..." Reno responded.

Bethany blinked. "Are you- are you okay? What did he want?"

Reno kicked off his shoes. "No, he wanted to rile me and he damn well did it." He muttered about fat fucks telling him to be a man and flopped to the bed. "Just let me be. I'll live."

She curled up next to him, almost asleep before he asked a question. "Beth, why didn't you leave your father? Were you afraid of him?"

She sat up, looking at him strangely. "It wasn't that I was really afraid of him. I was more afraid of being without him. I was safe I guess."

Reno growled, forcing himself up. "How is getting the hell beat out of you safe?"

She leaned on her hands, thinking. "He wasn't going to kill me. And I just, I guess I expected it after a while. I didn't know anyone who didn't live that way really."

Now he really did need to be sick. "That's disgusting Beth. You _expect _to get beaten up?"

She stood, getting angry. "So what? You're better then all of that?"

"Yeah! I am, as a matter of fact. I don't need that shit." He stormed over to his shoes. "This whole time, what? You thought it was just a matter of time before I slapped you around?"

Crossing her arms over her chest she snorted. "You don't have it in you to beat anyone, Reno."

Throwing on his shoes, the red head couldn't tell if that was a compliment or not. He threw the door to their room open.

"Where are you going?" She snapped, he knew that Beth hated it when he walked away from a fight.

"Out, I'm pissed off." He growled. She seemed about to say something, but the slamming door cut her off. Reno stormed down the steps of the church, throwing the doors open and shut behind him. Cigarette after cigarette fell to the muck as he paced around the slums.

He hadn't intended to go to Sweets' brothel. But before he knew it, he was across the street. The large, grey-suited man that had started hanging around was on the porch, one of the girls on his lap. He wondered if he was missing something, did that man hit on the whores at Sweets' place? Was that something that men did? Was the don right? With a snort of disgust, Reno stormed in the other direction.

He hadn't wanted power, had he? No, Reno just didn't want to be the victim anymore. But to not be the victim it seemed, he had to be the violator? The perpetrator? Gods why didn't life just come with a manual? What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Reno didn't know. He raked his brain, trying to think of one man aside from Padre who wouldn't fight. Not one person, not one, and while the priest was as good a person as could be hoped for, he was a different breed then Reno. Reno needed to talk to a man who had lived like he had, to talk to someone who, despite growing up with all the slums could do, wouldn't resort to what seemed to be expected of him.

He slumped on the steps of the library, staring at his shoes. He was going to be a father. It terrified him. He had no idea what it meant to be a man; he was really just playing with it, after all that time. Worse yet, he didn't have much time to learn. He would be damned if he hit Bethany. It wouldn't happen. A wall? Sure. Doors? Yeah, but never her. It wasn't right. He didn't pay any attention to where he was walking again. He didn't know if he was trying to reach some destination, or if he was trying to run.

Standing up again, he continued walked until he reached the hotel his mother had once called home. He froze, blinking at the building as if it could run up and bite him. Leaning against another of the endless alley walls, he looked at it. Closing his eyes Reno tried to remember his mother, and with her, his father. All that his mind could conjure, however, were words. He had been "brave, tall, quiet, very smart, and gentle." So his mother claimed. Looking down Reno clenched and unclenched his fists.

He refused to believe his mother would be a liar. That meant that there were men, somewhere, who could be gentle. Of course that one was no where, not even in his memories. "God damn you, where are you?" He asked quietly, falling to the gritty floor, his back against the wall.

He didn't know how long he sat there, his head on his arms, wrapped around his bent knees. "Reno? There you are." When the boy snapped his head up he was shocked to see Padre looking down at him.

"What are you doing out here this time a night? It's dangerous." Reno stood slowly, dusting himself off.

"I heard you fight with Bethany. I suppose I was worried about you."

Reno could feel a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He let it have its way. "I can take care of myself."

"I know that Reno, but I still worry about you." The priest turned. "Would you like me to leave you alone?"

"Actually," he looked at the building again. Maybe Padre wasn't as different as Reno always wanted to believe he was. He turned to the priest at last, shaking his head before starting to walk next to him. "No I really want to come home."


	12. His Reason For Living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Tried - Chapter 12

I Tried - Chapter 12

His Reason for Living

Reno found himself staying home a lot; perhaps most of it was due to his nightly time on the phone. "So that guy’s still not come home?" He was referring to Cloud. Tifa had a long talk with the guy about two years ago and he had simply vanished without a trace. Reno growled, de-tangling himself from the phone chord.

"Yeah," she sighed, "he wanted to leave." She seemed so sad about the guy. Reno felt the urge to beat that Cloud kid senseless. She made herself sound hopeful. "Maybe you'll run into him, he wanted to be in SOLDIER."

"I usually steer clear of anything that smells like ShinRa. It offends my delicate sensibilities." They shared a laugh at that.

"Re, when's the last time you ate?" Tifa got to a more serious topic, perhaps because she was upset about Cloud. Reno guessed it was more that she was still worried about Reno himself, and he was doing a poor job dancing around the topic of their financial situation. Since he had told her about Bethany being pregnant Tifa had made it a point to call him everyday.

“I dunno, what day is it?” Reno watched his girlfriend suddenly make herself busy in the chapel, dusting the piano. Her plethora of questions surrounding Tifa bothered him. She’d asked everything from “how well do you know each other?” to “is she prettier then me?” What did Bethany think? That Tifa was out to take him from her? As if the thought had ever been in either of their minds. They were good friends, true, but they may have well lived on different planets.

“Not funny.” Tifa replied; he could almost picture the brunette fighter putting a hand on her hip.

“Not try’n ta be, hold on will ya?” He cupped his hand over the phone. “Hey babe, why don’tcha sit down and let me take care of the rest a that?”

Bethany came in, barely starting to show; he could make the outline of a rounding stomach from within her tee-shirt. “I can get it.”

Sitting the phone down, Reno crossed the room and put his hands on Bethany’s shoulders. “Ya know I hate it when you act like this. You haven’t got a thing ta be jealous of. She’s just a friend, a very naïve friend. I couldn’t love her like I love you. Understand?”

After Bethany allowed Reno to sit her at one of the chairs she leaned on the kitchen table, her nose wrinkled, like it always did when he called her on being difficult. “I know, but still, you two are so close. I sorta feel like an outsider…”

When she looked up, there was a phone in her face. “Well, you gotta fix that then.” Reno barely let her register the fact that the phone was in her hand before he was leaving the church. “I’ll be back in a few okay?”

Putting the receiver to her ear, she took a deep breath. If this was Reno’s friend they were _going_ to get along. “Hey, Reno stepped out for a few…”

* * *

Reno returned though the chapel doors, almost an hour later, holding a small bag of food. He blinked at Padre standing in the doorway to the kitchen, Mariah weakly leaning on his arm. He sat the bags down and peered in between their shoulders.

Beth was perched on the counter, leaning against the wall and spinning the phone chord in her fingers. “You’re kidding me! Really? He never told me that!” that was followed shortly after by a peel of laughter.

Reno didn’t have the courtesy of his older companions. He edged in between them. “What are you talking about?”

Bethany smirked, “nooothing.”

Reno, immediately reached for the phone. “Whaddya mean nothing?”

Placing her foot on her boyfriend’s chest Bethany stuck out her tongue. “I mean its girl talk and you can’t listen in because it’s about cute things you did when you were five.”

There was silence in the room for a brief moment. Then Reno lunged at the phone. “Tifa!” He yelled, making an effort to gently take the phone from Bethany and failing. “I swear woman! What are you saying?”

Padre looked down at Mariah who was smiling. “You know?” She took a breath before continuing. “Sometimes I forget, their just teenagers.”

“At least they remind us occasionally.” He agreed.

* * *

“Wow, I didn’t realize how bad my feet would hurt.” Bethany muttered, leaning against Reno while they sat together on a bench. She watched his eyes travel from person to person, his hand twitched at the gun in his pants. He was on edge tonight, even though he knew this area was perfectly safe for a Fallen member. Bethany put her hand on top of her belly, and smiled a bit. Padre had mentioned that walking would be good for her, so after much persuasion, Reno agreed to take her with him to get Tifa.

Despite a long and arduous examples by both of them of the conditions she would be staying in, Tifa demanded to stay a few days before the tournament. Of course, her father thought she was staying at Chocobo Bill’s. If he knew where his little girl was going, he’d most likely have been down to wring Reno’s neck.

Bethany was excited to finally meet Tifa. After forgetting that Tifa was this woman that Reno knew, and realizing how deep their friendship was, she felt really silly for being jealous. Bethany was used to fighting for a place, she had spent (and was still spending to an extent) a long time getting Reno’s group to accept her. The past six months had been especially hard, what with everyone thinking that she had intended to get pregnant.

That was a struggle in and of itself, honestly, being pregnant was the best thing that had ever happened to her, she wasn’t going to deny it. She jumped when Reno stood up, almost falling over. “Hey, pregnant, no balance.”

“Oh, sorry babe, can’t sit still.” Reno pinched the bridge of his nose; even from behind him she could tell his blue eyes were squeezed shut. Something about this evening had him upset, and Bethany was truly confused as to why.

“You aren’t embarrassed are you?” She fished after a minute of silence.

Reno sat down, frowning. “No, but I’m worried about Tifa.”

“Worried? What for? You said yourself she can beat you in hand to hand combat. You let me walk around here alone without a second thought.” She hated the fact that she felt the constant need to compare herself to Tifa. Bethany knew that it was her and her alone that did that, no one else.

The corner of Reno’s mouth lifted up, making his scar arch slightly under his eye. “You aren’t Tifa. She’s a good marital artist yeah, but she’s never had her life threatened. She’s never gone hungry, never even looked atta gun before. There’s a big difference from being able to defend yourself like she can, and being a fighter like we are.”

“I forgot.” Bethany muttered, looking down at her stomach. “I forgot that we weren’t normal.”

His arm found its way over her shoulders. He kissed the top of her head reassuringly. “I got you; I don’t care how strange I am.”

Bethany closed her eyes, content to sit there until Tifa’s train pulled in.

* * *

The train pulled in, the people began milling out slowly. There were a few suited people dotted here and there amidst the imposing sea of ripped clothing, burlap colors and extensive tattoos. Most looked nervous, feeling as out of place as they looked. Bethany was a little shocked, to see a Wutain man in a dark blue suit slide effortlessly among the slum people. She felt like he was watching them, but there was no way for her to prove it. “Ey, Reno, you see that?”

“Yeah, that’s the guy that’s always hanging around the other church outside of sector seven; he’s come around to the bar too. Never does anything.”

“But you see him a lot?” She responded, wondering what a man in a suit was doing hanging around in the slums.

Reno seemed to suddenly realize the oddity and blinked. “Now that ya mention it…” They both scanned the crowd again, but the man was gone, it was as if he’d never been there.

Reno stood, wondering if his point of view was the problem, before he could walk the crowd himself, he heard Tifa’s voice. Spinning, he was just in time to catch her as she wrapped him up in a hug. “Re! How are you?!”

Bethany blinked from her seat at the bench. The young woman hugging her boyfriend was nothing short of beautiful. She had a curvaceous figure that her shorts and tank top did little to hide. Where Bethany, however had grown with her pregnancy, Tifa was obviously flat and toned. Before she could form a full comment however, the vivacious brunette was hugging her. “And you are Beth? I’m happy to meet you.” She laughed to herself. “Of course, I feel like I already know you, Reno talks about you all the time.”

Tifa extended her hand to Bethany, helping the other girl up. Then she slung a bag over her shoulder and looked around. She sniffed the air and frowned however, Tifa didn’t say anything or complain. Instead, she adjusted the gloves on her hands. “Ready when you guys are.”

* * *

Bethany and Tifa walked behind him, the two already talking quietly about baby names. Reno smiled to himself, Bethany didn’t really have any friends that she could talk to about the little things like that. It wasn’t as if Bethany wasn’t social, it was simply that the mention of babies sent most of their friends running.

He hadn’t given much thought to what they were going to do tonight. Viper and Tex had mentioned a party, but he didn’t know if Tifa would be comfortable with the idea. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a purple bandanna. Reno halted immediately. Beth and Tifa both followed his line of vision. The Pirate’s member was right in the middle of a drug deal. On Reno’s territory.

“Re, please, you can’t just let it slide?” Bethany asked, she wasn’t worried, but she wasn’t happy with the situation.

“You let one slide and they all come in, like big rats.” He hissed. “This won’t take long.”

Placing a hand on Tifa’s wrist, Bethany led the other girl to the corner of a building. “Whatever, Red Wolf.”

The deal walked away, already touching the blunt to his lips. The Pirate flipped a few bills, smirking. When Reno cleared his throat, the man spun.

“So, where’s my cut then?” Reno let his hand slide to the back of his pants, resting on the butt of his gun.

“Wolf! Ah, ah, cut?” He stumbled backwards.

“Yeah, Piper, my cut. You are on my turf, or did you miscount the blocks?”

Then Tifa yelled. Reno spun around to see two of Piper’s buddies moving towards Tifa and Beth. The click of a gun chamber from Piper distracted him again. Piper was built like Reno, extremely thin. Though, unlike the red head, he was horrible in a fight. Shoving the gun to the side, Reno slammed his fist into Piper’s nose. Even though the fight was over at that moment, Reno straddled the other boy and gave him another punch in the face for good measure.

Looking up, he watched Tifa spin kick another Pirate, Spinner, into the wall. The expression on his face was absolutely priceless before he slumped to the ground. Tifa, in between him and Beth, rocked from foot to foot. Beth’s eyes darted up nervously, her hand covered her stomach and she reached for her own gun but halted.

The third man was the one that had Beth’s attention. Both she and Reno knew that he was the dangerous one. Where Piper was laughable, Spinner a small obstacle, Jack was deadly. He had no qualms with shooting anyone where they stood, and he had the gun already drawn.

“Leave them outta this.” Reno snapped, not drawing Jack’s attention like he had hoped he would. Tifa was too far away to get a good hit in, and Beth wasn’t going to risk drawing a gun on someone who’s weapon was already out.

He laughed, green eyes flicking over to glance at Reno. “What’s the fun in-“ then someone tapped him on the shoulder. Jack made the mistake of turning his face directly into Tex’s fist. Jack apparently carried the gun for a good reason, he had a glass jaw.

Tex nudged Jack with his foot. “Well what’sa fun in this?” He smirked at Reno, who already had his arms around Beth, her head against his shoulder. “Fancy meeting ya here! I was jus runnin ta fetch ya. Viper an me kicked some Pirates around a few minutes ago, and figured they weren’t alone.”

“You okay Vix?” Reno asked, ignoring Tex and the perplexed Tifa.

Bethany hugging Reno tighter. “Yeah babe, Tifa’s got a killer left hook.”

Tex crossed his arms over his chest and made a snort. “_Hello?_ Love birds? I’m being dashing and charming over here!”

Reno and Bethany made an even bigger show of ignoring him.

It was then that Tex noticed Tifa. Hazel eyes widened a bit, then he removed his hat and bowed. “I’m dreadfully sorry ya had ta see that violence Miss. Let me assure ya it goes against ma nature.” Standing he adjusted his hat back on his head. “Jus gatta be rough with these cretins. You must be new, ma name’s Tex.” He looped his arm over the brunette’s shoulder. “If you need anything at all jus ask.”

That got Reno’s attention. Grabbing Tex by the collar he excused them both and drug the larger man a few paces away. On the way, he passed Viper, who looked smug. “Back in a second, watch them would you?”

Rolling his eyes as if he saw the whole interaction coming, Viper moved over by Beth and Tifa. “Hallo, yer Wolf’s friend?”

Laughing, and still blushing a bit from Tex, Tifa nodded.

Viper lit a cigarette. “Whoa boy, Wolf’s gonna have ‘is hands full dis week.”

“She leveled Spinner, I think she’ll be fine.” Beth pointed over her shoulder to the slumped Pirate. “In fact, I was hoping you’ll hip toss Tex a good one for me?”

“Ooo, now I’d pay good money ta see dat.” A deep laugh rumbled in Viper’s barrel chest.

Tifa laughed with them both, feeling glad for coming. Sure it smelled bad and the plate looked like a burnt pizza, but these seemed like nice people. At least she wouldn’t spend the week before the tournament bored.

* * *

Tifa and the tournament came and went with little else happening. A few months later, Reno found himself pacing in the waiting room of an abortion clinic. If he hadn't been as nervous as a ShinRa facing an audit he would have been taking in the irony of the situation. The woman's clinic wasn't exactly a proper birthing unit, but even with Reno’s tournament money, it was all that they could afford.

Just when Reno thought he would go insane from waiting he was ushered into a back room. The nurse put her finger over her lips, urging silence, he nodded absently. The hospital smelled of something he didn’t think he would have ever gotten used to. It was all disorienting. He pushed the pale, worn door open, poking his head in before coming all the way in and closing it behind him. Reno stood just inside the closed door, stunned.

Bethany seemed exhausted, but oddly contented with her situation. He edged closer to get a better look at the baby. He didn't know why he was so nervous. He didn’t think at that moment he could have formed a sentence.

"It's a girl." Bethany smiled. The little bundle squirmed; fine red hair covered her head like a cloud. Her eyes were closed tight, little hands curled into loose fists. Reaching forward slowly, he pushed a bang from the baby’s face. Her nose crinkled, but she didn’t wake up. He then reached over and hugged Bethany tightly.

"She looks like you, Reno." What Bethany was feeling suddenly dawned on him. He couldn't imagine anything that could tear him away from them. How in the hell could someone leave this behind? Before he could think of something to say to her, Bethany lifted the child up to him. “Say hello to your daddy.” She told the baby.

The sheer amount of emotion involved in holding _their _daughter for the first time overwhelmed him. He’d never held a baby before, and despite the awkwardness, he felt so undeniably right. “Hallo.” He whispered, even though the child was asleep.

He didn’t really know how long he stood there, holding the little girl. There weren’t words to put together the feeling he had. It was as if, all of a sudden, there was something in his life worth everything. There was a reason for everything.

“I could watch you hold her all day.” Bethany sat up, her hair matted to her head with sweat. There were bags under her eyes. She was obviously tired and drained, the exam bib was too large for her and rumpled.

Thus she was shocked when he blurted out, “you’re beautiful.”

There was a rap at the door; obviously it was time for them to go. Reno carried the baby, Bethany walked against him slowly. They would have to get a ride from Tex, there was just no way that the two- three now, he mentally corrected himself- were going to make it home without a ride.

While Bethany filled out some forms at the desk, Reno made the phone call. Tex had been waiting on them. “She okay?”

“Yeah man. I’m the one who’s not with it.” Reno laughed. “She just, it’s like something got triggered inside. Something got turned on and I don’t know what ta call it.”

It earned a laugh. “Now there’s a cute nickname, Trigger.” Before Reno could say anything, Tex added. “An no, I will never take _any_than serious. Life’s too short man.”

Reno hung up, muttering the nickname to himself. He moved next to Bethany, who looked a bit exasperated with the nurse.

Said nurse looked just as exasperated. "What name do ya want on the birth certificate?" he asked, tapping his chewed pencil on the desk.

Name? Shit, his last name. No one knew it; his mother had always insisted that he never tell it to a soul. It wasn’t uncommon for kids in the slums not to know their last names, or to make them up later in life. To that end, Reno smirked. “Full name: Suzanna Mariah Capellarossi.”


	13. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I Tried**

**I Tried**

Chapter 13

Breaking Point

He suppressed the urge to rush into Mariah's room with a few deep breaths. It hadn’t been a good night for her; stress never did anything to make her feel better. He wanted to be calm, however, when one feels like they did something right for the very first time, it’s hard to be calm. He knocked on the door, waiting for an answer before pushing it slowly open.

“How is Bethany? What did she have?” Mariah‘s once strong form was gaunt now. Her sickness had taken a sharp downturn in the past months. Even though they spent every available gil on her, no one seemed to know what to do.

"A girl. Suzanna Mariah Capellirossi." He couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his face, it didn’t go unnoticed.

"Reno," her voice was no more then a whisper. "You named her after me?" She coughed, her whole frame shaking with the effort. She managed a smile. “Thank you. I know you don’t hear it-“ She coughed again. “Hear it enough, but I’m proud of you.” Laying back on the pillows her hand covered her chest. “Could you bring her up when she is awake?”

Reno nodded. “Yeah, you get some more rest too okay?”

* * *

Reno learned very quickly that babies rarely had the politeness to think of things like their parents needing sleep. He didn't really mind all that much, but sometimes he wished kids came with mute buttons. "Wait till she learns the word why." Padre smirked to Reno one morning. "You always had a blast with that one." Reno's response was sticking out his tongue. "Oh _that’s_ just what you should teach a child."

"Wait till she starts picking up his other habits." Mariah voice came weakly from the doorway. She was leaning on Bethany for support. Reno got up so Mariah could have the chair he had been sitting in. As Mariah settled down she added. "Is Tifa still planning on coming down?"

“Yeah, I’m going to go up early this year, so she’s coming with me.” Reno responded from the kitchen counter.

Padre blinked. “Early? What for?”

“Ah, the Gold Saucer has this dome thing, the purse is really hefty, I can’t really afford not to.” The young man tried to sound nonchalant about the fighting arena, it didn’t work against Mariah.

“Reno, you could get killed.” She almost rose, prompting Bethany to move next to her. Then, Suzanna started crying. First Reno, then Bethany left the room to check on the baby. The little girl’s cries stopped shortly after.

The two adults shared a collective sigh. Padre looked to Mariah, "Hard to believe he's only turning sixteen in a few months." He looked though the doorway to the cross above the altar. "He's more of a man then I think I could be in his situation."

Mariah shook her head; it wasn’t as if she didn’t know exactly how the old priest felt about their charge. "Why don't you ever tell him that? It would make him happy to hear it." Padre merely shrugged.

* * *

"You know I could go back out." Bethany started, "it's not-"

Reno held Suzanna and cut his girlfriend off with a glance. "We had this conversation already. No way."

"So it's all right for you to go out and get yourself half killed, but I can't make a few bucks on the corner?" Bethany knew her boyfriend's objection to her old line of work, but she was almost past the point of caring. "I refuse to watch you starve to death. I love you, Reno." She sat on the bed and Reno handed their baby to her. She began to rock Suzanna. "I don't want you doing it either then. Sweets has a loose tongue Re, you should watch who you talk to."

He turned his back to her and looked out the window. There was nothing to see but a cement pillar, but it was easier to see then himself letting his family down._ His family_, who knew two words could hold so much meaning? "I won't," It isn't like he wanted to sell himself on the streets, but money was money. He let his last brainstorm out to Bethany "I am still thinking about expanding."

"Whoah, Reno do you have any idea how much your head is worth to the Don and half the other gangs in the area? Do you need to add to it? I couldn't raise Trigger by myself." She used the nickname that Tex had given their daughter fondly.

The idea halted Reno. For the first time in his life he had a passion for something. And it showed when he spoke. "Trigger will not live like we have had to. I don't care if I have to waltz into Corneo's mansion and cap'em myself." He was dead serious, he didn't care what he had to do. He would protect her. "SOLDIER always wants recruits, but then I'd have to be away."

"Don't do that!" Bethany was frightened by the idea of ShinRa. “That mad scientist and stuff.” Her outburst woke Suzanna, who complained at a fairly high pitch.

* * *

Bethany leaned on Reno’s arm, her free hand holding Suzanna in a carrier. “He’s still there.”

Reno’s blue eyes scanned the alley behind them. Sure enough, it was a guy in a dark blue suit. This one could have been the Midgar man or the Wutain, from this distance he couldn’t really tell. The Midgar man had a limp and facial hair, the Wutain moved as smoothly as he appeared to shave. Since their daughter had been born over four months ago, Reno had noticed them more often. He couldn’t tell, however if this was because they were following him or if he just now took notice. Regardless, it bothered him.

They walked a few more blocks before Reno got fed up. “That’s it.” He spun around, but no one was there. “Not this time…” He started back down the block. “Wait here.”

Bethany ground her teeth. She had tried to quit smoking, but simply didn’t have the willpower. She sat down against the wall, making sure she was downwind from her daughter. “You’re daddy’s going to give me grey hair. Do you know that?”

The little girl gurgled in response. She’d grown a lot in a few short months; it was nothing short of amazing. When she had been pregnant, Bethany hadn’t thought of anything but having a baby. Now that the baby was here, she found herself wondering about when Suzanna became a toddler, and then a teenager.

“I hope you’re always this happy, Baby.” Bethany said sincerely. “I hope somehow you get a chance to do more then I did.”

“Aww what a cute little moment. How’s it shaking Vixen?”

Bethany rolled her eyes. Tossing the cigarette in front of her she looked over and up at the Pirate. Her hand rested on the butt of the weapon from under Reno’s hoodie. “Fuck off, Spinner.”

Spinner ignored her, smiling at the baby. “What a cute little puppy, too bad she’s going to be a slum whore, just like you and your baby’s daddy.”

Bethany was on her feet in the next moment, standing over her daughter. “Do you wanna say that again?”

Lifting his hands in mock surrender, Spinner was still smirking. “Easy, easy, I just thought I’d come over and say hey to ya.”

“We aren’t friends.” She snapped. “Now slink back to whatever rock you crawled out from under.”

He laughed, walking away at last. “Wolf better not leave you all alone, dangerous out here.”

She almost lit another cigarette, then stopped. Instead, Bethany picked Suzanna up and hugged her. Sudden tears came to her eyes, she didn’t let them fall. It hurt more deeply then anything had ever hurt her before, knowing that what Spinner had said was as good a prediction as any for her child. She knew that. She knew there was nothing she could do about it either. And that’s what hurt, when you want to give someone the world, and all you can manage is dirt.

* * *

Reno wondered where all the time had gone. It seemed like yesterday when they brought the little baby home. Now here he was, crouching in front of her watching her make an attempt at walking from Bethany. She tottered, falling forward where he was waiting to catch her. The little baby laughed and pulled at one of his bangs.

She was becoming so engrossed in everything. Bright colors fascinated her and she had learned that pulling her own red hair hurt. Daddy’s red hair, however, did not hurt to pull on so she thought.

Reno’s face quirked up, “hey hey hey, let go of that! That really hurts kid!” She started laughing at him, letting go of the bang.

Bethany couldn’t help but laugh. “Hey, I’m gonna run to the store, maybe that guy’ll give me the diapers for free again.”

Reno stuck his tongue out at Bethany then turned to Suzanna. “Ya see that Trigg? Already she’s got another boyfriend giving her handouts.”

Pulling on Reno’s hoodie Bethany laughed. “Oh yes, of course I am.” She hugged him. “Big jerk.” Then Beth kissed Suzanna on the top of her head. “You watch Daddy, Trigg. Keep him outta trouble.” With that, she was out the door.

* * *

Reno looked up at the clock again. Bethany should have been back already. Padre walked into the kitchen, looking at Reno and following the young man’s eye line. He was worried too. “When did she leave?”

“Two hours ago…” Reno stood up. “Hey can you-“

The church doors banged open, Viper’s voice was frantic. “Wolf! Wolf, get out here!” However, when the red head came out of the kitchen, he didn’t have any words.

He didn’t have to say anything, Reno knew. “No…”

Viper only nodded and then motioned for his friend to follow him.

* * *

Bethany was dead. It took a while for that to register, even with the hole in-between her eyes. The blood was dark and drying over opened eyes. Still he shook her, yelling her name. Her jeans were ripped at the knee, foretelling an execution more then a simple shooting. She was already cold, but that didn’t stop him from lifting her onto his lap. The blood was sticky, it was caked onto his blue hoodie, it came off onto his forehead as he pressed it against her body. Choked, all his voice could manage was her name.

He failed to notice the police cars, he didn't feel Viper tugging on his shirt. He just knew that something pivotal in his life was taken from him, and he wasn’t there to stop it. Nothing else in the world really mattered anymore. Viper finally managed to pull Reno to his feet, but it was too late.

They found themselves slammed down on the hood of a police car. Reno wasn’t bothering to fight them. His ears were hearing everything as if he was underwater. He barely felt the officer pad him down. One thing that he did hear, was someone mimicking a wolf's howl. The cop was reading off Reno's many offenses as Reno came back to himself and looked around. He could barely pick out their purple bandannas on the men staring at him. Standing with the Pirates was the person that brought Reno to move. He remembered that man. He’d never forget him: Joey.

"You forgot some." Reno said, halting the cop from putting the cuffs on him.

His voice was too calm and even. His passive nature was something the officer wasn’t used to. "Some what?"

"Two counts of assault on an officer and four counts of murder in the first." He spun, pulling the cop’s nightstick from its clip. Bringing the weapon up and over in a quick movement he struck the officer across the neck. The man buckled and Reno looked down at the weapon in his hand. There was a little switch on the side, flipping it up, he struck again, this time shocking the officer into the wall.

Viper took the momentary confusion to buck off the second officer and took off running.

Reno didn’t want to run away. He had more important issues at hand. The nightstick slid into his pocket and he grabbed his gun off the hood of the cop car. He stood, locking eyes with Joey for a moment before charging. The Red Wolf came out then, making Reno oblivious to everything, particularly the man in the blue suit, watching him.

* * *

Joey couldn't believe what he had just seen. The kid looked directly at him _and recognized him._ He was chasing them now, and instead of believing in their 4-1 advantage, all of them were running for their lives. He heard the three shots ring down the alley at them. He could see two of the people he was running with fall. He didn’t care about them. Not now, not when he felt revenge breathing down the back of his neck. Had he been a smart man, Joey would have called this Karma.

Reno slid to a halt in between the two men he had shot. One was slumped over a trashcan, bleeding from his head and back. The second man was breathing hoarsely, shaking and bleeding from the mouth. His hand was doing a poor job of keeping his blood in his abdomen. Reno wasn’t in the mood for pity. He leveled a kick at the man, sending two teeth out of his mouth. When the Pirate tried to rise, Reno put his foot on the man’s back, pinning him. “Where are they?” He hissed.

"The warehouse in sector two." The man coughed spitting out another tooth. "Don't leave me ta bleed to fuck'n death man!" He pleaded. Without a word Reno pushed the gun against the back of the man’s head and fired. He climbed up on the dumpster, taking a short cut over the rooftops to the warehouse. There were two more blue suited figures watching him.

Joey and the other man- a shifty thug named Rocks- lunged into the warehouse and slammed the door shut behind them. It was too dark inside, and too quiet. Rocks flipped the light switch on and his jaw hit the floor. Only one man was left alive in the room. Sitting at a table with two dead men was the Red Wolf, his feet propped up on the table and leaning slightly back in his chair. He gave a deadly smile at the two frightened men. "What kept you?" The room was littered with seven more bodies. Reno had apparently just come in shooting. He began to stand and Rocks grabbed for the door. Without a thought, Reno shot him in the though his neck. He then pointed the gun to Joey and it clicked. He laughed out loud as Joey flinched. "Looks like I am out of bullets." Reno didn't sound to upset about it. "Damn." Noises could be heard from upstairs, scratching, stomping, and cussing. "I couldn't have the whole gang come down now could I? There's a desk against the door. They ain't going no where."

He laughed again as Joey tried vainly to open the door with Rock's dead weight against it. "You look like you are uncomfortable man. Chill out." Reno walked over to the makeshift methane lab and began to take down chemical containers with his back turned to Joey. Joey darted to the window, but was stopped by a chair Reno sent flying to his legs. Before he could get up Reno was over him, delivering a heel smash to his knee.

"FUCK!" Joey cursed as he felt the knee shatter. He rolled on the floor, cupping his leg as best he could. It wouldn’t bend, and it wouldn’t allow him any quick movement.

"Now it's rude to just take off," Reno pretended to fish for the other man's name "Joey isn't it?" Joey scooted to the wall and stared wide eyed at Reno. "Been what? Ten years now? Since I met you last. Boy have times changed." Reno spoke lightly, almost as if he was discussing the weather. He started to mix a few of the chemicals together and walked over to the desks he had propped against the dormitory door and dumped the concoction over them.

Joey watched Reno as he dumped chemicals all over the old wooden building. He made a move as if to try to run, a glare from Reno stopped him like a deer in headlights. "Now now, there's gonna be a light show here man, you can sit there like a good boy-“ his voice then took a hard edge, something sadistic- “or I can break ya other leg. You're not missing this."

What Reno was doing had just dawned on him. "No way you gonna jus let a man burn to death! Have some mercy man!"

"Shut the FUCK up about mercy you sadistic pedophile! What mercy have you ever shown another soul in your fucking waste of a life?! My mother begged you for it, _I_ begged you for it. You think I forgot about that?”

Joey’s mouth worked, but no sound came out.

Frustrations, abuse, everything that he had bottled up spilled out. “How could I forget? Every time I fucking look in the mirror, I remember. _Joey _you made damn sure of that. What _right _do you have to kill anyone? _What_ makes you so special?”

Joey stared on wide eyed, but didn’t say anything. Reno made a disgusted noise; he turned and picked up a glass container off the table. With a swift motion, he threw it at the ground near Joey, the glass shattered, but the man on the floor paid it no mind, his eyes were transfixed on Reno as if he were watching a show on TV.

"There are other people upstairs!" Joey tried another tactic.

"Ehh. I'm sure they'd leave me." Reno lit his cigarette and looked at the flame as it bucked on his zippo.

Terror took over, his voice squeaked this time when Joey yelled. "Go to hell!"

"After you." Reno dropped the zippo onto the chemical soaked floor.

* * *

The police captain spoke with respective fear to the two people in dark blue suits. "He is just a gang banger, Sir. And a young kid to boot. I think that sending out the Turks is a bit of-" the explosion caused the officer to leap into the air, the people he was talking to appeared unfazed.

The two Turks exchanged glances. One's PHS rang, he answered it calmly. "Report. Good job. No, not necessary at the moment. Meet you both back at base." He looked over to his partner. "Get the car." He smiled at the police captain disdainfully. "The Red Wolf is no longer a concern of yours captain. You are to tell your men to ignore him."


	14. Enter the Turks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried - Chapter 14  
> _Enter the Turks

_I Tried - Chapter 14  
_Enter the Turks

He didn’t remember getting home that night. When he woke up, he was in bed, expecting her to be there next to him. Putting a hand over his eyes he felt for her. Then Reno smelled the gunpowder on his hand. Then he felt the nightstick where she should have been. It was like a bad horror movie scene, where something from a nightmare follows one into reality. Letting go of the cold metal stick, Reno stared at his hand. Pain blurred his vision, but he couldn’t bring himself to cry. It got intense, so much so that he could hear his blood pulse in his ears.

He’d let her die.

She wanted him to stop, she’d asked him to. Brought up again and again how nice it would have been to move in with Tifa, or anyone. And now, where was she?

In the incinerator by now, with all the other people that had died that night.

Because he hadn’t been there to stop it.

Reno forced himself out of bed, staggering with the pain in his head. Then he moved to Suzanna’s crib and leaned on it. The old wood creaked, echoing in his throbbing skull. The little child was asleep, breathing steadily. He picked her up, careful not to wake her, though she stirred anyway. Turning her head, something told Reno that the baby was looking for her mother.

“She’s gone Trigg… I- I-”

With a yawn, Suzanna leaned into his shoulder, gripping his shirt with tiny fingers. She was asleep again in a few moments.

“-I’m so sorry, baby.” Was all that he could say.

* * *

Red Wolf was never more apt. Reno had become something possessed. On the streets he was deadly; the few remaining Pirates members would run if they even thought he was going to be in the sector. Things he had let slide in the past were now infractions that cost dearly, his own gang members were starting to be afraid of him. At home, while he was still the same to Padre and Mariah, one could feel anger radiating off of him. It was mostly self directed, showing itself in fierce protectiveness.

More then once Padre had to urge the young man to sleep, to rest in some form before he collapsed. Twice, the priest had come into Reno’s room, waking him from a nightmare. The first time when Reno started awake Padre had jumped backwards. The look on the young man’s face was nothing short of murderous. The two had stared at each other for minutes after that, before Reno pulled his knees to his chest. Padre sat next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Reno mumbled into his knees then. “You always say that there’s a reason for everything.”

Padre closed his eyes; it had been his life’s work to help others through their sins, through their walking nightmares. It had never been his job to solve those problems, not his place nor his desire. And yet, with this boy, he felt so helpless. It was like watching an animal with its leg caught in a trap, struggling anyway, even though it was dying. He wanted so desperately to say something motivating, to DO something, and he was powerless. “I do.”

“Then, why her? Why not me?” Reno looked up through his bangs.

It hurt, to see him like that. It hurt, knowing how much potential the boy had. While Padre blamed the system, ShinRa, as a group of hell bound killers. The trouble was that while placing blame was convenient, it was nothing but the reality; it was the snare that held onto the boy’s leg. Padre knew that political talk wouldn’t ease Reno’s pain. He wished to God that he knew what could. “You have things in life to do yet, Reno.” He said at length.

Reno was quiet for a long time. Padre stood, walking to the door before the boy spoke. “What if those things aren’t good things?”

That shook him; to the bone it shook him. The old doorknob squeaked in his hand. “That’s to be seen Reno, get some rest.” For some reason, Padre couldn’t bring himself to look at Reno on his way out.

* * *

He was in a particularly bad mood that day. Red Wolf just needed an outlet. His outlet happened to be in the form of an ex-Pirate. Yes, it was neutral territory. That, however, didn’t matter to an angry gang lord looking for a fight. He stood stock still for a moment, waiting for Spinner to see him. They made eye contact, then Reno smiled.

It took the other man all of two seconds to tear down the alley for all he was worth.

Of course, running from Reno was hard. Escaping the Red Wolf was unheard of. The sharp, blue light of the mag-rod lit the alley. Spinner yelped loudly before falling in an awkward ball on the corner, he swatted his smoking jeans for a moment before looking up.

Reno bounced the rod on his shoulder, a malicious smile on his mouth. “Hallo.” The word came out as a sneer.

The brick wall cut into Spinner’s back, he was shaking.

The tip of the rod found its way under Spinner’s chin, tiling his head up. “Cat gothcher tongue?” Reno asked.

“W-wolf.. I- just, god man, I didn’t have shit ta do wit Vixen, I- I, please, don’t kill me.”

The point of the mag-rod moved away. “You know, I wasn’t thinking about that ‘till you said something.” Once again Reno flipped the switch on. Before he could pull his arm around, someone grabbed it. With a snarl, Reno spun to face off with whoever dared interrupt him.

Part of him wasn’t shocked to see Viper standing there. “Fer the love a Shiva, Wolf, lettem go already.” Viper placated. “He ain’t worth kill’n an’ ya know it.”

Spitting backwards, causing Spinner to flinch, Reno snarled again. “So, jus’ cause he’s not worth killing that makes him worth living?”

“From da way yous act’n, I’d swear ya think dat bein an asshole’s gonna bring’er back.” Viper’s mohawk bobbed slightly while he motioned. “It ain’t. You follow’n me?” They stood off with the ex-Pirate still shaking behind Reno. “Fuck’it. Ya died then too, this jus’ ain’t you.”

A retort fell short on Reno’s lips while Viper turned around to walk away. Looking at his shoes, Reno blinked a few times. “Get the fuck out of my sight Spinner.” Reno ordered. Spinner wasted no time fleeing, and Reno wasted no time watching him. He sped up a bit to catch Viper. “Viper?” It was painfully obvious that he was being ignored. Reno resorted to pulling the other person around. “Viper?”

Viper smiled, showing shockingly good teeth, even after all this time, at Reno. “You gonna stop acting like a shit?”

Reno looked at the ground, it hit him how much younger he really was then Viper. “I, fuck. I don’t know-“ He looked up again.

Shaking his head, Viper put his big arm around Reno’s shoulder. “Yer gonna be alright, man. That’s what friends is for right?”

“Speaking of, where’s Tex?” Reno swiveled his head but didn’t catch the cowboy.

“Savin’ us a place at da bar. He said I’d be nicer than him to ya.”

* * *

Viper and Reno made it to the bar with little fuss. Though they had run into two police officers, nothing came of it. His chief confusion of the past few months: the sparse encounters with the local PD. Before, even the mere idea of Red Wolf would send them after anything with a red bandanna. Now, however, they literally were ignoring him.

Viper shook his head and pushed the door open. “This is gett’n screwy man. What’s up wit da suits and da cops?”

Reno shrugged, still not in much of a mood to talk. He felt like he should apologize to Viper but he didn’t really know how to. Tex was waiting, nodding up at the other Fallen members as he lit a cigarette. Strange, after all this time it was now that Reno noticed that even though the flame on the lighter was high enough to do so, Tex’s cowboy hat didn’t even have anything resembling a burn mark on it. “So Wolf, what the fuck’s a’matter now?” He asked from around the cigarette.

Reno lit one of his own, taking an exaggerated drag off the paper. He closed his eyes and held the smoke for a while before letting it out through his nose. “Mar-“ He started, fighting the lump in his throat. “She’s worse then they thought. There’s nothing I can do, ‘an-“ Reno looked at the table. “”An I have to do something, but I don’t have the gil. The operation that the doc keeps talking about is upwards of five thousand gil _with_ an insurance plan. Add months in the hospital, that’s a really big bill…”

Tex shared a look with Viper. The two had known it had to involve Mariah, in honesty, both were amazed she’d lived as long as she had. Though they hadn’t spoken much to her, they liked her because she meant so much to Reno. Tex felt badly, that it seemed like the kid was loosing everything he cared about all at once. Though, it seemed that all Mariah needed was enough money for a good hospital.

Money was tight, but now that the Pirates were gone, maybe now would be a good time to talk about expanding? The Don wasn’t exactly popular, and Reno was already a gang lord in his own right. Fallen had proved itself by beating out a Wutain mafia group for new territory, it had proven itself repeatedly to be a strong faction. All they needed was a good move, and Reno was the perfect person to put it into motion. Tex opened his mouth to mention the idea when the bar fell silent.

Reno, Viper and Tex started and blinked at each other. It was as if someone had turned the volume off. The young men followed the eye lines of the other bar-goers to the door. Reno stiffened. “Those’er the guys…”

“Yer shittin me.” Tex muttered back, just as lowly. His voice held a fatalistic note, as though he knew who they were.

In the doorway were the two dark haired men. It was easy now, to tell the two apart. While they were both tall and lean with dark hair, the Wutain was slightly shorter, his hair and deep blue suit looked a bit neater. The other had the look of a slum born, Midgar boy, with his scruffy hair and lazy expression. While the Midgar man looked less threatening, neither of them looked like they were in the mood for anything but compliance. Their eyes scanned the bar; people were ducking, trying to keep out of their attention. One word swirled around the dirty place: _Turks._

The Midgar man’s mouth turned in a humorless smile when his eyes settled on the Fallen members. He then nodded to the Wutain, who returned the gesture before turning on heel and leaving without a word. The door slid closed silently, even the usually squeaky hinges were still. With another dismissive glance around, the Midgar man started forward.

People began busying themselves, huddling closer to the tables. He ignored them. The only people obviously paying attention to him were the Fallen members. All three young men looked at his left leg, he had a limp. It was slight, something that seemed as though it wouldn’t hinder him if he truly chose to move with speed. It wasn’t enough to make them confidant as he stood before them, mako-enhanced brown eyes moving over Viper then Tex before settling on Reno. “You are the Red Wolf? Correct?”

Stunned for a moment, Reno lit another cigarette to cover his nervousness. When he spoke he was calm. "Depends on who's ask'n, suit."

"I am." The man responded without emotion.

This irked Reno, who responded just as dismissively. "Good for you then."

The man almost smiled again, pulling a pack of cigarettes of his own from the neat suit and placing one in his mouth. “I would like to speak with you in private.” He commented, flipping out a silver zippo and lighting the smoke.

“Don’t even think about it Wolf.” Tex started, “Ya-“

The dark haired man cut him off with a sharp turn of the head. “I advise you to keep your mouth shut. It doesn’t do to have AWOL SOLDIER recruits running around. Don’t make yourself a problem.” His voice was a light tenor, but for some reason it held a tangible impact to it. Silence followed his statement, and he allowed it to settle, smoking as though he hadn’t just threatened Tex.

Reno could feel the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. “Private huh?”

The man nodded.

“An if I say no, then what?”

The man finished his cigarette, smudging it out on the floor. “I would prefer that you come with me willingly.” While there wasn’t anything threatening in his tone, there was some implied necessity that Reno do as he was told.

Reno stood, earning gasps from the bar. “Alright, suit. I’ll bite.”

The dark man chuckled without humor. “Follow me then.”


	15. Dance with the Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried- Chapter 15  
> _Dance with the Devil.

_I Tried- Chapter 15  
_Dance with the Devil.

Reno felt a lump rise up in his throat as he left his chair. The Midgar man had simply turned his back to walk away. He was so secure that he turned his back to three armed gang members. Reno had to restrain himself from wiping his suddenly sweaty palms on the sides of his jeans. His own eyes darted around, taking in the stares and the gaping faces of those around him. The man held the door open for him, with a steadying breath, Reno left the relative safety of the bar and started out into the night.

The Midgar man said nothing, walking across the street. Reno looked at the man’s leg, trying to judge how bad the limp really was, if the man was dangerous. He then looked around the alleyways. “Where’s yer partner?”

“Tseng isn’t your concern right now.” The man responded, leaning against the brick wall. He bent one knee, leaning in the relaxed position that was common for a Midgar kid, or a whore. Though this man lacked the haunted look Reno knew on most of his peers.

Agitation would be the best word for the way that Reno was feeling at the moment. Life hadn’t been good lately, but it had been literally years since anyone dared treat him like some, some- it hit him with no little amount of anger that he was being treated like a child and that in fact, he was one. He felt the immediate need to intimidate the other person. “Look, buddy, I dunno what other kindsa people ya deal with, but I won’t hesitate ta empty a clip in ya, so stop patronizing me.”

The man’s eyes were strange to look at. The natural color was obviously dark, but the mako light was a green shade impossible to miss. It was unnerving, something that drew attention. His smile never faltered, it was open, relaxed, if not for the hard look in his eyes, Reno could have called his face “friendly.” The man lifted up a hand, and then patted the shocked Reno on the head. “There, there, feel better now, getting that out, kiddo?”

Reno wasted no more time with words. He was pissed off, threatening obviously didn’t work. He grabbed up, intent on placing on of his hands on the man’s wrist and using his other arm to snap the guy’s elbow. It was confusing, then, when Reno realized that the man reversed his grip. Reno’s hand was suddenly craning behind his body. With speed that someone with a limp shouldn’t have, the man threw an elbow into Reno’s back, casting him against the wall. Reno’s left forearm scraped the wall in an effort to keep his head from colliding. He could feel the man’s right leg braced against his hip, with one arm craned up, he was pinned.

In that soft, tenor lilt, the man spoke into his ear. “Let us get one thing totally clear right now, Renald Vickalor. I don’t want to fight with you, but you are way out of your league. Now, I am going to let you go, you are going to listen to me and then we shall see what happens from there.”

The moment Reno heard not only his real first name, but his middle name, he froze. Something cold ran up the back of his spine. “Wha- what did you just call me?”

With a fluid movement, the man spun Reno again, to face him. He pulled out his cigarette pack and with a flick of his wrist pulled out two. He placed one in his mouth, and offered the second to Reno. Both of them bowed their heads at once to light them, though unlike the Turk, Reno never let his eyes leave the other person. After exhaling a white cloud, the man continued. “I called you by your name.”

Once again, Reno let the smoke filter out in two jets out his nose. “I know goddamn well what you called me. How the fuck do you know that?”

“That’s how the birth certificate was made out.” The man then moved on, not allowing Reno to ask any other questions. “I have a job I need you to do for me.”

“The birth- wait, wait!”

The man stopped talking and smirked at him. Gods damnit, why did he go from threatening to seeming so likeable. “Yes Renald?”

“Reno, jus, fucks. How do you know that, no one, I mean not even the mother of my _child_ knows that.”

“Knew.” The man corrected.

Reno staggered a bit. He looked down at a crack in the sidewalk for a moment. “Just answer the question. I’ve had about all I can take tonight.” He almost flinched at his tone. All this time he had be purporting this image, and now, faced with someone, a total stranger that seemed to know him better then everyone else in his life, Reno sounded like a frightened boy.

He looked for a moment, like he felt sorry for Reno. “It should be obvious that I knew your parents.”

“You said ‘knew’. So their both dead?” Reno lit another cigarette with the butt of the one the Turk gave him.

The man nodded. “You and I wouldn’t be having this conversation otherwise.”

“How?” He started, trying to word himself right. Despite Reno’s best efforts, the words all came out in a rush. “How did my father die then? What was his name? If you know so much, tell me!”

“Sorry, kid, classified.” The man responded. “Not why I’m here anyway. I have a proposition for you, take it or leave it.”

Reno swallowed; he fought the initial urge to tell the man to go fuck himself. If he did that, then he was walking away from someone that could answer his questions. No, more then that, he was walking away from the person who could tell him who Reno could blame for his entire life. Reno wasn’t going to let that pass him by. “What do you need from me?”

“I need someone taken care of.” Was the simple answer.

The laugh was unexpected from Reno, by both of them. “I got a kid at home man, I’m not getting roped into a murder charge. No way.”

Then the man opened his coat. Reno’s eyes were drawn first to the two gun-belts strapped across his chest. He could catch the glint of one death penalty at the Turks’ hip; he knew the other one would be located under his arm. Before Reno could comment however, his eyes widened. The man started flipping out one thousand gill bills under Reno’s nose. When he stopped flipping, there were twenty five thousand dollars in his hand. “And another twenty five after the job’s done.”

That money, would, without a doubt, cover the operation that Mariah needed. Without a doubt, it would ensure that the person he had come to care about as his mother wouldn’t die. Reno’s eyes darted up to the Turk’s. “You know I can’t afford to turn that down.”

The man looked over to the side and nodded his head. A sleek black car pulled up. “I knew you wouldn’t. Welcome aboard Reno.”

Without anything else to do, Reno got in the car.

* * *

Reno sat silently in the car, looking over its other three occupants. The Wutain man was driving, he had on sunglasses despite the darkness of night under the plates. The man that had spoken with him was seated beside him looking out the window and rubbing his goatee thoughtfully.

Reno spent more time looking at the woman sitting in front of the goateed man then he needed to. But she was nice to stare at. Her hazel eyes shared the same intense light of her partners. Her hair was tossed up in a loose bun, simple, yet very flattering, drawing attention to high cheekbones. The blue suit was cut in a slightly different fashion then the men’s suits. It did nothing to hide her ample curves. She looked over her shoulder at him, eyes flicking up and down mimicking the way he had been looking at her. “Well, hello there…” She smiled.

"Scarlet, stop that." The goateed man commented.

"Just try'n to have a bit of fun with the kid, sir. You all act like somebody died." She laughed a very annoying laugh. "We haven't even been to work yet, so who could have died?" She turned back to Reno. Again her eyes moved around him, but it was then that Reno realized it was more because he must have reminded her of someone then attraction.

They pulled into a parking lot mid-plate level. Without a word the Turks opened their doors in perfect sync. Reno jumped slightly, a bit upset with himself that he had allowed Scarlet- he wondered if that was the woman’s real name- to distract him. He got out of the car, slamming the door shut before watching the Turks start away. The group walked to a Shinra office building that was closed for the evening.

Scarlet lost the flirty air and got down to business. "Tseng, call into headquarters let Heidegger know that we are going to be late. Make sure the dumbass tells the Vice President as well."

The Wutian sighed and made an irked face at the thought of talking to this Heidegger person.

She turned to Reno and the goateed man. "Shall we gentlemen?"

Gentlemen? Reno liked the sound of that, far more then he wanted to admit.

"Basic rundown: there is a business rival of our employer coming to a dinner in seven days. We need him eliminated, and all of our faces are known to him." Scarlet answered the unasked question. “We need a young man to do this job."

Reno blinked, not really expecting them to get right to work. However, wasn’t this how assassins were supposed to act? They walked into the building and Tseng, still on his PHS shut the door behind them. The entire office went dark. Reno froze, listening as the Turks moved without question. All he could make out in the dark was the glow from their eyes. Again, the young man swallowed a nervous lump.

When the lights came on, Reno was looking down a small flight of stairs. Noting that Scarlet and the person whose name he hadn’t caught yet were waiting on him he started down. He followed Scarlet’s finger as she pointed to a set of blueprints. “You can follow here while I point on this larger map.”

“’An, you know I read too I see?” Reno turned to look at the other man while he sat down.

Scarlet let that annoying laugh out again. “Reeve’s got a gift for making you think he knows everything about you. Don’t worry, we only know half of it.”

Reno snorted, not sharing in the sense of amusement. "Why does it worry me that you say that you know so much?" Reno asked.

"Because you have sense." Reeve replied. Reno looked at him again, mostly to put the man’s name with the face. He’d never head the name before, he knew that much. Reeve, Scarlet, and Tseng: Turks.

What the hell had he gotten himself into?


	16. Things worth Fighting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_I Tried-Chapter 16_  
> Things worth Fighting For**

**_I Tried-Chapter 16_  
Things worth Fighting For**

Reno looked over the various plans set in front of him. They were schematics, outlining cameras of a hallway, next to them, was a time sheet, and next to that, a floor plan of an extremely large ballroom. He felt a bit overwhelmed with all the information, when he had pictured killing someone he hadn’t expected to get up close and personal with them.

When he looked up, He noticed Reeve was standing on the other side of the charts from Scarlet. Tseng was sitting on the side of the table, reading a printout. Reno took a deep breath, feeling a bit out of sorts, like a small fish in a pool of sharks. “Okay,” he started, “so the short of it is I am supposed to kill someone, but the long of it isn’t ‘Okay kid here’s a sniper sit here and wait’, is it?”

Scarlet looked, for a moment, like she felt for him. Reno wouldn’t call the look “sympathy”, it was more empathy and understanding. “It is much more complicated then that. If we could have sniped him, it would have been Tseng on the roof.” She tucked a loose bang behind her ears and pivoted a bit so she could see both the plans and Reno. “You will go to the check-in desk and introduce yourself as Riley Mollinar, the pianist from Junon. Don’t go out of your way to be noticed or not to be noticed, they aren’t important, but it would be nice if they just brushed you off after showing you to the piano.”

Reno bit his tongue, while he was curious how exactly, they learned that he played the piano, He knew better then to ask questions.

Reeve pulled his attention from his own thoughts back to the plans of the ballroom. He used a pen to point at the map. Though his voice and eyes were still serious, his relaxed smile was at odds from the matter at hand. It was as though he has this “Turk business” that he did because he had to or was good at it, while another part of him would have been just as happy sitting at the bar talking about nothing of consequence. “Here comes the hard part-“

Tseng snorted, but said nothing else, earning a half laugh from Reeve who continued as though he hadn’t been interrupted.

“Given the target, it shouldn’t be hard to accomplish, but this will be hard on you, personally.” Ignoring Reno’s eyebrow raise, Reeve forged onward. “Be on the lookout for this woman, she’s your first objective.”

While Reeve talked, Tseng slid a set of photographs across the table to Reno.

Reno picked them up and started looking them over. The woman was very poster girl pretty. Though the skin was too tan and the chest too separated to be real, Reno could easily see how someone could find her attractive. She had thin arms and a slim midsection, her hair was blonde, unnaturally so with her darkly bronzed skin. “So uhm, you want me to find Costa Del Sol Barbie?” he quipped.

This time all three Turks barked laughs. Reno felt a bit more at ease; they weren’t that bad as far as people went, not that he was starting to like them. He watched Reeve dig out a pack of cigarettes, prompting everyone else in the room to do the same. They passed the oldest- though that was just a guess on Reno’s part, none of them looked a day over twenty-five- Turk’s lighter around, Reno catching it as Tseng tossed it at him. Reno ran his thumb over the engraved “E.M.” on the silver zippo.

“You should buy a drink for Mrs. Collider,” Reeve stressed her name, “after you are done playing. It’s a classical venue, should be no sweat, just two hours. Your goal is to get into her bedroom.”

“Into her wha?” Reno interjected. “Woah wait wait… what the hell? I don’t think so and even if I did, you DO know the age of consent here is eighteen right?” He knew how he must sound, a sixteen year old kid turning DOWN the chance to sleep with a supermodel look alike. However, he was a sixteen year old father, and it didn’t sit right.

“ShinRa has never concerned itself one way or the other with legalities.” Reeve responded. “In fact, you can try a trick. My full name is Emmerson Nathanial Reeve, my social ID is 2345-434-99. Look me up, you won’t find anything.” A smile hit Reeve’s face at the look Reno threw him. “Furthermore, let us not forget that we are contracting a murder for hire, the statutory suit is small in comparison.”

Reno took an extra long drag of the cigarette. He didn’t feel like he could do that. Part of him was afraid, he’d admit, the other part of him was still attached to Bethany. He wasn’t ready for something like this, even if it didn’t mean anything. He’d been with a few assorted people in his short life, yes, but he knew them all, he was at least _friends_ with them. Reeve was asking him to do something that he’d never done before. “Why do I have to do that? Can’t I just cap the guy? What’s she got to do with it?”

Scarlet frowned and moved to sit across the table from Reno. “Listen Reno, it isn’t easy, but it has to work this way. The living quarters of this hotel are on lockdown, you can’t get to that section of rooms without her. I understand how you feel, I really do, but some things need to be done. And don’t worry about her asking you how old you are,” Scarlet then snorted disdainfully. “The bitch won’t even ask you what your name is.”

Reno blinked at her tone. It was right then that he noticed it, the Turks didn’t have haunted looks in their eyes. No, that look he saw in Scarlet’s eyes wasn’t haunt, it was dead. There was nothing there, it hurt to look at. The gravity of the situation sent a chill through him. They stared at each other for a moment, Reno’s haunted eyes into Scarlet’s dead ones. He wanted to run from the building, he almost did.

If he did that though, what about Mariah?

Reno sighed, touched the bridge of his nose with his hand, and nodded. "Okay continue."

Reeve nodded sharply, “you should keep her busy as long as possible. At around three AM or so, offer her a cigarette, it will have a drug in it that will totally knock her out for the next thirty minutes. From there, take the key to her husband’s room-“ Reeve stopped, noting Reno’s look of confusion. “They don’t sleep together, she’s eye candy, he’s a rich prick. He’ll be with prostitutes most-likely.”

“And people call me a tramp.” Reno growled. “Okay, so go to his room, make sure he’s alone, kill him and then what?”

“You’ll meet all kinds.” Reeve commented simply.

At this Reno barked a laugh. “No, I won’t. I’m doing this ‘cause I need the money. No offence, but the last thing I want is to feel like I’m dead while I’m walking.”

Tseng spoke up then, his tone was unreadable. “Boy, you don’t know the half of it.”

For the first time in his life, Reno found something that he never wanted to know.

* * *

Mariah was finally at the hospital. Finally, she was getting the help that she needed. The doctors never asked him where the money came from, they weren’t polite, they weren’t rude, but they weren’t exactly hopeful either. Regardless, Reno needed to try.

He walked Padre back to the church. The older man was silent the entire time, though Reno caught him looking at him. Reno could feel the questions coming off Padre. Reno didn’t know how to answer them. Trying to get around talking to Padre, Reno made up an excuse and started walking the slums.

There were times when he wished that he could cry. People always said that crying made you less of a man. But some days he didn't care, he was only sixteen, not a man yet so he was told. He still could feel the pressure of tears behind his eyes. Drugs, running, all of those things helped in little ways. This time, however, he felt as though he earned the pain.

He found his way to the gates, passing out of Midgar. Even though the plate wasn’t above him anymore, Reno didn’t bother to look up; there was nothing but smog to see anyway. The ground was mangled here, dirty and covered with cans, cigarettes, muck and mire. Tire grooves ran so deep that there were places that needed boards to cover them to keep trucks and cars from getting stuck.

There was a junk yard, outside of the city, and it was there that Reno was headed. There were few people there, the yard had been abandoned at this point. One day, Reno thought, junk would wrap its way totally around Midgar, an impenetrable wall of filth, the perfect gate for the city.

The moon was barely a disc through the smog, casting a dim light through the browning curtain of haze. It helped Reno pick his way around the trash and the rubble, to a place against the real wall of Midgar. Plants started to grow here, sturdy, bent things that had flowers as sharp as thorns. Though, somehow, in the center of the plants, there was a patch of grass, protected from the harsher elements by a busted cargo car.

When Bethany was alive, they would come here. Reno didn’t think that anyone else knew about it, though it was more likely that no one else cared about the place. No one in Midgar had use for something silly like grass and a bramble patch.

Had he wanted to talk to her? Maybe, though now, sitting there he really didn’t know what to say. Reno had come because the place reminded him of Bethany, but now that he was there, he could only think about his daughter. After more then an hour of staring into nothing, Reno made himself say something. “Beth, I’m sorry, about everything. I never meant for this, but, I can’t let something happen to Mar, not after I just lost you. And with the extra money, maybe, fuck, I don’t know. I won’t let Trigg do anything like this, I promise.”

* * *

It was almost morning when Reno made his way back home; Padre was sitting at the coffee table waiting for him. Reno helped himself to the coffee, knowing that he would have to be leaving in a few hours to meet Reeve. They sat in silence, both sipping the coffee. "Where did you get that kind of money?" The pastor asked finally.

"I can't talk about it Padre. I agreed to take care of some things for some people, that's all I can tell you." Reno got up to leave the table. "I have to leave in a few hours.” He walked to the door and took a deep breath, as if he was going to say something, but after a glance over his shoulder, he started up the stairs.

Padre looked into his coffee and sighed. "Reno, what have you gotten yourself into?" He asked no one in particular.

* * *

Suzanna. The baby seemed so small when he held her, fragile. She had no idea what it was like to carry the sort of guilt that Reno had and she wouldn’t. Not if her father could do anything about it. Reno curled up on the bed, using an extra pillow to make sure Suzanna wouldn’t fall. He didn’t think that he would be sleeping much anyway, but something made him need to know that she was there with him.

His mind still raced, the Turks weren’t saying he was going to end up with them, but they were giving him the impression that he had little choice in what they ended up doing with him. Would it be a bad thing? Working for them? If the money that Reeve tossed around was any indication, it would mean that he would be able to afford to send Suzanna to school, keep her away from the life that he had forced on him.

Did keeping her safe mean he would have to break a promise he made himself years ago? He was going to become something cheap and used, if just for an evening. Was it worth it? For Mariah, for his daughter?

Reno felt his eyes close finally. Yes, it was worth it.


	17. Turning Turk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried- Chapter 17  
> _Turning Turk

_I Tried- Chapter 17  
_Turning Turk

* * *

It was only 9 am when he left home. He hadn’t bothered to wake Padre, asleep at the kitchen table. Something told him that the priest wanted to talk to him, though Reno felt they were both avoiding any confrontation on this matter. Padre knew something was very wrong, and he left it that way. There was no time to argue.

Reno was trying to keep his mind clear, but he knew he was way over his head. The Turks kept invading his thoughts. First, he thought of the leader, Reeve. That man was confusing, he seemed so warm and friendly at a glance, however there was a lot more to him. They were all that way.

Tseng seemed angry about something that couldn’t be helped; he was gruff, rarely talked, a stern façade drawn tight over sharp Wutain features. He was all business, knowing his place, what to say, and when to say it. Though there was something that made Reeve and Scarlet seem fond of him, as if they wanted to draw him in but he kept the distance.

Scarlet, the last Turk. Other then her horribly annoying laugh, there was little to complain about with her. There was little to complement as well. She seemed cold, disjointed, for lack of a better word, dead. Despite her wonderful figure and beautiful face, Scarlet didn’t seem to care about much in the world. Though Reno got the distinct impression that she’d have ripped his lungs out if he threatened Tseng or Reeve.

That was what struck him, he realized, halting as he walked. They weren’t happy to be where they were, obviously, but they seemed to be family. If one of them could have walked away, he doubted they would have left the others.

Reno wasn't waiting even a minute before the jet black car pulled up next to him. Something told him that they had been waiting for him. The driver's side window rolled down to reveal Reeve. His usual smile was gone, in its place was a frown, Reno didn’t recognize Reeve at first. "In."

"You have the most spectacular people skills. Anybody ever tell you that?" Reno said sarcastically as he got into the front passenger side of the vehicle.

Reeve only nodded, something was bothering him. "Seat belt."

"Wha?" Reno looked about and was flung violently to the side as Reeve lit up the tires peeling down the alley. "Shiva!" Reno cursed and buckled the seat belt faster then he had ever done anything in his life before.

"Do what you are told and you will be fine, kid." So today wasn’t a day for conversation, apparently. Reeve’s face, while not happy, wasn’t showing any emotion. His hands, however, gripped the wheel as though he was having an internal battle.

Nothing pissed Reno off more then being pushed aside or not knowing what was going on. He had about three hours of sleep, he was already edgy and now Reeve was acting like, like, a Turk. Not caring about Reeve’s mood, Reno snipped back at him. "I have a name ya know."

"Does that bother you? That I didn't call you buy your name?" Reeve asked. His voice actually had inflection in it.

"Whoa, dat's two whole sentences there bro'! An' you can make ya voice sound human! You not able ta talk for what? 'Bout a month now? Break the Turk word bank?" Reno tried to joke the comment away, but he didn't feel jovial. It did bother him that no one called him by his name. Hell, no one _knew_ his real name.

"You aren't answering."

Reno sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Whaddya think? Of course it bugs me." He let out a quiet curse and looked out the window. He looked at his hand, realizing that every time he pinched his nose, Reeve noticed.

Apparently, the Turk knew that habit meant he was wearing Reno down, for Reeve didn’t stop talking. "Let's try this conversation speaking as if you haven't grown up in a rat hill, okay?"

Reno snapped his head around and stared at the Turk. "Excuse me? Where did you grow up then?" Elitist asshole, he thought, not that he was starting to like Reeve or cared, he also tried to remind himself. "Yes, as a matter of fact it does bother me that people see me on the street and think I don't have the common sense to get out of the rain or to spell my own name. But I do, and I can, so I think that I will live with myself. I wish that I had half the chances that people on the plates have tossed away. I don't have them and I never will. Wishing won't keep my daughter fed; hoping won't put clothes on her back." He sighed heavily, "And feeling sorry for myself won't do a damn bit of good either."

Reeve smiled, as if he had planned this interaction. "So why not do something then?"

Silence.

Reno himself suddenly felt very small, and exceedingly annoyed. He knew exactly what was going on; he had feared it since he left the Turks the day before. Reeve was offering him a position. This, however, was better then what Reno had thought would be his forehead pressing up against a gun barrel and being _told_ that he was now a Turk. "No. I am not an assassin, nor am I going to be a corporate whore." If he was going to be given the option then he was going to make his point perfectly clear.

"So let your daughter be a whore later then?" Reeve asked as mildly as if he was asking what dinner would be tonight.

If Reeve had wanted to make Reno hostile in one short sentence, he had succeeded in spades. The young man’s blue eyes narrowed dangerously, his voice suddenly carried spirit and fight that was shocking. "Bring her up like that again and I will kill you. Turk or not."

Reeve let out another one of his short humorless laughs. "Really? You wouldn't have the gun pulled before I shot you, so don't think about it. And you are the one who leaves that option open for your child, not me. I simply wanted to see what type of conversation skills I have to work with on you. You are impressive, you know."

Though his anger had not subsided, Reno wisely decided to let Reeve's accusations slide off and simply added, "for a slum rat."

"No, for anyone. You have had little to no personal teaching, and honestly you have better speaking poise then some plate people I have encountered. You must have a high IQ to be so well self taught. That with your photographic memory makes you impressive. Not just for your social class, or your age, but for anyone. We noticed quite a bit about you, Reno. You are smart, you know that, but I don't think that you see the big picture here. Don't sell yourself short Reno."

"You make it sound so simple." Reno had no idea that one conversation could be so unnerving, he already felt drained.

"It gets to be." Was all Reeve said.

* * *

They stopped in the back of the Shinra building, Reno was astounded with the security of the place. Reeve was treated with a grudging, fearful respect from the SOLDIERS watching the multi-gated building. The place was enormous, intimidating, and for some reason, Reno was very glad that he had a Turk with him. Most of the SOLDIERS acted like beating the piss out of a skinny slum kid would be the highlight of their day.

The parking garage was totally underground. Reeve parked the car and had Reno follow him outside and past some chocobo stables. At first, Reno was shocked to see quite a few of Chocobo Bill’s birds- one could tell by the brand on their right legs- in the herd, though, he supposed if anyone could afford that many of Bill’s birds, it’d be a ShinRa.

There was a loud warking and a man yelled "DUCK! CHOCOBO!" Without thinking of the humor in the phrase, Reno and Reeve both hit the deck as a huge black bird raced past. Reno’s hand had slid to the gun in the back of his pants, he then noticed- a bit to his disappointment- that Reeve had actually drawn and readied two guns before he himself drew one.

"Shit! Someone stop it!" the voice that had alerted them moaned.

Now Reeve looked almost as if he _could_ kill someone and feel fine about it. “Get it Reno.”

Reno tore after the chocobo the moment the order left Reeve’s mouth. It wasn’t until he caught the black’s bridle and pulled the animal’s large head down to his chest that Reno realized how quickly he had obeyed the order. Was Reeve’s smooth tenor voice that compelling? Or was it more that Reeve actually seemed to harbor some respect for Reno? Did being treated as- he shook his head and locked eyes with the bird, patting it still. “I don’t think I wanna be here either big guy…”

The trainer ran up and took the bird from Reno, saying a quick “thank you, Turk” before heading back to the stable. Reno was too shocked at the thank you and the word “Turk” to respond. Angrier at being labeled a Turk then the fact that he had basically asked “how high” when Reeve told him to jump, Reno pivoted to glare at Reeve, a cutting remark on his lips.

What he saw was a bit perplexing, it halted his commentary. Reeve was still in the process of getting up off the ground. His left knee- the bad one- had a dirt smudge on it; the suit looked a bit ripped. It seemed that he needed to use entirely his right leg to get to a standing position. His face didn’t show much pain, though he was breathing quickly.

Reno approached slowly, he felt a bit awkward. “Ahh, you alright?” Reno asked, admitting to himself that he kind of liked Reeve, as long as the other man was in a good mood.

The glare Reeve sent him was chilling. “I’m fine.”

That was a lie. Reeve’s limp was suddenly pronounced, it was obvious he banged a really bad injury. Reno walked beside him, slowing his own pace a bit in the hopes that Reeve would do the same- not that Reno knew where the hell he was in the fist place.

Reno knew enough about scars and injuries to know when there was a story behind them. And even though he loathed it when people asked him the very same question, he asked it anyway. “What happened to you?”

Reeve walked on, controlling the limp better with each step. He shook his head. “That’s also classified.”

“Does it have to do with my father?” Reno could have slapped himself for even asking that. He was trying to be professional, but it was eating him, this man _knew_ his parents, personally. Reeve knew things and Reno felt he had a right to know those things.

“Yes.”

Reno halted, watching Reeve limp in front of him. “What happened!?” He demanded.

“I told you kid, classified.”

Furious, Reno yelled down the thankfully empty hallway. “That’s it, ‘Sorry kid, can’t tell you shit about the man who abandoned you and your mother’?”

“He’d never have done that, Reno. That’s all I can tell you.” Reeve stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Stop asking questions, you’re just going to make things harder on yourself. Now come on, we have to fit you for a suit.”

And off Reeve limped, Reno had no choice but to follow him.

* * *

Scarlet was a bit shocked to see Reeve sitting in the Turk office, minus the red head. "I thought that you were getting the kid." She peered over Reeve’s shoulder. “What are you looking into Hojo’s files for? You aren’t going to actually tell him are you?”

"I left Reno with the tailor, and I think I’ve already told him too much. He hangs on my every word, demands answers.”

“Can you blame Reno? He had the one thing none of us did, parents that loved him. And he couldn’t keep them long enough to know that.” Scarlet rubbed her shoulder and got a chilled coffee from the mini fridge before sitting at her own desk. She snarled at the pile of Weapon’s Development work they were moving her to.

“No, I can’t blame him, but what good will telling him do? He’ll want to kill Hojo, and all we can say to that is ‘get in line’.” Reeve sighed. “Changed his password again… bloody psychopath.”

Scarlet laughed a bit, after lighting a cigarette. “Oh, just guess it. Hojo never has his important files on anything but coded paper, his passwords are a breeze. You just gotta think like a morbid sadist with a half inch cock."

Reeve snorted. “Something you need to tell me Scarlet?”

She growled at him, tossing a paper ball from her station to bounce off his head. “I have enough trouble sleeping, thank you very much, I don’t even need to consider that.” She gave up on concentrating on the files. “I was there when he died and everything changed, hell, I even remember getting chipped so we-“ she mimicked a droning males voice- “’wouldn’t continue to have these spirited situations’. And I don’t even know what all happened.”

At her reminder, Reeve rubbed the tracking chip imbedded just at the stem of his spine. He could feel the little chip under his skin, removing it would be impossible without killing him. With it, ShinRa could pinpoint his location within ten feet. He motioned to his leg. “I woke up, this hurt, and we went back to doing our jobs. That’s all we need to know. Questions, I’m not brave enough to ask questions anymore.”

“There’s a fine line between cowards and smart people I think.” Scarlet muttered, watching her cigarette smoke.

Reeve shut the computer down and raked his hands through his hair. “And what are we?”

She finished the cigarette before answering him, thinking the whole time. “Alive, so to speak.”

Shaking his head, Reeve turned to the door.

Before he made it, Scarlet spoke up again, “Whatever we are, at least we aren’t alone right?”

Reeve smiled for the first time that day. “Right.”

* * *

Reno followed Reeve again. The two were mostly silent, people passing gave them no regard. Turks were ignored, out of fear, respect, or something darker. The twisting hallways made Reno anxious. He was used to knowing an exact way out of any building. Even his memory was pressed to the max with the ShinRa corridors.

Finally, Reeve halted by a door, his smile back. Reno cocked an eyebrow, but when Reeve opened the door he saw why the Turk was smiling. Along every wall, like books in a vast library, were weapons. Reno's eyes lit up like a spoiled brat on Christmas. "Holy shit!"

"Those were my fist words exactly." Reeve said with a laugh. He motioned to Tseng, who was practicing with a rifle in the mini range to the far back of the large room. Reno ignored them both for a moment, head darting from item to item, shock guns, assault rifles, bombs, swords, things that he didn’t even know of were shining in his direction. “Reno, come here.”

Again, he listened, a bit slower then the first time. Reno stood beside Reeve, looking at Tseng. “Yeah?”

“Se is going to test your weapons proficiency. I’ll be back in about an hour.” The look he gave Reno clearly begged that he didn’t blow the room up. Another friendly nod to Tseng, and Reeve left the two of them.

Half an hour and twenty holes in the wall later, Tseng needed a back massage and about three valiums. Reno knew what he was doing. That much was obvious the minute Tseng turned his back. Reno had moved the parts around inside the weapon Tseng was trying to use. Of course, just Tseng's luck, he neglected to notice this _before_ the gun exploded in his face.

Tseng responded by chasing the red head about the large room, finally corning him near the target he had been using the rifle on. "Okay, now, move before I orphan your kid." He picked up the rifle and motioned to one of the weapon's cages.

Reno obliged, but not without a few choice words about Tseng's mother and any one else the Wutain happened to be related too. After locking the younger man in Tseng growled. "Now, I am going to change my clothes, and then I am going to come back here and kick the living shit out of you, street trash."

"I'll just wait here then," Reno said coolly. "When you do get back, you are welcome to try to kick my ass, suit. It may just be a fun time." Tseng simply grumbled and stalked away, leaving poor, innocent Reno all alone, with an active container of napalm...

* * *

Scarlet was changing into that damn dress again. It was one that she had a “Special Request” from President ShinRa to wear. Of course, that meant that if she didn’t wear it, there’d be hell to pay. She clearly recalled when the president had taken notice of her, the cut of her suit started to change. Instead of having her work the door from the shadows with the other Turks, she was to accompany him to events in dresses like this blasted red thing. Weapons development, while really what she was starting to do, was usually secondary to her real new job.

One wouldn’t have guessed it by looking at her, Scarlet hadn’t been a whore until she became a Turk. No, she was a drug dealer, famous in the slums for the Red Bombshell, a drug that could be injected or dropped into the eyes. She was smart, cold, perfect for being a Turk, and a Turk she had become. Though now she sometimes wished that she had said no, or ran away. Then of course, she wouldn’t have Reeve-

She shook her head. There was work to be done, Reno needed dancing lessons and odds were that Serena Collider would wear something just as revealing. She was just stepping into it when she noticed Tseng out of the corner of her eye. All the Turks had always shared everything, including showers and locker rooms; they made no big deal out of it. However, she noticed that Tseng seemed to be rather crisp and missing his eyebrows.

Before she opened her mouth the Wutain shook his head. “Don’t even ask Scarlet, I am going to strangle that damned street tramp.”

“What’s wrong with being a street tramp, Se?” Scarlet almost laughed as she tied the dress behind her neck. She crossed to the sink and put a towel under the cold water. She then asked a question before offering the item to Tseng. “You didn’t hurt him did you?”

“I should have.” Tseng snapped. “But no, I didn’t.” He pressed the item against his forehead, cursing lowly in Wutain.

“Well then, where is he?” Scarlet asked. It wasn’t safe to wonder around ShinRa alone if one had no business there.

Tseng opened his mouth to tell her to relax, Reno was locked away safely however, an explosion caused them both to leap around. They shared a look of dread before running to the armory.

* * *

Scarlet and Tseng were joined by Reeve, all three knew immediately what had happened. They only hoped that one of the execs wasn’t currently in the building. None of them were in the mood for a lecture, particularly one from Heidegger. The three Turks ran to the armory, as they neared a red head popped out the door, noticed them and ducked back into the now smoking room. By the time they made it into the room, Reno was sitting exactly where Tseng left him, but the shelves were no longer standing. A gaping hole in the wall beyond revealed a very charred desk. "What?" Reno asked innocently as all three Turks crossed their arms over their chests.

"Isn't that Heidegger's desk?" Tseng asked.

"Yup" Reeve and Scarlet said in unison.

Reno blinked, he had expected a reprimand, however, none of the Turks seemed interested. They leaned against the wall, in an identical fashion, Scarlet in between Reeve and Tseng. They looked beyond the red head to the desk, sighing as if they were going to deal with somethingunpleasant shortly.

Reno was about to say something when a large man burst into the room. He had run to the location as well, and his beady eyes focused on the whole in the wall. A square jaw flexed as his nose flared, trying to gain his breath though he was obviously no where near the shape the Turks were in. He reminded Reno rather closely of a disgruntled pit bull, rottweiler mix he’d seen at a dog-fight before. “What-“ he started, taking in a hard breath, “What the _hell_ is going on here?!”

In response the Turks lifted their left hands and lazily pointed to Reno.

The vicious look that came from the big man was certainly akin to a fighting dog. “What?” He was furious, glaring at Reno as if he was going to throttle the red head himself. Something else came to his face, a new source of anger, and he rounded on Reeve, though the Turk wasn’t fazed. “What is this kid? I was not informed of a new recruit! I thought that it had been made clear that within this company there is a chain of command and you lot are on the bottom! I knew we were stupid for even starting this program, the whole bunch of you are nothing more then worthless gutter trash and it appears that you always will be!”

Reeve only smiled, it seemed for a moment that he was going to try to smooth things over with the angry man. “Last time I checked Heidegger, only two people gave me orders, and only one of them signed my checks. As for the kid, he seemed like a good idea at the time.” Scarlet and Tseng both cracked smiles.

Heidegger- rather an intellectual name for a man that acted like a junkyard dog, Reno thought- clenched and unclenched his jaw. “You’re the smart one, I forgot. I want you, that slut and the fucking Wute _away_ from my office and take that damn street rat with you!”

The last bit of that, made Reno angry. He didn’t know why or what really made him feel that way, maybe it was the fact that all three of them just stood there and took the verbal abuse. Whatever it was he rose from his spot quietly, and strode over to stand behind Heidegger. He pressed the muzzle of his gun at the back of the large man’s head. “I’m sorry, I don’t hear so well, it sounded to me like you were being a bit of a misogynistic racist, and I know that I am mistaken.” He pulled the hammer back on the weapon.

“Mis-“ Heidegger’s eyes moved to the side, as if he could have seen Reno. Then he looked directly at Reeve. “Do something.” He hissed.

“Why not ask the slut or the Wute?” Reeve sneered from the wall. “You don’t want a new recruit, looks like there’s random people wandering ShinRa today.”

“Why ask the worthless street trash anyway?” Tseng quipped, it was the first time that Reno had seen him almost jovial.

"Gutter, Tseng. Gutter trash." Scarlet replied playfully.

Heidegger’s eyes darted from the Turks to the back of his head, the aggressive tone in his voice moved to a distinct whine. "Reeve!”

"Hmm. Will you clean up this mess if the kid doesn't kill you?" Reeve asked.

“Sure, whatever, just get him out of here.” Strange how fast the junk yard dog started whimpering.

"Let's move. We have work to do still." Reeve said, and the Turks began to walk out.

"Ta ta." Reno smirked as he fell in line with the Turks.


	18. A Lack of Lust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I Tried- Chapter 18  
> **A Lack of Lust

_A/N: sorry that this seems to have uploaded three times. I don't know what happened.  
****_

* * *

**I Tried- Chapter 18  
**A Lack of Lust

* * *

Reno didn’t realize he was laughing until they reached another stairwell. It hit him with no little certainty that he liked the Turks. He even felt like he could get used to some of the people, provided that they weren’t going to scream at him. Reno fell quiet; the others were joking and didn’t quite notice. They all stopped at the top of the stairs, turning to look at Reno. The silence drew on for a while longer then was fitting.

“Are you alright Reno?” Scarlet asked, honestly concerned.

He didn’t really want to talk about it with them, so Reno changed the subject quickly. He threw on a smirk and eyed Scarlet. "Nice dress.”

Her eyes narrowed immediately. "Fuck you, Reno." Came the nearly comically huffed response.

Reno didn’t miss a beat. "Okay. Now?" He was about to say something else, but Tseng tripped him. Reno fell down the one remaining flight of stairs. It wasn’t a great tumble; he wasn’t hurt besides his pride. Reno was rewarded with the upside-down view of the three Turks smirking at him. He stared up indignantly at them.

Tseng extended a hand to the ruffled red head and smiled.

Reno accepted, making an exaggerated show of cracking his back. "What was that for?"

The reply was simple. "My eyebrows."

* * *

"This is the conservatory." Scarlet said as they walked into a large room filled with instruments and mirrored walls. There was good lighting and a smooth wooden floor throughout. Scarlet made her way to a stereo that sat in a corner. She noticed Reno’s perusal of the piano. "All Turks play instruments. It comes in handy with a lot of our work.”

"Good for Turks." Reno snorted. He reminded himself again that he was not supposed to like these people. His defense of them had simply been because he disliked Heidegger on sight. "I already play piano. I know plenty of classical to last an hour. So what am I doing here?"

"The same thing that I am doing in this blasted dress. You need to learn to dance." Scarlet’s tone matched his.

"What?" Reno's idea of dancing was basically sex with clothes on.

"Tango to be exact." She motioned to Reeve. "We'll show you first, then I will be working with you. This is important. So pay attention." She pushed a button on the stereo.

Reeve brushed past Reno while the younger man simply watched from across the room. He extended a hand to Scarlet and pulled her closer to him. There was something there when the two moved. Tango was a dance that was deliberate and sensual. This, however, wasn’t what Reno noticed, there was a sensation of holding back from the two of them, as if they wanted something to come from nothing.

Then the song ended and the mood ended with it. Reeve and Scarlet went from what looked like longing people back to Turks. The transition seemed so practiced that it made Reno wonder if it was just the dance that made them seem that way.

"Do you get it?" Scarlet asked. Her voice was too flat to show disappointment if she felt it.

Reno nodded, again unsure of what to say.

She nodded crisply. "Okay then if you two gents will excuse me I have to corrupt a minor."

“Right. Tseng, let’s go make sure that ShinRa isn’t pissed about the armory.” He turned and looked over his shoulder at Reno. “Be good Reno. You're almost done for the day."

* * *

About an hour later Reno was dancing as if he had formal lessons his whole life. Scarlet was an excellent teacher. She would stop every so often, moving Reno's hands or telling him about Mrs. Collider, the woman who would be Reno's way in.

Once he got a chance to talk to her, Scarlet wasn’t that bad really. She wasn’t expressly open or nice like he felt Reeve could be. She was more practical then that. Scarlet was totally honest with what she was and herself and apparently making the best of it. She would even joke with him. "She won't let you do that, move your hand from my ass."

"Fine." Reno responded in mock offense.

They shared a laugh- he was beginning not to notice how annoying it was. "What's a matter baby? Not used to being shot down?" Scarlet quipped.

Reno stiffened. "Don't call me that."

"Get used to it. This bitch will not even ask what your name is. She will probably christen you 'Tiger' or something." Her simple acceptance was back, along with a slight urge that Reno do so also.

Defeated, he took a deep breath. "Fine, just can you use my name?"

Scarlet looked at him for a few moments, trying to read his face. The song was over before she responded. "Sure, Reno."

* * *

It was late before Reno made it home. Padre was up though, regardless. His dark eyes held some knowing. “I heard, Reno, where you’ve been.”

Reno started and froze to the spot before slowly turning to face the priest. He didn’t want to sound dismissive, but there was too much on his mind. Too much depended on this for him to add any more doubts to it. Even if he could add doubts, Reno didn’t think that it would cancel out his biggest one. He doubted if he could change his mind. As a result, Reno pretended that he couldn’t care less. “And?”

“Don’t trust Reeve.” Padre ground out, Reno’s tone obviously angered him. “The man was a whore and a thief and he will always be one.”

Reno blinked; more offended then he thought he would be. “So?” the young man snapped. “What’s that make me then?”

“I thought you were better then this!” Padre snapped, rising from the table and slamming his fist against it. “What am I supposed to tell your daughter if you don’t come back? Or did you forget you have a child to take care of?!”

“I _am_ trying to take care of her!” Reno thundered back. “I’m trying to take care of everyone, it isn’t fucking easy to feed a family of four you know that?!”

From above them, in Reno’s room, Suzanna started to cry. Reno and Padre stared at each other for half a minute. Then, without a word passing between them, Reno stormed up the stairs to take care of his daughter.

* * *

Morning had already dawned over Midgar, though in the Turk lounge there were no windows. Only the clock on the wall foretold the time- eleven. Tseng and Scarlet were lounged on a couch that seemed out of place in the pristine ShinRa building. In fact, the entire Turk lounge was more battered and threadbare then the rest of the building. A refrigerator hummed in a corner behind a bar, inside was filled with very little to eat and quite a lot that they shouldn’t drink on duty. A large television was constantly on and glowed from in front of a worn short legged table in front of the couch. A dartboard was hung on the wall, attached to it this week was an already hole covered photograph of Doctor Nathan Hojo.

Reeve was not in his usual place with his feet propped up on the kitchen table, playing with something. The bits of electronics were on the table waiting for his return. Of course, Reeve would be returning with Reno in tow, tonight was the night they were going to hit Mr. Razel Collider.

Scarlet sighed, leaning forward. Though she stared at the TV, she wasn’t really watching it. “I don’t like doing this…” She sighed.

Tseng arched his brow a bit at her. While the hair was starting to grow back, Tseng still looked as though he’d had a bad wax job. “You have a bad feeling? That’s nothing new.”

“No.” She muttered, chin in her hands. “I wish we didn’t have to use Reno for this. His father wouldn’t be happy to know about this.”

“Why?” Tseng asked. “I’d rather have him with us then the damned slums. At least here we eat everyday. Here you can keep an eye on him and that daughter of his.”

“Scarlet’s hazel eyes drifted to the dartboard. “That sick prick would love to know what we know. He could already know. So making Reno a Turk is the only way to keep him safe. And Reeve and I are going to be leaving for the desk jobs next year. You need a third.” She was trying to convince herself, though neither her or Tseng needed to say that.

“Don’t worry, when Rude gets back from Junon, I’ll make sure Reno doesn’t annoy him.” Tseng responded of the missing Turk. Rude was a quiet man, there was worry that Reno’s boisterous personality would clash with the way Tseng and Rude were beginning to do things. Rude had been bidded into the program by Scarlet herself when he was only twelve. Since then he had been undeniably loyal to the Turks, never complaining. However, Rude was loyal to the _Turks_ specifically. Not necessarily to ShinRa. In fact, the big man had been known to punch Palmer or Heidegger out on more then one occasion. It was that part they worried about. It was all too easy to picture the six foot six, nearly three hundredpound Rudeknocking the skinny Reno out.

This earned a laugh. Scarlet shook her head. “I’ve already filled Rude in, he’s promised not to wring Reno’s neck.”

The door swung open just as the words left Scarlet’s mouth. Reeve walked in followed by an amazingly presentable looking Reno. Though he looked a bit uncomfortable and pensive, the young man certainly didn’t look his age. His hair had been cut, though he had insisted his bangs stay a bit on the longer side. While his eyes traveled the room one could see that he had lost the common “street rat slouch” and was standing with his shoulders square. He smirked at both Tseng and Scarlet before flopping down on the arm of the couch next to Scarlet. “Who’s gonna wring my neck?”

The two Turks blinked at him and then made sounds of shock. “Well,” Tseng started, “you cleaned up shockingly well. This may even work.”

* * *

Reno walked down to the front desk. He had checked in, as ordered, under the name Riley Mollinar. The girl at the front desk gave him an overtly flirty smile as he asked for the manager. She then giggled in the back room for about two minutes and finally she showed the manager out.

"Mr. Mollinar?" The manager was a tall, pretty, brunette woman, around her late 20's. She had a worn expression on her face, as though she really found banquets a nuisance.

"Yes, you are the manager then?" Reno asked in a bored tone. It was an effort to see this place and not be in shock. The hotel that his mother had called home was seriously a roach hole. This was Buckingham palace, or the city of gold. He pulled being blasé off well.

"You can call me Alise." She smiled innocently and extended her hand to his. "Pleasure to meet you Mr. Mollinar."

Reno accepted her hand, turned it over and kissed the back of it. The woman blushed slightly, though she gained composure quickly by tucking the hand in her pocket.

Reno’s smirk was honest amusement, this was too easy. "Just Riley, pleasure is all mine, I assure you Alise."

"I'm sure you want to warm up. This way to the piano." She said quickly. The ballroom was being set up by at least thirty workers. There was so much going on that Reno was hard pressed to keep his aloof air. Ice sculptures were being lifted onto numerous banquet style tables. The snacks on the tables had to cost more then everything Reno had ever eaten in his life. There were seven open bars, being busily attended by red bow-tied bartenders. He almost ran into Alise as she stopped near a door by the stage.

"This is where the piano is." Alise opened the room, oblivious to Reno’s perusal of the room. "After you?" she held the door.

Reno walked in, not paying much attention to her as she listed off the important guests that would be attending the party. –“Of course the ShinRas, there are also some-“

Reno waved a hand at her from behind the piano. "I've been told. I just want to play, eat, then leave. I have to be in Junon in the morning. I don't care for upper class company.” He sat at the piano, running an index finger up the keys. “No offense." Reno amended carefully, just in case he had said something offensive. He remembered that he wasn’t supposed to be rude or too polite, but that they were supposed to like him and forget him. Of course, it was confusing enough to say that, let alone put it to practice.

"None taken. Between you and me these people bug the hell out of me. They make it a point to rub the fact that they can buy my yearly income and not bat an eye in my face every time they come into town.” She walked back to the door and pulled it open. Then she smiled a bit at him. “Have a pleasant stay yourself while you are here." She shut the door as she left Reno alone.

"Don't count on it, Alise." He said to the piano.

* * *

Reno scanned the crowd as he played, looking for his target. It didn't take long to find her; she was staring at him like a lioness. The word "lioness" fit Mrs. Collider perfectly. She, and the group she was with all had similar shapes to them, something- as Reno had pointed out before- that looked like a Barbie doll. Though in the face, she looked far more calculating then a plastic toy. She had sharp green eyes and a lean frame that wouldpush one to guess her chest had been added onto it at a rather high price.

The entire group of women that Mrs. Collider was sitting with had the same hungry expression. It was as if they only got a real chance to get out at these parties. They were overly flirty with the male staff, leaning forward at inappropriate angles so they could show off as much as possible in their low cut gowns.

Her dress was in the most recent fashion of Junon and the most risqué of the group. It was a dark midnight blue at the top, small star-like patches of baby blue speckled it starting at her small waist, turning the bottom of the gown baby blue. It had a scandalously high slit up the left side, and the right side of the dress laced up, revealing a perfectly tan line-less body.

Reno noticed them start talking the minute he sat at the piano. He wished that he could read lips so he knew what they were saying. Of course, he thought again, maybe he didn’t really want to know.

At the next table were the woman’s husbands. They ranged from honestly attractive to mildly overweight. All were engaged in animate conversation and oblivious to their wives roaming eyes. Or perhaps they simply didn’t care. He wanted this evening to be over, Reno still couldn’t believe he was going to do something like this. He chose then to ignore them and closed his eyes to play. However, the moment he closed his eyes he started thinking about Bethany and how much she had really loved to hear him play. Without changing the expression on his face, Reno bit his tongue. Thoughts about her didn’t seem to belong where he was.

He wished that he could have just played the piano and left. He debated doing just that, taking off at all speed and going back where he came from. It took all of Reno’s efforts to make it to the bar. He got the bartender’s attention with a quick bob of his head.

The bartender responded in kind. “What can I getcha?”

Reno thought for a moment and then ordered the strongest thing he could think of that wouldn’t look too out of place. “Brandy old Fashioned. Low on the ice.”

The bartender laughed. “Getting smashed to spite the rest of us? Heh. At least you don’t have to talk to them.”

Reno forced a laugh because it seemed to be a place that he should. “Hey, I’m just the piano player, they didn’t pay me to be sober.”

Reno leaned on the bar, surveying the crowd. Mrs. Collider glided up past him, she turned over her shoulder to smile at Reno and swirl her half empty drink. Then she sat at the empty booth, closest to the bar.

The bartender handed Reno his drink. "Anything else?"

Reno flipped quite a few more bills then needed to the man. "Yeah get that lady in the blue dress another one of whatever it is she's drinking. Keep the change.”

He must have been used to getting a good deal of money for things like this. Other then the renewed cheer in his voice, the bartender was unfazed. "Yes sir. Keep it quiet like?"

"Sure." Reno said with a fake grin as he drank.

* * *

Reno wasn't sitting at the bar for very long when a waiter walked up to him. "Sir, the lady in the blue dress would like to make your acquaintance."

He blinked, not expecting things to be this easy. Of course, the Turks had told him that all he had to do was show a little interest in her. Reno started over to the booth, taking another drink and a deep breath. All he needed to do was feign interest? Fine, he’d be faking the whole evening anyway. "What is a beautiful young woman doing all alone this time of evening?" He asked.

"Well hello. Did you come to keep me company?" She purred, sliding over to the corner of the booth to make room for him.

"If I may." Reno sat down, turning over to look at her. He ignored the smug look on her face, the one that said she knew he was ever so interested in her. His eyes settled on the extremely large diamond ring on her left hand. Pretending to be surprised, Reno arched an eyebrow. "What a silly little husband you must have, to leave you unguarded." He said lightly.

"Yes, but he's a filthy rich, silly little husband." She looked Reno over a few times before leaning close to him. Her left hand drifted to her lap and her right arm was supported by the back of the booth. "You aren't as silly I take it?" She moved a bit closer; Reno could smell some strong perfume on her.

"Hardly." He continued to sip his drink, wishing for about 200 more of them. "I just thought that you looked lonely.” He looked at her again out of the corner of his eye before sitting the empty drink glass down. “Shame for such a lovely figure to be a wallflower."

Her right arm was close enough now, to touch him. Mrs. Collider began to play with the arm Reno's jacket. As she felt his muscle under the fabric she smiled. "Not very little either, huh, Tiger?" She smiled, proving Scarlet correct in her predictions. "What do you expect from all this? I am a married woman after all." Her inviting tone told Reno she wasn't thinking about being loyal to her husband.

"Ahh, but that's when this can be the most fun, no commitment." Reno placed one elbow on the table, turning to fully face Mrs. Collider. He forced his left hand to travel up her forearm before falling down to her knee. “Unless of course, you aren’t interested.”

"You think because you buy me a drink I owe you a dance?" She toyed with her honey gold hair, pleased with herself.

"Well, just a courtesy m'lady. If you don't want to I will leave you be." He moved his head as if he was looking for another woman.

She wasn't about to let Reno walk off, every wife in the place seemed to want to dig their claws into him. "Do you tango?" Mrs. Collider placed her hand over his, guiding it up above her knee.

He moved a bit closer to her and said in a husky tone "Depends on where you want to tango." Her perfume was way too strong, it was almost as abrasive as her personality.

"I'll have to take you for a test run on the dance floor first, Tiger."

Reno had to fight from jumping to his feet or, more appealing, telling this bitch off and informing her that he had a name. Instead he plastered a smirk on his face and extended his hand to her. She took it as though she was a victorious monarch. Reno could already tell he’d be spending a long time in the shower when this evening was over.

He danced with this woman, pretending to want her, pretending to care if she wanted him or not. She didn’t notice that he wasn’t really looking at her. She didn’t notice that he shuddered when she touched him, or she misread the signs. He went through the motions with grace, trying to shut down his inner voice. It wouldn’t be silenced. Even though he didn’t want to be there and Bethany was dead, Reno felt as guilty about this as if she was standing there watching him. Even though he was being forced, Reno still felt like he was cheating.

He moved his hand about her hip and whispered. "I think that we may be causing a scene. Perhaps we could take this elsewhere?" He couldn't stand this any longer. He had to get it over with.

Thankfully, she nodded. "You'll do." With that she pulled him to the elevator.

* * *

The doors didn’t have a chance to close before she pressed up against him, making Reno fall backwards against the wall. She gave him no time to stew about the “you’ll do” comment, nor did she give him much room to breathe. He forced himself to respond to her, grabbing her hands from the front of his pants and throwing them above her head. At first, when he pinned her against the wall, Reno tried to close his eyes, to pretend that this bitch was someone else.

She pushed back, laughing at him. Reno’s eyes opened then, he couldn’t pretend this was Bethany. If she wanted to play rough he’d play. Once again Reno slammed Mrs. Collider against the wall, she remained this time, her hands busy with un-tucking his shirt. As disgusted as it made him, Reno let her.

* * *

Once in the room, Reno realized immediately where he was, the Turk diagrams had been flawless. He noticed a spare keycard on top of a desk in the corner of the room. The door closed swiftly behind him, Reno turned looking at Mrs. Collider as she leaned on the door. "Uhm-" he started, wishing he could back peddle out of there.

"Getting skittish, stallion?" Mrs. Collider splayed her fingers out on his chest as she spoke. They stepped together and she started to remove his jacket.

"Just wondering about your husband," Reno allowed the jacket to hit the floor. "I would hate to be interrupted." he lied.

"Is that all?" laughing, she pulled his tie gently, leading him further into the room. "Don't worry, Tiger. We haven't shared a bed in years." She pulled the tie harder, bringing Reno’s head down to hers. Serina Collider’s eyes pressed shut, her hands trailed over his shoulders.

Reno’s eyes were wide open. He wasn’t going to bother to pretend.


	19. The Price of Money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**I Tried  
> **_Chapter 19- The Price of Money

_**I Tried  
**_Chapter 19- The Price of Money

* * *

Finally, she was asleep. Reno sat up. He could feel scratches down his shoulder blades, when he popped his back he could feel at least one of them open up and bleed. “Bitch,” he growled, standing up unsteadily, “you need ta cut your damn nails.” He fumbled around in the dark for a light switch on the table, flicking it on with another disgusted snarl. He had thirty minutes before he had to get back in the bed with her, and he felt that would be the hardest part of the evening.

He found his clothes without much effort, the whole time trying to control a lurching stomach. He dressed quickly, picking the keycard up off the TV and dialing Reeve’s number from the PHS they gave him. He didn’t recognize his own voice when he spoke again, “I’m ready.”

Reeve apparently didn’t notice anything amiss with Reno’s voice, or he didn’t care. “Right, you have twenty five minutes till the cameras have to reset.”

Reno didn’t respond to the other man, simply hanging up the phone. He had talked to Reeve for over an hour before this party. It didn’t do much to make Reno feel better and none of it helped now as he pushed open the door to the private hallway that connected Serina’s room to her husband’s. Reno crouched against Serina’s door, watching the shadows move in the light that was still on from Mr. Collider’s room.

“It take’s getting used to“ -Reeve had explained- “but you _do_ get used to it. I don’t like doing any of it myself, but I’m good at it.”

So now that was the one requirement? Being good at it? To answer him, Reeve laughed. “I’ve made friends with people, been invited to dinner in their homes, and traveled with them, all to turn them over to ShinRa in a few months time. I’m a spy, it’s my job. Being nice, brave, or easy going doesn’t mean anything in regards to a job.”

It was then that Reno finally asked. “Why don’t you all just leave, if you hate it so much?”

The answer was so simple it chilled him. Reeve laughed shaking his head. “Kid, I’m not brave enough to do anything like that.”

Reno stopped asking things after that. Reeve hadn’t said that he wasn’t smart enough, he hadn’t mentioned any physically limitations. He had said, quite frankly, that he was afraid not to do just as he was told. So he was afraid, but of what? What could scare the Turks into doing what they did? Reno had the feeling that was what Tseng was referring to when he told Reno that he “had no idea”. Reno still did not want to know.

He had hoped that Mr. Collider would be asleep or at least nearly so, but the shadows continued to move. What was the man doing in there? Reno pressed his ear against the door. Sounds coming from the bedroom in front of him caused Reno to halt, blinking. There was a girl in there, not very old from the sound of things. Her whimpering was cut off with the unmistakable sound of a hand hitting skin. First, he drew his gun. Then Reno used the keycard, cracking the door a bit more so he could get an idea of what was going on.

Reno clenched his free fist tightly. Two girls were with Mr. Collider, not one, and these weren’t girls Reno’s age. The two children in that room looked barely twelve. Reno knew that this happened, he knew it, but he’d never had to sit and see it before. The girls were scrambling to get dressed in clothing that didn’t hide much anyway. Dark mascara stains covered the smaller one’s cheeks, a red mark covered one side of her face, through it all she had deep green eyes.

“_So let your daughter be a whore later then?” _

Reno didn’t notice that his fingernails had broken the skin of his palm. He didn’t even feel the blood near his fingernails. He was angry- furious- at that moment; he knew he was going to enjoy killing this man. Reno closed his eyes, waiting to hear the girls leave. He heard the main door open, he heard their pimp, and then the door slammed shut. Reno had to take a steadying breath, urging himself to stop shaking.

Mr. Collider was smoking a cigar, plush covers pulled up to his undefined chest. He about dropped the cigar in surprise. "What the hell?"

Reno didn’t speak, he was too angry to form words. He simply pulled the gun out of his pants and attached the silencer.

Mr. Collider’s eyes widened, he sat up more on the bed. "What do you want?" He pointed to his pants, on the chair at the other side of the room. “All my money is in there, just take it! Don’t kill me!”

Reno, still silent, pulled the hammer back on the weapon.

Never once did the man ask about his wife. Never once, even though it was obvious that Reno had come from her room. “Who ever paid you I'll double it! Triple it!"

It was all Reno could do not to beat the man to death instead of simply shoot him. Without saying a word, he fired three rounds. Mr. Collider’s body stopped jerking after the second bullet hit him. Reno lowered the weapon and fell against the door. They were just little girls, just children. Who could do that to a little child? Reno pinched the bridge of his nose. God, Suzanna… It wouldn’t happen, ever. Not to his little girl.

Reno noticed the time and swallowed, he’d have to hurry it up. He locked the way between Serina’s room and Mr Collider’s from his side, then, he left through the front door, slipping down to the other room and entering Serina’s room through her front door. He locked that door, along with the one that he had left her room from. Falling against it he realized he was still shaking.

There wasn’t any more time to think. The sun would be coming up soon, and he needed to get back in bed before Serina woke up.

* * *

It wasn’t early enough for Reno the next morning. Serina was thankfully half asleep, though she had asked for his phone number. He flipped the card out as he was told to, with a fake smile and clenched teeth. He left quickly before any ideas could form in the new widow’s mind. Two morning waiters watched him get into the elevator; Reno ignored the thumbs up he received. The other employees took little notice of him as he left the hotel. Reno lit a cigarette the moment he opened the front door.

He smoked the rest of the pack and half of Reeve’s in-between the hotel and the hospital. Once at the hospital, Reno made the rest of the payments with money that Reeve had given him. He was given very little information on Mariah, but he did notice that dressed in a suit he was given much better service. The nurse directed Reno to the wing, stating that because he was family it would be alright to see her. The nurse also mentioned that Padre had been with her most of the night.

Reno started down the hall to Mariah’s room, then halted. Looking down at himself Reno balled his fists again. He could still smell Serina on him, there was no way he could go talk to Padre and Mariah like this. He pivoted on heel, startling a nurse before storming back down the stairs to Reeve’s waiting car.

Reno stared at the other man as he pushed the passenger door open. There was a fresh pack of smokes on the seat, Reno’s brand, not Reeve’s. He got in, packing the pack with five hard thumps and ripping it open. Reno looked out the window, feeling sicker by the moment. He knew the over dose of nicotine wasn’t helping that sick feeling, but he couldn’t think of anything else to do. When Reeve stopped the car, Reno threw the door open with an angry grunt. He wasn’t going to say goodbye, he wasn’t going to look at Reeve. He didn’t want to ever see him again, and he didn’t give a shit about the past at that moment. Then, Reeve finally spoke, forcing Reno to look at him.

“Be seeing you Reno.” He wasn’t smiling, Reeve’s face was unreadable. Before Reno could respond, the door closed and the black car pulled away.

Something about the way Reeve had said that haunted Reno. He’d think about it later, at the moment he wanted to feel clean.

* * *

Viper and Tex were in his room when he got there, watching Suzanna. They blinked at him, shocked at the rumpled suit and tie. The two then looked at each other as if looking for something to say.

“Yer, ah, notta…” Viper started. Reno’s eyes narrowed, he knew the end of that sentence, “a Turk?” is what Viper was asking.

“No- jus-“ Reno waved a hand. “Thanks fer watching Trigg. I need a damn shower.”

Tex walked over, looking down at Reno. “You sure you’re aiirght Wolf?”

Reno looked away, into a corner of the room. “I’m fine, jus- meet me later ta’night. I’m gonna have ta talk to you guys. I jus, I really, _really _need a shower. Alright?”

He didn’t watch his friends as they left the room. Reno crossed to look down at his daughter, who was in-between wanting to nap and wanting to play. She was getting to the point now where she could stand and throw things out of her crib, making any adult fetch it. From the state of the room, she had enjoyed the game with Tex and Viper. Suzanna laughed when she saw him, reaching up to be held.

Reno felt his stomach lurch again. “Daddy needs a shower, baby. I’ll play with you in a minute.” He grabbed his jeans from on top of his bed and quickly went into his bathroom. He left the door open, so he could hear Suzanna, though Reno knew she couldn’t get out of the crib, he didn’t take too many chances.

He sat his clothes on the sink and looked at his face in the mirror. No wonder Tex and Viper had been so worried about him, he looked like hell. Once again, Reno’s stomach lurched up; this time he couldn’t push it back down. He hadn’t eaten that night, and the brandy didn’t taste nearly as good coming up as it had going down. Reno hacked a few more times, spitting into the sink. His arms shook and he held the sink in a death grip on either edge. Ragged, gasping breaths hissed out between his teeth, for a moment he felt that he was going to be sick again, but the feeling passed. The eyes that looked back at him when Reno looked into the mirror were haunted like he knew they would be. After rinsing the sink out, Reno got into his shower.

Reno held his head against his shower wall. The hot water felt good on his body, but inside he still felt used. The whole night replayed in his mind like some morbid screen play. It was humiliating. The thought of that woman touching him made his skin crawl. He had never thrown up after killing anyone before, but this time was different. Maybe it wasn't the killing part that bothered him so much. It's over with, he kept telling himself.

The only thing that haunted Reno as much as sleeping with Serina Collider was her husband. He knew what had gone on, he had lived it. The idea that Suzanna would ever have to do that made him want to vomit all over again. What could he do here? Nothing, there was literally nothing that he could do to protect his daughter. He was sixteen, where they were that was middle aged for a gang banger. He rammed his fist into the tile in frustration. A choked, dry, sob escaped his mouth.

Suzanna started to cry in the bedroom. Reno turned off the water and went back to life, clean but not really feeling it. He picked his daughter up and hugged her. "I love you so much, Trigger." The little girl cooed in her father's arms. She was turning into a daddy's girl.

Sitting on the bed Reno’s mind was racing, then, he suddenly remembered something- Zangan. He had offered Reno a place to live on numerous occasions. Out in the country, by where Tifa lived, where some of the houses didn’t even have locks on the doors. Reno smiled, good luck to the Turks finding him there. He had enough money now to go, even enough to leave half of the leftover funds with Padre for Mariah. Before, maybe he would have felt guilty for running, but now he had Suzanna to think of, and she couldn’t grow up like he had.

Laying down, Reno brushed some hair from her head. “You are never going to have to do anything like this, I promise, baby.” He smiled at her while she curled up to his chest, falling asleep. Yawning himself, Reno felt sleep take over. All that he had to do was get rested, he’d talk to Tex and Viper tonight, and then, as soon as he knew Mariah was going to be alright, Reno and Trigger would take off. No more Midgar, no more ShinRa and never any Turks.

* * *

Suzanna woke him a few hours later. After cleaning her up and feeding her, Reno took his daughter down the stairs. He was reading, watching the little girl play on the floor when Padre walked back in. Reno swallowed; the look on the priest’s face wasn’t good. “Is Mar alright?”

“They don’t know yet…” Padre started and then shook his head. “What did you do to get that money Reno?”

Reno sat the book down and stepped around his daughter. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“That’s too bad; I want to talk about it.” The priest hissed, keeping his voice low as to not bother the child. “You don’t know what you-“

"No, please." Reno pinched his nose "Please drop it." He suddenly was feeling the urge to go to the bar. He needed a drink or some weed or anything to cause his head to stop throbbing.

Padre didn't like the way Reno looked. The young man looked as if something had been sucked out of him. Reno seemed dry, defeated. They stood staring at each other. Padre was losing patience. "I can't drop it, Reno. I know that Turk- don’t look at me like that I _know_ he’s a Turk. I can’t believe you would stoop that low, ShinRa?” He took a deep, angry breath. “I should have seen this coming.”

"Should have seen this coming?” It was an effort to keep from shouting. “Oh, yeah, I forgot, I’m just the worthless slum trash you guys keep around is that it? Not a big leap from gang banger to ShinRa whore now is it?” Reno shouldered past the priest, striding to the door.

"Getting wasted is not going to fix this, Reno." The priest put his hand on Reno's shoulder.

"Talking to you isn’t going to fix anything either. If you have some other magical option I’d _love_ to hear it.” Reno’s hand was already on the door

They stood silently for a while. Reno pulled the door open and then Padre spoke. “If you think for one minute that you will pollute this place with their presence-"

Reno whirled about, "How could I pollute anything more then I already have? I am the fucking Red Plague!" Reno put his hand on the door again, "there’s money on the table, as soon as I can, I’m getting out of your hair, so don’t worry about it." Leaving Padre in a stunned silence, Reno slammed the door.

* * *

The Red Wolf stormed into the bar with a look that plainly said "Get me trashed".

Viper and Tex waved him over, lifting a beer bottle to show they’d already taken care of starting his “trashed” requirement for the evening. They watched him sit down and chug the bottle. After Reno slammed the bottle down, he raised his hand for a second.

“Wolf, wha happened? You ain’t acted this pissy since Vixen died.” Viper asked, his eyes going round as he watched the young man chug a second bottle in less time then he had drained the first. He lifted a big hand to Reno’s. “Take it easy, yer gonna make yerself sick.”

Reno jerked his hand back and growled. “I already did that once today, no harm in doing it again. I don’t need you two to fucking baby me.”

“Fer fuck’s sake, Wolf. We are your friends. What the hell is wrong?” Tex wasn’t thrilled with the situation. “Every time we try ta help ya you are a prick do you know that? It takes fer ever to jus bring you around but we always do so let’s skip the drama this time?”

Reno lowered the beer bottle and blinked. He knew that Tex was right. Slumping over on the table, the red head rubbed his temples. “I’m sorry, I just, it’s a lot to deal with. I’m afraid they aren’t going to let me say no.”

“Whaddya mean? I thought it was just one favor.” Viper looked up at the door and then back down.

With fear that he didn’t bother to mask, Reno shook his head. “I did too, but that’s why I’m taking Trigg and we are-“ The looks on Viper and Tex’s faces caused Reno to halt. It wasn’t until he stopped talking that Reno noticed the bar was silent. Risking a glance over his shoulder, Reno saw Scarlet and Reeve moving swiftly through the bar.

Scarlet was back in her Turk blue. "I think that you should come with us." She stated mildly, eyes hidden by dark sunglasses.

"I think that you should both go fuck yourselves. I did what you wanted me to. Leave me the hell alone." Reno snapped. The fear that had been on his face gone.

Reeve sighed. "You don't have a choice in the matter, kid. Don't make this harder then it has to be, you're coming willingly or not." He looked at Viper and Tex as the two younger men started to rise. “Unless you two are growing, I’d sit back down.”

Blinking, Tex and Viper sat slowly.

Taking the moment of distraction, Reno suddenly jumped to his feet, grabbed the back of the chair he had been sitting in and swung. Reeve and Scarlet both leapt back unharmed, but Reno used that as a cushion for his own running away.

Scarlet and Reeve both made the same sound of agitation and rushed after Reno, leaving Viper and Tex wide eyed at the table. Despite his limp, Reeve was _fast_. Before Reno made it to the bar, the dark haired Turk reached out and spun him around, casting Reno’s back against the wooden bar.

Reno aimed a punch at the Turk's waist, but Reeve blocked swiftly. He then countered by striking Reno in the chest with the palm of his hand. The force of the blow was enough to make Reno's back crack the wood of the bar behind him.

Winded and obviously outclassed Reno felt that playing fair was no longer an option. He reached for the nearest glass- a shot of everclear- and splashed the contents into the Turk's face.

Reeve’s sunglasses protected his eyes, however the strong alcohol stung his nose. He cussed backing away and giving Reno time to move. The red head jumped over the bar and snatched the bottle of everclear from behind it. He broke it over the bar, covering both the old wooden bar top and Reeve with the bottle's flammable contents. He used his lighter to set the bar on fire.

The ice spell shocked Reno, he’d never seen one used outside of a fighting ring. He fell backwards, looking at the now angry and slightly chilly Reeve. The fire was gone, and the whole floor was a wet, slick mess. Turning to run, Reno came face to face with Scarlet.

“Don’t make us do this.” She placated. “Just give up, Reno.”

"I've never hit a woman Scarlet, don't make me start."

Reeve jumped over the bar as well, cornering Reno. The two Turks attacked at once. Reno took out his nightstick, making the attempt to flip on to the bar. He slipped on the wet wood, falling hard on his shoulder on the customer side of the bar. Before he gained his feet again, he felt a sharp pain up his arm, forcing him to let the nightstick go. Gaining his knees Reno clasped his left hand over his right shoulder. He could feel the bullet inside his shoulder blade. He cast a worried glance up at the Turks, then bolted out the front door.

“Scarlet, get him around the block.” Reeve ordered. He watched her go before turning to the bartender. “Bill ShinRa.” He then turned and rushed out the back door.

* * *

Reno never ran so hard in his life, but Scarlet was actually gaining. His back and chest burned, Reeve had cracked his ribs in one hit. He couldn't out fight them, especially with himself being unarmed, literally. The bullet rubbed against his shoulder bone as he ran, causing draining pain all the way down his right arm. Cutting down another alley he almost ran straight into the largest human he had ever seen. Fortunately for Reno, the bald man looked shocked to see him, he even allowed Reno to spin step around him and continue down the alley.

"_Rude_!" Scarlet was starting to get winded, she was now very agitated. "What the hell, he was right there!" She halted panting.

The bald man looked down at her and then back down the alley. His mouth drew into a thin, nearly confused line. He shook his head at Scarlet and started after the red head.

Reno wasn’t risking glances behind him. He had time to skid to a halt as Tseng fell silently in front of him like a dark panther. Without warning the Wutain sprung forward. Reno tucked his right arm behind his back, it was useless in a fight at the moment, and he met Tseng's kick with a block from his lower leg. Tseng was relentless, it was all Reno could do to block the onslaught, let alone fight back. Tseng eventually succeeded in grasping Reno's wounded shoulder. As he yelped in pain the Wutain tried to slam Reno into a wall. Instead, Reno ran up the wall and flipped over the Turk, forcing Tseng to release him. By the time Reno broke free, both Scarlet and the bald Turk had caught up to him.

Reno backed away, he lifted his left forefinger between his eyes, it looked almost as if he was going to pinch the bridge of his nose again. Instead he left his hand vertical, the crook of his thumb on the tip of his nose. He then closed his eyes and started a short chant. Reno then jerked the left had to his right shoulder, and brought the arm quickly to his left side. Three pyramids surrounded the Turks. Reno smirked weakly before he took off again down the alley.

Reeve growled, limping up to the three pyramids. “Wonderful.” He muttered darkly.

“Apparently, Suzi taught him more then we gave her credit for.” Scarlet’s response held some heat.

Reeve shook his head and punched Scarlet lightly in the arm. The pyramid gave way. He then smacked Tseng and Rude on the back of their heads. His PHS went off before he had a chance to yell at them. Sharing a look of dread with Scarlet, Reeve put the PHS to his ear. “Yes sir. No sir. I don't-." He made a disgusted face and looked at the PHS before putting it back in his pocket. "Great, Rufus is involved now."

* * *

Reno sat on a fire escape, panting. He’d used the pyramid trick before, but he’d never been this winded simply running away from someone. He felt lucky they didn’t want him dead. Reno looked down at the bullet wound in his shoulder. He would need to get it looked at, though he could at least feel his fingers and the bleeding had slowed.

It was at that moment Reno realized that the Turks were no longer following him. Odd, that they would just give up, he thought. Reno tried to think about what he would do if he were Reeve, given what they already knew-

Reno started, leaping to his feet and running home for all he was worth.

They knew about his daughter.


	20. In too Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_I Tried- Chapter 20  
> _**In too Deep

**_I Tried- Chapter 20  
_**In too Deep

* * *

Reno hurt. His chest burned, his arm positively throbbed, and his legs ached from running. He couldn’t have cared less about how he felt at the moment. If his leg had been broken and the arm gone, he’d still be running. How could he have been so stupid? Of course they knew all about him, which included Suzanna. Why hadn’t he realized it before? If anything happened to her-

He stopped thinking, he couldn’t think about that.

As Reno rounded the block he saw two sleek black Turk cars. He flattened his back against the alley wall and glanced around the corner. Reno could easily see the large Turk, towering over everyone else, his big arm against the door. Reno hadn’t met this guy, but he didn’t look like someone to mess with. Complicating matters further were Scarlet and Reeve, who had Padre standing outside the church next to the doors. Tseng was no where in sight at the moment, and that made Reno nervous. Was the Wutain waiting in hiding for Reno to show up?

He couldn’t see the Turks’ faces, but the look on Padre’s was horrified. Reno couldn’t make out what the priest was saying, though he could hear his voice and see his actions. Padre gestured angrily at Reeve, then turned to go back in the church. Reeve slid over in that moment, blocking the priest’s way and shaking his head. Padre glared at Reeve, though he leaned back, obviously agitated. Reno was thankful that the priest wasn’t putting up a fight, that wouldn’t be good at all.

After another look around didn’t reveal Tseng, Reno moved. He dove to hide behind one of the cars, slamming his arm too hard into the door in the process. Biting his lip to keep a grunt of pain in his mouth, Reno opened the car door. The noise from it swinging open echoed in his ears, making him freeze for a moment. Of course the sound had not been loud, but to Reno, it was as though a shotgun went off. Once he was sure that no one noticed him, Reno began to inspect the car.

He looked under the seats and managed to crawl up to open the glove box. Inside Reno finally found a death penalty. He checked the clip and then started to inch out of the car the way he had come in. Conflicting emotions argued in his head. Though he wasn’t readily admitting it, Reno _liked_ Reeve and Scarlet. He didn’t want to hurt them. But Suzanna came first. Above anything else, and if it meant he had to kill Reeve and Scarlet to keep her safe, Reno would.

Backing out of the open door, Reno took a deep breath. He stood up quickly, cocking the hammer back on the weapon. The bald Turk started moving, but it would be too late, Reno had more then enough time to take the shot. Then in the doorway, what he saw stopped him.

Rufus ShinRa stood under the wooden archway. He was holding Suzanna. The little girl looked confused, though comfortable. Rufus and Reno shared similar facial features, and had the same sharp blue eyes, though Rufus’ glowed brightly with mako light. The two major differences were that Rufus’ face was clean of scars and his blond hair immaculate, save one stray bang. Those blue eyes turned up at Reno and a slight smile played on the man’s lips. “Why don’t you put the gun down so we can have a bit of a conversation?”

Tseng appeared from behind Rufus, the look on the Wutain’s face was a mixture of anger and some reflection of guilt. All three of the other Turks stiffened with Reno. Rufus’ own death penalty was already out, Suzanna, who had never seen a gun before giggled at it, grasping at her reflection in the black polished surface. Rufus looked down and let out a little laugh. “Well, aren’t we curious?” He looked up at Reno while he spoke, poking the baby in the stomach with the weapon and making her laugh. “Let’s see how much your daddy cares about you…”

Reno had the gun pointed at blond man’s head. Rufus didn’t seem to care at all about the situation; it was as if his own death was so far from his mind that it didn’t warrant attention. They stood there with the minutes ticking by. Rufus pulled the hammer back on the gun. “I am running out of patience.” Rufus’ cold, hard eyes bored into Reno’s.

The Turks fanned out on either side, none of them breathed too deeply. Reno didn’t bother to look at them; the only thing that had his attention was Rufus holding his daughter. If one of them shot the other one would, it was a battle of nerves, one that Reno couldn’t win. Not with his daughter at stake. The gun fell from his hand. Before he could hear it clang to the ground, Reno felt Tseng’s hand strike the side of his neck. Reno lost consciousness, crumpling to the alleyway.

* * *

Reno awoke to a thumping sound beside him. It was a constant rhythm, perfectly timed. At first Reno thought it was the ticking of a clock. He managed to push himself up into a sitting position. His left arm still refused to work, and if anything the pain from his gunshot wound had been what woke him. He fell back, hitting his shoulders and head on something cold and solid. Reno tried to open his eyes, but the harsh light prompted them closed again. He blindly felt his neck, hissing and pulling his hand back. Not only had Tseng left a bruise, there had been a needle there, he’d been drugged. Once again, Reno worked on opening his eyes.

It took three tries fighting the halogen bulbs before Reno could open his eyes. Everything around him was shiny, polished, or glass. The thumping continued, Reno looked over and screamed. Next to him, in a tube of glowing liquid was a thing that appeared to _almost_ be human. Human legs, torso, and arms; the shoulders and neck, however, were stretched. Even thought the tube that held this monstrosity was seven feet tall, its neck had to buckle in places for it to fit.

The head was even more disturbing. It had a human appearance, but was bald and lopsided. Its upper jaw jutted out almost a foot from its lower, causing the neck to bend even more in the narrow tube. The thumping sound was the creature banging its head on the wall of its prison. It blinked its one bulging eye at Reno and worked its mouth as if trying to speak.

Reno leapt to his feet and backwards, bashing his head and back against something. When Reno spun to see what he had hit, however, he saw nothing. Reaching around, Reno noticed he too, was closed in a glass tube. He smacked his palm against the thick glass. The quiet “tonk” he heard as a result did nothing to make him feel better. He reached along the top of the tube, around at the bottom, he had no idea how they even put him in there, let alone an idea on how he was going to get out.

Reno had never been locked into someplace. He was always able to get out of anywhere that he had been. Now he was stuck. A lump was forming in his throat. He found it hard to catch his breath. Reno realized he was more afraid of where he was then the monster. This was not the best time on the planet to learn that he was claustrophobic. Trying to forget that he was in a two by seven tube Reno looked outside.

He immediately regretted doing so. The floor was covered in blood, there were half a dozen other monsters encased around him, all in the green glowing tubes. He listened to a desperate scream. “Hello?” The voice cried out, Reno could hear a loud, broken sob. “God is someone there? Hello!”

Reno craned his neck to see a man on an operating table in the next room. He didn’t look good. Reno could tell that there was something very wrong with his left arm, it was black and too thin for the rest of his body, the rest of the figure was hidden by a medical tent draped over his chest. He made an effort to lift his head, swallowed visibly and then yelled again. “Please, answer me!”

Reno’s own voice was hoarse and strangled from the fear in his throat. “Yeah, I’m here, where are we!”

There was silence for a few moments, and then the voice answered. “I’m Tom.”

Something in the man’s voice made the little hairs on the back of Reno’s neck stand up. Swallowing with no avail, Reno tried again. “Hey Tom, I’m Reno, where are we?”

“God, you’re the first person who’s talked to me in so long…” The voice continued. “Is it nice outside?”

Was it nice outside? Reno blinked, stretching his neck. “Ta be honest, I’m from sector five, I couldn’t tell ya. Look, Tom, where are we? I have a kid I need to get home to.”

“I’m sorry…” Tom responded.

Fear coiled further around Reno, he was shaking. “Why aren’t you telling me where we are?”

Silence.

Reno could hear a door open, Tom’s head darted from side to side. Suddenly, the thin tent was stained red. Tom screamed. Then Reno could see two doctors. At least they looked like doctors, what they were doing was anyone’s guess, until they got to Tom’s head. One forced his mouth closed, the other one hammered a spike into his jaw joint, breaking his jaw and forcing it shut.

Shock made him feel very cold. Reno’s good arm dropped to his side, his mouth slacked open. The two doctors looked into the room he was in; both had thick glasses and dark eyes. Their faces were covered from the nose down. They looked at each other for a moment, talking too lowly for Reno to make out much of what they were saying. He caught “get the doctor” and “it’s awake.”

Reno slumped to the bottom of the tube. He tried to swallow again, but the lump remained lodged in his throat. Something about the way that they were talking was leading him to believe that he shouldn’t have been awake yet. They looked disturbed. Reno watched blood leek out of the room, he didn’t want to stand up again to see what had become of Tom. One disappeared again past Tom’s room and the other walked out to Reno’s tube.

He read monitors, noted things down in his clipboard and grumbled a bit. Then dark eyes swiveled over to look Reno over from behind thick rimmed glasses. Reno was too shocked to speak, he simply watched the man make more notes on his clipboard. Another door swinging open failed to take his attention from the first doctor.

“Awake? Already?” A new voice asked.

The first doctor with the thick glasses looked over his shoulder. “Yes, Doctor Hojo. I can’t quite explain it though. It shouldn’t have come around so quickly.” It made Reno feel vaguely satisfied that the man was starting to sweat, he looked frightened. “We-we follo-“

“Enough, Sponson. I know it wasn’t a miscalculation.” The man that stood next to Sponson was enough to make anyone nervous; black eyes that hinted of a Wutain ancestor somewhere down his line were narrowed from under very oily, unkempt hair. He had the look of someone who would get so engrossed in something he would forget to eat, sleep, or shower. There was something obsessive about his face, and the smile that he turned on Reno was anything but welcoming. “Well, I’ll be damned…” He muttered, then let out a decidedly insane giggle. He took a small notebook from his front pocket and mused some more, Reno couldn’t even catch the words, he didn’t think he wanted to. “And what specimen is this again?” He asked, tapping a pencil against his mouth.

“Ah- Turk, sir.” Sponson commented.

The doctor immediately looked agitated. With a disgruntled sound he shoved the notebook and pencil into his pocket again. “Turk?”

“Yes sir, the Vice President himself has attached a note to the file.” Sponson adjusted his glasses and tentatively held out the file.

Hojo snatched it from his subordinate, flipping to the final page. “What one bid it in?” The question was strained and angry.

“Ahh 47952, Sir.”

The file snapped closed and was flung at Sponson in the next moment. Hojo cursed sharply, rounding on Reno’s tube. He glared down at Reno as if he knew him and didn’t like him. Reno blinked owlishly up from the tube, suddenly thankful for the thick glass. Where had he heard that name before? Hojo, he knew he’d heard of the man. Hojo smiled again, earning a shudder from Reno. “Did it now?”

Hojo crossed to a telephone, picking it up and dialing. “Sir?” There came a pause. “I’m aware sir, I think that this particular specimen wouldn’t be well suited- no sir.” He cast another angry glare in Reno’s direction. “As you say, sir. Yes, it’s awake. I advice against this.” This time the pause was longer, a when Hojo spoke again he was much happier. “Does it? Well then, can I have it?” The happy moment was gone, he growled again. “Fine, yes sir. No.” Hojo slammed the receiver down, glowering. “Mark its file number 47956 and prepare for a Turk infusion level five. I want three tube sets, we are going to do side transfusion with glacomine and tormine agents, pull S-Red’s file for comparison. Get me when the Vice President leaves.” Before his subordinate could comment, Hojo stalked into Tom’s room and threw the doors shut.

* * *

Sponson never said a word to Reno, he busied himself with cleaning the blood up that had made its way into the room, putting tubes and vials on the table, and checking surgical tools. They were sharp, some stained a permanent shade of rust. Reno was afraid to talk, would they break his jaw too? Or would they gas him? Every horrible thing that he could think of flooded his mind while the man worked. Reno was almost relieved to see Rufus ShinRa walk into the room.

"Nice to see you're awake already, I’m impressed." He commented to Reno. “Now, let us continue our previous conversation without the weaponry? I need another Turk.”

Finding his voice Reno managed to say bravely, "Fuck you. Where's my daughter?"

Rufus smiled. “Would you rather I get your daughter and bring her down here? Hojo was rather excited to hear about her.”

Reno’s jaw clamped shut.

“Much better.” Rufus watched Reno’s discomfort. “Claustrophobic?”

Reno nodded numbly.

“Right.” Rufus looked around for a chair, giving up on finding something safe for his white suit turned back to Reno. “Look, I don’t like being down here any more then you do. You just agree to behave and we can both leave this room, never to return.”

Reno blinked at him. “What?” He managed to get out after working his jaw a bit. “What are you going to do with me? Where is my daughter?”

At the mention of Reno’s daughter, Hojo peeked back into the room. His white lab coat was now stained with a crimson splash down the front. Reno and he locked eyes. For some reason, Reno couldn’t look away; Hojo didn’t ever seem to blink. Instead his mind appeared to be working furiously from behind those black eyes.

"Would you get the fuck back to work? I don't need him to have a nervous breakdown." The Vice President snapped.

The doctor snorted indignantly and returned to the back room.

Rufus sounded strained. "Why not just accept my offer? This company pays well; don't pretend you couldn't use the money."

Reno was silent. He had no idea what they were going to do with him. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say or what would be better for him. If he said no would they go get Suzanna? If he said yes what would happen?

"Looks like you’re going to stay here." The blond stated and began to leave and Hojo moved back into the room.

Reno leapt to his feet, palm flat against the glass. "I'll do it! I'll do it! Just let me out of here!" He didn’t even want to look back over his shoulder at Hojo, he’d do anything at this point, just to get away.

Rufus turned and nodded crisply. Then he leveled a look at Hojo. “Begin immediately, _no_-“ he stressed the word- “funny business.”

Reno closed his eyes and sunk back to the bottom of the tube, he didn’t want to think about “funny business”. Hojo started giggling after a while, prompting Reno to open one eye. Hojo stood next to a panel on Reno’s tube.

Gleefully, he laughed again. “What Rufus doesn’t know…”

Reno jumped to his feet, gas started filling the chamber. Before he could compute what happened, he fell back to the bottom of the tube, totally unconscious.

* * *

It had been years since Reno had this dream…

…He couldn’t remember much anymore. There was the stream that never flowed, the ground that never changed. No one looked normal. Some people- they weren’t really people, more like monsters- were huge, others, like himself, were small.

He was short. For some reason it bothered him, he couldn’t walk properly. And even though he’d had this dream a million times, something was wrong this time. Why was he having this dream again now?

It all went black, no, not really black, more like a deep jaded green. God it was confusing. He had fallen, now standing he walked forward. There was a hissing sound in front of him. A blue light was too bright to look at, Reno closed his eyes, when he opened them again he saw a real monster. Her head was wired, here eyes glowed the same color as the veins on her arms, she was terrible. He didn’t need anything to remember its name.

_Jenova._

Reno scrambled, trying in vain to get away. The ground was impossible to feel, it was like he was running on air with nothing to purchase. He fell back, and then he heard- was it Beth? No, it was his mother…

Something grabbed him, pulled him back and suddenly, he was alone. Sitting in a room with no walls, the only light was the one that shone down on him, Reno darted his head around, afraid to go past the small circle of light. Then, it flickered, plunging him into darkness.

“Never go near ShinRa, Baby. They have a monster in the basement, and an evil wizard, he’d love to get a hold of you, Baby. He knew your father and me; he’ll hate you right away. Whatever you do Baby…

…never go near Hojo.”

Reno snapped his eyes open, all he saw was green.

* * *

When he woke up, the green stuff started leaking from his tube. His feet hit the bottom, Reno tried to place them far enough apart so his legs wouldn’t buckle. But they did, though he didn’t feel as heavy as he was used to. It didn’t make sense. Reno slumped against the side of the tube, choking as breathing tubes snaked out of his nose and throat. He hacked loudly, deep from his chest and spit out something the same color as the water that was draining.

Reno shuddered, he felt like he was covered from head to toe with spiders. When he opened his eyes he snarled. The light was bright, way too bright, it hurt.

Reeve’s voice echoed in his head. “Kill the lights.” There was a click and then he heard Reeve again. “Open your eyes Reno, come on.”

Reno did as he was asked, blinking at the Turks from in the tube. The lights were out, he could tell that much, yet, somehow, he could make out every detail in the room. It all had a green glow to it, similar to the liquid that was now around his ankles. The lights clicked on again and Reno hissed, closing them.

The tube made a similar hiss, and opened up in the front, Reno fell out to his knees. He coughed more, getting sick again. All Reno wanted to do was lay down on the floor.

“Reno,” it was Scarlet this time. “Reno, you have to get up. Please Reno, you have to stand up.”

Reno muttered, he wanted to tell her to fuck off, but what came out of his mouth sounded more like “Funm ooph.”

“Reno, if you don’t get up _now_ Hojo can say you weren’t strong enough and keep you here.” Reeve urged.

His eyes snapped open. He was staring at the Turks’ boots. Reno grunted, pushing himself up with both arms. He didn’t stop to think how strange it was that he didn’t hurt more, that he just felt disoriented and stiff. He didn’t care. Reno just wanted to get out of that lab and never see it again. He got to his feet at last, looking down at what was left of his jeans. Reno then straightened, shaking his head and almost loosing his balance.

They were silent for a while, Reno standing there, cold, in wet jeans, and panting. At last Reeve sighed, relieved. He handed Reno a Turk style jacket. “Good, let’s get out of here.” He turned on heel with Scarlet, Reno watched as Tseng and the big Turk held the door open for him.

Reno looked over his shoulder, Hojo growled from across the room.

“Better luck next time.” Reno snapped before limping after the Turks.

Reno didn't make it far out of the lab before he slumped against the wall. The big Turk grabbed his shoulders and steadied him. Reno blinked up at the tall man, finally getting a good look at him. He was darker skinned then the rest of them, probably do to being a mix of races. Reno couldn’t think very well. He muttered a weak “Thanks.”

The group made it to an elevator. Reno felt very drunk, the motion didn’t do well with his stomach. It lurched to a halt, then Tseng, Reeve and Scarlet got off the elevator. Reno started to follow, but the big man’s hand remained on his shoulder.

“Rude’s going to take you to your apartment, Reno. We have to some other things to take care of, just go up and get some sleep.” Reeve then turned and lead Tseng and Scarlet down the hall.

Reno fell against the wall of the elevator, closing his eyes. Rude helped him down the next hallway and into an apartment. Reno was thankful the couch was soft; he didn’t take notice of anything else. He watched as the big man got a blanket and tossed it over his shoulders.

They were silent for a while before Reno spoke up again. “’ey, Rude?”

Even though Rude didn’t say anything, Reno continued. “Thanks fer doin’ this. Ya don’t even know me…” he trailed off into a yawn. Reno was asleep in the next minute.


	21. Bonds, Bonding and GoodByes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried- Chapter 21  
> _ _ **Bonds, Bonding, and Good-Byes** _

_I Tried- Chapter 21  
__**Bonds, Bonding, and Good-Byes**_

Reno woke up feeling woozy, as if he had been drinking for days straight and finally passed out. At least his head did. His body still felt foreign, as though he’d never really used it before. His head was un-clouding, only slightly… he had to be somewhere… Suzanna.

Reno jumped up off the couch, pushing a pillow and a blanket to the floor. Unfortunately, he appeared to have left his stomach on the couch, it caught up to him a moment later, and it wasn’t happy. The urge to vomit overwhelmed him. A shadow moved just to the side. Reno snapped his head over, earning a stronger sense of vertigo, even though his feet were planted firmly on the ground. Everything else was moving so slowly, or was he that much faster?

His stomach persisted to rebel, putting a hand over his mouth, Reno stared at the big Turk on the balcony. Rude pointed seeming to understand Reno wanted to know where the bathroom is. Reno turned and slammed into the wall before making it to the toilet. He retched twice before finally getting sick. Though his stomach felt better, he wished that he hadn’t. What came out of his mouth was green; it almost looked like a new glowstick, the way it threw light around the bathroom. Aside from that, it burned like acid in his throat.

From behind him, the light flicked on. Two large hands helped him steady so he wouldn’t fall forward. "Relax, it’s normal." Rude's voice was harsh and grating, it was little wonder why he didn’t use it much. His voice was as intimidating to hear as he was to look at. The bald man must have been injured somehow to make him sound like that.

Reno found the other Turk's voice to be strangely comforting, imperfection making it perfect for the true harshness of this place. He wasn’t left to his thoughts long, he got sick again.

Rude helped Reno to stand, guiding the younger man to the balcony.

The fresh air felt really good, it did wonders to take the cloudy feeling from his head. Now, finally with a clear head, Reno turned about on his own. He looked up at Rude. "Thank you, you don't even know me, man. I owe you."

Rude almost smiled and held up a cigarette in-between the two of them.

Reno laughed. "So, you read minds er somethin’?” He took the cigarette eagerly, lighting it and enjoying a deep long drag off the paper.

The bald man shook his head. “Jus’ people.”

While they smoked in silence, Reno looked in the apartment. It was nice inside, truth be told, the place was cream colored with black furniture. He almost laughed wondering how long it would take him and Suzanna to turn the place into an unholy mess. When he got her. Reno opened his mouth to mention the matter to Rude when his door opened.

Reeve and Scarlet walked in, followed closely by Tseng. All three were carrying bags and made their way into the kitchen. Reno watched their heads bob up and down a bit behind the bar before smashing his cigarette out in the ashtray. He stood thankfully steady and walked back into the apartment. He listened as Rude slid the door shut behind them. “What are you guys doin’?”

“They come furnished Reno, that doesn’t mean with food.” Scarlet responded, putting a container of baby formula away.

Reno’s eyes widened, “all this is food?”

Tseng hefted a bag at Reno who once again shocked himself at his own reflexes by catching it. The Wutain noticed Reno’s wide eyes and laughed. “Not all of it. Those are clothes, if you hate them blame Scarlet.”

“You can take a shower in a second.” Reeve commented from the sink where he was filling a coffee pot. “Gotta make sure you’re alright.”

Reno blinked and plopped back down on the couch. He curled his lip when he noticed how messy he had made it. It didn’t even look cleanable, all covered in a thick, mako slime.

Reeve pulled one of the two chairs over to sit in front of Reno. He held one hand up. "Follow my finger Reno." While Reno watched Reeve’s finger move from left to right and back Reeve frowned. “That’s a bit odd.”

“Wha- what?” Reno’s mouth felt dry again. “What do you mean?”

Reeve poignantly ignored the question. “Did you have any strange nightmares or visions while you were down in the lab?”

Reno fell silent, he looked down at his feet, suddenly engrossed in his shoes.

“Reno,” Scarlet sat next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Reno, it’s alright. We just need to know.”

Reno fought the urge to lean into Scarlet like the scared child he actually was. “I- I just had a dream that I haven’t had in a long time. And…” He looked up, the others were staring at him, quite interested in whatever he was about to say. “I saw Jenova.” He blurted out.

The word was like he had set off a firework in front of the Turks. For the first time, Reno watched them all express emotion at once. Though an outsider may have not noticed it, every eyebrow raised slightly at the word.

“How did you know about that?” Tseng asked, his tone suspicious. “You don’t even have a Jenova glow to your eyes so how do you know?”

Reno blinked, backing up at the harsh question. He shook his head. “I- I…” He pulled his feet up to the couch, pressing his knees into his chest and wrapping his arms around them. "Wha- what did he do to me" Reno asked. For the first time since he met the Turks he looked his age.

Scarlet put her arm around the scared 16 year old's shoulders. “Shhh. It’s alright. We just didn’t think Suzi would have told you about that. She never really talked about things like that with us. It’s alright, don’t worry about it. Most of us have a blue green glow to our eyes, that’s what Tseng was talking about. But your eyes are so light colored, of course the green stands out more.” She glared at Tseng, patting Reno’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go take a shower? Rude will stay here to keep an eye on you.”

“I can’t.” Reno pulled away from her slightly, angry at being so afraid. “I have to get my daughter, is Trigg okay?”

Reeve grimaced. “She’s with Padre, perfectly fine. I went to get her myself, but ah, Padre isn’t very fond of me.”

Reno’s eyes narrowed, everything he was looking at gained a sharper green edge to it. Maybe the mako reacted to his mood. “What did you do?”

Reeve took a deep breath in and let it out in a tired sigh. “I hurt Mariah pretty badly when we were kids. Stole some things. It was stupid for me to do, but I was inducted into the Turks shortly after and never really got a chance to apologize.”

Padre hated ShinRa so badly, it was little wonder he still spoke of Reeve with such malice. Reno’s mouth drew a tight line. “Fine. Good enough. I suppose he’s not going to be thrilled with me either is he?”

“To be honest, I doubt it.” Reeve responded.

Reno shrugged, standing. “Well, too bad, I’m getting my daughter.”

“You can’t, Reno. Not yet at least. We have to watch you for twenty-four hours.” Reeve said, earning a glare. “She’s safe, alright, another twelve hours isn’t going to kill you. Just, take a shower, get dressed, you have to get chipped before you go anywhere anyway.”

Reno took a sharp breath in, so much for never going to the labs again. Though he wanted to fight about leaving Suzanna a minute more, he knew he’d lost. Reno got up to take a shower.

* * *

Reno dried his hair off. He wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror and looked at his eyes. What greeted him wasn’t exactly what he had expected. The light was green. His eyes actually glowed. Reno flipped the lights off, and stared at his reflection in shock. He felt a bit like a jack-o-lantern. His eyes glowed brightly in the dark. They cast a glow that tapered off at his nose, though he could still make out every detail of his own face. The room was clear, even with the lights off, everything was outlined mako green.

Reno flipped the light back on and rummaged through the clothing bag. The clothes he had peeled off before getting in the shower were no longer glowing, it appeared as if a thick green film was forming on them. Scarlet, at least, had good taste in street clothing. Plain dark jeans and a grey tee-shirt. After getting dressed, Reno remembered that he had been shot in the arm less then twenty four hours ago.

He moved his hand to where Reeve had shot him, there was no mark, no soreness, nothing to indicate that he had ever been wounded. He rotated the arm for a moment, laughing slightly. Reno’s back and neck felt fine as well. Though he was mentally worn out, Reno’s body didn’t agree. Physically, it was as if he could have run forever.

It was time to leave the bathroom, Reno decided. He was a Turk now, like it or not and he _would_ get used to it. His life and his daughter’s life depended on that. Rude was overlooking Midgar from the balcony, a cigarette burning in his hand. The big man had to have heard him, but he didn’t turn around. Reno smiled for the first time, Rude wasn’t at all what he had expected. The man was calm, quiet, collected, good thing too cause he looked as though he could bench all of three hundred pounds or more.

Standing next to Rude, Reno lit a cigarette from the pack Rude had on the table. He looked out at Midgar, struck with the beauty of it for the first time. "Wow, who would have thought that this could be connected to the slums?" He didn’t need mako vision to appreciate the full glory of Midgar. It was lit up, complementing the starry sky with still, bursting colors. The lights of the towers touched the sky above, giving the illusion of an endless ball of stars.

"Yeah. That's what I thought." Rude opened a beer and drank. "I figured you wouldn't want me to smoke in the apartment with your kid and all."

"When will I get to go back to get her?" Reno leaned over the balcony thinking how muchSuzanna would love the view.

"After you get micro-chipped, you’ll see her before noon." The bald man said. They sat in comfortable silence for a long time.

"This means we’re kinda like partners?" Reno asked after a while.

"Yup." Rude agreed.

Reno swallowed. He wasn’t used to someone who was so silent, and he was nervous, feeling the need to talk. "So what's your real name?”

Rude gave the younger man a very slight smirk. "You first, newbie."

Reno’s name wasn’t exactly something that inspired terror in a person. "Renald Vickaler." He said lowly. The big man laughed.

"Almost as nice as Rudolph Michael." Came the offhanded comment in a puff of white smoke.

It took Reno a moment before he realized that Rude had told him his name and said name was the last thing he would have placed with that man. "You shit'n me?"

"I shit you not my friend."

Friend. Reno and Rude eased into a pattern of conversation that Reno had barely shared with anyone. The big man was open; his dry sense of humor was always just at the surface, though sometimes hard to notice. Reno felt very comfortable, sitting like this and talking. It was as if he had known Rude his whole life. "Thought you never talked?" He asked, breaking another long silent spell. Reno remembered the others worrying if Reno and Rude would get along.

The big man shrugged. "I only talk to people worth talking to."

* * *

The next morning the alarm caused Reno to jolt out of bed. It was a high pitched sound, one that hurt his ears. He couldn’t tell if it was due to his mako enhancement or if some sadistic human had actually created something so annoying.

He hadn’t had much of an appetite that morning, remembering that he was going to go see Hojo yet again. The others assured him that this would be fast and relatively painless. It was the "relatively" part that really bothered Reno the most. Hojo hated him for unknown reasons and seemed to be very eager to cause Reno more pain. He could feel his hairs stand on end at the back of his neck as he made his way down to the basement. He doubted he would have made it without Rude gliding along next to him.

_I…see you._

Reno stopped near a door. Had he been imagining things? Reno glared at a solid steel door; he could swear he heard a steady hissing coming from it. A dry, scratching, feminine voice, Reno knew he heard it.

“Leave that room alone.” Rude muttered, he hadn’t quit walking and the space between them grew.

The hiss continued, but Reno turned and shuffled quickly up to Rude. “You-ah- you didn’t hear anything did you?”

Rude shook his head, doing very little to raise Reno’s spirits.

* * *

The process had been quick. Twenty minutes after walking into the lab Reno woke up and rubbed an itching place on the back of his neck. There he could feel something small and square, though it was too deep near his spine for him to really get a grip on it.

Hojo was muttering behind him, looking at a small monitor. “47956 move to the other end of the room.”

It took Reno a few minutes to understand that Hojo was referring to him. More the a little disturbed at the fact that Hojo could remember such a long number Reno walked to the other end of the room. He could see, from over the doctor’s shoulder, a little white dot moving slightly. A tracking chip had been implanted in Reno’s neck.

Then Reno saw a smile he would rather forget and Hojo pushed a button.

He screamed, pain blinded him, shooting all up and down his spine, immediately, Reno was on his knees, struggling to breathe. The pain was over before Reno hit the ground, but the effects lingered; his heart fluttered angrily in his chest, his breathing was ragged. Without getting up off the floor, Reno turned his head and glared at Hojo.

“Behave and it won’t happen again.” Hojo then turned, picking up the phone and dialing Rufus. With a glare he flicked his hand at Reno, signaling that the young man could leave.

Shaken, Reno made haste out of the room, one hand at the back of his neck.

* * *

Reno sighed and looked out the car window. The bandanna in his pocket was wet with the sweat from his palm. Viper and Tex had agreed to meet him outside of the church and he didn’t know how much he wanted to see any of them when he was like this.

He glanced over at Rude and picked at the new blue suit. It fit him alright, though the tie was something he couldn’t get used to. It remained loose around his neck; the first few buttons of the white dress shirt were also undone. He lit a cigarette and noticed he was still shaking from Hojo’s earlier.

Reno got the message perfectly clear. Like anyone would do with important possessions, or perhaps a show animal, he had been microchipped. If he didn’t do as he was told, he was going to pay for the transgression painfully. It was a line even he wouldn’t be toeing anytime in the near future.

It was too soon when Rude pulled up a block away from the church. He pulled out a magazine. "Make it quick, man."

Reno didn’t get very far before Viper and Tex melted out into the alley. Reno pushed dark glasses up to his hairline. He couldn’t muster a smile for them as they approached, they didn’t garnish one for him either.

Reno extended his hand to Viper, who accepted it with a look of doubt on his face. "What the fuck happened, Wolf?"

"They got me. I have to go." When Reno looked over his shoulder to check on Rudeboth Viper and Tex jumped. Reno took the bandanna out and pushed the item up at Tex.

"Wolf, what's-"

Reno cut him off. "It's Reno now. Listen carefully," he handed Viper a card, leaving Tex to stare and the dark red bandanna in his hand. "This is my PHS, you need me, call.”

"Wol- Reno, Why are you telling me this?" Viper scratched his head. Tex nodded in agreement, still unsure why Reno had pushed his bandanna into his hand.

"All those stories about mad scientists?" He asked not expecting the other men to answer. "You had better believe them. I just want to keep an eye out for you guys."

Tex shook his head, starting to talk but Reno waved his hand up.

“Get going, if you see me and haven’t called for me...” He swallowed. “Run, just, don’t even think about it.” He turned to walk the rest of the way up to the church. “Oh Viper? Keep Tex’s head on straight for me all right" He didn’t turn around to see their faces. Reno didn’t know if he could have handled that. "Good bye."

* * *

Reno pushed the church door open. It was heavy and made of cherry wood. It'd been the same since he was a child. Not much had changed except one factor. This time he was far from innocent. He didn't want to face Padre. He knew what the priest would say, and part of him didn't want to hear it. It was the truth, but it was not his choice. He walked up past the pews and stared up at the cross, doing so had never made him feel so empty before.

"Feel a burn yet, Turk?" Padre's voice startled Reno. Once again, he found himself unable to turn around.

"Don't call me that, please." Reno pleaded. He was ashamed to have Padre see him like this. With nowhere else to go, he continued to stare up at the cross.

"What are you then?" The priest snapped. His voice echoed throughout the church, bouncing off of the walls. He stalked forward to Reno, even without looking one could tell he felt angry and betrayed. "I thought that you at least had some decency left in you."

Reno turned to face Padre, his face blank. There was nothing else to do. Padre was right, and nothing Reno said could change anything.

They stared at each other a very long time. Padre looked so much older now. His eyes were red and hallow. "How much did it take to buy you, Reno?"

Reno shuddered at his tone, then he became angry as well. He thought that Padre had known him, had trusted him. Had he been that bad? "You can't think that I wanted this!” He gestured around the church, trying to get his point across. He didn’t mean to sound as accusing has he did. “I did this for you! For Mar!"

Time stood still, Reno’s arms dropped to his sides as Padre’s eyes bore into him. "She's dead, Turk." Padre looked down for a moment in reverence. He had been blunt, and it caught Reno off guard, he just stood there was his jaw hanging open. "You were too little too late."

Reno recoiled as if he had been slapped. "Wh- Wh" Reno couldn't make his mouth work. "Dead?" The word had no meaning. It couldn't connect with Mar. She couldn't just die. She wasn’t supposed to die, not after all he had been through. "But- She can't just be dead. Not after all of this. Not after I- All those things I did!” The thought was like a ball of ice in his chest. It was all for nothing.

"Yes, dead! Just like you should have been if it weren't for her" Reno had backed up to the alter, Padre advanced. He could not contain himself. It was as if he thought that yelling could help her, help him, or maybe help Reno. "She cared so much for you! She couldn't have loved you more if she had given birth to you herself! All you ever did was give her a nervous breakdown"

"You can't-" Reno stopped. Yes, Padre could blame it on Reno. Hell, he blamed himself. He hung his head. Mariah's word's echoed in his head: _Why can't you just be good Reno?_

"You were right, you are the Red Plague. You kill everything you touch! No wait, you only kill people stupid enough to care about you! Ashamed?" Padre asked with his eyes full of anger. Reno saw him make up his mind right there. He could no longer have pity for Reno. The more he spoke, the more he didn't want to change him. It was as if Reno had become a virus to him. Just like the Shinra.

"Yes! There are you happy?" Reno felt his eyes burn. He looked from side to side, wanting a way out.

"Have you nothing else to say? Are you just going to run away and get wasted as usual? Fine example you set for you child." Reno couldn't take the verbal attack any longer, he turned on heel from Padre. He then went up the stairs to get his daughter.

His head throbbed in pain. Reno couldn’t help but wonder if Padre was right. His mother, Bethany, now Mariah, he hadn’t been able to save any of them. He’d finally succeeded in pushing Padre away and the man was the closest thing to a father that Reno had ever had. Padre was a good man, he never lied, cheated or stole. Why hadn’t Reno listened to him when he had the chance?

He pushed the door to his old room and looked at his daughter. She was his last chance to do right by someone. The last person in the world that really needed him. He’d be damned if he let her down. He picked up Trigger and hugged her tightly.

"Da da." She stated, giggling. She didn't care what Reno was. She only wanted him to be there. He would be this time. This time he had ShinRa money and power to use to protect her. Now no one could hurt her, not as long as he did what he was told. She was all that was left. All that mattered was getting her out of the slums; he sold his soul to do it. She wouldn't grow up like he had.

Padre was waiting where Reno had left him when he came back down the stairs. The priest's back was turned to him, his voice was unsteady. "Never come here again. You have done far more damage then you will ever be worth." Padre spat as Reno opened the door.

"I won't." Was all he could say, walking quickly out the door.


	22. Small Joys in Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried- Chapter 22_

_I Tried- Chapter 22_

_**Small Joys in Hell**_

Reno sighed, rubbing his tired eyes and stretching. He hadn’t thought that being a Turk would require so much paper work. The physical training wasn’t as terrible as all the reading. He had to memorize a five hundred page Turk handbook-though every rule was followed by at least nineteen ways around it. He also had to learn how to expel blood evidence, what chemical combinations would eat blood out of a hardwood floor, how to go about getting information from someone, and lastly the fine art of kidnapping.

It was little wonder they were such a feared group, everything worked with near machine precision. Turks were advised to spend nearly all their time together; they even shared the same locker room. Reno didn’t quite mind the set up, to be honest. He had a nice apartment, the ShinRa daycare was the best that money could buy, and he had food. However, Reno had yet to really do much of anything. His entire first month of Turk training was reading.

Reno stood and went to the coffee machine; he dumped the sugar container upside down over his mug, not really paying attention to how much he was adding. Rude and Tseng were both bowed over papers; Reeve’s desk was cluttered, though he was no where in sight. The others informed Reno that he was using Scarlet’s old computer and desk, and that she had been moved to the executive wing. Reeve would soon follow, taking a newly vacant position.

Rufus had made Scarlet Head of Weapons Development and Reeve Head of Urban Development out of the blue. Both were jobs that had been left open by very untimely deaths. Everyone seemed to know that the previous heads had been murdered, though they never mentioned it. The only thing that everyone said was that they had “Brushed a Turk.” One had to admit that being on the inside of something like that was interesting. Even talk of a hostile government takeover did little to make Reno enthusiastic about reading the book on decomposition he had purposefully saved for last.

With an exaggerated groan, Reno sat back down. Both Tseng and Rude smirked- the assholes- Reno made one desperate plea to the gods to save him and then the door opened.

Reeve looked as though he hadn’t slept at all the night before. “Reno, Rufus wants you to report to his office.”

Reno blinked; he hadn’t seen Rufus physically since the day he was transfused. “What?”

The tone that Reeve used was his “Do not argue with me, it isn’t my fault” tone. “Tseng and Rude have to go in half an hour on a job, he wants to see Hojo about the Jenova transfer and you are the only one that we can spare. He doesn’t trust Hojo.”

Suddenly, the book seemed much more interesting. He got up to leave the room when Reeve let out a short laugh. “Hold on, almost forgot.” He handed Reno a small piece of notebook paper.

Reno opened the paper and lifted an eyebrow. There was nothing of real importance written on it, just a list of five names. From top to bottom it read, “Rufus A ShinRa, President ShinRa, Hojo, Sephiroth, sometimes Heidegger.”

Reno looked up at Reeve over the list. “Ah, what’s this?”

Reeve smirked, “that would be the Shit List. If they aren’t on this list, you don’t have to take their shit. In fact unless someone up top of the list says otherwise, you don’t have to take Heidegger’s shit either.”

“Rufus actually seems to like it that we scare off most everyone. As long as you jump when he says jump, that’s all you have to worry about.” Tseng popped his back from the side of the room. “Basically, just remember there are only four people you really need to respect, and all of them because you like to breathe.”

Reno folded the list with a smirk of his own. He didn’t relish going to meet the one person he had to treat like his lord and master, but if all he had to do was as he was told and comment freely, he’d get along fine.

* * *

Apprehension left a bitter taste in the back of Reno’s mouth. For the past month he was trying to think that he had imagined the woman’s voice from Jenova’s chamber. He was trying to pretend that the spurt of his old dreams was merely his mind’s way of coping with the new trauma in his life.

He was failing on all counts.

Though the dreams abated, Reno couldn’t stop running them around in his mind. He hadn’t mentioned anything to the other Turks, though he felt like Rude was picking up that there was something wrong with his new partner. More then once the big Turk had asked Reno what was bothering him. Though Rude never verbally pried, he had ways of putting a whole paragraph of meaning into one look.

Reno figured he’d tell Rude if anything strange happened while he was escorting Rufus. Maybe he _was_ just imagining things.

Rufus’ office was on the 52nd floor of the ShinRa building. The floor was entirely devoted to very high end officials and only had one elevator actually landing on the level. It made sneaking up to the offices nearly impossible. It also meant that more often then not, one would ride on the elevator with other ShinRa personnel.

Reno ignored the way the mail people stared at him as they crowded together on the elevator. He leaned against the wall, wondering what they would do if he pulled out one of his guns and checked the clip. He rolled his eyes and stepped out of the elevator. The scuttles and whispers coming from behind him did absolutely nothing to distract the red head from the hallway itself.

Where the main offices had fake-wood floors, plastic plants and cheaper molding, this floor spared no expense. Real plants grew in expensive pots set on the woodreal woodfloor. A soft carpet adorned the hall, the same color as the ones on the floors below. It was like a parallel dimension where everything was simply nicer.

It did little to make Reno feel welcome; he had no idea how to act around Rufus, and little urge to do anything less then choke him to death after the way he threatened Suzanna. Unconsciously, Reno clenched his fists. By the time he realized he was doing it, his hands were sore. Looking down at his white knuckles, Reno finally figured out why Turks wore fingerless gloves.

There was no more time for stalling. Reno took a deep breath and pushed open the door leading into Rufus ShinRa’s office. There was a very pretty woman at the desk; brown hair with expensive highlights of red was worn in loose curls around her face. Her smile was as fake as the plants on the first floor. She swallowed nervously and pointed to the door. She seemed afraid to speak to him without being spoken to first. Reno didn’t feel like making friends at the moment and he simply pushed open Rufus’ door the same way he had the one preceding it.

Rufus was writing. He leaned over the massive redwood desk, resting his head in a hand. A yellow strand of hair fell along his finger, the one part of his appearance near disorder. He appeared to have not noticed Reno, but the new Turk didn’t really know if he should simply sit down on the chair or wait where he was. After a moment, Reno opted to just stand.

Rufus looked up finally, tossing the pen back into the holder with a sigh. “Well, you’re much more quiet then the last time we met, Reno.” The blond man stretched, pushing his chair back to stand. “You don’t have to pretend you like me, just do your job.”

Reno blinked a bit. “Ah, sir?” The sheer bluntness of the statement almost distracted Reno from realizing that Rufus was the only person in ShinRa who was calling him by name, not addressing him as “Turk.”

The snap that resounded from Rufus closing his sawed off shotgun failed to draw Reno’s attention from the Vice President of ShinRa. Rufus used the weapon to motion to his desk. Sitting on the corner was a paycheck, complete with a fresh signature from one, Rufus Alex ShinRa. Reno picked up the check while Rufus tucked his gun under the folds of his coat. The sum on the check wasn’t at all what Reno had expected. 40,000 gil should have felt much more heavy. At Reno’s still confused face, Rufus elaborated. “Your father was a Turk, that would be yours, death benefit.”

Mistrusting, Reno didn’t say anything, his eyes flitted up to Rufus and then down again.

Rufus continued, it seemed even for his lack of caring, he didn’t mid talking. “You do have a child to take care of.”

At the mention of Suzanna, Reno’s eyes settled on Rufus. “What are you playing at?”

Rufus almost smiled, though it was difficult to say if he was amused or not. “I don’t play at things, I do them. Your job is to answer to me, no one else. Your job will give you the ability to send your daughter say, to college? Perhaps pay for a wedding later in her life. And, your job is singularly dependant on me being alive and well. Are we totally clear?”

Blue eyes narrowed as Reno tucked the check into his back pockets. Sick as it sounded, he understood completely. Do the job, do it without hesitation and without question. There was nothing else required of him. Putting too much thought into something like that was far too risky.

* * *

Keeping all of what he was learning in mind, Reno glided along beside Rufus, just a half step behind him. He didn’t bother to look at much, all the hallways were the same and the people were not really worth his attention. That was, at least, until a large man loomed in front of them. He wasn’t built like Rude was, though he certainly wasn’t a pushover. “I know what you are doing. Putting those attack dogs of yours into places that just ‘happen’ to go vacant.” He pushed a finger into Rufus’ face.

Blue eyes drifted over to Reno for a split second. It was understood. Reno reached out and grabbed the man’s wrist, with his newly enhanced speed; he didn’t have any trouble craning the arm back, forcing the man to his knees.

“Hey, man, back off! Let me go!” The executive protested. Reno could feel the man’s palm start to sweat.

Rufus crouched, brushing a bang out of his face though it fell back into his eyes. “Yes, I’m putting Turks into executive positions after having the original people assassinated. What exactly do _you_ intend to do about it?”

The man’s eyes went wide. He stopped moving altogether.

Reno was glad the two were looking at each other, Rufus’ blunt honesty made him gape jaw too.

The man twitched in Reno’s grip, his jaw working furiously. “You- you wait, I’ll…”

Rufus stood up, causing the man’s voice to drift off. Once again he nodded to Reno, who let the man go. “Go do your damn job, I’ve other things to attend to.” With that, Rufus turned on heel, and Reno had no choice but to follow.

“I want you to trail him for a few nights.” Rufus muttered in the elevator. “Don’t do anything, just let him see you a few times, get into his apartment once or twice and move things around or leave a bullet on the dresser of his bedroom, take a picture of his wife or something, you don’t need to keep it, just remove it. I want to make sure he knows just who he is dealing with.”

Reno couldn’t help but smirk then. He got to play head games with Executives? No one informed him of such perks.

* * *

Joy was short lived, however. The moment they set foot on Hojo’s floor Reno could feel a chill up his spine. Everything inside him was begging him to run away. The voice only got louder as he neared Jenova’s chamber. Little hairs along his arms stood uncomfortably on end, the muscles of his back tensed as Rufus opened the door.

Perhaps it could be attributed to Hojo standing there, rubbing his hands with sadistic glee, though Reno doubted even Hojo could make him feel the way he felt at that moment.

Two SOLDIERs seemed to share a bit of Reno’s discomfort as they stood next to the wall. Though they were more obviously afraid of Hojo and the mood Rufus would present himself in. They both focused on the white suited VP and tried to look larger and more sufficient then they were.

Reno, however, was only concerned with one thing. The voice he kept hearing in the tank. No one else even moved to the harsh woman’s voice. It was something that trembled with contained power, quivering like a wire about to snap on a piano. _There you are again, little one._

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Reno clenched his fist and made himself determined to ignore the voice. This seemed to displease Jenova.

_It’s been so long since someone who could hear me didn’t fall to worship me. Dirty blooded thing you are, you hear me. Filthy creature, enemy of my people…_

Now he was making a pointed effort to pretend that Jenova did not exist. She continued to rant about dirty blood, and Reno continued to convince myself he was not hearing voices.

_There was one like you here before, she is gone now. The General is not like you, he can be manipulated. You are dirty! I know you are there! I shall make you respond to me._ Then the pounding started.

Finally, everyone in the room moved. The SOLDIERs fanned out, blinking at the tank. Hojo’s eyes went wide, a grin split his face. The man almost trembled with glee. Rufus was more analytical then anyone else in the room. While every fiber within Reno told him to run for his life while he could, Rufus moved closer, inspecting the door.

What came next happened so fast that Reno didn’t understand what he had done till after it the fact. The door of Jenova’s tank burst open, flying off the hinges. At the same moment, Reno’s hand gripped Rufus by the collar of his suit and hauled backwards. The blond VP and Reno both toppled to the ground.

The force from the door being opened was enough to lodge it into the wall. Rufus flipped up to his feet as soon as his back hit the ground, Reno was next to him in the next breath. Both men drew weapons, and aimed them at the tank. Then she came out.

There was something beautiful about her, the way the mako lit her very veins and glowed from in her pores. She was more terrible then beautiful Reno had one word- horrific. His chest rose and fell in ragged gasps, it was like Reno was being strangled by her mere presence.

Hojo backed up, bowing as though the monster was some vengeful goddess. She let out a roar of sorts from her mouth and barked in a grating, unknown tongue. _See me now? Now I shall have your attention! Your dirty blood!_

It stepped forward, throwing a bit of the tank in Rufus’ direction. Rufus dodged with little effort, ducking under the scrap and snapping back to a standing position with his gun ready. “Get it under control _now _Hojo, or I will put it down.”

Hojo didn’t move until Rufus started his nod to Reno. He waved his arms, pleading for Rufus to put his weapon down. Jenova, still screaming, started a lunge.

“Open fire.” Rufus ordered.

It took four clips from Reno and another seven slugs from Rufus to halt the monster. Hojo sped to her side, injecting her with something and muttering in the same tongue that she used. It sounded suspiciously like “mother”. White coats flooded the room, all of them ushering Jenova back to her holding tank. Hojo stood, starting to yell, but Rufus beat him to it.

He pointed to the SOLDIERs. “You two outside!” He glared at them until they scuttled to the door. “Reno, go with them.” He said, so they could hear him as they left. “I want them in that hallway, not near the door or leaving. If they try, you have permission to use lethal force. Understood?”

The SOLDIERs’ faces showed more fear in that moment then they had when Jenova had crossed the room. Reno only nodded and followed them out.

Once away from Rufus, the two chattered. “Did you see that? Jenova attacked Rufus! Right there! I wonder what he will do?”

Reno felt a wave of relief that made him weak in the knees. It would make sense for the monster to talk to Rufus like that. Rufus had been injected with mako and lord knows what else since before he was even born. Maybe not everyone could hear her, that would be understandable, and Hojo seemed to want to screw with Reno as much as possible. The red head could have laughed.

He leaned against the wall, lighting a cigarette. It was then that another white suited man appeared from nowhere. He leered at Reno through lashes that were long enough to be on a whore. “You can’t smoke here!”

The scientists were starting to remind Reno of ants, the way they crawled out of nowhere. He let two jets of smoke shoot out of his nose. “Says who?”

With an audible swallow, the man backed up. “Ah…well… It’s in the building commission…”

Reno took a long drag, waiting to see if the man would say more. When he didn’t he responded with a curt, “that’s nice, I don’t give a fuck.” With that, the man disappeared to wherever he came from.

It was then that the two SOLDIERs turned to speak to Reno. “Yer the new Turk then?” One asked, puffing out a thick chest in a half hearted attempt to seem threatening.

“It appears that way.” Reno growled in a bored tone.

The second one laughed, seeming more at ease then his larger companion. “Calm down Brison, of course he’s a Turk, what else moves that fast?” He slapped the man on the shoulder. “Nice save, sure as hell wouldn’t have been my first move, saving Rufus like that. Never fails to amaze me how loyal ya’ll are to him.”

Reno raised an eyebrow at that. He had saved Rufus, on instinct it seemed. Though it wasn’t really Rufus the person Reno was looking out for. It was Rufus, the man that single-handedly held he life of the one thing he cared about in the balance, that Reno cared about. Though it wasn’t something Reno felt like discussing with two strangers. So he just shrugged.

So what if they thought he was an attack dog? Loyal dogs get treated well, it was all that mattered.

* * *

It was hours later when Reno finally tossed the book on human decomposition across the Turk office, it bounded off the wall and slid under Tseng’s desk, and there it could rot as far as Reno was concerned. He picked a bit at the Wutain take-out box still on his desk with a frown. He’d picked all the mushrooms out, and really didn’t care for beans that much.

Tseng’s unoccupied desk had a similar folded box atop it. With a smirk Reno switched the two boxes and used his chopsticks to sort through the contents of Tseng’s dinner for everything that he liked. He was still fishing out chunks of beef when Tseng walked back in the room. Reno looked up, chopsticks in his mouth.

He could tell that the Wutain was counting backwards from ten to himself when he sighed and closed his eyes. “Reno… are you by chance, eating my dinner?”

“I was just…ah… trading?”

Rude walked in behind Tseng, lifting one of his dinner boxes to check if the flap was secured.

The dark haired Turk snatched the box out of Reno’s hands and peered in. “You little shit, you ate all my mushrooms.”

Reno offered up the sprouts and beans he had left behind in his own box. “Trade?”

“Eat Rude’s food!” Tseng quipped, though he did take the offered box and dumped it into his own.

Reno and Rude shared a look and then Reno turned back to Tseng. “Dude, I like breathing _way_ too much to touch that man’s dinner.”

Tseng almost smiled, sitting the box back on his desk with a sigh. “Come on Reno, you’ve finally been approved for active duty and you are going on a job.”

Reno blinked, but walked back to his desk and attached his nightstick to his belt, and loaded the three death penalties with new clips. “Ah, doing what?”

“You, myself and Scarlet are going to go and get some security tapes from the Don’s. He thinks he’s smarter then Rufus, and it is starting to piss Rufus off.”

* * *

Don Edgar Ashon Corneo. Reno never really got over his hatred of the man. Every time he thought about him his hair stood on end. He’d made the point very clear that there was probably still a price tag on his head from Corneo, but Scarlet shrugged it off. Automatically, Reno took the backseat of the car, all three of them lit cigarettes at the same time.

Tseng cleared his throat, then began briefing. “This shouldn’t be hard, we just need to get in, get a few things and get out, nothing else. However, it’s very important that the people there treat us as boss, don’t take any shit from anyone, I don’t care who they are. When we are in that manor, we are in charge.”

“Righto.” Reno said around the cigarette. He didn’t say anything, but it would be really nice to tell that fat bastard exactly what he thought of him, even nicer to smack him around a bit; if of course, he wouldn’t have gotten off on it. He did have a few questions, even though they weren’t solicited, he asked them anyway. “Ah, no offence, Scarlet, but wouldn’t Rude have been safer to take along?”

“Are you thinking I can’t take care of myself Reno?” She asked, puffing on a long, slender cigarette.

Reno realized she carried a case and there was no branding on the paper. So she rolled her own cigarettes, something was really familiar about that. "Naw, it ain't that, it's just you're ah, you know female."

She smiled, though there wasn’t much humor behind it. “Wrong Reno, I’m a Turk. We don’t have a gender. But, I’ll answer the questions, just this once. From here on in, never ask them again unless it is on how to do what is asked of you. Details are given if they are needed.”

Leaning back, Reno nodded, he hated feeling young and new to anything but he did. The suit seemed to choke him and he still felt as though there were things he should know right off the bat.

“Reeve used to work in what one could politely call _personal_ entertainment. Though he never did work for the Don, it means that the fat asshole rarely can resist jabs below the belt. It’s easier not to send him. And Rude’s worked nonstop for the past three weeks, he’s earned a night off. So here I am.”

“Here we are…” Reno echoed, falling silent.

* * *

Tseng was leading the way tonight, even though he was still very new to it, Reno couldn’t tell. If he hadn’t known that Reeve and Scarlet were just now fazing out of the Turks, he’d have thought Tseng was always the leader. Clean cut and no nonsense, it worked well getting them in the door. The bouncers didn’t even speak, they moved out of the side, snapping to attention to let the Turks pass. Though Reno could tell they were watching him with some mixture of shock and fear out of the corner of their eyes. They knew who he was.

Good. Then they wouldn’t be pushing their damn luck.

Whores peered out from behind their doors, the women that usually lounged seductively about the front fountains sat up and peered at them. One could tell they would have loved for Tseng or Reno to wave at them, the lust these women had for power was almost tangible. Reno was amused by the sneers a few gave in Scarlet’s direction. They were jealous of her, even now.

She was rare, Scarlet. It took him most of the ride to the Don’s but Reno suddenly realized who she was. Scarlet, she was a pharmacist, not just any regular pusher; she made the never duplicated Red Bombshell. A drug that was smooth, addictive, and could be mixed with anything, people still were trying to make it. The Red Bombshell was a downer, perfect to shoot up before crack or meth, it tempered the coming down. When it was paired with booze or another downer, it extended the buzz, and taken alone, it could make the whole world go away.

Scarelt had been the Red Bombshell, she’d been power without being a whore, without being in a gang, all on her own. And now, she belonged to ShinRa.

Tseng didn’t bother to announce them to the scantily clad male receptionist. The young man, who had to have been a little bit uncomfortable in the leather get up, blinked but didn’t call them back.

Rufus’ office was a polar opposite to the Don’s office. Reno couldn’t help making a grunt at the smell. The mixture of expensive foods, cheap booze and Alexander knew what body fluids made him gag. The Don had not been writing, his back was turned, and he appeared to be looking at the many monitors that covered the wall of his messy office. From the shuffling of his shoulders before the Don turned around, Reno guessed he’d been doing more then watching.

Shock passed into a defiant glare then back to shock. “Well, I’m seeing red. First Bombshell and now the one and only Red Wolf.” He leveled a look at Reno. “Thought you told me you’d never whore yourself out, Wolf?”

Tseng snarled and lit a cigarette, drawing Corneo’s attention. “Shut up. We are here for your payment and for the tapes you shorted us last month. Hand them over or we go to the ShinRa building and have a chat.”

The Don flinched, but spun around, again in his chair and moved to a plush couch. Reno could distinctly hear the word “wute” in his mumbled cursing, but it was easiest not to mention it.

Tseng took the bags and handed one to Scarlet and one to Reno. “Is this all?”

The fat pimp swallowed twice. “Yeah, that’s alla it.”

Tseng looked over his shoulder to Scarlet who shook her head. He looked back over to Corneo. “I have decided that I do not believe you.” He then made a motion, pointing his finger down to the floor, prompting Scarlet and Reno to drop the bags. “In fact, I also don’t care for your tone, and while I am on the topic of things that I don’t like, this place is a disgusting mess.”

Anger flushed Corneo’s face an ugly red. “And what are you going to do about it?”

“Well, first we are going to search through this place till I am satisfied. And then, well, I’m sure Reno can think of something creative…”

Reno let out a short “heh” before answering. “Oh yeah, I can be very damned creative when I like someone. And I hate this fat pig.”

Tseng smiled at the Don’s suddenly terrified look and then pivoted. “Right, Scarlet, take the downstairs store room, Reno, upstairs storage, I’ll stay here-“ he dropped his burning cigarette to the velvet carpet, it caught fire immediately, and when Tseng’s boot rose from the place, there was an ugly scorch mark the size of Rude’s fist staining the ground.

Reno could tell Tseng was changing the screens so he could watch Reno and Scarlet’s backs while they worked. He felt smug as he strode out of the room. Scarlet smiled at him and gave him a wink at the stairs. He nodded in return and started up. The third floor smelled just as bad as the rest of the place, but at least the air moved more freely. He “accidentally” broke countless things in the storage room while he searched for any tapes. A small box of them was all he was rewarded with.

Thankfully it was right next to a box full of rather expensive light fixtures, all made of a crystalline substance. Reno snapped his arm out, banging the box of fixtures with his fist and sending it to shatter on the floor. “Oops! I am so horribly clumsy! Silly me.” He tossed the box from one hand to the other and laughed, remembering to flip off the camera afterwards. “I may like this job yet.”

* * *

The next few weeks passed with little worth mentioning. Though Reno was finally getting the hang of things, he still asked too many questions according to the others.

Trigger was happily adjusted, thankfully. It was strange, to be able to buy her things. The other Turks were fond of her as well. She’d be one year old soon, it didn’t seem like so much time had passed. Had it really been over a month since he’d become a Turk?

The group had become accustomed to doing their paperwork at Reno’s while trying to teach Trigger words. So far she had her own ways of talking to them. “Da da”, was obviously Reno. “Ude” would come out on occasion if Rude was in the room, though usually she just made grabby motions for him to pick her up.

Reeve was constantly trying to get her to say something other then “paw” to him, and he told Reno very frankly he was no where near old enough to be anyone’s grandfather. Reno laughed and disavowed all knowledge of who taught her to refer to him like that.

At least Scarlet didn’t mind being called “Na”.

“Tshe” was what she called Tseng. At first, Reno thought Tseng hated children, the Wutain shocked him by giving Trigger a blue plush dragon toy. She was immediately elated with it, and had taken to swinging the poor thing by its tail. Reno hoped it would hold, though Scarlet assured him she could sew the tail back on if it did come loose.

The tail was holding firm that day, even while the little child flapped the item across Reno’s side. He had been lying next to her, reading. He snatched the dragon and pushed it at Trigger’s stomach. “Why can’t you be nice to things huh? His tail's gonna fall off, then wha-“

His door flew open, all of a sudden all the Turks were in his living room. There was something very wrong, for the first time, Reno could feel fear from them.

“Nibelheim just got leveled, Sephiroth...” Tseng shook his head. “Get dressed Reno, we have to sort this out fast.”

Scarlet yelled after him, though he barely heard it. “I’ll watch Trigg.”

He knew very well Trigger would be fine with her, for once he had someone else to worry about. He hadn’t wanted her to get involved. Reno didn’t even call her, he wanted her to forget about him. What if now something happened because he hadn’t warned her?

For once, Reno didn’t want to ask questions. He only wanted to get there and find Tifa.

* * *

A/N: I am sorry for the long space between chapters. I hope this nice long one makes up for the delay. I just got my first out of college job, and the hours were really taking a lot of getting used to. I’m back now, don’t fret and I will update every week if I can, no less then every two.

Thank you all for the support and for reading, till next chapter

Kas.


	23. Knight in a Dark Blue Suit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried- Chapter 23  
> _ _ **Knight in a Dark Blue Suit** _

_I Tried- Chapter 23  
__**Knight in a Dark Blue Suit**_

The others were looking at him strangely. Reno didn’t give a fuck. For the first time, Reno’d been stoic during the briefing, totally silent in the chopper, and now he was literally rocking back and forth as the personnel chopper started touching down. They were taking too long. He moved to stand, looking down at the waving meadow.

Reeve’s voice barely registered in his ears. “Reno, what are you-“

Reno jumped from the descending aircraft to the grass, landing in a crouch and bolting off to the smoldering town. He knew the others were yelling at him, but he didn’t care to turn around or listen. They’d catch up to him sooner or later. He had to find Tifa.

All the Turks had agreed on one thing about Sephiroth. He was a powerhouse that even the legends barely touched. When even Rude and Tseng concede to be no match for someone, they had to be amazing. If Sephiroth really was that strong, then any time Reno spent lingering could be too late. He wasn’t going to be too late again, not this time.

Bethany, Mariah, and his mother were gone. He hadn’t been able to protect them, he’d been too late. Being late couldn’t be an option now. Reno ran to where Tifa's house used to be. He had never been there himself, but her pictures and descriptions of town were good enough for him to walk Nibelheim with his eyes closed.

There were ShinRa personal running around here and there, medical units stained with blood, search animals were leading their handlers around the rubble. Everywhere he turned people were yelling for medical help, all the while SOLDIERs- first class ones, not the third classes Reno was used to dealing with- kept swords at the ready.

Reno skidded to a halt outside of Tifa’s. The fire was still licking up the frame and caressing the sunken roof. No one would be alive in that. He knew no one would be alive. His heart pounded in his chest and he grabbed the nearest medical person. “I need a status report, where are the survivors?”

She blinked at him, then realized he was a Turk. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you.” She pointed up the hill to the mansion, Tifa had never much liked the building. “Everything’s being taken care of up there. If you’re hoping to question survivors I wouldn’t expect much, so far there’s only three and Hojo’s already remaindered two of them.”

Reno wanted to punch her, scream at her. But this wasn’t the rescue worker’s fault. He nodded sharply and turned to rush up the hill. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the other Turks looking at him, it would be unprofessional for them to stop him and if they bitched at him later, he didn’t give a damn.

Near the mountain reeked of Jenova. It was the same choking smell that permeated Hojo’s basement. Speaking of, he could see Hojo up near the doors to the mansion, motioning wildly to four of his personal guards as they carried two stretchers into the building. One had a tuft of shockingly blond hair; the other stretcher occupant had an arm hanging from under the bloody sheet. They weren’t Tifa. It left him with one survivor to find.

He walked quickly, scanning the bodies. None of them were familiar…

…his stomach bottomed out. Tifa’s father was laying to the end of one of the rows, they had obviously tried to stop the bleeding, his shirt had been cut away and there were tubes still in his nose.

Another doctor was shaking his head and looking down at him. He wiped his eyes when he saw Reno approach, leaving a crimson stain across them. “Did you know him?” Reno had to give the doctor props, his voice held steady.

Reno was trying to make his do the same. “I-" He couldn’t just say that it was a friend, they wouldn’t tell him anything about Tifa if he wasn’t related. “It’s my uncle.” He lied swiftly. “He’s got a daughter, where is she?”

The doctor motioned for Reno to come closer to him. In a disgusted tone he said hurriedly, “I’m not supposed to say anything. Hojo was going to take all the survivors, but Shiva, I’ve seen too many people die today.” He pointed to a tent. “They took the girl in there. She was going to make it-" he took a deep breath- "but I doubt saving her was what those SOLDIERs had in mind. But you’ve got authority, you’re a Turk. I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s your family.”

Reno nodded sharply and ran to the tent. If someone so much as _touched_ her, he’d kill them. He jerked the tent flap back, causing the occupants to jump. Reno's eyes moved to each one of the three SOLDIERs before settling in the corner. Part of him was just relieved that she was alive. The other part of him was ready to eviscerate those bastards where they stood.

Tifa looked at him, blinked and then slowly shook her head. From where she had been standing, she collapsed down on her hands and knees, folding straight down in a near faint.

The nightstick hummed to life in his hand. "I think you assholes need to pack your dicks back and leave."

SOLDIERs first classes were not like the other groups Reno had dealt with. Third class SOLDIERs would obey an order. But not the first classes, they were a bunch unused to people challenging them. Large, vicious, and apparently, not very easily intimidated. The largest of the three- who easily had over 30lbs on Reno in muscle mass- looked over to Tifa, who was losing her battle with consciousness. "You'll get a turn Turk, we took forever wearing her down."

Reno slid in-between Tifa and the SOLDIERs. "You aren't grasping the situation here. Leave before I make you regret waking up this morning."

They sneered at him, though they didn't advance. Smaller than they were or not, Reno was still very obviously a Turk. He had that going for him. However, that also meant that no one would be underestimating him. They fanned out, and the apparent leader spoke up again, trying to divert the fight. "Three on one aren't good odds, even for a Turk."

"Perhaps two on three then? I recall reading somewhere that a good Turk was worth three SOLDIERs." Tseng's voice drifted from the side of the tent, causing the others to look at him. "Of course, if you would rather leave, we could avoid the needless violence."

The SOLDIERs snorted. "We could curl you two. I think you're on."

"Pft. You should talk…" Rude's deep grating voice drifted from the second opening. After ducking to get into the tent, the big Turk's head still nearly brushed the top.

The three SOLDIERs exchanged nervous looks with each other. They hadn't wanted to fight one Turk, and now they were faced with three. The leader opened his mouth to say something but then yet another Turk entered the room. Reeve glared around the room before speaking.

"What the hell is going on in here?" He demanded. The SOLDIERs clamped their mouths shut. Reeve glared at them a moment then continued in his level voiced manner. "You three, out of here immediately. We are going to remand this survivor."

"But… Hojo-" one SOLDIER started.

Reeve blinked at him, cocking his head to the side. "I'm sorry, I missed the part of this where I stuttered or was otherwise unclear. The girl comes with us."

Now outnumbered, the SOLDIERs lost their fight and left out the tent, glaring at Tseng as he opened the flap for them.

Reno hit the ground next to Tifa, catching her as she slumped over onto his shoulder. He shook her, "Teef? Teef, come on, stay awake for me."

He was close enough to finally get a good look at her injuries. Her shirt was ripped almost totally down the front. It was not red has he had previously thought. The wound on her chest was healed in a crude fashion with low level materia. She'd lost more than enough blood to make someone pass out. Her eyes focused on him, "Re? Am… did I die?" She wobbled again. "Is Cloud here? I- I saw him." Finally, Tifa Lockheart lost the ability to stay awake; she collapsed, falling into Reno.

The other Turks watched him as Reno took off his jacket and put it over Tifa's shoulders. He picked her up gently and took moment to clear his head before he turned around to face his partners. They all looked at him, various stages of confusion and annoyance on their faces.

"What?" Reno asked as though what had just happened was perfectly normal.

Reeve and Tseng looked at each other, finally they both nodded. "All right, let's get your cousin out of here then, before Hojo shows up." Reeve said. "And when we get some stitches on that wound and put her to bed, you are going to fucking explain this to us."

* * *

Reeve called ahead, making a report via phone to Rufus. Everything was quieted and under control, it was decided that rebuilding the city and covering up the losses would be the easiest thing to do. Not many people had ties to Nibelheim, those that did could be removed or written off as crazy. It left a foul taste in the back of Turks's mouths; however, they had no say in the matter. Even if they did, they wouldn't have gone against Rufus.

Reno was sitting next to Rude; Tifa laid out on his other side, her head on his lap. The others were not asking him questions. Though he knew that once in his apartment he'd have to explain a few things. Though, looking down at her, there wasn't much to explain. He'd known her for basically his whole life. No one could just leave a childhood friend to die like that.

Rude sighed from next to Reno prompting everyone to look at him. He looked downright dejected.

"Hey big guy, don't be sad. I promise to get us into a nice big bar fight this weekend to make up for not kicking some SOLIDER ass today. Howzat?"

Rude cracked a half smile at that and Tseng laughed from across the chopper. "And here I was worried the two of you wouldn't get along."

* * *

Reno swirled his coffee as he looked over his balcony. Rude stood next to him- as had become their habit- a cigarette hanging from his mouth. Tseng was sitting in one of the patio chairs, his lean legs propped up on the railing next to Rude's other side. The sun was rising above Midgar, making the city appear to be made of gold. It had been a very long night.

Reeve went to give the president a full report of Nibelheim, minus the Tifa incident. Meanwhile Reno, Rude and Tseng rushed Tifa to Scarlet. The four of them worked for more than four hours on Tifa, giving her a blood transfusion along with stronger cure materia.

Reno stood up, going into Suzanna's room to check on her. The little girl was sleeping peacefully, curled on her side and clutching her toy dragon tightly. He couldn't help but smile when he saw her so content. Before, she would be crying now because she was hungry. That had killed him, listening to her cry because she wanted food and he didn't have the money to get it for her. After closing her door, Reno peered into his room, checking on Tifa.

Tifa was now clad in Reno's tee-shirt and a pair of running shorts, asleep in his bed. She had been that way for the better part of an hour. Reno walked back out onto the balcony just in time to see Tseng cast another empty pack of cigarettes into the trash can and pop a new one from the carton they were sharing. "So tell me Reno, are you going to explain that knightly dashing to the rescue and disobeying direct orders? Or are we going to have to beat it out of you?"

"Hojo doesn't sign my checks." Reno replied. He extended his hand to Rude, who placed a lighter in his waiting palm. After lighting a cigg and returning Rude's lighter, Reno continued. "I met her when I was six. She's been my best friend ever since. She's family to me, the only friend that I have left. I couldn't leave her. You know what those men would have done to her. And Hojo..." He shuddered involuntarily. "Over my dead body."

A short snort, then silence was his answer for a while. Tseng took a few long drags off the paper before spitting out various sized smoke rings. "So, cousin was the best you could come up with? You've got a daughter; I'd have said that she was your girlfriend or your wife or something."

"An' how exactly would I explain me living here and her living THERE?" Reno asked, finishing off his coffee.

"Point conceded." Tseng tried to sip from his coffee mug, looked into it sadly, turned the cup over, and began to shake it. "We need to think about that. More coffee?"

Rude extended his cup without a word.

"Yep...on both counts." Reno frowned, leaning on the balcony while Tseng got up to get more coffee. He knew that Turks worked together, but they weren't what worried him. Hojo did. They fell into silence, and then Reno's PHS started ringing. Reno jumped slightly before putting the phone to his ear. "Yeah?"

Reeve's voice greeted him. "Rufus wants to see you, immediately. I'll meet you outside the elevator."

* * *

Reno wished that he hadn't drunk so much coffee. He felt jittery; the idea of meeting Rufus just after disobeying an order didn't do much to calm his nerves. He was worried about Tifa, and he felt silly for being worried. She was safer in his apartment, surrounded by Turks then she'd be anywhere else in her current state.

The elevator opened up, and Reeve frowned at him. "Rufus wants to discuss something with you. He wouldn’t let me know more about it."

"Is he pissed? How should I act?" Reno realized, looking at Reeve, who was fully in his Turk suit, that he was in a very rumpled white shirt, sans tie and jacket.

Reeve shrugged. "I don't know and just don't be stupid." He stuck his hand out behind Reno, catching the elevator doors before they had a chance to slide shut. "Is everyone in your apartment?"

"Yeah, Scarlet had ta clean up her place after Tifa, but she should be showing up any time." Reno was a bit irked that Reeve didn't tell him anything else. But before he could ask, Reeve disappeared into the elevator. Alone, Reno started into Rufus' office.

Unlike the last time, Reno was not left standing for long. Rufus motioned to a chair in front of him and then took a drink from a whiskey glass. "You want a drink, Reno?"

Reno blinked, not sure of what to do. Something told him that saying no to Rufus wasn't wise, no matter what he asked you. Reno nodded slowly. "Yeah…sure."

Rufus stood, sitting a glass identical to the one he was drinking on the dark wooden liquor cabinet. He started talking while he was filling Reno's glass. "I know it's late, but I'm a rather particular person at times. You see, I have this need to be in control." Rufus turned around and handed the glass to Reno. He sat and continued. "And when I owe something to someone, I feel like I lose part of that control, do you understand?"

Reno took a sip and surveyed Rufus. The VP had not asked to see or speak to Rufus since the Jenova incident, but Reno knew that was what Rufus meant. "Yes. I know where you're coming from."

Rufus slid a file across the top of the table in front of Reno. "Then perhaps you can already tell me where this is going so we can both get to bed."

Reno flipped the folder open and blinked. Newspaper clippings and photos of Tifa filled the manila file. They dated all the way back to when she just started wining Gold Saucer competitions. Finally, Reno caught a photo of the time he and Tifa both took home a first place. It'd been a really big day for Zangan's students, nearly everyone placed.

Rufus took a drink and waited till Reno sat the file down. "Now, I commend your quick thinking about claiming her as your cousin. But both you and I are well aware that this is not the case."

Leaning back in the chair, Reno took a drink himself and swirled the contents in his glass. "No, she isn't. But I wasn't going to leave her."

"So you disobey an order from Hojo?"

"I did."

With a nod, Rufus finished his glass and pulled the file back to him. "So, now we can get to the point. I'll allow this to slide, the girl can stay with you and you can have whatever sort of relationship you want to with her. However, I want you to know that I will consider any debt to you paid off."

Reno returned the gesture to Rufus. "Fine. I'll accept that."

Rufus smiled, steepling his fingers. "Very well then, you can go back to your apartment. Just, make sure she's worth it, Reno. I'm a very powerful man to be in debt to anyone."

Reno stood, nodded again and turned to leave. Rufus' tone wasn't the sort he was used to when dealing with people. There was no undertone in his words at all. He was honestly asking Reno if Tifa was worth canceling a life debt with the single most powerful man on the planet. Reno knew without a doubt that she would have done the same for him. If it meant ShinRa would take care of her, Reno wouldn't worry about debts.

* * *

Back in his apartment, Reno was greeted with questioning looks. "Rufus cleared her. She's fine to live here."

Turks never asked too many questions, and this was a fine example of that. They all now knew that Rufus was fine with Tifa's presence; they no longer had to worry about it. Reeve and Scarlet stood up, stretching. They made some excuses about reports and having to be up in two hours before both leaving the apartment.

"Report writing… is that what they call it now?" Tseng asked, smirking.

This earned a laugh from both Reno and Rude. "As opposed to what?" Rude asked.

Reno opened his mouth to say something not particularly pleasant when he noticed Tifa standing in the door of his bedroom. She swayed unsteadily and he rushed to help her stand. Tifa sagged into his arms and looked around the apartment with eyes that seemed to refuse to focus.

"Reno?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's me Teef."

Instead of relief or more confusion, her eyes flashed in anger quickly. "Where the hell have you been! I found out about Mar and I tried to reach you!" Her face flushed red, though she wasn't crying yet. "What happened! Where have you been? Where's my dad? Wha-I – I" -now the tears overpowered her- "I thought that you were dead!" She clung to him like he was her lifeline to the planet itself.

Rude put his hand on Reno's shoulder. When Reno looked up Rude pointed to the door. He and Tseng made a quiet exit from the apartment, totally unnoticed by Tifa.

She choked back the tears and stiffened, remembering. "Sephiroth, and… Oh my gods. My dad… He's dead, isn't he?"

Reno put his arms further around her and pushed messy hair out of her face. He nodded slowly. "I got there too late, I'm sorry."

"Those SOLDIERs… They were-" she shivered. "Everything was burning and they were going to- to-" Tifa broke down again, she was shaking.

"Shush, Teef. You don't have ta explain to me. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I won't take off on you again." He rubbed her back lightly, his other hand on her waist.

Tifa's hands made fists in the front of his shirt; she pushed her head into his chest. "Promise?"

Reno sat his chin on the top of her head. "Promise." They stood there for a long time. The sun was already pouring light onto the carpet through the windows.

Reno spoke up again first. "Come on, you need to sleep." She didn't object. He guided her back into the bedroom and helped her under the covers. He turned to leave, but she grabbed his arm.

"Don't leave me alone," She pleaded. "Just not now, please Re?"

Reno didn't see the harm in one time. He slid in bed next to her, Tifa rolled over into his chest. She was asleep again before Reno even shut his eyes.


	24. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried- Chapter 24  
> _ _ **Should I Stay or Should I Go?**_
> 
> * * *

_I Tried- Chapter 24  
__**Should I Stay or Should I Go?**_

* * *

Trigger's crying woke Reno up a few short hours later. Reno blinked at the clock, though he knew that he could have set it by his daughter. It was seven fourteen, on the dot. Yawning, Reno suddenly remembered that last night hadn't been a dream. Tifa was still curled up on his chest, her hands fisted tightly on his shirt. He had to push on her shoulders to get her to let go of him. "Tifa, c'mon, I can't let my daughter cry all morning."

She mumbled, snuggling closer instead of allowing him to get up. Reno resorted to prying himself loose and replacing a pillow where he had been. After tucking Tifa back in again, Reno went to get Suzanna. She stopped crying when he walked in the bedroom, though started right up again as he dug in a drawer for diapers.

"Hey, give Daddy a minute, you little freeloader. He had a long night and his motor skills aren't working." He put his hands on his hips and glared at the baby, though the smile on his face ruined his threatening appearance.

Suzanna giggled and lifted her hands up. "Da-da!"

Reno laughed, picking her up. "Oh, and you think sweet talking me is going to get you everything?"

She reached up and touched his nose. "Da."

Reno laughed. "Fine, Trigg, you already know you win."

* * *

One diaper change later, Reno was attempting to make breakfast while juggling his daughter. At first, she was content with the toy dragon and shiny kitchen tiles, and then she watched Reno dig in a lower cabinet and pull out a pot. Green eyes went wide at the sight of the black pan.

"Oh no you don't, baby. It's heavy and hard like Paw Paw Reeve's head."

"Paw!" Trigger repeated and went back to fwapping her dragon.

Reno turned his back for a moment only to hear the cabinet click. Sticking his foot out and holding a carton of eggs he halted the little girl. "I told you no, Trigg."

Using her father's leg to help her stand up, she looked up at him and pulled a pout. Then she reached for the cabinet again, gave up and hung her arms over Reno's leg. Then she made a little "grr" sound, tried again and looked up at him. "Bang!"

"Sorry baby, someone's sleepin'." He picked the baby up then, and her dragon. "You wanna play with him?"

"No." The girl struggled and made grab hands at the cabinet again. "Bang!"

Reno sat the dragon on the counter near the sink and tossed the little girl a bit in his arms. She laughed and for the moment, forgot the pots. "Are you gonna let me make food or are you not hungry now?"

Suzanna tilted her head and then looked at a cereal box. "Bite."

Reno, resigned to picking Jun-O's out of his hair and a cold breakfast, sat Suzanna in her highchair and dumped some of the cereal in front of her. He'd learned a while ago that bowls were just toys to the girl. Sitting across from her and eating out of the box, Reno laughed. "So, going to finish that novel today, baby?"

Suzanna smiled around a fist full of cereal. Then she stopped and pointed. "Diggy!"

Reno turned around to see Tifa, standing unsteadily and holding the stuffed dragon. "Hello, Teef."

Tifa hugged the dragon to her chest, swallowing. "I thought it was a nightmare…"

"Diggy." Suzanna repeated, holding out her arms.

Reno offered the cereal box to Tifa and pushed out the chair next to him. "Diggy is what she calls her dragon, she loves the thing."

Tifa laughed, walking slowly to the table and handing over the plush toy. It was immediately wrapped in a cereal mushed hug.

"And I'm going to have to wash Diggy again…" Reno muttered. "We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"

Tifa was still watching the little girl, but her voice was serious. "Yeah, Reno, we do."

* * *

"What do you mean you don't have a choice, Reno?" The tension had grown for the rest of the morning, coming to a head a few hours later. Suzanna was taking a nap, and now Reno and Tifa were arguing in hushed tones on the balcony. She still hadn't showered, and didn't look like she was going to until her questions were satisfied. "So you could get killed and you are fine with that?"

Reno took a long drag on his cigarette, leaving a big tail of ash to fall off on its own. "My whole life has been a matter of me almost getting killed. Now I just get paid for it."

She stammered at him. "Reno! What about Trigger? It's pretty damn obvious you are her whole world."

His eyes narrowed, "Teef, I've never said this to you, ever. But I will now. You can't understand." Before she said anything he shook his head at her. "I don't expect you to understand what my life was like, or what it's like to have another human being need you for everything. You can't even begin ta understand bein' a parent. If I die, I die, but she isn't in the slums anymore."

Tifa pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them while she looked out over the city. She didn't seem to really see it though, she was deep in thought. "You trust Rufus ShinRa? The same person who's- who's" She took a deep breath, wiping a greasy bang from her face. "The same person who is covering up that my whole town, my father, and almost everyone I've ever known is dead. Dead because of _his _company."

The cigarette hissed in Reno's ashtray. "Rufus keeps his promises. And he made a promise, as long as I do what I am told."

It seemed like hours passed before Tifa said anything. "As long as you do what you are told, Trigger's going to be alright, I'm going to stay here. Is that it?"

He leaned over the balcony, barely making out the people below him as they milled about like ants. "Yeah, I guess it is."

She laughed a bit. "I bet it would floor most people if they got a chance to really know you."

From over his shoulder Reno could see Tifa hugging her legs. "What do you mean, Teef?"

"My father-" she choked a bit with the memory- "always thought you were a rude slum kid that didn't care about anyone but yourself." She looked up at the sky. "He'd never believe you'd do things like this for someone else…"

"It ain't nothin' you wouldn't do for me, Teef." Reno turned back around to look outside. He'd never been able to see much of anything in the slums, but now the view was spectacular. He had a chance to give Suzanna everything she wanted. He had gotten Tifa out of her town alive and it was worth the price.

He almost jumped when he felt her arms around his waist, her head on his back. "I don't like it. I don't want you to get hurt, Reno. But, thank you. Thank you for everything." She let him go then, backing up. "I'm going to take a shower I think…"

Reno didn't turn around, but he nodded. "I'll call Scarlet, she's bound ta have something that'll fit you."

* * *

Tifa looked out the window for what felt like the thousandth time. Trigger was playing in front of her on the floor. It had been just a month since Tifa started living with Reno and she was feeling antsy. It was a wonderful day, there was no reason why she couldn't get out and enjoy it, maybe just walk around the ShinRa building a while without the Turks. Whatever she was going to do, she was most certainly not going to stay inside the apartment all day.

Making up her mind, she stood and started packing a bag for Trigger. "How about we get out for a bit, Trigg?"

The little girl looked up and smiled. It was close enough to a "yes" for her. About halfway to the door, Tifa realized that even though Reno _was _her best friend, she should probably ask before taking his daughter out. After all he'd done for her, she didn't feel right not asking. Tifa grabbed her PHS off the table and dialed Reno's number. He wasn't answering; neither were the rest of the Turks.

After picking Suzanna up, she sat on the couch and sighed. "Well, they said you did okay at the daycare right? I'll just be gone a little bit; I don't wanna make Daddy mad at me."

* * *

"No!" Suzanna protested, clinging to Tifa's neck at the daycare. She was attached to the hood of Tifa's sweater, and there was no calmly dislodging her.

"Just for a little while, Trigger, I promise." Tifa felt terrible, utterly like the worst person in the world. She hadn't wanted to make the little girl cry. Maybe taking her with wouldn't make Reno mad.

The daycare worker was smiling, an older man who seemed to have seen this very often in his life. He cocked his head when Tifa motioned for the baby bag. "You're taking her anyway?"

Smiling apologetically, Tifa nodded. "I just… I feel bad."

"It's totally normal. You and that Turk need to start leaving her here more often, or she'll be clinging to her mom and dad her whole life. They all cry a little bit at that age, then they realize that it won't get them what they want."

Tifa sighed. "I- I know, but, I'm not going to be gone long anyway…" It was then that she realized that the man thought she was Suzanna's mother. "Oh, I mean-"

The man handed her the bag. "It's all right, dear. You young parents are always like this. Just try to remember it's harder on you then it is on her."

Suzanna stopped crying as soon as they left the daycare.

"He thinks I'm your momma, did you hear that?"

She tilted her head at that and then announced "Annie Teef."

"That's right, Auntie Teef." Tifa laughed and opened the main doors to ShinRa. Reno wouldn't be upset, she finally decided. And if he was then he could take Suzanna to daycare.

* * *

It was late. God he was tired. Reno had no idea what time it was, he only knew that he had a blessed two days to recuperate after this last hellacious weekend. They were from Junon, to Corel, to Midgar and around twice more in less then a day. At least the objective was handled. The entire collection of intelligence dealers was put down. Less then two days and an entire side empire was leveled by three guys in blue suits.

Said blue suit was stained from the ankles down, his jacket smelled like the cigarettes they all had been chain-smoking up to an hour ago, and his shoes were never going to be wearable again. He slid the shoes off and let his jacket fall on top of them before he even bothered to make sure the door was locked. The side arms and mag rod clinked against the counter as he sat them down.

The white dress shirt- that would also have to be thrown away instead of washed- was soon to follow his jacket. An attempt to remove his socks resulted in him losing his balance and falling against his door. Reno cursed a bit, then since he was already leaning on the door, he used it to keep him up while he threw his socks on the pile of clothing.

His hand covered a wrap around his ribs. He had three similar patches, two on his left arm and one near his neck. He really hated getting shot at; those places would sting like hell tomorrow. But they weren't what had bothered him. Reno swallowed and let his slacks fall to the pile before making his way into his own room.

He really could have died tonight.

The shower was quick, more so that he could clean out any scrapes and cuts then to relax. Reno ignored the alarm clock while he put on his pajama pants. It would be so nice to just sleep for a few hours. Maybe he'd catch a nap with Suzanna too. Speaking of, it couldn't hurt to peek in and check on her.

When he opened the door, she wasn't there. Momentary panic set in. However, Reno knew that Tifa wouldn't let anyone just take his daughter. No one outside of ShinRa knew that he was even employed, and no ShinRa person would break into a Turk apartment. No, there was some logical explanation for this.

He had been right, opening Tifa's door, Reno could see that Suzanna was safely curled up with her. Reno leaned in the doorway and sighed. Suzanna was safe and sound, curled up into a little ball with Tifa's arm over her. Reno crossed the room to get his daughter. He remembered the numerous people that told him letting her sleep with adults would make her too needy. When his hand pushed Tifa's back she woke up.

Reno didn't realize how strong she was. Her hand clasped over his wrist and she glared for a moment through sleepy eyes. Then she realized who he was. "Oh… Re." Tifa yawned, getting comfortable again and tugging on his wrist. "We missed you…" Once again she yawned and fell asleep.

Standing there with Tifa's hand on his wrist, Reno made a choice he probably shouldn't have. He pushed the covers back and crawled into the bed. Almost immediately Trigger rolled over and tucked her head against his chest. Before he fell asleep, Reno could feel Tifa's forehead against his, her hand just on his shoulder. He needed this tonight, tomorrow he would worry about shouldn't have or should have.

* * *

"Dear gods, Se! Look at yourself; did you even put some iodine on that?" Scarlet complained the next morning. She and Reeve were walking with a rather battered Rude and Tseng to Reno's apartment.

The Wutain ducked his head a bit, but didn't respond. He was moving stiffly, one arm in a sling. He was sure it wasn't broken, but when it was pulled from the socket it hurt too much to really use. Rude wasn't much better for wear, his entire right hand was wrapped. He'd put his hand directly on the muzzle of a gun to redirect it as it fired, earning a burn the length of his palm. As a result the group would actually have to go out for dinner, seeing as it was Rude who usually cooked.

"Maybe Tifa's learned how to not burn eggs yet?" Reeve offered, trying to get Scarlet out of her mothering mode. It didn't work well.

Scarlet laughed and flashed her card in front of Reno's door to gain entry. "Rude says she almost didn't catch anything on fire this time, so at least she's learning." They looked down at the pile of clothing at the door, then, collectively, looked to Reno's open door. They could plainly see his un-slept on bed from where they stood.

The clock read 7am. Reeve's eyes darted to Reno's door and back up to the wall. "Suzanna hasn't started sleeping in has she?"

"I've got twenty gil that says they walk out of Tifa's room." Rude muttered kicking the pile of clothing.

Tseng laughed and fell to the couch. "I'm not touching that bet, it's a given. Now, what state of dress…"

"Ha ha ha, very funny." Tifa muttered, carrying Suzanna to her room for a morning change. None of the Turks failed to notice that while she was wearing her own pajama bottoms, the shirt was Reno's.

"Did Reno just combust and leave his clothes?" Reeve asked from the kitchen.

"No, he's just not really awake yet." Tifa responded.

"I'm fucking awake already….assholes…." Reno leaned in the doorway of Tifa's room. Scarlet immediately noticed that he looked worse for wear then either Rude or Tseng.

With an exasperated sigh, Scarlet gripped Tseng by the wrist and dragged him off to Tifa's bathroom. On the way she grabbed Reno with her free hand. "That is _it_. Both of you are getting something put on those, now."

Protests ended in pained hissing from both Reno and Tseng. Reno added the complaint that "they hurt worse now" to the mixture of common and Wutain cursing.

Tifa shook her head, holding a rather calm Suzanna. "You'd think she was cutting their hands off."

"So, where to for breakfast?" With a bright smile, Reeve changed the subject.

* * *

Reno blinked at his alarm clock. He really had slept till almost seven at night? Alexander he must have really been wiped out. He swung his legs off of his bed and stretched. Stiff, sore, but otherwise fine, it felt amazing just to rest for a few extra hours.

It also felt amazing not to worry about Suzanna. Tifa was impeccable with her. The little girl treated her…treated her as though Tifa were her mother. He ran his hands through his hair and leaned forward. Reno was starting to treat Tifa as though she was Suzanna's mother as well. How many times had he just let her cuddle next to him on the couch? How many times had he let her get up instead of him to watch his daughter or change her. Of course, Tifa offered, and she did it because she wanted to help.

But Reno wasn't supposed to just let someone just.

Just what?

He was starting to get too comfortable with her. Last night hadn't been the first night they'd slept in the same bed. It was happening too often. He'd come home and feel tired and alone and crawl into bed with her. Arguing with himself, Reno tried to push the point that he felt comfortable with Tifa. She was his oldest friend. She knew him like no one else ever would.

Was it so wrong to feel comfortable with someone?

Well, of course not. However, it _was_ wrong to be attracted to someone and perhaps ruin all of that comfort and over ten years of friendship.

Reno got up and opened his door. He wasn't getting attracted to Tifa, he told himself. Though, he could probably watch her play "airplane" with Suzanna all day before he got tired of it.

* * *

That train of thought continued to bother him. Reno was relishing the chance to go out with everyone and blow off some steam. They had tickets to the multiplex's "B-Rate" night- Rude's favorite movies were so bad you had to laugh at them. Tseng's translations of what the people in the Wutain fighting films were saying was also good for hours of fun.

All Reno needed was to have some time with everyone to remind him what a good friend Tifa was.

Scarlet walking into the apartment alone was not what they had expected. Reno and Tifa looked at each other and then back to her. "Ah, where is everyone?" Reno asked.

Scarlet rolled her eyes. "Rude and Tseng are needed to play guard dog at an impromptu banquet. But I didn't want you two to have to stay in because of it. I'll still take Suzanna tonight." She bent down and slung the baby bag over her shoulder. "Ready to say bye bye to Daddy and Auntie Teef?"

Suzanna reached up for Scarlet to pick her up. "Na!"

Scarlet seemed to miss the slight worry on Reno's face. "You two don't worry about Rude and Tseng, have fun tonight. Okay?" With that and a wave from Suzanna, Reno was left alone with his thoughts and Tifa.

* * *

Though they missed Rude snickering like a little girl and Tseng's grammatical rants at the movies, Reno and Tifa had a very fun evening. In fact, they were having such a good time that they stopped at one of the local hooka bars to warm up in-between the theater and the U-train.

Tifa rubbed her arms after walking in the bar. "Wow, it gets cold fast here. Feels like it was just tee-shirt weather last week."

Reno followed Tifa in, closing the door behind him. Without thinking about it he rubbed her arms for her. "Yeah, Midgar does this. It'll be new years in two days ya know."

She leaned back, her hands covered his. They stood like that for a moment before the host appeared in front of them with a cheerful greeting. Reno and Tifa jumped apart then, and though she didn't look back at him, Reno could tell something was going on in Tifa's head as they sat down. The soft cushions of the hooka bar made little wheezing sounds as they sat on them.

Tifa tilted her nose up, smelling the smoke coming from the table next to them. "Smells like apples."

Why was he watching her so much? Taking in the little details? He knew damn well what her nose looked like, it hadn't changed in years, why now?

It didn’t help matters when she moved closer to him, prompting his arm to go around her. "God, I'm in a sweater and I'm still cold." Tifa complained.

He rubbed her arm, looking down at her.

When she looked up at him to ask him why he was being so quiet, Reno tilted his head down to her. When she didn't move away, he brushed his lips with hers. It was just for a second- if that- but her eyes went wide. Color flushed her cheeks and she stared at him. "Maybe… maybe we should just go home?"

"Ah… yeah." Reno responded. He needed to go to bed, obviously he wasn't thinking right. Why would he just kiss Tifa?

* * *

They rode in silence, both looking at each other and then away. Reno smoked three in a row, mentally berating himself. He was worried that Tifa would want to leave now, when she opened her mouth in the elevator, he steeled himself for just such a comment.

"Reno…did, did you kiss me?" She asked, almost as if she didn't think it happened.

He swallowed. "Yeah, yeah, I did, I'm sorry. I don't-"

She shook her head. "No, it's… it's okay. I just wasn't ready for this… for that."

With a sigh of relief, Reno smiled. "I won't rush you, I don't know what happened."

She moved closer to him, prompting Reno to lean against the wall of the elevator. "I won't let you rush me, Re." She rocked up to her tiptoes, kissing him.

He almost forced himself not to touch her. Almost, he refrained from pulling her closer. One hand rested on her hip, the other moved to the back of her head. The elevator dinged on Reno's floor and they stopped, breathing hard.

"We should get Trigg…" Reno muttered fishing for any excuse to stay off of Tifa after she kissed him like that.

Tifa nodded an agreement, though she held his hand while they went to Scarlet's apartment.

* * *

Reno moved his keycard in front of Scarlet's door. Forcing his hand to stay on Tifa's and not go around her. He shoved the door open. What they saw was enough to put their minds off of each other, for at least a minute.

Scarlet's couch was turned the opposite way of Reno's so from the door you couldn't see someone laying on it. When the door opened, Reno could hear two people moving around on the couch, but he couldn't see them. He and Tifa made their way inside, closing the door behind them. "Scarlet?" Reno asked, eyeing the shirt on the back of the couch.

The rush of air from the people on the couch made him think they'd been holding their breaths since the door opened. Reeve suddenly sat up, though it appeared more like he was kneeling due to his body angle. A bare arm hooked over the back of the couch. His brown eyes were narrowed dangerously and for all the world he looked like he'd just escaped death.

The shirt on the back of the couch slid down from in front of him. After a more shuffling, Scarlet also sat up. "Is there a problem?" She asked.

Reno shook his head. Of course he had known that Scarlet and Reeve were sleeping together. It wasn't something they pretended to know, however. The reason was quite simple. As much as she hated it, President ShinRa was _also_ sleeping with Scarlet. The president was not the sort of man to grin and share; if he knew, he'd likely have Reeve killed. Or, knowing how much the man hated to have his pride hurt, he'd have him sent to Hojo.

Knowing that the keycards of the Turks could open any of the resident doors and most of the lab doors in ShinRa, both Reeve and Scarlet should have been more careful. There was literally nothing stopping someone else, like President or Rufus ShinRa from walking in as well. Though, Rufus probably already knew what was going on and didn't care about it, he wasn’t exactly in charge…yet.

Reno and Reeve stared at each other while Tifa shuffled off and got the sleeping Suzanna. He knew that Reeve trusted him, but he hoped that Reeve also knew how stupid Reno thought he was being. He didn't say anything as they left, though he could hear Reeve latch the chain lock from behind them.

* * *

"Tifa looked mighty… ah, flushed this morning." Tseng commented as Reno walked into the office.

"Fuck you and the chocobo you rode in on." Reno responded in an almost sing songy manner.

Rude sighed, lighting a cigarette. The action plainly said that Reno needed to get laid.

"She is not my girlfriend, we are just… " Reno fished for a word, "close."

"Yes Reeve, we… oh, wait, I'm sorry, Reno. Yes Reno, we know." Tseng smirked at the glare Reno tossed him. "It's just the same argument, hard to keep you two straight."

Before Reno could comment, Reeve walked into the room and Tseng wasted no time proving his point. "Scarlet looked mighty…ah, flushed this morning."

"Fuck you and the chocobo you rode in on." Reeve's statement turned into a question as Rude began snickering from his desk. He shoved a cigarette in his mouth and then lit it. "Reno, you and I have a job to do, I'll have to brief you on the way." Twin jets of smoke filtered from his nose. "And when we get back, we have a LONG briefing to get to. There just isn't time now."

Tseng and Reno shared a confused look before heading out the door after Reeve.

* * *

Tifa paced the living room, looking up at the clock and then to the door with every lap. She wasn’t paying attention to the smells coming from the kitchen, though she usually was right next to Rude while he cooked. "I thought they were on their way hours ago?" She asked Scarlet.

Scarlet looked up from the television, she'd been intently watching about a riot in an underground Junon club called Masamune. "They will be here Tifa, they are fine."

"Why do you keep watching that? What's going on?" Tifa crossed to the couch almost angrily. "Why can't you guys tell me what happened? Is Reno hurt?" Her eyes flickered to the new program. And almost drifted back down when a mug shot caught her eye. "What?"

"… Apparently, a man perpetrating to be General Sephiroth or at least a relation was running this dance club behind me with gang money. A run in with the leader of a Midgar gang, known only as Red Wolf, left him and many dead. There is no lead on this Red Wolf, though authorities assure us that we are safe, this was a gang related issue…"

Tifa's mouth worked twice before she fell to the couch. After the program stopped she turned to glare at Scarlet. "Pirates? You guys sent him in _alone_ to deal with them? They'll kill him on sight, are you sure-"

Scarlet cut her off with a gesture. "Reeve called me, they are all alive and fine. Reno's a bit banged up, but the objective was taken care of, and ShinRa kept out of it. It was a gang issue according to the press and it will stay that way."

"He could have been killed!" Tifa yelled. She almost gained her feet. "They killed Bethany, or didn't you guys care about that?"

"Tifa, Shut up before I shut you up." Scarlet growled. "You think I wanted any of them there tonight? Is that what you think? Just because I'm forced to fuck President ShinRa that I have some control over this? Well I don't. I don't have _any _control. And what the fuck were we supposed to tell you? Would you rather worry like you are now for days on end?"

"Yes!" Tifa growled right back, "I would as a matter of fact. Wouldn't you rather know then not know? If I know at least I can be ready for something, if you keep me in the dark then I'm left with nothing. What am I supposed to do if he doesn't come home? Are you not going to tell me? What am I supposed to tell Trigger?"

Scarlet sighed, looking at the remote control in her hand. "They were sent to take care of a Sephiroth Clone. To our knowledge, Sephiroth is dead, though we never found him after your home was destroyed. Him, along with a full dozen clones have gone missing, everything else is accounted for. As a result our new priority, as ShinRa is to take care of this mess. Rufus wants it to be as distanced from us as possible." A few moments of silence continued before Scarlet added. "I don't want to be like this. I don't want any of us to live like this, but we don't have a choice in the matter Tifa. You have to learn to accept that, you can't change it."

They finished watching the program and Tifa got up to help Rude in the kitchen. "We will see about that." She muttered.

* * *

AN: If you are wondering what went on in the Masamune dance club, check it out on The Writer's Den. Chocobogoddess teamed up with me to write an accompaniment that we call Fish Hook. I was more then happy with the collab, and thrilled that she wanted to use my ficverse to write in. I hope to add more accompaniments to The Writer's Den in the future, but for now, here's the link to Fish Hook.

www .fanfiction .net/s/2204415/1/ (Take out the spaces in your browser)

And you can find The Writers Den by checking my info page or just searching for them here on Thanks for reading!

/Kas


	25. Forcing Her Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I Tried- Chapter 25** **   
> ** _Forcing Her Hand_

**I Tried- Chapter 25****  
**_Forcing Her Hand_

Tifa woke up from the couch. There was a blanket over her. She sat up quickly, pitching the blanket to the floor. On the table next to her was a note: _Reno, took Trigg for the day, get rest. Rude_

Rude had Suzanna… meaning that Reno'd come home. Something made her jump to her feet. The urge to just see him was something that Tifa didn't think would be so strong. She opened his door and nearly tripped. Leather pants and a mesh shirt seemed out of place in Reno's bedroom. Worse was the jacket cleaved nearly in two that sat next to them. What had Reno been doing in clothes like that?

She picked the jacket up, it was heavy, designed to hold guns, from the feel of things it still had Reno's in them. She shook it once and the jacket fell in two, one half flopped back to the floor with a dull "thud". Reno didn't make a sound from where he slept, and he wasn't a sound sleeper. Worried, Tifa dropped the other half of the jacket and walked to the bed.

It hit her then; she'd never really watched him sleep before. Part of her wanted to leave him be. It was more than obvious Reno had a very terrible night. She lifted his covers a bit, just to tuck him in. Tifa wanted to ignore the bruise that ran totally over his tattooed back. As she pushed the blanket against his shoulder, Reno flinched in his sleep. A plaintive sound worked its way from his mouth.

God she was angry, she clenched her fist so hard that her hand shook. How could they just let this happen? How could any of them? What was so bad about ShinRa that they were this afraid?

Why was she so angry? Tifa swallowed, making up her mind. She eased into the bed behind him, putting her arm around his waist. Her knees bent not exactly behind his, but close. Reno moved a little, letting her other arm slide under the pillow. Laying her head against his shoulder blades, Tifa closed her eyes. She was angry at herself too, everything he'd done for her, and all she could do was hold him.

* * *

Reno woke up slowly. His back was stiff, though he knew that he'd be totally recuperated by the end of the day. Every once and a while, mako came in handy. From behind him he could feel Tifa move, her arm tightened around him. Her hand rested on his chest. She curled against his back.

Reno could feel her mouth against the nape of his neck. Still half asleep he rolled to his back. Tifa immediately curled to his chest, hooking one leg over his, just above his knees. Yawning, Reno let his eyes drift closed again, it was too comfortable to get up just at that moment.

When he woke up again, she was still pressed against him. Groggy and still sleepy, Reno kissed the top of her head. When Tifa tilted her head up, their lips brushed. Her hand slid down his chest, and before Reno knew what was happening, he had rolled to his side, one hand against the small of Tifa's back and the other in her hair.

The pillows moved bumping against the alarm clock and making it fall to the floor with a loud cracking sound. Reno hissed in a breath then, backing away and blinking.

Tifa looked confused, he couldn't blame her, he was too. It wasn't as if he didn't want her, not that at all. But gods, she got jealous when other woman were involved. And no matter what happened between them, Reno would still be a Turk. He'd still have to do whatever was needed. Reno pushed himself off the bed without a word, making his way to his bathroom. He pretended he didn't hear her whisper his name.

* * *

Something started that night that Reno both wanted and wished never happened. No matter how much he wanted her, he couldn’t have her. It didn't stop the passionate moments that always turned to a cold shower and an argument. It didn't stop the look of betrayal that showed on her face whenever she knew he was with another woman.

And she always knew.

Damnit, if it hurt her now how would she take sharing?

Why didn't he tell her to go to her own room, then? Why did he let the once and a while become every night?

Because he wanted her. Even though she would get upset, she knew he did. Tifa wasn't stupid and she was planning something. These past few months she'd been gone a lot. Reno left his shower and looked around the living room. Still no Tifa. He was beginning to wonder if letting her read his files was a bad idea. He'd thought it would scare her off - maybe he just wanted her to understand.

Trigger was in her room, playing with that toy dragon. Poor thing was pushing three years old by now, and its tail had gone through countless re-sewings. She blinked up at him and waved a second toy at him. "Auntie Teef said she had to go talk to someone."

Reno cocked an eyebrow, but didn't say anything other then "okay".

When Tifa did come back she had a backpack with her, and she went directly into her room. It shocked him. Reno looked from her room to his and back twice before he realized something was very out of the normal. "Teef?"

She came out of her room and closed the door behind her, both hands covering the knob. "Re? We have-"

They both jumped when Reno's door slammed open. Suzanna's head poked out of her bedroom and then ducked back in when Tseng and Rude rushed into the apartment. Tseng didn't have to order, Reno knew what it meant. Whatever Tifa would have to say or do would have to wait. He cast an apologetic look to her before going to get his gun belts.

When he left his room Tifa and Trigger were standing in the living room. Tifa nodded at him. "Come home." She said, though the comment was nothing new, her tone was.

Reno hugged them both, muttered "I always try to" and left without a backwards glance. He hated this.

* * *

Cigarette smoke clouded at the roof of the black car. Once again, Reno was sitting in the backseat and Tseng was driving. However, Rude was the third occupant. Reno smiled a bit; it was strange how some things never changed. "So," he started, letting his cigarette bounce out into the night air, "does this trip involve fun costumes?"

Rude shook his head. "Naw, actually, we don’t need bait. Hopefully." He added the last part after dragging on his own cigarette. Most people would elaborate further, but not Rude. He simply shrugged his broad shoulders and continued to smoke.

"This time even the people working for him are scared of him. They complain that he is unstable and contacted ShinRa. This is one that we wouldn't have noticed otherwise." Tseng responded. "They say it's like two people are there, just they look identical."

Reno quirked an eyebrow up at this information. "So… what'cher tell'n me is that we are walking into a clusterfuck?"

Though there was no answer from the front of the car, Rude gave Reno a thumbs up.

With a deep sigh, Reno fell back against the seat. He really didn't like the way this looked. Something nagged at him about these clones. Somehow he always knew they weren't the real thing, despite his first fears to the contrary. They didn't feel right. Of course, the fact that something like Sephiroth could feel right to him made totally no sense whatsoever. No one would have cared anyway, Reno figured. They still had four more clones to locate, and the real thing.

They pulled into a parking garage, next to an occupied van. Professionalism took over. Three doors opened in unison, slamming shut with the sound of one. The people in the van shifted nervously, watching as Tseng waited for Reno and Rude to flank him.

Seeming to realize that she needed to speak, the supposed leader scrambled out of the passenger side of the van. "I- ah-"

"Talia" Tseng responded, though he did not offer a hand to her. Arms crossed over his chest he nodded his head in Rude's direction and then Reno's. "We are here to take care of your problem."

"Well, that's ah, that's just the problem." Talia responded, as she spoke five other people walked from the van. When the Turks made a motion for their side arms all of them lifted their hands.

Reno was struck with the stray thought about how much like them he used to be. He'd transitioned to the smooth working structure of a Turk, and now, what he had been before? He sneered a bit. At least he'd pretended that he was unafraid.

"Define problem." Tseng responded flatly.

Talia swallowed and cleared her throat; she seemed unwilling to make eye contact. "There _are_ two of-"

She fell silent as Reno, Tseng and Rude all glanced to the side. Turning back to the group, Tseng only said one word. "Rude."

And as if an entire order had been given out, the large man slid away from Reno's side and around to where the sound had come from. The group standing with Talia continued to fidget before the assassins. Reno couldn't really blame them; they were playing two different leagues. However, now that Turks were here, things would go smoothly. Or else.

There was a scuffling sound; a sharp cry was cut off almost before it could be heard. A moment later Rude came back, pushing a frightened man in front of him. The new comer had a large red mark up the side of his head, telling that one hit was all it took to shut him up.

He was dismissed quickly by both Reno and Tseng who looked expectantly up at their partner. Rude lifted three fingers in the air and then tucked his gun back into a holster. So he'd killed the other two and kept this one. Tseng looked at his hand a moment, then picked at something from under his nail. "And what would you be doing here?"

The man- who seemed to be in his early thirties- opened his mouth and then closed it. He was obviously one of the old hats to whatever it was that was going on in this warehouse. Talia and her gang looked as though they knew who he was, though they were as shocked to see him as he was to see Tseng. If he'd been prepared to deal with resistance it was not one that included Turks.

After a few moments of silence Tseng let out an annoyed sigh.

Reno knew what was expected of him. Tseng was the "cool collected" talker and Reno was the one that people watched. He distracted them, he was the one that scared them, when all the while, Tseng was the real threat. The mag rod extended at the same moment Reno spin stepped forward. The side of the rod connected with the man's ribs, the electrical shock brought a soundless gasp out his lips before he fell to the floor.

There was a light whimper as Rude lifted the man with one hand firmly on the back of his shirt.

"My partner just asked you a question. It's mighty rude not to answer someone's question." He bounced the mag rod a bit on his shoulder and looked up at Rude for a moment. They shared a short laugh over nothing before Reno turned back to the hapless victim. "Particularly when ya crash someone else's private conversation. Now, how's about you tell us whatcher doing here, bucko, before I get angry."

"He- he'll kill me," came the response. Rude let go of the man's collar and he staged a bit before facing Reno and Tseng. "He'll kill me."

"That, my friend, is exactly what we are going to do. And whoever sent you, and maybe everyone you've ever said more than three words to in your entire life. Now, do fill in the missing details. We've got little time to deal with this." Tseng asked, arms still loosely crossed in front of his chest. He hadn't moved from his spot yet, nor had he even fully turned to face the man he questioned.

"I'm Conner, he sent us to take care of them-" he pointed to the people near the van. "He- he…" Conner stammered and fell silent once again.

Reno's mag rod connected three more times before Conner yelled out "He said that he'd take care of the clone! I don't know what he means, but he won't- won't let you kill him."

"And that means?" Reno asked, twirling the mag rod around in his hand.

"Fuck you." Conner hissed. "Fuck you, you're a bunch of monsters, you all are… everyone, everyone's already dead." His tone was enough to set a chill up Reno's back. Conner laughed. "The other has a few running around… sooner or later, they'll find you. But they aren't him. He'll gut you, Turk. I saw h-"

The steel toe of Reno's boot connected with Conner's jaw before the rest of the sentence left his lips. Conner connected with the van before falling limp on the pavement. No one bothered to see if Reno had killed him or not.

Tseng didn't allow silence to linger further. "Talia, are you and your men armed?"

"Yes." She'd somehow located a spine, for the time being at least. "They are."

All three Turks checked their clips. "He came from that way, so let's go into the warehouse. Keep silent; if you scream for help do not expect it. Understood?"

Reno and Rude were already starting to the passageway; they didn't need to hear this speech again.

* * *

Scattered boxes and assorted parts from machines littered the passageway. Reno nudged one with his foot, though nothing came of it. The three Turks had taken a lead; the poorly lit, thin, passage left much to be desired in the way of fighting. There was little to hide behind, and as it stood, Reno, Rude, and Tseng were literally shoulder to shoulder. Something started pricking at the side of Reno's mind. He could hear a faint scratching sound. Like a rat in a wall, a loose hiss. The hallway curved, the lights flickered dimly twice before going out completely in front of a steel door. The hissing sounded very much like the word "closer".

He watched as Tseng's hand slowly reached for the doorknob. He caught that smell again. The smell that infected Hojo's rooms. Dried blood, vomit, trash, a sickly sweet aroma, Jenova… His hand covered Tseng's wrist before Reno knew what he was really doing.

The angry glare from Tseng faded. Reno knew he looked afraid. "No, just… don't go in there, Se." He whispered harshly. "Please, just trust me, please don't go in that room."

A glance behind Reno, probably to make sure Talia's group didn't hear the fear in Reno's voice and then Tseng's eyes settled on Reno. For a moment, Reno was afraid that Tseng would toss his hand back and throw the door open. Tseng would do that. He'd then yell at Reno for being afraid of a boogieman. Instead, Tseng nodded and turned to continue down the hall. Reno was confused, though he let out a relieved sigh, and followed.

The machine gun went off from behind them, causing Reno, Rude and Tseng to hit the floor. They looked behind as one of Talia's men fired without aiming, hitting many of his own people and knocking out the lights totally. Even though the lights went out, all of the Turks saw why the man was out of control.

The Masamune gleamed from the middle of his chest.

Talia's people became Reno's previously described "clusterfuck". They were shooting themselves, and new weapons roared to life from further behind them. Ambush. The Turks shared a look, and used Talia's people as a distraction.

"Retreat." Tseng ordered, knowing that a close quarter fight with Sephiroth couldn't turn out well when he was backed with armed men. All three of the Turks bolted down the hallway, throwing boxes down to cover their path.

Reno was faster then both Tseng and Rude by quite a bit. In fact, he held the ShinRa sprint record. However, he loped beside them, though he couldn't tell if it was because he felt safer with them, or because he didn't want to lead. The sounds of the gunfight faded, and easily heard over the Turk silence, the stampede of a mob followed. Finally the hall opened out into the warehouse. The lights were almost too bright in comparison to the hall.

Tseng pulled out both of his weapons and fired at the lights. Reno and Rude did the same. They had night vision, and they were going to use it. Finally the hall opened out into the warehouse. The lights were almost too bright in comparison to the hall. Tseng pulled out both of his weapons and fired at the lights. Reno and Rude did the same. They had night vision, and they were going to use it. Their clips clattered to the ground amidst the broken glass. Tseng pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket, sliding them on his nose. Reno slid his goggles down to hide the mako glow of his eyes. In the center, they stood waiting, guns drawn.

They weren't waiting long, a pair of green eyes glowed brightly down the hall. The people that followed him were running blind. The Turks opened fire, mowing down the first rank. Though the second was smarter, they scrambled, some pulled on night vision goggles.

Four simply ran to a catwalk. They were going for the emergency lights. Reno tucked his gun and bolted after them. The sound of metal sliding against metal froze him on the steps. Looking down, he could see Sephiroth, and Tseng. The blade of the Masamune clipped the Turk's glasses in half and sparked off the barrel of his death penalty.

Rude, in the midst of dealing with the full second rank of men, yelled for Tseng and tossed a length of piping at him. Tseng was fast; he dropped his gun and spun, throwing an elbow into Sephiroth's ribcage. There was an audible crack, and then the Turk rolled to the ground. Once again the blade missed him, the second time it connected with the pipe.

Sparks flew again from the force of the razor sharp blade against steel. Tseng fell back, knocking over a fuel canister. Both Sephiroth and Tseng froze. Reno couldn't hear him, but they both cursed lowly and ducked for cover. The catwalk blew apart with the force of the explosion; it was followed by many others. He could hear people yelling, both Rude and Tseng's voices were sharp, though the fire was building and he couldn't see anyone.

Anyone, but Sephiroth.

He was burned badly, how he got up in front of Reno was a mystery. One that Reno didn't care to think about. He pulled two of his guns and fired till they were empty. Sephiroth staggered back with every impact, though he remained fully on his feet. At the same moment Reno emptied his clips, he saw Sephiroth fall.

Another large explosion blew him through the glass of the control room. Standing, glass rained down from his jacket and hair. His vision blurred, He swore he saw Sephiroth, dead on the catwalk… but then, why was he also in the doorway?

_Dirty little thing… there you are… _

His lungs hurt. Looking down, Reno noticed that he had a shard of glass protruding from his ribcage; he couldn't feel the blood as it soaked up his pant leg. Sinking to his knees, everything started fading…

… he didn't remember anything else.

* * *

Tifa paced the living room, doing laps around the couch. She'd been alright till Suzanna was put to bed, and from that moment on, she paced. "Why haven't they checked in yet?"

"For the last time, Tifa, I do not know." Reeve responded from the porch. A cigarette burned in his hand. The ringing of his phone caused him to drop it when he jumped. Oblivious to the half smoked cigarette that was plummeting to the alley, Reeve pulled his phone to his ear. "Se?"

Tifa let out a rush of air, hurrying to the balcony. Though Reeve's expression clearly told her all was not well. "No.. he … oh gods. No, you find him. Find something. No… of course not. I'll meet you out there. Just, please, don't give up on him yet."

Her legs didn't work right. Reeve shoved his phone back into his coat and stormed out past her. Tifa staggered a bit, "Reeve?" He wouldn't look at her. "Reno, where is he?"

"They don't know." Reeve responded harshly.

"What!" She started, the remembered to be more quiet. "No, no, he can't be missing. What do I tell Trigger?" Oh dear gods, what would she tell Trigger? How could she- Tifa shook her head. "You can't just tell me he's gone. What am I supposed to tell Trigg?"

Reeve took a deep breath and opened Reno's door. "The truth. We are looking for him. We will bring him home."

"Alive?" For some reason Tifa couldn't move from the wall.

"If I can."

And Emmerson Reeve was gone.

* * *

He remained gone for two days. Every time she called, they didn't answer. At about midnight, the start of the third day, she pitched her PHS against the wall in frustration. Tears threatened the backs of her eyes, and there was nothing she could do. Nothing. That was what bothered her the most. Reno could be dead, dying, worse, and there was nothing she could do at all.

"Where's Daddy?"

Suzanna, throwing the phone must have woke her up. Tifa took a breath, she couldn't loose it in front of a three year old child. She couldn't. Turning around, Tifa tried to smile. "They are looking, Trigg. Soon, I promise."

She was scared, big green eyes looked around the room and she hugged herself. "When? You said soon yesterday." She bit her lip. "I want my daddy."

Tifa bent down and hugged Suzanna closely. The hug she got back was vicious. "You should go to bed, honey. We will know more tomorrow, I promise."

"I don't wanna be alone, don't leave me." She whispered, crying on Tifa's shoulder. "Please don't leave me."

Tifa wished that they had lied to Suzanna. She wished that the little girl thought that everything was alright. But that wouldn't have been fair. Tifa stood, "common, let's both go to bed then, things will be better tomorrow."

* * *

Blood was literally everywhere. It covered everything, including the ground. Tseng threw Reno's door open with a loud crack, still gripping Reno's shoulders. Rude had the younger man's feet, and Reeve followed, slamming the door shut behind them. Tifa gaped at them all from Reno's bedroom doorway. Tseng’s authority snapped loudly. “Keep Trigg in the bedroom, don’t let her out.”

He could hear the little girl, even from her room. “Daddy? Oji Se? Tee, whatsamatter? I wanna see my daddy!”

“Don’t you fucking die on me, Reno.” Tseng cursed in Wutain, not noticing as he scraped the length of his forearm along the kitchen counter. He had known what to do a moment ago; now, they were just maneuvering to move.

Reno gasped once, thin chest rising as they sat him on Tifa's bed. He fell silent, halting both Rude and Tseng in mid dash to get the things they needed to remove the bullet. Both of them spun around, blocking the door, from behind his shoulder, he could hear Tifa. “What’s wrong, Reno?” She was strong, he already knew this, but once again, his arm was abused as she cast him to the doorframe. “Reno!”

The shirt she had on was too large for her, it was Reno’s. It was ruined the moment she touched him as well. One hand on his forehead and the other was on his chest. “RENO!” She yelled, forgetting that there was a five year old child in the next room who didn’t need to know what was happening.

Weakly, Reno coughed. Blood came out of his mouth. It was enough, he was alive, Tseng and Rude ran to get what they needed. Tifa had to be shoved out of the way, in the end, Reeve hauled her physically from the room and held both her and Trigger up in Reno's room. It seemed like hours, but only twenty minutes later, Reno was breathing shallowly. He'd live, and Tseng desperately needed a smoke.

* * *

Tseng leaned over the balcony, a cigarette burning in his hand, it would be meeting the five previous ones in the ashtray in a moment, after lighting the but of his seventh. His hands were shaking, though the nicotine wasn’t helping, Tseng had a lack of anything else to do. Rude was in the kitchen, nursing a wound of his own, he could hear the big man grunting as he did his own stitches. Reeve was making a report and Tifa refused to let Reno out of her sight. It was a bit shocking then, when he heard a little voice behind him. “Oji Se?”

Trigger. He spun, blinking and very glad she wasn’t really looking at him. Her eyes were glued to the drying trail of blood. It had become black in places, though patches as red as the child’s hair shone through. The same could be said about himself, though the dark colored suit hid the stains well; his white shirt was another matter. “Trigg, go in your-“ He stopped himself, he noticed it then, that unnatural Midgar maturity.

Her knuckles were white, and her green eyes seemed near tears. She was taking quick breathes trying to control herself, though she’d been sheltered. Sheltered, right, if you can call it that, not that any of it was anyone’s fault, but you couldn’t be the child of an assassin and not figure it out. “I- I’m scared.” They stood there for a moment, but she moved forward, hugging him. Reno’s blood made its way from his slacks to his daughter. “Daddy’s not gonna- gonna-“ It was too much, the child broke into sobs.

Forgetting about his goal to smoke an entire pack in one go, Tseng crouched, pushing a bang from the girl’s face and leaving a red smear. It was the same shade as her fathers- bright. In fact, until he saw Trigger, he had been convinced Reno’s hair was dyed that color. Right now though, the similarity between the two ended. Reno had already been abused enough for a lifetime at her age. Trigger wasn’t like that at all; she was actually getting a bit of what had been denied to her father- childhood. That didn’t stop the fact that Tseng felt responsible now more then ever. “No, no, Trigg, your daddy’s going to be alright.”

She gripped his shirt, not noticing that now everyone in the apartment was head to toe with blood. She turned her chin up to him, eyes asking him for power he just didn’t have. “Promise?”

“He’ll be fine tonight. Promise.” Tseng confirmed, though it wasn’t what he wanted to be able to tell her.

“What about later?” The question he wished the child hadn’t asked. “What about you and Uncle Rude? What about tomorrow?”

He picked Trigger up, sitting down on a chair with her on his lap. Big green eyes still begged him. “I’m not going to lie to you. I can’t make that promise, Trigger. I can just promise tonight.”

She looked at her hands, just noticing that they were red. First they balled into fists, but then they grabbed the knees of her pajama pants. “I don’t like this.” She said simply. “I don’t want to just have tonight.”

“I’m so sorry honey, there’s nothing we can do. We don’t want to lie to you.” It was the second time that he said that, the second time and it sounded worse then the time before. Part of him wanted to lie to her, badly, just to keep her happy. Though they all knew that it wouldn’t last and better to be trusted and hurt then lied to.

She leaned into him, still holding the jacket. Tseng wondered if she had fallen asleep, and then she spoke up again, in a small voice. “Oji?”

“What Trigg?”

“Are you the bad guys?”

His eyes closed. “Sometimes, a lot of the time.”

She curled up a bit, closer to him. “Is it wrong of me to want you to be okay?”

There was a lump in his throat now, it was an unaccustomed feeling. “No Trigger, I don’t know that there are good guys to cheer for anyway.”

She nodded, but didn’t say anything else. The two sat there, while the sun came up, an assassin and a little girl, desperately wanting her hero to be the good guy. He looked down after a while, Trigger was sleeping.


	26. Count Me In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried – Chapter 26_ **  
> Count Me In**

_I Tried – Chapter 26_**  
Count Me In**

Tifa felt like she was falling forward. Jerking awake she smacked her head against Reno's wall. The short curse that left her mouth was hushed; she'd been sitting. Placing a hand behind her head she turned to look over at Reno. His brows knitted together and Tifa stood. He'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for the better part of two days, though today Reno had been honestly sleeping. They'd removed a lot other than a bullet from his ribcage. Though Reno kept muttering about glass, they never found any.

She pushed his hair out of his face and adjusted his covers.

Reno opened his eyes then, lifting his hand to cover hers.

Tifa smiled, sighing in relief. "Are you alright?"

In response Reno shook his head, his hand slid up to her elbow.

Tifa climbed into the bed next to him. He didn't need to say anything, it may have ruined the moment if he had. She rested her chin on the top of his head and pulled him close. Though the steady breathing told Tifa that Reno was asleep, she talked anyway. "Re, I know you wanted me to stay out of it-" she yawned "- but I can't. I am going to stop this, one of these days…" She was asleep before the rest of the sentence left her mouth.

* * *

It was days later when Reno finally woke up. Rolling to his stomach made hair fall into his face. Reno became aware of three things. One, he was in his bed, therefore he was safe. Two, he was starving to death and lastly, he smelled. He smelled really, really bad.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Reno stretched and tried to get his thoughts in order despite his roaring stomach. Nothing came to mind. Jenova, a hissing laugh, Sephiroth… why couldn't he focus? Sephiroth- it had been the real one, Reno was absolutely sure- was right there. _Right _there, yet, if Reno was going to believe his own recollection of the events before he got back to his bed, Sephiroth had helped him. There was no way he would have survived that glass in his lung for… god, four days according to the clock.

_There you are, little dirty thing…_ her voice. What was she talking about? Was she talking to him?

Reno pushed himself off the bed and tottered. A deep centering breath escaped his mouth before he strode to the bathroom for a shower. The shower was long, hot, and made him somehow even hungrier. Head resting against the wall under the shower head, Reno could swear that he smelled food drifting up on the steam.

The shower helped his mobility greatly, though he still felt like there was a hole in his ribcage. Reno knew it would only take a few days now to get back up to his usual shape, but it was far from his mind at the moment. He was too hungry to think of much besides becoming not hungry.

Rude looked up at him from the kitchen, a beer in one hand and a fork in the other. He nodded down to the food that Reno smelled and then back to the couch where a large piece of lasagna steamed. "At the daycare." Rude responded before taking a bite, answering Reno's unanswered question on his daughter.

Gods, food felt so good, he didn't taste the first two pieces, and was well into his third before Reno realized he past full. Rude and he hadn't said a word; they just watched the television and ate in silence. This was comfortable, though with anyone else, Reno'd probably fidget. Rude and he had developed a silent form of communication, mostly through the larger man's attention to detail. At least it had finally rubbed off on Reno.

They stood up and walked to the balcony to have an after dinner smoke. It was then that Rude raised his eyebrow.

"I dunno man…" Reno muttered around the cigarette. And at the other's barely audible snort he continued. "I'm serious, I have absolutely _no_ idea what just happened, why it happened or anything. It's a big, black space in my memory." He sucked the tobacco down to the filter and flung it over the balcony.

Rude offered another one, and after Reno lit it, he nodded. "We think they drugged you."

"He." Reno responded. "It was Sephiroth…" and then Reno cracked. He fell to his chair with a deep sigh and told Rude everything. The hearing voices, Hojo's extra comments, and lastly, Sephiroth. None of it made sense and it sounded crazier after it had been said than it did rattling around his subconscious.

Rude only nodded his head, as if Reno had been talking about any other bar-fight or something of that low importance. "Better ask Reeve 'bout that."

It felt decidedly good, Reno thought, to finally tell someone that and then crack a smile and not be told he was crazy.

* * *

Turks - Reno knew that well by then – were not allowed time off. They only had breaks if they could no longer move. As a result, a still sore Reno was making his way down the slum allies. At least this job wouldn't be hard; he was trading Tseng detail with the Ancient. Cetra, they were called, though Reno didn't remember where he'd heard that before. Probably the same child's story his mother had told him, that one that had Jenova in it.

Tseng told Reno quite a bit about Aeris Gainsborough. It was hard not to miss the fondness in the Wutain's voice. That fondness was more pronounced because Tseng was rarely fond of anyone. Reno smiled a bit, Aeris seemed like a nice person, so not only was he getting an easy job, he was kill time till Reeve got back to Midgar.

He was screwing also Hojo over by "looking for the Cetra" and he was going to get information about his father and Sephiroth from Reeve. It was going to be a good night.

Living with Padre had taught Reno at least a little reverence for a church. When he walked in, his hand reached instinctually to a dry holy water draught. Blinking at the action and a little shocked at himself for it, Reno scanned the church. She was easy to find, dressed in pink and crouched in the center of her church. Her back was turned to him.

There was no real door to the church; she couldn't have heard him come in. He was about to say something to the effect of "be careful" when she opened with a rather unfelt hello. "Good evening, Renald…"

"How did you know that?" He snapped, grated at being noticed, and more grated that she knew his name. Tseng told her that? Reno shoved a cigarette in his mouth with agitation.

She stood and turned, frowning at him. "Don't smoke in here." Reno's teeth clenched the filter while she continued. "I was told your name, but Tseng didn't tell me."

"Then who?"

Aeris strode up to him then, green eyes almost as haunted as a Turk's. She had the look of someone about to die, but not ready for it yet. Thin hands clenched into fists at her side. Aeris surveyed him with an expression that clearly read she was expecting more from him. "It doesn't matter, you wouldn't believe me."

"Se said ya should lay low a while, Hojo's got a lot of guys looking for ya." He stated flatly, for someone that Tseng was so infatuated with, she certainly was less than friendly as far as Reno was concerned.

"It doesn't matter." She snorted and walked past him to look into the drought. It was as though Reno's entrance had reminded her it was there. "It should be you…not me."

The cigarette tumbled to the ground, rolling under the pews from Reno's open mouth. There was more than venom in her words. It wasn't hate, but it wanted to be. It was almost as if she sounded jealous. His mouth worked, but words wouldn't form.

"But it won't be you. You're the one, but it won't be you, you aren't even listening to them." She whirled again, with harsh, resigned eyes. "But they are making me… I'm the one that-" she shook her head. At first, Aeris looked almost as though she wanted to be sorry, but that faded. "Tell Se I am not going anywhere. I don't want to see you again."

Reno shoved another cigarette in his mouth to cover up the words he wanted to say and lit it. He'd promised not to yell at Aeris, and he wouldn't. Instead, he spilled a cloud of smoke out of his mouth at her. As Aeris waved the cloud away and coughed delicately, Reno spun on heel. "The pleasure was all mine, I a-fucking-sure you."

* * *

Reno had to catch his front door in mid close, trying to keep it from slamming shut. It pinched his knuckles in the process, earning a yelp that he was able to muffle without waking Trigger. After the door clicked shut he pressed his red hand against his mouth. If anything else was going to go wrong, Reno prayed it would be later, after he'd slept.

"Re? We really need to talk."

Tifa? Reno spun around and shook his hand out. She was sitting on the couch, staring at a cup of tea. She looked nervous; he wasn't used to seeing that. Something bunched up in his gut before he spoke. "What do you mean?"

She stood, wringing her hands. "I- I don't want you to be upset, I really don't want to lose your friendship over this…" Tifa crossed in front of him and poured Reno a cup of tea. He stood in stunned silence, watching her add in sugar and the lemon before crossing back in front of him and placing the cup next to hers. "Please, sit down first?"

That thing in his gut twisted again. Wherever this was going, Reno already didn't like it. He was half afraid that she was going to tell him she had a boyfriend… but that shouldn't really matter much. Reno took a breath before removing his shoes and sitting next to her. "What is going on?"

Tifa didn't really look at him; she was staring at the blank television. She inched a bit closer to him, sliding their cups next to each other. He could smell her hair now, even though it was dry. Tifa slid a note over to him without a word, placing it directly in front of the teacups. When Reno's hand reached out to pick it up, she covered it with hers. She shook a bit when she let go of his hand to take a sip of tea.

_Re_

_I know you tell me not to get involved, but I did. I did, and I'm not sorry for it. There's this group called AVALANCHE, their leader, Barret, lost his arm in Corel. He's serious about this. All he needs is someone on the inside, someone that is close enough to get into ShinRa. _

_I'm not going to lie, they are terrorists, but they aren't worse than ShinRa are they? They want to cut off the power cores, the mako towers, all around the city. They can do it, I just have this feeling that they can stop all of this. _

_I'm going to help them._

Reno dropped the piece of paper- it'd been erased and rewritten several times from the looks of things- and stared owlishly at her. He looked down at the paper and back again. Reno's heart started thumping too loudly for comfort; she had no idea what she just did. She told a Turk that she was going to attack ShinRa, no, she was claiming to try to stop them.

It took all of his power to not scream at her right there, to not reach over and shake her or something. He'd never so much as raised his voice at her, but Tifa didn't know what she was doing. She was going to get them both killed. He wanted to yank her to her feet and beg her never to ever think of something that foolish again. Talking right now was dangerous, however. ShinRa could have his apartment bugged; there was no telling who would hear them.

They needed background noise; it was too quiet not to be suspect. He turned the TV on, flipping it to the news and picked the note up off the floor. Before he could motion for it, Tifa already had a small notebook and a pencil in front of him.

_Teef, no. Just, don't go back there._

The notebook passed silently back to Tifa, who wrote while biting her lip.

_Re, this is what we WANTED. Isn't it? Do you WANT to do this your whole life?_

It wasn't what he wanted, but gods, he knew what Hojo was capable of, he didn't want to subject Tifa to that, if they found out they'd have her killed in the worst way.

_This isn't about my life. It's about YOU and about Trigg. I won't let you do something that is going to end up getting you or her killed._

_Have some faith in me!_ She responded. _I promise, Re, I'll be careful, you taught me how to be careful, I'll listen to anything you say, I can't do this without you. We could do this. I know we could, and then we could all go somewhere quiet. Wouldn't that be nice? Trigg could go to school, we could change our names, just disappear. ALL of us._

His hand was shaking too as it ran through his hair. The Turks would never rat on him, if anyone was going to take down the company they'd need Turk help. If the spies were the ones in on it, then the danger would definitely be cut a bit. But it was still there, if Rufus found out there would be no second chances. They'd have to bypass securities, they'd have to steal ID cards, implement other people in the crimes…

…he was already planning it.

The odds of this working out were a thousand to one, was that quiet life worth it? Reno didn't write anything, instead he stood. Reeve was going to be home soon, and they had to go to the graveyard to talk in peace. He'd have to bring it up to Reeve… gods how the hell were they going to do this? It was borderline suicide.

Tifa blinked up at him, eyes wide.

She took his hand when he offered it to help her stand. They looked at each other for what felt like forever. Reno moved first, putting his arm around her waist and pulling her to him. She was the one who kissed him first, it wasn't long, he stepped away too soon. "We will talk when I get back."

She watched him put his shoes on and open the door. "Re, I love you."

"I love you too, Teef." Reno said, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Reno paced the cemetery, smoke billowing over his head from the cigarette in his mouth. Midgar had made actual burials illegal years ago; they simply ran out of places to put the bodies. Instead, mazes of walls, all lined with names were all that was left of the dead. He was around the "V" section, awaiting Reeve and not knowing what to tell the other man.

"You don't look very relaxed…" Reeve commented, walking past Reno to a particular name plate.

Reno's eyes darted to the dusty plate that Reeve was wiping off. "V V Valentine" it read. He blinked at the name before looking at Reeve. "Valentine?" It was a pretty common name, Reno assumed.

"Yeah." Reeve sighed, lighting a cigarette. "You've got questions, so let's hear them."

Thousands cluttered Reno's mind. More then thousands, he took a whole cigarette to sort through them, file them and finally choose one to start out with. "Why didn't Sephiroth kill me?"

Reeve closed his eyes as if he didn't want to start there, but he'd made a promise. Sliding down to sit against the V wall, he motioned for Reno to sit on the one across from him. After they both relit cigarettes, Reeve said lowly. "Well, I can't tell you the exact reason for that Reno, but I can tell you that you and he have a connection, and maybe that could be it."

"And that is?" Reno started tapping his fingers on the cement below him. It was strange to look up these thin walls and see the stars, otherwise, he'd feel like he was in the slums again.

"You and he are cousins."

The cigarette fell from Reno's hand. "Yer shittin me?"

"No." A cloud of smoke trailed from Reeve's mouth. "I'm not, but I don't think that is too much to worry about, for the time being at least. And what else?"

Reno scooped the smoke up and shoved it back into his mouth. From around the item he ground out, "all of it, from the fuckin' beginning."

* * *

The sun was rising before Reno made it back home. His head was spinning, the things he already knew about his own father had been expanded on, and the new extended family he had acquired wasn't much of a concern. One thing boiled him. One little detail nagged him, despite the confusing trail of questions that Reeve simply couldn't answer.

ShinRa did this. They fucked him hard, his whole family, his mother, his father, hell, Sephiroth probably never had a chance to be sane. And whose fault was it really? ShinRa's.

They'd used other people for all they could. It wasn't going to end unless someone ended it by force. His chance at a normal life was taken before he was even born. The whole of the slums was even the fault of a company that used humanity as a resource.

When he opened the door, Tifa was still sitting on the couch. Coffee steamed in her cup now, instead of tea. He locked eyes with her and said firmly, "I'm in."

* * *

  
_A/N: Sorry that this took so long, guys. I've got a good, happy reason though. My husband, Cloud (not his real name) just got a promotion! We were only given a week before he started the new job, four hours away from home. So, as a result, I've been working on packing, selling our current home, and traveling between here and Columbus to see him/find an apartment/find a new job. All the details on this can be found on my live journal, I'm "drakonlily" there too._

_Things are calming down, if only slightly, and I'm still going to be writing, I love this story too much to just stop it. I'm going to try to get another chapter up next week, but no promises. Thank you all so much for reading; I never thought this story would make me as many friends as it did. _

_Love ya guys!  
Kas_


	27. Revelations of the Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried – Chapter 27_   
> **Revelations of the Fool**

_I Tried – Chapter 27_  
**Revelations of the Fool**

_All of it, from the fuckin' beginning._

Reeve took a deep breath then. Reno could tell that the other man didn't really want to tell him everything, and that maybe this would be difficult to hear. But Reno needed it. He had his whole life riding on this, everything that he had he was going to toss away and put in danger IF- and only if- what Reeve had to say was as bad as he thought it was.

_I can't tell you everything. But I'll do my best._

In a cloud of smoke Reeve began to outline everything that he knew. At first, it was pretty typical. Vincent Valentine became a Turk for the money. Mostly to help his sister, Lucrecia, to finish school and maybe it was a little bit for himself. Even thirty years before Reno and Reeve were sitting in that graveyard, over the Valentines' last stand, the slums were just as they had always been.

Lucrecia was awarded a huge grant, just before she graduated. On top of that, she garnished the affections of one Dr. Peter Hojo.

_Wait… Hojo! That guy is a sick, sick, fuck. How could ANYONE fall in love with him?_

_Reno, sometimes with a brilliant mind, it warps a person. Hojo wasn't always like he is now, but the lack of his own goals, the decrease in his projects, everything that he's put himself through, it changed him. Still, as Turks, we never liked him. He always had a gift for dehumanizing people. Lucrecia just… I don't know, she saw past that and found something. It didn't last. _

Vincent and Hojo never got along. Hojo refused to refer to Vincent as anything but a specimen number and Vincent refused to call him anything at all. It didn't turn out any better, from Vincent's point of view, when Lucrecia showed up on his doorstep in tears with a red headed woman.

_What! Wait… wait wait wait… please, please Reeve, don't tell me this. Don't tell me what I think you are going to tell me._

_Do you want the truth, Reno? Or do you want me to make something up?_

…

_Well?_

_Just… gods fucking damnit. God, I hate him._

She said that the specimen was harmless, that Hojo wanted her destroyed, but Lucricea, for some reason, couldn't do it. Vincent, because he knew what sort of risk it would be to harbor something Hojo wanted dead, took the woman in. They named her Suzanna, because she liked that name best out of the ones they tossed out. It was a few years later, when Vincent and Suzanna fell in some sort of love. One could say it was more of a deep understanding. They got along too well to be apart and they were married.

_Fucking hells… Gods fucking-_

_Reno, are you alright?_

_No. I'm not fucking alright. But don't stop now._

Vincent had hated Hojo before then. After hearing what Suzanna went through, he loathed the man. Lucrecia couldn't keep the peace as often as she'd have liked to. Maybe that's what made her so blind to what he was doing. When you are trying to make someone a saint, it makes you blind to their evils. Even in Nibelheim, when Vincent showed her the wedding ring that Hojo had "lost" at the Honeybee in, she wasn't going to leave him.

_She was pregnant with Sephiroth then, wasn't she?_

_Yeah, she was. _

Months later, Lucrecia gave birth to Sephiroth, but she was told that the baby died in childbirth. She was never even allowed to hold him. While still ill from mako poisoning, she was also informed that she lost her position in the labs. They worried about her stability

_They lied._

_Basically._

Heartbroken over the loss of her son, Lucecia moved in with her brother and his wife. It wasn't too long after that when Suzanna became pregnant.

_With me._

_You know where this is going to go?_

_I have a bad feeling._

When Renald Vickalor Valentine was born, the happiness it brought his parents only reminded Lucricea of her own loss. She was determined to seek out Hojo and get proof that her baby had died. She was ready to do just about anything to take Sephiroth to some form of safety, no matter what it meant she would have to go through. However, she never came back.

Weeks later, Vincent himself went to find out where his sister and nephew were. He did return, with a bullet in his stomach and a useless arm.

_It was chaos, plain, simple, chaos. Cassio, one of the other Turks, was killed. By the time Vincent had come back from wherever he left you and your mother, it was over. I woke up with this bad leg, and I don't know what happened to Vincent._

_You… you don't know anything?_

_Nothing else, I'm sorry, Reno._

_S- sorry! You just tell me all of this shit and all you can fucking tell me is "I'm SORRY?"_

_What do you want me to DO about it, Reno? Have the same thing happen? Have them track you to wherever you leave Tifa and Trigger? You don't HAVE the freedom to run away._

_I'm not running._

_What do you mean?_

_Reeve, I can't let it happen anymore._

Reno had known that the moment those words left his mouth that he was taking a very dangerous step. Reeve hadn't been happy when Reno brought it up after their talk about Reno's family. He hadn't been happy, but he hadn't threatened to stop anything. He didn't say anything for a long time, as a matter of fact. When he did, there was something almost respectful in his tone, though his words were admonishing.

_You just told me, a ShinRa executive, that you are going to try to ruin ShinRa itself._

Reno only nodded.

_Alright then. Just, for the love of everything worth believing in, you'd better come through with this one, Reno. You know very well what will happen to all of us if we aren't smart._

Reno didn't care how foolish he was being. It was over; this was going to end somehow. Reno couldn't just sit back anymore. Tifa was right, and if the other Turks weren't against them, they'd have to be with him. So now it was the six of them and Tifa's band of terrorists against the largest super power the planet had ever known.

The odds be damned, it had to work.

* * *

Months later, there was no turning back. Reno, or Johnny, as Tifa had called him, was pacing on the roof of the bar. This was the first time he would be meeting with AVALANCHE, and so far, it was doing nothing to make Reno feel very safe about their chances.

"I don't fuckin' understand why you can't march yo happy ass down here." A deep voice, it had to belong to Barret, the leader. "You scared of the slums, suit?"

Reno clenched his teeth. "Aiight, first, getcher head right outta yer ass. I got my own reasons fer not wanting ya'll to know what I look like. Mostly, I don't fucking trust you. We got that clear?"

Barret let out a string of curse words, but it was obvious that was not the reaction he'd expected from "Johnny".

"Uhm, I thought that the reason we were all here is that you wanted to help and that you did trust us." Another woman's voice, that meant that this was Jessie. She cleared her throat. "I mean, you sound like you understand…"

"I do understand, miss." Reno interjected. "I trust TIFA, and I trust her judgment. However, you have to realize that this is dangerous. I don't think ANY of you grasp that."

And another voice, deep, yet rather timid. "Ah, where, where did you say you were from, Johnny?"

"Sector Seven." Reno responded, lighting a cigarette. "Look, let's get this started before I'm missed."

Barret cursed some more, but then sighed. "Fine, I don't fucking like you, you know that?"

"Feeln' is mutual, Barret." Reno smirked at the response. Barret's heart was in the right place, and at least he seemed to understand the severity of the situation. Biggs (the guy with the timid voice), Wedge and Jessie were what worried him.

"Uhm, this is Wedge." Came the third male voice. "What is it that you don't trust? I mean, you've already done a lot, looking at these files and the access codes."

"I've got my own reasons." Reno responded. "If you think ShinRa is above killing innocents to get to you, you better think again. They've got a team of assassins, and to be quite frank, they'd kill one of their own if they had to. What I'm doing has a high amount of physical risk for myself and anyone I care about. If you don't know who I am, then you can't finger me when they question you."

"Who's saying that we will be caught?" Biggs sounded as though he'd swallowed something sour.

Reno took a long drag on his cigarette. He didn't want to terrify them, but they couldn't go in blind. "Odds are saying that. This year alone, ShinRa's ruined three rival corporations and killed over six of their own for ASSUMPTIONS of insubordination."

"Wait, wait. They fuck'n kill their own people?" Barret asked.

"All the time. And trust me, if they want you to talk, you'll talk. It's not something I want you guys to be unprepared for."

There was an uncomfortable silence. "Ah, Johnny? What is it exactly that you do?" Jessie queried.

"That's none of your damned business." Reno responded harshly.

"Sorry…" Jessie mumbled.

"Look, you need to can the high and mighty attitude." Barret snapped. "We are the ones risking our asses, and if you aren't going to at least appreciate that then you can go fuck off. Letting your woman do the-"

"- Tifa, is not my property, I cannot LET her do anything. She does as she pleases." Reno jumped back to his feet, pacing the roof. "I don't think you guys get this. People are going to die. YOU are likely going to die. Innocent people, just trying to do their jobs are GOING to die. Do you get this?"

"But even if we hit the reactors at night?" Wedge asked.

"Yes, even at night there's a full crew. A full crew of people with kids, parents, friends, and lovers that YOU are going to kill. You are going to damage lives for this. You could loose your own. You HAVE to understand this. I cannot with good conscious just… " he made a frustrated noise. "You think this is easy watching her risk her life with you yahoos? I swear, if you guys don't get this basic point, you'd better back out NOW."

"Johnny, please, I think that they understand as much as they can. We are ready for the risks, you know that." Tifa interjected.

"I know, I know you are." Reno sighed. "So, what are your plans thus far? Did you get the bomb components?"

Once again it was Jessie who spoke, but she seemed much more excited than she had been. "Oh yes, you had great directions. And that ID system… it's amazing!"

"Yeah, ShinRa is very proud of it." He found himself smiling. At least their tech person knew her shit.

Tifa spoke up; her tone said quite clearly she thought Reno was being too mean to her companions. "And we know exactly where to place the charges, all that's left is the timing and, as you said, hopefully the company will put itself into financial troubles with the repairs, the people will get fed up and then changes can start."

Even though no one could see him, Reno nodded. "Jus keep yer head down, alright?"

There was a snort, so Reno wasn't as good at hiding his emotions as he thought he was.

"I'll be careful, hon." Tifa responded.

* * *

It was hours later when Tifa left AVALANCHE. Jessie walked with her a while. The other woman was also young; she had wide roving eyes that reminded Tifa of a scared rabbit. At least she was more level headed than she looked.

"You're boyfriend doesn't like us, does he?"

Tifa bit her bottom lip and thought. "It isn't that Johnny doesn't like you. He's scared. There's a lot riding on this and he knows exactly how ugly ShinRa can be." She looked up and made a disgusted face at the plate. "He's sorta made protecting me his job, and now, well, he can't. And he's helping us because of me."

Jessie turned to head down her block, away from Tifa. "So you trust him?"

Tifa nodded without hesitation. "Never in a million years would he hurt me. I know that for a fact."

Jessie smiled brightly before leaving Tifa to walk alone the rest of the way to the train. Reno was there waiting for her, hands jammed into the pockets of his jeans, shoulders slouched and scowling. She didn't like it when he looked like that, but they were going to change this. The slums were going to be gone and hopefully, by the time that Trigger was their age, she'd have a simple life. One that didn't involve espionage, one that’s greatest risk was getting caught staying out to late or sneaking to a party.

After all, she thought, sliding under his arm and enjoying a rare smile. Trigger was who they wanted to change the future for.

* * *

It was late, the diner offered sparse comforts, but Reno and Reeve were only there for coffee. They had half an hour left to drive before they reached Midgar. The sun would be rising, and they both wanted to be home before their respective others. The waitress left them coffee cups, walking away without a word. Though he wouldn't be eating, Reeve studied the menu.

Reno looked up from dumping sugar into his coffee cup. "So, Marc Antony, how goes fair Cleopatra this evening?"

The menu dropped to the table, Reeve blinking and his hands still positioned as if he still had it in his grip. He studied Reno for a moment, then arched an eyebrow.

"Betraying Caesar will cause a war, not very bright now." Reno sat the sugar shaker down and shrugged. "I suppose I've been philosophical lately."

Reeve snorted. "Marc Antony, was a man of honor."

"He was but in the face of what morals? He let a woman's love blind him to the truth of his own position. And, if you don't remember, he died in the end. Caesar always seems to win." Reno took a sip of coffee, pulled a face and reached for the sugar shaker again. "You should think about that."

"I guess I don't care if Caesar finds out anymore..." Reeve started digging in his pockets for his cigarettes. "

"So I'm Marc Antony, who does that make you? You may be speaking the truth, but you're not exactly sitting pretty. I'm sleeping with the president's woman; you're sleeping with a terrorist."

Reno's tone was not offended, but slightly corrective. "I'm not sleeping with her." Reno leaned on the table and thought, his clever analogy thrown back at him. He thought for a moment. "Touchstone was smarter than I am, but I think I'm playing the fool."


	28. Closing Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried – Chapter 28_   
> **Closing Doors**

_I Tried – Chapter 28_  
**Closing Doors**

Reno sighed, leaning against the elevator wall on his way to the ShinRa daycare. Leaving Trigg like that wasn't very easy on him or on Tifa, but they knew it'd be best if she didn't get seen by AVALANCHE. That would lead to too many questions that they weren't comfortable with answering. At any rate, she was safe with the ShinRa daycare.

When he pushed open the first door, Reno got an unexpected shock. Standing at the window, looking into the daycare was Hojo himself. Steady hands were held behind his back, a notebook in one and his other about his wrist. A pen was resting over the frame of his glasses just on his ear.

Reno's first instinct was to kill him. Thankfully he had the restraint not to do so. He couldn't help the low growl that came from his throat.

Hojo chuckled and looked slightly over his shoulder at Reno. A black eyebrow arched over his glasses. "Do calm down. I'm simply observing."

Tracing Hojo's eye line was impossible from behind the man. Reluctantly, Reno stood next to him, eyes darting from the children back to Hojo as if he was afraid the doctor would bite him. Then he realized what the doctor was looking at. Trigg was playing in the corner with other kids. It was nothing unusual.

He could feel Hojo shift next to him and kept his eyes focused on the wall beyond. He didn't like the way that Hojo looked at him, Reno shuddered. He suddenly felt very dirty.

"I don't appreciate Turks butting into my private files…" Hojo muttered, after a thorough perusal of Reno.

Blue eyes snapped over to Hojo, narrowing. "I don't appreciate people treating me like I'm a nifty new toy." He crossed his arms over his chest and fully turned to face Hojo. Reno was angry, yes, but not stupid. He would have loved to put a bullet through Hojo's head. He knew that nothing would make that man sorry for what he did.

"Not particularly new." Hojo smiled. Something Reno hadn't really seen full on before. There was something terrifying about it. Something twisted, it felt like insanity, if that made any sense. "No, not new at all, it's a shame that 547805 found you first…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Reno hissed, nearly rocking forward.

Once again Hojo smiled, and it was then that Reno realized why he didn't want to touch the man. He smelled like Jenova. It wasn't as strong, not as overpowering, but it was there, like old perfume. Hojo gave a disjointed chuckle before talking. "You would have been more… interesting than my previous general concept. Though… different, your genetics didn't mix with the mother-"

"You _do_ call that thing mother." He backpedaled, feeling the wall behind him. "That's fucking insane."

The delighted expression on Hojo's face made Reno wish he hadn't spoken. Though, at least Hojo seemed mildly distracted now. "It shows inherent knowledge of the situation, transferred from the dam…meaning though diluted, perhaps…" He turned his eyes to Trigger and snarled, anger immediately replacing delight.

He rounded then, looking at Reno. "Your species always showed the most entertaining reactions. I'm going to tell you, the moment you step out of line, I will be there." Once again he looked at Trigger. "Yes, the diluted contents and abilities will certainly be interesting." With that, he brushed past Reno, muttering under his breath.

Reno shuddered, hugging his arms to himself. He didn't feel much like asking questions about his parents any longer.

* * *

  
_Teef? Could you do me a favor and take Trigg to the bar with you while Barret’s away?_

Tifa didn’t like to pry when Reno asked her to do things, he so rarely asked her for anything that it didn’t seem right. There were times – this one was a perfect example – which she had to ask. The response she got was just a look, an afraid look, and the name “Hojo”.

She nodded then, not asking anymore. Hojo scared them all, and from what she read and knew from the Turks, they had a great reason. And that look told her that Trigger was involved. Sometimes she wondered if even Reno knew how much he loved her, or how obvious he let that one emotion be.

Part of her wondered if he would ever feel that worried about her. Tifa knew it was wrong to pester and expect and she knew that he wouldn’t be risking his life – more so Trigger’s life – if he didn’t care. After wiping the bar down she rinsed out her rag and hung it on the sink. Her love life felt complicated, she never corrected anyone who thought Trigger was her daughter. Maybe he was right and sex would just complicate things.

Not like she’d know much about things like that at any rate. Tifa glanced over the bar, making sure that Trigger was still coloring in front of her. It wasn’t like she wanted another kid, not yet anyway; Trigger kept them both busy enough as it was. It just, wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? The man was supposed to do the asking and the woman the turning down. Of course, most men weren’t covert assassins and most women weren’t terrorists bent on bringing his corporation down.

The drier dinged in the back room, all she had left to do was fold the towels and call it a night. Sexual frustrations aside, she was happy. More than that, she had a drive that the others in AVALANCHE didn’t. They just wanted revenge, Tifa wanted her future.

“Annie Teef?” Trigger called up from where she was sitting at the bar. “I’m gettin sleepy.”

Tifa smiled at the little girl fondly. It was strange, to be a mother figure at her age, but there was something so… well, satisfying about it. She loved Trigger, she really did, more than anything else she wanted that child to be happy. Sure, she wasn’t exactly a saint of a child, and quite a daddy’s girl, but weren’t all little girls supposed to be a bit spoiled? Tifa knew that she was at that age. “Let me just fold these towels, baby. Then we can get some cocoa on the way home.”

Trigger smiled, she wasn’t supposed to get cocoa so late, but this was Auntie Teef, and if Auntie Teef said she could, she could.

She opened the drier and started folding. She was almost done when Tifa heard Trigger scream. Dropping the towel, Tifa ran out to the front of the bar, sliding to a halt next to a large man with almost luminescent green hair. Her eyes found Trigger huddled under a table. After a sigh of relief, she turned her attention to the big man. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

The man’s blue eyes widened at Tifa, he sneered at her and reached out, grabbing her elbow. He brandished a knife with his free hand. “You do what I tell you to and I won’t hurt yer little girl.”

Tifa stiffened in shock. She’d never, ever been threatened before, and when she realized that the man was threatening Trigger? She snarled at him. “Leave.”

He laughed and the knife danced in front of her face. “Wrong answer, bitch.”

Instinct pushed her. Tifa swept his knife hand out of her face and used the same circular motion to check the man in the jaw. When he let go of her elbow, she gripped his knife hand and twisted sharply. With a yelp, the man dropped the knife and before he could react, three forty- five degree kicks hit his side, pitching him against the bar.

“You fuckin bitch!” He cradled his hand against his chest for a moment. “You almost broke my hand!”

Tifa rocked from foot to foot, fists up. She was too angry to respond.

He spun to face her, firing off a shot at Tifa with his other hand. Leaping to the side, Tifa crashed into a chair, splintering the item against her side as she fell to the floor. Trigger screamed again. Tifa threw a chair-leg to the side and flipped to her feet. The man smirked at her though he was no longer aiming at her.

Trigger huddled, clinging to her toy dragon and staring down the barrel of the gun. She was shaking.

“Leave her out of this, you want to fight? I’m right here.”

Once again the man smirked at her; he cocked the hammer back on the gun. “Yeah, but see, I think yer too mean right now. I think I’ve got other plans.”

Something twisted in her gut. How could this person threaten a terrified little girl? She knew at that moment the man would kill Trigger. Tifa had never felt that frightened before, she didn’t think she could feel that frightened for herlself. The guy threatening her was one thing, but if he hurt Trigger…

“Look, I’ll take the money from the drawer; you don’t have to hurt her.”

“Oh, I don’t want yer money, bitch.” He walked forward to Trigger, when Tifa moved, he reached out and grabbed the little girl up by her arm. “Hey’a sweetheart.” He turned his smile up to Tifa. “How about you me and mommy have a little fun?”

Tifa’s mouth worked, but no sounds came out. She was shocked, angry and now getting frightened for Trigger. “If you want something else, fine. Just leave her alone.”

This earned another laugh. “Oh I would, baby. But I happen to have a thing for red heads.”

Another shot rang out, the big man’s shoulder nearly exploded on the impact. With a scream he dropped Trigger’s arm.

Tifa didn’t bother to look at who was in the doorway, for all she knew it could be another person like the green haired man. She rushed forward and pulled Trigger down to the floor in a hug, covering the child with her body. She looked up, seeing Reno in the doorway through her hair. The big man’s back was to her, but she could hear him stammer, she could see him backing up. Tifa swallowed, she’d never seen Reno the Turk before. Reno’s face was a mask of blank fury, Tifa could feel anger radiating off of him.

The big man ran out of the bar through the kitchen. Tifa opened her mouth to call Reno back, but she closed it. Reno couldn’t hear her and Red Wolf wouldn’t care.

* * *

Clinging to his shoulder, the green haired man ran. His side started to throb and his lungs burned in his chest, but the man knew better than to wait. He knew the red headed man in the doorway.

He’d given him those scars on his face.

How many years had it been? Fifteen? More? The only thing that Tucker realized is that the little, skinny, red headed kid he’d scarred up was a Turk and that Turk had just walked in on Tucker threatening his family. There was no missing that hair, even if Tucker couldn’t fathom caring so much about other people, he knew “angry enough to kill” when he saw it.

Out of nowhere, the red head landed in front of him, blue eyes shining in the dark alley. Tucker nearly fell as he cut down another alleyway; he was trying to recall what people called the red head. Those shining eyes seemed to jar his memory. “Red Wolf”.

Tucker risked a glance over his shoulder then, and the alley behind him was empty. Skidding to a halt, he wondered if for a moment he’d imagined the Red Wolf had landed in front of him. After he couldn’t hold his breath any longer, tucker panted quickly, burning his throat.

Then the alley in front of him lit up. He could see the red head, sauntering out from the next bend. He’d been fast as a kid, but this speed was unreal. A mag rod was glowing the same color as his eyes, bouncing on his shoulder. A cigarette burned in Red Wolf’s mouth. And they stood there. Tucker was afraid to run, and Red Wolf seemed more occupied with finishing his cigarette.

In a fluid motion the cigarette was flung into a puddle in the alley and the mag rod was whipped to the side, fully extended. Red Wolf tensed and lunged. Tucker spun to run, colliding with the wall before making it three paces forward.

The crackle echoed off the walls of the alley, drowning out Tucker’s cry of pain when the mag rod connected with the back of his knees. The force from the blow was enough to flip him backwards almost one hundred and eighty degrees, he landed roughly on his side and shoulder. Minutes ticked by before Tucker got the nerve to look up. The red head had replaced the mag rod, but he didn’t turn around to face him yet.

Finally, Red Wolf glared over his shoulder. He turned slowly, cocking his head to the side. The message as clear, he was waiting for Tucker to get back onto his feet. If he wasn’t terrified, Tucker would have been insulted to be played with. However, he wasn’t going to lay down and die, clambering to his feet Tucker backpedaled. His back came into contact with something hard, warm.

Jumping and looking backwards he noticed another man in the alley. Even in the dim light he had on dark shades and the same blue suit that Red Wolf had on. Another Turk and this one was huge. Tucker himself was a big guy, standing at six foot three and over two hundred pounds, but this man had a good inch and a half on him. The bigger Turk removed dark glasses and familiar grey eyes narrowed at him.

Tucker's mental catalogue started flipping, and then he pictured the big Turk, a mulatto mix, with reddish brown hair… “Rudolph?” His mouth uttered before he thought about it.

He heard a barked laugh from Red Wolf. Then, in a voice that was ages away from the little child he’d chased, Red Wolf spoke. “This is your shit head too?”

Rudolph – god he’d known the kid would grow up big, but this?- nodded, a slight smirk tugged at one corner of his otherwise emotionless mouth. Tucker looked around frantically, as if he expected someone else, but then Red Wolf was next to the Rudolph, a malicious smile on his face.

“Tucker, Tucker, Tucker. Ya just made a HABIT of pissin on the wrong people didn’t you?”

“I – I didn’t know that it was yer woman, if I’da known she was a Turk’s then-“ Rudolph slammed a flat palm into Tucker’s chest, robbing him of the wind he was using to speak and thrusting him against the wall with enough force to stun him.

Red Wolf did the talking, that was strange to Tucker, but it only added to his distinct feeling of dread. “What do you think Rude?”

The two looked at each other, seeming in conversation but no words were passed in between them. Red Wolf smiled then and the mag rod found its way under Tuckers chin, against his windpipe. The shock he got forced him to tilt his head up. “I don’t know, seems far too nice to me. We could drown his ass, but I don’t have any cement on me.”

Rude – no longer Rudolph- laughed, a deep, grating sound. When he did speak his voice was gruff and worn. “We could hang him upside down by a rat’s nest for a while…”

“Ooo, I sorta like that, fitting.”

“I try, Re.”

Through this Tucker started shaking. He didn’t realize it until he felt something warm against his thigh. Red Wolf and Rude both took a step backwards with disgusted sneers on their faces. They looked at each other again, the mag rod left Tucker’s chin and bounced on Red Wolf’s shoulder again. “Ya know what Tuck? Today is yer lucky day. Rude and I ain’t gonna kill ya.”

Tucker’s sigh of relief went back into his mouth at the smiles on the Turks’ faces. “Naw, in fact, we are even gonna take ya to see a doctor.”

* * *

Tifa jerked at her arm, trying to get out of Tseng’s grip. “Damnit, Se, where did Reno go? I’m fine, I swear, what happened?”

Tseng, who was trying to get the splintered bits of chair out of Tifa’s side made a growling sound. “They had to make a drop off to Hojo, they will be back in five minutes, you know very well that Scarlet gave Trigger something to calm her down and she’s asleep in your bed, you know the one behind me. Now HOLD STILL.”

With an aggravated sigh, Tifa rested her chin on one hand while Tseng pulled a long sliver of wood from her other arm. When the door opened, Tifa leapt into the air, yelling Reno’s name. Tseng let the tweezers fall from his hand in defeat.

Reno hugged her almost roughly, putting his chin on top of her head. “Are you alright?”

Tifa seemed to try to get away from him for a moment, but Reno persisted. “Yeah, I’m fine really, shook up, but alright. How about you?”

She couldn’t see his face, but he sounded very tired. “I’ve been better.”

“She needs those splinters removed, Trigger is asleep, she’s had a scare, but other than that, she is fine.” Tseng spoke from next to them. Tifa didn’t need to see his face either to tell that he was upset. “I’ll cover for you tomorrow Reno.”

Tseng was opening the door when Reno muttered a thank you.

“Just don’t let it become a habit.” Tseng said as though he’d been asked to do a favor and had not offered. The door closed behind him so that he couldn’t hear Reno and Tifa laugh at him.

“He really can be so nice.” Tifa commented, allowing Reno to lead her back to the chair where she had been sitting with Tseng.

Reno picked up the teasers, he didn’t say anything as Tifa handed him back her arm. She blinked. “Are you going to be alright?”

Reno pulled a long sliver of wood from above her elbow and sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner.”

“I wouldn’t have let him hurt her.” Tifa said with conviction.

Reno was quiet a long time after that, he’d almost finished removing the last splinter when he finally said something. “I know, it doesn’t make me feel better.”

Tifa sighed and stood up. “Let’s just get some sleep, tomorrow we can go do something fun, the three of us. Alright?” She laughed. “I’m starting to like people calling me her ‘mommy’.”

* * *

Relaxing, normal, family day at the zoo no less. Trigger, as all five year olds seemed to do, loved every moment of it. The entire day was “Daddy, Annie Teef, lookit!” and scampering. More than once people commented on how talkative she was, or told Tifa what a pretty daughter she had. Reno couldn’t help but feel good that she never corrected them.

Around lunchtime, the three found a bench and ate overpriced hamburgers. The shaded eating area was nice and quiet, even though the birds in the exhibit beyond were being talkative. Trigger played with a fry a few moments before looking up at Reno and Tifa. “Why do I call you Annie Teef and not Mommy?”

Reno and Tifa both started slightly. They shared a look before Tifa answered. “Well, I’m not really your mommy, honey.”

“But then I don’t HAVE a mommy.” Trigger said as though her point was perfectly obvious and with all the seriousness a five year old could muster.

“Well, no, you don’t.” Tifa responded. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“So why can’t I just call you Mommy?”

Once again Reno and Tifa looked at each other. They’d talked about the future; both of them hadn’t really thought it out though. And now when the question was so bluntly poised in front of them, they didn’t quite know what to make of it. “I- uhm…” Tifa started.

Reno laughed, flipping out a cigarette pack. “Well, I don’t mind if Tifa doesn’t.”

Tifa blushed a bit, smiling anyway. “Mommy it is then.”

That was all Trigger needed, she smiled and jumped up to go see the rest of the zoo. “Dad, Mom hurry up!” Yeah, it was a pretty darn good day.

* * *

Tifa yawned, leaving Triggers room and closing the door. “Still out cold.”

“Yeah well she was hopping around like a mongoose all day, wonder why?” He stretched his feet out on the table and popped his chest before Tifa laid down with her head on his lap. They stared at the Television a while, Tifa’s hands around his knee and his hand on the curve of her hip.

“What are we watching?” Tifa asked, waiting for the commercials to stop.

“Happy commercial fun time.” Reno suggested. “Can you reach the remote?”

“It lives? I thought it was out of batteries.”

Reno grumbled, too comfortable to move. “Damnit.”

They sat for a few moments longer. Reno pushed at the remote with his foot, though he hit all of the buttons, nothing happened. One last kick turned the TV off, but the battery refused to allow him to turn the item back on. “Fuck you too, TV.” Reno responded.

So there they sat, staring at the blank television set. “We COULD get up.” Tifa responded.

“We could.” Reno muttered.

“I’ll make popcorn with extra butter if you put in that movie I got.” Tifa responded, rolling on her back to look up at Reno’s face.

That face quirked into a look of disbelief. “Mako Junction: Chick Flick of the Century?”

She sighed, tilting her head back in his lap. “It is NOT a chick flick.”

“What is it about?” Reno couldn’t help it; he brushed a bit of hair from her face.

“A man who goes off to the Wutai war and this girl he fell in love with. He never returns and she goes off- God damnit Reno!” She sat up and smacked him lightly. “Okay it’s a chick flick! News flash, I’m a chick!” She smirked then. “I’ll just make myself the canned popcorn on the stove with extra butter.”

Reno’s eyes narrowed defiantly, but he at last got up and pulled the DVD off the television. “There had better be enough butter to drown a large rodent.”

“I win!” Tifa jumped up and kissed him on the cheek, sliding away from his hands when he placed them on her hips. She didn’t notice or acknowledge the little growling sound that he made as a result.

Reno pushed _play_ and walked into the kitchen himself. Tifa spooned a clump of butter out and had it already sitting in on a plate near the stove; one leg was lifted up on the counter, her other foot barely off the floor as she reached up to get the popcorn.

For some reason he didn’t notice how short his tee-shirts really were on her till that moment. She’d forgotten to put the plate further from her, Tifa slid on it, making a gasping sound. She would have caught herself, but Reno beat her to it. She spun, falling to sit on the counter; Reno’s hand saved her head from connecting with the cabinet.

Nose to nose they laughed lowly. “I thought you were this stealthy, graceful fighter woman?” Reno asked, putting his free hand on the outside of her knee.

Tifa’s fingers locked together behind Reno’s head. “Sometimes, it’s nice to just be the woman.” She brushed the side of his nose with hers.

Reno’s hand slid up, under the tee-shirt. He’d wanted to say something else, but he kissed her instead. He’d wanted to…

… Reno had totally forgotten what he wanted to do before that. Tifa tugged his shirt up and he tossed it to the floor before pushing the shirt up over her hips. This was where he was supposed to walk away. This was where he was supposed to say no.

He didn’t want to. He didn’t care about AVALANCHE, about ShinRa, he wanted HER. Reno was through waiting.

Tifa threw her shirt off they didn’t pay attention to where it landed.

Then Reno’s PHS started ringing. They froze at first, both of them tried to ignore it. But it was pointless. If Reno didn’t answer, Tseng would just walk in. Cursing, Reno buttoned his jeans and crossed over to the phone. “What.” He snapped. “Gods fuckin’… Fine, be there in an hour.” He flinched “Okay okay, five minutes, got ya.”

When he looked back up at Tifa, She was pulling the tee-shirt back over her head. “Tomorrow, I promise.”

Though she smiled, Tifa didn’t look any happier than he felt. “Tomorrow then, you better come home.”

There were times he really hated being on call twenty-four hours a day.


	29. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried – Chapter 29_   
> **Falling**

_I Tried – Chapter 29_  
**Falling**

By the time that Reno got home, Tifa was gone. Agitated, Reno took an extra long shower. Tifa wouldn’t be home tonight, she’d be lucky if she showed up before noon, considering her “job”.

He made himself a quick dinner and forwent the beer in favor of tea, though he didn’t make it as well as Tifa did. After checking on Trigger, Reno turned on the TV and there he fell asleep.

The PHS ringing jarred him awake. Reno growled what was meant to be “hello” into the PHS. The voice on the other end was a bit frantic. “Re- I need your help, please Re?”

* * *

Reno and Rude pulled in behind AVALANCHE’s headquarters. They’d been as quick as they could be, but it wasn’t fast enough for Reno. She hadn’t been able to say much, just “mako poisoning” and “Cloud”. Reno wasn’t a supporter of sticking his neck out, but this was supposed to be Tifa’s friend. Furthermore, if Reno was right, then Cloud should have spent some time with Hojo. What was he doing loose?

They climbed up the fire escape behind the building. Even though Barret would be gone, and the rest of the team slept like rocks, Turks couldn’t take chances. Tifa ushered them in, wringing her hands and pacing the upstairs bedroom. On the bed lay a man with bright blond hair and intense mako eyes.

Cautiously, Reno and Rude opened up a case of medicine; Rude took an empty syringe while Reno set up a kit. He walked up to Cloud, tied off his arm and stuck the needle in. Cloud’s free hand flew up at Rude who caught it and then grunted in surprise.

Halting, Reno blinked. Rude was struggling to keep the much smaller Cloud in place. “What the hell?”

With a little groan, Cloud relaxed, his arm fell to the side and Rude quickly drew his blood. After untying the belt from his bicep and handing the vial to his partner, Rude lit a cigarette. “Too strong.”

“What do you mean?” Tifa asked, pacing while Reno ran the blood test from a kit on the wooden floor.

“Thirty gil says he benches more than I do.” Rude responded, flicking the butt out the window.

Reno was about to respond before vial he was swirling changed colors and started glowing a deep, mournful blue. “I.. I bet he does too…”

“What’s wrong with him?” Tifa asked, swallowing.

Reno filled another syringe from one of the jars in his kit. “Hold him down.”

“Reno!” Tifa protested, though she and Rude did what he asked.

Cloud jumped when Reno stuck him, lifting up off the table. Harsh blue eyes glared at him and an all too familiar smell assaulted his nose. Reno’s light blue eyes looked into Cloud’s deep ones. “Jenova.” Reno muttered, dispersing the medication.

Cloud had a deep voice, not unexpected for a broad chest like his. “Ae-o-“ his eyes fluttered closed and he went limp.

For a while, no one else moved. Minutes ticked by before Reno and Rude started packing up. They left a jar of medication- some nearly unpronounceable “M” word- and more syringes.

“I- I am going to stay here Re.” Tifa said after Rude was already on his way to the car.

The wave of jealousy that hit Reno was somewhat unexpected. They were going to hit a reactor tomorrow night, that meant that he wouldn’t see her for two days. _She has every right to, after all, you’ve been gone for weeks before_; the voice in his head reasoned. He just nodded. “Be careful, remember what I said.”

Tifa wrapped him in a hug and then let him go. “I know, hurry, before someone comes up to check on me.”

Even though he didn’t want to, Reno nodded and slid back out the way he had come.

* * *

The next morning the news made Reno cringe. Rufus’ voice boomed from every available outlet. “...today the No.1 Reactor was bombed. The terrorist group AVALANCHE has claimed responsibility for the bombing. It is expected that AVALANCHE will continue its reign of terror. But citizens of Midgar... there is no need to fear. I have immediately mobilized SOLDIER to protect our citizenry against this senseless violence. Thank you and good night.”

Reno barely suppressed calling Barret every name he could think of and a few he’d make up in the process. He’d TOLD them, told them millions of times NOT to use their name, not to make a production, to be discreet. Painting your gang name in mile high letters was something that street punks did.

And street punks didn’t live very long.

All day he stewed over it, listening to the President scream about it, listening to Rufus’ ideas on how to deal with it. Reno was beyond upset by the time that Tifa finally strolled into the door. Without a word he gripped her by the arm and led her into the bathroom. After the shower was on and he was certain he wouldn’t be heard, he vented.

“What in the bloody HELL above are you people doing? Do you want to give out your address next?”

Tifa balked, obviously not expecting anything like this reaction. “Re, do we have to do this now? I’ve been up with Cloud all night.”

That did absolutely nothing to help matters at all. Reno gritted his teeth. “No, we cannot, I expressly TOLD you not to advertise, what am I supposed to do when you guys get found out?”

“Who says that we will!” Tifa snapped, affronted.

Reno raked a hand through his hair. “Damnit all to hell, I’ve told you guys to be careful, don’t underestimate them. You’ve got us in your corner, but do I have to remind you with a flip of a switch your left without any trained fighters save yourself?”

Tifa’s nose turned up a bit, stubbornly. “Cloud is going to help us.”

“Cloud… what the hell does he have to do with anything?”

Maybe that came out harsher than Reno wanted it to. Tifa blinked at him and then her eyes went wide. “THAT is what this is about? You’ve got some nerve.”

“Wait, I-“ Reno tried to interject, but too late, his foot was in his mouth and he was going to get ripped a new one.

“God, this from the Turk? You don’t trust me?” Tifa looked extremely upset, almost like she was going to cry. Maybe, if she hadn’t been so angry.

Before he could console her, the Turk comment clicked in his mind. “What the fuck do you mean by that?”

Tifa growled and stormed past him to the bathroom door. “I just came to get clothes. I’ll see you at the meeting place if you think you can trust me.” With that the door opened and slammed shut.

“Fuckin Shiva.” Reno snapped, throwing his fist into the wall. He left the bathroom to see Trigger and her dragon standing in the hallway. “Hey, did I wake you, baby?”

The little girl looked around. “Where’s Mommy? I heard the door.”

“She’s workin’ a lot now baby, she’ll be back.”

Trigger nodded and then turned to go back into her room. Reno found himself looking at the front door for a long time before he went to bed.

* * *

Reactor Nine blew that very night. Now ShinRa was a buzz with motion. SOLDIER recruiter places were swamped with young men and women enlisting to stop the terrorists, rumors about a super SOLDIER surfaced and peppered almost every corner of the building. Rufus glowered at everyone, his father had been there personally, and had words with the blond haired leader. With a snarl, he sent Reno to the church in sector nine, three troopers at his heels.

The troopers were annoying beyond measure. They were tripping over themselves around him, two brothers and a sister from the looks of things too. Just wonderful, the whole family was idiots.

Reno was in no mood to make them- or anyone today- his buddy. First Tifa and now he had to deal with Aeris yet again. And that woman really disliked him. He couldn’t wait till tomorrow when he could talk to Tifa and they could sort this out.

He could hear Aeris and Cloud in the doorway. Cloud seemed to be more than rattled, however.

"Sorry, bad timing on my part." Aeris commented as Cloud started to stride forward in true hero fashion. She tried to stop him, after a dark glance in Reno’s direction. “Cloud! Don't let it get to you!"

She was still trying to ignore him. The troopers wanted to move forward, but lifting his hand he halted them and waited. The “it” comment grated on Reno’s nerves. She knew something about him that he didn’t. Reno didn’t like knowing that.

Aeris pulled on Cloud’s arm, getting his attention again. "Say, Cloud. Have you ever been a bodyguard? You DO do everything, right?"

Reno smirked, “do everything” well that was a new way of putting it. He lit a cigarette while Cloud smoothed his hair. Not that it helped him anyway.

"Yeah, that's right." Cloud then looked at Reno out of the corner of his eye. He breathed in deeply as though he smelled something interesting.

Reno could still smell the Jenova on him. He pitched the cigarette to the ground, now too edgy to smoke. He cleared his throat while they worked out some bargain for Cloud’s body guarding service. They were both damned lucky he didn’t want to kill either of them… yet.

Cloud still seemed out of sorts. He walked nose to nose with Reno, tilting his head slightly. "I don't know who you are, but… You don't know me…?"

Once again Cloud seemed to smell the air. Reno didn’t need to, the smell wasn’t too strong, not overpowering, but he knew that it was there. “…I know you.” He said after a while.

"Oh yeah... I know you." Cloud said, slowly coming around. This guy really had a number done on him. If he hadn’t been a point of contention between Reno and his girlfriend, Reno could have felt sorry for Cloud. "That uniform..."

The three troopers ran in then, over-eager. “…Hey, sis, this one's a little weird." One commented.

Whatever he’d said, the trooper brought Cloud out of his daze. "Shut up! You ShinRa spy!" He snapped, startling Reno with the clarity in his voice.

The girl trooper was next with a big mouth. "Reno! Want him taken out?"

Reno pinched his nose. "I haven't decided yet." He tried to make his tone convey his total distaste for everyone involved and his not wanting to be where he was.

Then Aeris yelled from where she stood. "Don't fight here! You'll ruin the flowers!" It was the first nearly civil thing she’d said to him. Reno nodded, while her and Cloud ran to the back exit.

He felt confused, there was something off-putting about Cloud, and it wasn’t just his spot with Tifa. Reno mused half aloud. “They were…” _not like my eyes. My eyes don’t have that blue, they are just_ “…mako eyes.” He shook his head, clearing it. He had time to wonder later, right now he had to chase off Cloud and Aeris and make it look like he wanted to catch them. "Yeah, all right. Back to work, back to work." Then he looked down. Great, stepping on the flowers. “Oh!”

And all as one, the siblings had to tell him what he’d found out on his own already. "Hey Reno, you just stepped on them!" Oh, did he? Wow, look at that. "They're all ruined!" When one steps on them, granted. "You're gonna catch holy hell!" Like he cared.

What happened next, Reno would have rather forgotten. It was rather like a comic book, with him shouting orders and Cloud making fools out of his three troopers. Reno’s head was throbbing by the time Cloud and Aeris made good their getaway. So sure, Reno was, that they wouldn’t hit a behemoth if they had to he even had them open fire on Cloud and Aeris. And, proven right, Reno stalked away, the now frightened troopers quaking behind him.

He did NOT need his phone ringing again. He really didn’t need to hear a grave voiced Reeve say “The president wants to see you… you’d better hurry.” Before Reno could ask why, Reeve hung up. No one was answering his phone calls either. With no other recourse, Reno double timed it to President ShinRa’s office.

* * *

A/N: I just wanted to clarify that the words spoken in the church are not mine, but taken directly from the game. Thank you for reading. 


	30. Losing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Tried – Chapter 30_   
> **Losing**

_I Tried – Chapter 30_  
**Losing**

The President’s office was immaculate. Soft lights shone on the expensive oil paintings and the wall to wall carpet always smelled as though it had been freshly shampooed. It was nicer than even Rufus’ office, and that was a feat not taken lightly.

Reno slid into the office with all the hairs on his neck raised up. Something heavy twisted in his gut and he worried that he’d been linked to AVALANCHE. It was an effort to keep a calm face and await whatever it was that the president was going to say to him.

“Turk.” The president snorted, capping his gold plated pen. Though he’d addressed Reno, there was no outward motion to tell Reno what to do. He chose to remain standing by the doorway.

A smirk played on President ShinRa’s lips. It wasn’t a pleasant thing. “I’ve got myself quite a terrorist problem, wouldn’t you say, Turk?”

Reno swallowed and nodded slowly. “Yes sir. Looks that way.”

“Looks that way…” President ShinRa repeated.

Silence hung heavy in the room and Reno could almost feel himself start to sweat before the president spoke again. “You think you are pretty clever, don’t you, Slum Rat?”

“I beg you’re pardon?” He hadn’t expected being insulted this openly, even though President ShinRa could say or do as he pleased.

ShinRa snorted. “You think you’re fucking smart. That pretty woman of yours hasn’t been home for a while. The two of you fighting?”

Reno clenched his fist. “I fail to see how that is relevant on anything… sir.”

“Relevant? Why don’t we talk about AVALANCHE?” The president flipped open a file and fingered a picture. “So does your pretty girlfriend have a twin?”

“No.” Reno focused on a place on the wall near the president’s head.

“Then this would probably be a picture of her, wouldn’t it?”

Reno said nothing.

President ShinRa slammed the photo to his desk. “A Turk security leak… I never thought I’d see the day you slum rats would turn against me like this. You’re dam-“

“The others are not involved in this at all. They don’t know.” Reno responded, hotly. He debated making a run for it then, but the tracking device would mean he’d lead ShinRa right to Tifa. He could just drop his daughter off and run. The shock devices needed to be close range to work…

“So you admit it?” ShinRa was incredulous.

Reno closed his eyes and then took a deep breath. “I do.”

“Does this mean that you think you are brave?” ShinRa asked, steepling his fingers. When Reno didn’t respond the president snorted again. “I’m not a simple man, Street Rat, I never have been. But I thought I made it adequately clear that I have a birth right over scum like you.”

“I think your definition of scum needs re-evaluated.” Reno hissed, he rocked from foot to foot, his hand moving to his hip.

“Pull that gun and I’ll see to it you see that brat of yours regret the day food stamps stopped buying condoms.” ShinRa said smoothly.

Reno froze, his hand slid back out of his jacket. “Where is she?”

“I’ve got Hojo watching her for a while…” ShinRa smiled. “He seemed more than happy at the prospect of taking care of her. So rare that he enjoys new pets like that.”

Staggering, Reno put a hand out on the back of one of the plush chairs in the room. His mouth worked twice before words came out. “What?”

President ShinRa pointed a remote at a large television in the corner. Clearly visible in black and white were Dr. Hojo and Suzanna. She was sitting in between two SOLDIERS and holding her dragon tightly.

Reno couldn’t look away. He could hear president ShinRa, but it was a whole minute before he could actually register everything that was said.

“And if the plate doesn’t drop, she can continue her stay with Dr. Hojo indefinitely… are we clear?”

Without the ability to say anything, Reno only nodded and turned from the room. There had to be a way around this. He’d given up on his neck, but he wouldn’t give up on Trigger. He’d have to work this out, Reno had no choice.

* * *

Reno slid out the hidden Turk exit less than ten minutes after that. He’d used the secure line to call Tifa, said to meet him and hung up without waiting for a reply. He’d have two hours tops of free movement before someone thought to look for him.

That was if Hojo wasn’t already watching.

He smoked nearly two packs while making his way to the warehouse in the slums that he had chosen to meet Tifa at. Still he was shaking. The extra nicotine did nothing but make his stomach feel heavier. Reno was trying to slow his breathing, slow his pace and quit sweating. It was impossible. He was terrified for his daughter and scared for himself as well.

Though there was a freedom in choosing to be a lost cause. He knew that Tifa wouldn’t have problems watching Trigger, and he also knew that he was done. Getting Trigger and hiding her would be the last thing he ever did. He knew that and was willing to do it. This was worth dying for.

When he got there, Tifa was waiting, still angry from their past fight it seemed. “What is so important Reno?” She crossed her arms under her chest and glared at him. Sleeping was obviously low on her list of priorities; purple bags made her eyes look sunken.

Angry at her lack of concern, and angry that she seemed to not be thinking about Trigger made Reno’s fried nerves worse. She’d adopted Trigger months ago, but maybe she really didn’t understand how in danger the little girl was. In an effort to calm himself down, Reno started slowly. “Why did you guys sign that reactor explosion?"

"To expose ourselves.” Tifa responded. “We don’t want to be cowards, we aren’t going to hide.”

“Aren’t going to-“ Reno shook his head and then he lost it. “What the FUCK are you thinking! God’s damnit Tifa, this is a WAR, not some pissing contest! What the hell are you thinking!” His palms were flat against the table.

She balked at his tone but if looks were anything to go on, Tifa Lockheart had hit rock bottom herself. “What are you trying to say? How long can you poke from underneath and use little side streets to almost get your way? I’m not going to cow down in front of ShinRa! You are right, this is a war and wars need heroes not cowards!”

“That’s the most pretentious bullshit I’ve ever heard! I swear, what the fuck is Barret feeding you people?” Reno snapped back. “Tagging like a pack of gang brats is not a way to get a name ANYWHERE!”

She slammed her on hands on the table then. “How about you be a little more condescending, Reno! Maybe it will get through my thick head then!”

“Well when the plate on sector seven drops, how’s about that for a reality check!”

Tifa jerked up as though he’d hit her. “What! Who!” Her fists clenched. “We have to stop them! You’re in there, that’ll –“

“Tifa! _I_ am doing it!”

Silence. “Reno?” She asked after a while as though she thought that it wasn’t him. “You can’t do that Reno… you can’t! Just tell them no! What about all those people?”

Reno didn’t care about other people at this point. He had one person that needed him and one person to care about. “I don’t care. That plate is coming down.”

“You- you don’t- What about me!” Tifa snapped, her eyes watered, but she didn’t cry.

He had it. That was all Reno could take. Not one question as to why. Not one. “What about you! You’ve made it fucking obvious that you are number one to you, well NEWS FLASH, you don’t have priority in this matter. And for ALL matters regarding me you never will!”

“How can you say that! I’m doing this for you! I’m doing this so that we can get out from under ShinRa! Don’t you get that sacrifices had to be made!”

Suzanna was not going to be one of those sacrifices. But apparently, his relationship was going to be. Reno was going to explain, he wanted to. “Tifa, you don’t understand-“

They were nose to nose by this point and her hand crossed his face with blinding speed. Reno almost fell to the side, catching himself on the table. He’d forgotten how strong she could hit. Tifa had never hit him before. “Don’t you –“ She was crying now. “Don’t you tell me I don’t understand! When will I _ever_ understand? I can’t understand being in danger, being a parent or even what it would mean to have sex with you, as far as you are concerned! I’m tired of it! I’m not going to stop fighting, and if it means that I have to fight you… then…”

She wiped the back of her hand against her eyes. “Then I will, Reno. This isn’t something I can turn my back on.”

Reno could feel a bruise form over his cheek already. He looked up to Tifa, she already had the door open, she was still crying and shaking. Reno didn’t want to explain anymore. She wanted her hero? Fine, let her have her blond hero, he never was a hero anyway. “I won’t let you get in my way, Tifa.”

And before he could regret it the door slammed shut. Reno sunk to a chair, he didn’t chase after her, he didn’t have the energy. Reno slumped down on the table as another realization flooded over him. For the first time in years he was truly alone. Suzanna was taken from him, Tifa had left. He closed his eyes as pain crashed behind them. With nothing else to do Reno ran, even though he didn’t have anywhere to go.

* * *

He wasn't thinking about where he was going until the door to Padre's church leaped in front of him. He stood at the door; it was very much in need of repair since Reno's last entrance almost six years ago. Padre, he’d read, had taken a new position for a large church in Junon. Reno had been too embarrassed to find out more. Padre wouldn’t have liked to talk him anyway.

It didn’t stop the fact that the priest was the one person that Reno really, truly wanted to talk to at that moment.

The interior was dusty, flecks of it danced in the lights that were partly obscured by the dirty stained glass windows. Reno walked slowly down the rows of pews, trying not to think about Mariah and how he had let her down. He stopped in front of the alter and looked up at the tarnished cross. It seems so fitting, to have the gold flaking off and a Turk standing before it.

A wave of anger flooded him, "What the hell do you want from me?" Reno screamed at the figure. It didn't answer, no angels sang, nothing happened. Reno punched a fist down on the dust covered alter, causing a cloud to rise around him.

Without thinking he flipped the old alter over. The clang of the ancient worship table attacked every untouched corner of the church. The noise was deafening. Reno was shocked at himself, all the things he’d done in his life, he’d never defaced a church.

Reno sat on the overturned alter and stared at that dusty cross yet again. It seemed ironic that he’d try to talk to God now. The deity had never listened before. He looked around, the dust made it impossible to see anything but the figure in front of him. "What did I do? Who I am making up for?"

Regrets washed up in his face. The names of people he wanted to apologize to, the faces of people he’d wished he’d listened to, and all the things he could have done differently antagonized him. Reno wished he could have said good-bye to his mother, to Mariah, to Padre…

…to his daughter.

Reno was so close to losing the one person that needed him most, no, the one person that he needed most, "and I don't know why." He finished out loud. His head felt as if it was going to explode. Resting his elbows on his knees, Reno pushed his forehead into his palms to calm the pressure. "What else can I say? I’m sorry." Reno shut his eyes and for the first time in years, he actually cried. "I tried."

(fin)

* * *

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading this story. Thank you for the reviews, the friendships and all the love you’ve showered me with. I hope that the following stories in this arch are as well received as this one has been. I promise to tie up the loose ends in future stories. We will see if it all works out in the end.

I’m removing_ Completion _from the archives here. There are going to be drastic changes to this story and to the plot so it all fits with my newer ideas. Thank you all again, please look for the next story, Rude: _Running My Mouth_


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